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Friday night nyuks (4-3-20).

Low_Roads

1st Level White Feather
Joined
Nov 16, 2004
Messages
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The dermatological condition was quite pleased to see the patch of clean skin once again. As it approached, it was overheard to say, "Howdy, friend! Let me tell you, you're a site for psoriasis!"

* * *​

COVID-19 has hit strip clubs hard. These institutions are now clothed until further notice.

* * *​

My neighbor is desperately stocking up on supplies for Cinco de Mayo, just in case there are still shortages when the holiday finally arrives. It's hispanic buying.

* * *​

It's quite easy to tell which residents of an ant-hill have children: if you see only one going throughout its daily routine alone, you know it's a solo ant; see two working in unison, and they're clearly pair ants.

* * *​

My cousin used to play this annoying little game in the movie theater: holding his breath in underwater scenes to see if he could outlast the guy onscreen. The idiot died when we went to see "Finding Nemo".

* * *​

Paradoxically, if you put a builder on an extremely tight schedule, he'll always have enough material for the job. That's because he's shittin' bricks.

* * *​

I bought a high-end private plane simply so my rivals would stare at it with envy. It's a leer jet.

* * *​

Slave master: "Just because you're a galley slave doesn't mean we won't let you make a few decisions for yourself. Why side of the ship would you prefer to sit on?"

Galley slave: "Ehhh... either oar."

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Damn grocery shortage! I went the market today, but there wasn't anything left except at the cold cuts counter. Shopping has become a wurst-case scenario.

* * *​

No wonder baseball's never taken off in China... they keep eating the bats.

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I took my first trip by Greyhound last week. Not surprisingly, we were behind a VW Rabbit the whole way.

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A bunch of Olympic wrestlers entered a convenience store just as it was being robbed. The crook might have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those medalling kids.

* * *​

Hear about the blonde who bought a water bed? To make it extra-firm, she filled it with spring water.

* * *​

April Fool's Day... that day of the year when neighborhood kids TP my house. Well, I had my hopes up anyway.

* * *​

We were taught in History Class that the zeppelin Hindenburg went up in flames. The instructor even showed some film footage to prove that it was true. Well, I think it proved just the opposite: the damn thing was going down the whole time.

* * *​

Jobs have been scarce lately, so I accepted a position as the cuckoo in a cuckoo clock. The work doesn't pay much, but it at least it gets me out of the house.

* * *​

Evidently, baked beans are really good for your eyes. Everyone knows that Heinz sight is 2020.

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All this time spent indoors hasn't been completely wasted; so far, I've finished four books. The problem now is that I'm starting to run out of crayons.

* * *​

The difference between meat and fish? Try beating your fish, and you'll kill it.

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Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day; teach a man to fish, and he'll eat for a lifetime. Give a man a duck, and he'll eat for a day; teach a man to duck, and he'll never be assassinated.

* * *​

China has instituted a brand new policy. It's called the One Grandparent Rule.
 
LOL 😛
Great collection, as usual. 😀
My favorite:
Hear about the blonde who bought a water bed? To make it extra-firm, she filled it with spring water.
 
Thank you Milagros! Weakness for the blondes, eh? Me too! I wouldn't kick one out of a water bed no matter what liquid she filled it with!
 
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