Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
The dermatological condition was quite pleased to see the patch of clean skin once again. As it approached, it was overheard to say, "Howdy, friend! Let me tell you, you're a site for psoriasis!"
COVID-19 has hit strip clubs hard. These institutions are now clothed until further notice.
My neighbor is desperately stocking up on supplies for Cinco de Mayo, just in case there are still shortages when the holiday finally arrives. It's hispanic buying.
It's quite easy to tell which residents of an ant-hill have children: if you see only one going throughout its daily routine alone, you know it's a solo ant; see two working in unison, and they're clearly pair ants.
My cousin used to play this annoying little game in the movie theater: holding his breath in underwater scenes to see if he could outlast the guy onscreen. The idiot died when we went to see "Finding Nemo".
Paradoxically, if you put a builder on an extremely tight schedule, he'll always have enough material for the job. That's because he's shittin' bricks.
I bought a high-end private plane simply so my rivals would stare at it with envy. It's a leer jet.
Slave master: "Just because you're a galley slave doesn't mean we won't let you make a few decisions for yourself. Why side of the ship would you prefer to sit on?"
Galley slave: "Ehhh... either oar."
Damn grocery shortage! I went the market today, but there wasn't anything left except at the cold cuts counter. Shopping has become a wurst-case scenario.
No wonder baseball's never taken off in China... they keep eating the bats.
I took my first trip by Greyhound last week. Not surprisingly, we were behind a VW Rabbit the whole way.
A bunch of Olympic wrestlers entered a convenience store just as it was being robbed. The crook might have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those medalling kids.
Hear about the blonde who bought a water bed? To make it extra-firm, she filled it with spring water.
April Fool's Day... that day of the year when neighborhood kids TP my house. Well, I had my hopes up anyway.
We were taught in History Class that the zeppelin Hindenburg went up in flames. The instructor even showed some film footage to prove that it was true. Well, I think it proved just the opposite: the damn thing was going down the whole time.
Jobs have been scarce lately, so I accepted a position as the cuckoo in a cuckoo clock. The work doesn't pay much, but it at least it gets me out of the house.
Evidently, baked beans are really good for your eyes. Everyone knows that Heinz sight is 2020.
All this time spent indoors hasn't been completely wasted; so far, I've finished four books. The problem now is that I'm starting to run out of crayons.
The difference between meat and fish? Try beating your fish, and you'll kill it.
Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day; teach a man to fish, and he'll eat for a lifetime. Give a man a duck, and he'll eat for a day; teach a man to duck, and he'll never be assassinated.
China has instituted a brand new policy. It's called the One Grandparent Rule.
* * *
COVID-19 has hit strip clubs hard. These institutions are now clothed until further notice.
* * *
My neighbor is desperately stocking up on supplies for Cinco de Mayo, just in case there are still shortages when the holiday finally arrives. It's hispanic buying.
* * *
It's quite easy to tell which residents of an ant-hill have children: if you see only one going throughout its daily routine alone, you know it's a solo ant; see two working in unison, and they're clearly pair ants.
* * *
My cousin used to play this annoying little game in the movie theater: holding his breath in underwater scenes to see if he could outlast the guy onscreen. The idiot died when we went to see "Finding Nemo".
* * *
Paradoxically, if you put a builder on an extremely tight schedule, he'll always have enough material for the job. That's because he's shittin' bricks.
* * *
I bought a high-end private plane simply so my rivals would stare at it with envy. It's a leer jet.
* * *
Slave master: "Just because you're a galley slave doesn't mean we won't let you make a few decisions for yourself. Why side of the ship would you prefer to sit on?"
Galley slave: "Ehhh... either oar."
* * *
Damn grocery shortage! I went the market today, but there wasn't anything left except at the cold cuts counter. Shopping has become a wurst-case scenario.
* * *
No wonder baseball's never taken off in China... they keep eating the bats.
* * *
I took my first trip by Greyhound last week. Not surprisingly, we were behind a VW Rabbit the whole way.
* * *
A bunch of Olympic wrestlers entered a convenience store just as it was being robbed. The crook might have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those medalling kids.
* * *
Hear about the blonde who bought a water bed? To make it extra-firm, she filled it with spring water.
* * *
April Fool's Day... that day of the year when neighborhood kids TP my house. Well, I had my hopes up anyway.
* * *
We were taught in History Class that the zeppelin Hindenburg went up in flames. The instructor even showed some film footage to prove that it was true. Well, I think it proved just the opposite: the damn thing was going down the whole time.
* * *
Jobs have been scarce lately, so I accepted a position as the cuckoo in a cuckoo clock. The work doesn't pay much, but it at least it gets me out of the house.
* * *
Evidently, baked beans are really good for your eyes. Everyone knows that Heinz sight is 2020.
* * *
All this time spent indoors hasn't been completely wasted; so far, I've finished four books. The problem now is that I'm starting to run out of crayons.
* * *
The difference between meat and fish? Try beating your fish, and you'll kill it.
* * *
Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day; teach a man to fish, and he'll eat for a lifetime. Give a man a duck, and he'll eat for a day; teach a man to duck, and he'll never be assassinated.
* * *
China has instituted a brand new policy. It's called the One Grandparent Rule.