Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,922
- Points
- 38
In Medieval times, feudal lords had huge kitchen staffs who prepared all their meals. For everyone else, it was self serf.
I've had a look at Apple's new Vision Pro goggles. The sales department says it's a revolutionary step forward, but to me it looks just like a pair of iGlasses.
He: "I'm not getting any dashboard indication for the right front turn signal. Stick your head out the window and tell me if it's still working."
Blond she: "... yes... no... yes... no... yes... no... "
I made a pass at my sister-in-law Katheryn and my wife's now furious about it! How could I possibly know Kate would fumble the ball and turn it over for a touchdown?
A great white shark flops its way into a restaurant and is seated by a waiter.
"Would you like to see a menu?" the waiter asks.
"No thanks," replies the shark. "I'll just have whoever's on the special."
Catholic Mass always draws a large number of worshippers to our town. But then, I understand that any kind of mass exerts a gravitational pull.
Q: Why do kangaroos age so slowly?
A: They only recognize leap years.
My son's spoiled rotten, so I threw him out of the house! A pity... if only I'd found the body sooner, I could have donated his organs.
Ever try to weigh a rainbow? Turns out they're pretty light.
Atendance was heavy for the annual earnings report, even though our company director is the most tedious speaker in town; the janitor, Gus, had to hustle like mad to find enough seats. Our boss may have the title, but Gus is the real chair-man of the bored.
Q: What is TV producer Dick Wolf's favorite part of yard care?
A: Lawn order.
I wasn't always a famous author... getting to the top has been a struggle. In fact, I once took a job writing public relations copy for Eric, the Phantom of the Opera. Let me tell you, he was a scary guy! It was frequently a trial just to show up for the job! But Eric was convincing; he never failed to tell me just how much he appreciated having a spooksman.
Xi Jinping built a brand new subway system for Bejing, then forbid any of its citizens to use street traffic. That's the trouble with Communism... no one is permitted to move above their station.
I make a good living doing automatic writing for seances. The pay isn't all that hot, but the freedom is terrific! I never have to work unless the spirit moves me!
Ron Weasley was easily Hogwarts' worst magic student; when it came time for him to perform the teleportation spell, he messed it up and got suck in a gaseous state. Dumbledore had no choice... he had to send the boy back to reform school.
Being a lowly bellboy, I've always had a hankering to run the hotel elevator. I therefore offered the operator twenty bucks if we could switch places for an hour. He wouldn't accept the money, but still said he'd take me up on it!
"Boss, I need some time off. My wife died over the weekend."
"Good Heavens! I'm so sorry to hear that! Of course, take as much time as you need."
"Thanks a lot. I'm liable to get twenty years, but with good behavior I might be out in ten."
I invited two English visitors to my masquerade party and they arrived in "foreign" costume... western cowboy suits! What delightful chaps!
Brunette: "Did you really drink a carton of milk in the middle of the store?"
Blonde: "I didn't have any choice! The instructions on the spout read, 'Open Here'!"
Every member of the IKEA sales staff has to attend a group meeting before beginning the work day. As always seems to be the case, assembly is required.
My mom makes the worst pies in town, particularly meringue pies. When she serves us a bad meringue, we don't say boo. We don't dare... it would eventually come back on us.
"The flowers on your mother-in-law's grave always look so healthy and lush! What's the secret?"
"Plenty of fertilizer. I shit on 'em at least twice a week."
* * *
I've had a look at Apple's new Vision Pro goggles. The sales department says it's a revolutionary step forward, but to me it looks just like a pair of iGlasses.
* * *
He: "I'm not getting any dashboard indication for the right front turn signal. Stick your head out the window and tell me if it's still working."
Blond she: "... yes... no... yes... no... yes... no... "
* * *
I made a pass at my sister-in-law Katheryn and my wife's now furious about it! How could I possibly know Kate would fumble the ball and turn it over for a touchdown?
* * *
A great white shark flops its way into a restaurant and is seated by a waiter.
"Would you like to see a menu?" the waiter asks.
"No thanks," replies the shark. "I'll just have whoever's on the special."
* * *
Catholic Mass always draws a large number of worshippers to our town. But then, I understand that any kind of mass exerts a gravitational pull.
* * *
Q: Why do kangaroos age so slowly?
A: They only recognize leap years.
* * *
My son's spoiled rotten, so I threw him out of the house! A pity... if only I'd found the body sooner, I could have donated his organs.
* * *
Ever try to weigh a rainbow? Turns out they're pretty light.
* * *
Atendance was heavy for the annual earnings report, even though our company director is the most tedious speaker in town; the janitor, Gus, had to hustle like mad to find enough seats. Our boss may have the title, but Gus is the real chair-man of the bored.
* * *
Q: What is TV producer Dick Wolf's favorite part of yard care?
A: Lawn order.
* * *
I wasn't always a famous author... getting to the top has been a struggle. In fact, I once took a job writing public relations copy for Eric, the Phantom of the Opera. Let me tell you, he was a scary guy! It was frequently a trial just to show up for the job! But Eric was convincing; he never failed to tell me just how much he appreciated having a spooksman.
* * *
Xi Jinping built a brand new subway system for Bejing, then forbid any of its citizens to use street traffic. That's the trouble with Communism... no one is permitted to move above their station.
* * *
I make a good living doing automatic writing for seances. The pay isn't all that hot, but the freedom is terrific! I never have to work unless the spirit moves me!
* * *
Ron Weasley was easily Hogwarts' worst magic student; when it came time for him to perform the teleportation spell, he messed it up and got suck in a gaseous state. Dumbledore had no choice... he had to send the boy back to reform school.
* * *
Being a lowly bellboy, I've always had a hankering to run the hotel elevator. I therefore offered the operator twenty bucks if we could switch places for an hour. He wouldn't accept the money, but still said he'd take me up on it!
* * *
"Boss, I need some time off. My wife died over the weekend."
"Good Heavens! I'm so sorry to hear that! Of course, take as much time as you need."
"Thanks a lot. I'm liable to get twenty years, but with good behavior I might be out in ten."
* * *
I invited two English visitors to my masquerade party and they arrived in "foreign" costume... western cowboy suits! What delightful chaps!
* * *
Brunette: "Did you really drink a carton of milk in the middle of the store?"
Blonde: "I didn't have any choice! The instructions on the spout read, 'Open Here'!"
* * *
Every member of the IKEA sales staff has to attend a group meeting before beginning the work day. As always seems to be the case, assembly is required.
* * *
My mom makes the worst pies in town, particularly meringue pies. When she serves us a bad meringue, we don't say boo. We don't dare... it would eventually come back on us.
* * *
"The flowers on your mother-in-law's grave always look so healthy and lush! What's the secret?"
"Plenty of fertilizer. I shit on 'em at least twice a week."
