Assertiveness is everything...
I don't think that it as much gender as it is assertiveness, and attention to detail.
Naturally, I thoroughly enjoy torturing the crap out of my wife; I am one of those lucky guys who has a ticklish wife, and who lets me tickle her. I can tickle her with a feather on her nylon-covered feet and she starts thrashing (yes, this is true though I know that there are doubters). I don't think that there is a non-ticklish part of her body.
When I have had her properly restrained on the bed, with no prayer of escape, I have tried to show her how to be a bit more "merciless" and push the edge a bit. She is very easy for me to tickle. I will tickle her, and watch for the tell-tale reactions as I go. I watch, and learn, and I have her more than slightly figured out. I know that for the first 3 or 4 minutes after I remove the bedroom-heels from her nylon-covered feet, I can tickle them with a feather (my favorite place to start) and off she goes. I know to move around from place to place before she gets too used to a particular area. Most times, I will put her shoes back on after the feathering so her feet get more ticklish again.
Now I have been in the same position with her doing the tickling. But it seems that just when she gets me going, she stops (or doesn't push it). I am not the most ticklish man, but she has really gotten me before. I have asked her to "tickle the crap" out of me, and tried to get her to give me a good "revenge tickle" but she doesn't go far enough.
The restraints; a set of wide leather cuffs and a set of 1500 lb tie-downs (with quick release) along with the rock-solid platform bed (with all of the posts and boards screwed together to the max) is a formidible foundation for tickling the crap out of someone. When someone is tied down properly, then there is no method of avoiding being tickled. When I am restrained, she is free to tickle the living shit out of me (and I beg for it) but she doesn't go far enough. I always dreamed of having a tickle-godess come over and show her how to do it properly.
I think that it is because she is not that assertive of a person more than anything. I am sure that there are more than a few women out there who are merciless ticklers, but most appear to be men. I wish she knew what relentless really meant. Not long ago, she started tickling my feet and really started to get me to thrash, but then she stopped. She knows that I am going to tickle the crap out of her, so the "revenge tickle-fear" should not be there.
I think that the more assertive that a person is, the better probability of being a "good tickler" exists. In the BDSM world, she would clearly be labeled as a submissive, and probably not a "switch" per se. When having sex, she know knows how to bring me over the edge; by putting her painted toes right up to my lips so that I can tickle them with my tongue. It puts both of us over the edge every time and she knows it (there is something about the combined sound of laughing and orgasmic moans that is truly awesome). Many times, it is the signal when she has had enough, but she would never say it.
Well, I am going to get everything ready to give her a nice pedicure today. Naturally, this means that I will be watching her cute painted toes wriggling around. Thak God for air conditioning; she would be getting way to hot being tied up and wearing nylons for her Saturday Night tickle-torture. Maybe I will be nice and only have her wear the strappy-sandals instead of the pumps tonight so she isn't quite as ticklish. Of course, there is something to be said about tickling a woman's feet without having to remove her shoes too...