Hard situations

[iloveddub]

Here's the real situation. Married Ler. Driven Ler. Married to an "I'll tolerate tickling sometimes" person. He doesn't love it, and I don't get the reaction I want and NEED.
Theoretical situation: Meet someone who's a lee...I've talked to a few...and find that perfect match (odds are low, I know).
Partner says no meets, no one but me. I crave a male lee who would love me and love that I'm a dominant ler. What would you do?

 

[deadlywiffeathr]

I'd find out what my partner needs and craves in the bedroom and offer to be more accomodating to them if they could do the same for me. That way they might even learn to love it, you never know.

 

[ISUmark]

I'd find out what my partner needs and craves in the bedroom and offer to be more accomodating to them if they could do the same for me. That way they might even learn to love it, you never know.

This. Its a give and take thing. Ya cant just take take take without bein giving and understanding to their needs as well.

 

[MrTicklefeet]

I've been there, we ended up breaking up.

 

[ticklemepls]

Let's put it this way... I was married before- to someone who didnt share the fetish. I didn't think it was as important as it is to me until I had to give it up..... 4 years later I divorced him..... HOWEVER, met my perfect match- right here on the tmf... no lies... we're engaged to be married in June. It's not fair to your significant other or you if you're only pretending to be fully satisfied, but it's a call only YOU can make. Good luck.

 

[Flatfoot]

Let's put it this way... I was married before- to someone who didnt share the fetish. I didn't think it was as important as it is to me until I had to give it up..... 4 years later I divorced him..... HOWEVER, met my perfect match- right here on the tmf... no lies... we're engaged to be married in June. It's not fair to your significant other or you if you're only pretending to be fully satisfied, but it's a call only YOU can make. Good luck.

^What she said. There's no real right or wrong answer. Only YOU can decide if it's a deal-breaker for you. Some may paint a nasty picture of selfishness, but everyone deserves to be happy. You have to decide how important it is to you, and if it's worth sacrificing everything else. Preoccupation can lead to rash decisions.

 

[voided9]

I was engaged to a man who did not share my fetish, it was miserable. I did everything he enjoyed in bed, but he made me feel like a freak for being into tickling. It was extremely frustrating and hurtful, needless to say, it didn't last long. Just be careful...

 

[shygirl08]

When did you "develop" this fetish for tickling and dominating? It must have been after you made that commitment to your husband.. and all I can say is if your new 'lee knew that, what happens when you develop your next interest and he isn't keen on it?

If you'd be willing to break those vows for sexual gratification that your husband can't get into, then you don't know what marriage is about. I would suggest finding some common ground with things to mix it up in the bedroom.

 

[C.A.B.]

I was engaged to a man who did not share my fetish, it was miserable. I did everything he enjoyed in bed, but he made me feel like a freak for being into tickling. It was extremely frustrating and hurtful, needless to say, it didn't last long. Just be careful...

tsk tsk tsk

 

[iloveddub]

To Shygirl....this didn't "develop", it always was. It seemed tolerable at first, and I watched videos in private. I have no new fetishes planned. This is it. He was a DJ wildboy, and became a Holy thumper.

To ticklemepls thank you for your insight and understanding. It's taken me many years to be brave and come out about this. I do need to be happy.
Sleeping with swamp creature feet is gross and hard, fetish or not.

 

[r4j20c67]

Whatever your decision, I hope you both find the happiness you deserve.

 

[playjoe]

You will Never be trully happy untill you have someone that LOVES to be tickled !

 

[shygirl08]

I wasn't trying to be rude, that wasn't my tone. But if you had this all along, you knew what you were getting into. I don't know what to say.. If it were me? Tickling wouldn't break my commitment.. that's all I'm saying. If there are other things lacking.. if you don't connect well in other fundamental ways.. that's a different issue. But to leave on account of this, *to me* wouldn't be taking those vows seriously.

Is it that you can't experience sexual gratification at all without it?

Anyway, I'm not judging you. I'm just giving you my opinion. I think you should evaluate your relationship, and see if you're going to give it your all, or end it, regardless of if you find a 'lee or not. Don't hold on to him while keeping your eye out for a guy that may be able to satisfy you in this regard.

 

[FFT32]

Let us not forget that right now you are married so you can not do anything on the outside end of story. Now, if you decide that you need more satisfaction for your tickling desires and they outweigh being married to your current husband, then you end the relationship respectfully and move on. Your decision and your decision only.

Good luck, the title you chose is accurate, this is a Hard Situation!

 

[robmic]

You know, I was in a LTR with a woman for over 7 years who not only wasn't into it, but her feet weren't ticklish!(My fav) I still was willing to settle for the relationship because it was comfortable and I did enjoy having someone I could spoil. But, I found out that when you are starved of something you crave, you tend to gravitate away from them and towards what you need. Even though I stayed with her, we grew apart until she decided to break it off. So, I guess no matter how honorable your intentions are, things tend to take the natural course. But, and this is a big but, be very careful that you don't ignore the other things that make up a relationship just because you find someone that has the same ideals about tickling that you do. It takes much more to make a happy relationship.

 

[ticklemepls]

To ticklemepls thank you for your insight and understanding. It's taken me many years to be brave and come out about this. I do need to be happy. Sleeping with swamp creature feet is gross and hard, fetish or not.

You're welcome... it's not an easy decision to come to that's for sure. Not one that was easy for me to make- It took me well over 2 years to finally do it... But if you so decide that you need to move on- dont let anyone make you feel bad about it, likely you'll feel plenty crappy on your own if you're anything like me. If you decide your relationship can manage without it- kudos to you and I hope it works out.

 

[shygirl08]

I crave a male lee who would love me

I was thinking about this post last night, and this line jumped out in my mind. Maybe I'm off base, but it sounds like this could be a deep-rooted fetish for you.. and one that you hadn't come to terms with prior to your marriage. So deeply-rooted that it makes up who you are.. which is something I can understand totally. It sounds like even if the relationship you're in is good, it's not meeting a base emotional and physiological level if I'm understanding correctly.

In that case, I would talk to your spouse, and a therapist and discuss how much this is a need more than a desire. Your spouse should try to meet you to some degree and if he can't, you need to weigh how much you need this.

Best

 

[iloveddub]

I was thinking about this post last night, and this line jumped out in my mind. Maybe I'm off base, but it sounds like this could be a deep-rooted fetish for you.. and one that you hadn't come to terms with prior to your marriage. So deeply-rooted that it makes up who you are.. which is something I can understand totally. It sounds like even if the relationship you're in is good, it's not meeting a base emotional and physiological level if I'm understanding correctly.

In that case, I would talk to your spouse, and a therapist and discuss how much this is a need more than a desire. Your spouse should try to meet you to some degree and if he can't, you need to weigh how much you need this.

Best

Let me throw this out there. Just an idea. If therapy is needed for a strong and admittedly deep rooted tickling fetish, could you argue that therapy is needed for a deep heterosexual need/preference, because I was made this way. Therapy will not fix it.

 

[shygirl08]

Let me throw this out there. Just an idea. If therapy is needed for a strong and admittedly deep rooted tickling fetish, could you argue that therapy is needed for a deep heterosexual need/preference, because I was made this way. Therapy will not fix it.

Um, I meant therapy for you and your husband to try to show him how deeply rooted this is. Not to get rid of it. Man, I'll just keep my opinions to myself when I see someone ask for them here.

 

[iloveddub]

Um, I meant therapy for you and your husband to try to show him how deeply rooted this is. Not to get rid of it. Man, I'll just keep my opinions to myself when I see someone ask for them here.

I'm not saying that. Not at all. I just look at things from all angles and possibilities. Fiesty people keep life fun. 🙂

 

[voided9]

Bottom line is, you need and deserve to be happy. If you and your husband can't come to terms on the tickling needs, maybe he'd be open for you to have other lees? Maybe he could be there when you're with them, so everyone is comfortable? There are a lot of options for this situation. I hope you guys work it out!

 

[shygirl08]

I'm not saying that. Not at all. I just look at things from all angles and possibilities. Fiesty people keep life fun. 🙂

Haha whatever you say. I'll steer clear of certain "feisty" people on this forum.

 

[proud2tickle]

I have a crazy question or ten. Do u love ur husband. Does he treat u will I all aspects of life. Is he loving instead of possessive? When your upset does he attempt to make things better for u? Your going to do what you think is best and u have that right. But when got married you made a comment to another person that for better or worse in sickness and health you would be faithful to him and he would do the same to you and y'all would forever be there for each other. If u do move on an God for bid ur dream lee is in some type of accident and suffers nerve damage would u move on from him too? My girl is sooooooo extremely ticklish and wonderful and amazing, so I may be just talking in the dark here but if anything ever happened to her that made it to where she couldn't even have sex, I would stay with her. And the reason is because I adore her and I made the decision that she does make my world and I will always always be there for her even if something happens. Marriage is about love, not tickling. And I don't mean to sound harsh, that isn't my intent, but u seem like a well minded pleasant person who has good morals. So if he is a good husband, talk and work with him and tell him what u need, I am sure he will work with u if u answered yes to the questions above. My girl is maybe the most ticklish person ever and I have turned her into a lee, I don't like to be tickled but I don't mind it, I know she loves it and I enjoy seeing her happy. And she tries to do her best to let me tickle her but she just can't really handle more then 15 seconds. I mean everything is ticklish on her sometimes I just try to be nice and exotically touch her softly and she reacts. So I don't ever really get my full out tickle desire on her but I get my full out that I love her desire.

 

[mark_johnson_15]

"Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love"
- Rumi

 

[JoePTickle]

My situation is similar to yours in many ways. Completely happy in every important respect, so the wide gap in tickling appreciation is not a threat to our relationship because I would say that she makes me a better person and we've been together for over 15 years. To be honest and not proud: I have tickling sessions without her knowledge. I try to justify it by saying that it benefits her pleasure - when we're together, it's all about her, and my needs are very low. And I am able to separate the two worlds.

I hope you find what you're looking for. If you decide to try my route, feel free to PM me.