Having a baby just because your bf/husband wants one

[socktickler86]

So the back story to this is as follows. My friend told me today that she's pregnant. Good for her right? Err... she's just having a baby because her bf wants a kid. Now, they've actually been together something like 10 years so it's not as if they just got together 3 months ago and are pumping out kids. The thing is, she has absolutely no interest in having a child and even says the kid will be her bf's responsibility.

Now, before I consider whether or not I've accidentally stumbled into crazy-ville, I would like to see what everyone thinks on this board first. Obviously this is only for the females of the board.

Would you have a child simply because your bf/husband wants one? And this is putting your own desires for having a child aside.

I can't believe I'm posting this thread.

 

[TropicThunder]

That's really sad for the child.

It really is. Could you imagine growing up knowing that your mother didn't even want you and even has no interest even after you're born?

Sad. That's what it is.

 

[Persephone]

There is no way in hell that I would have a child just because my bf/husband wanted me to. Bringing a child into the world is a VERY serious decision in my opinion and shouldn't be treated lightly. Ideally it should be planned ahead, both parents should be on board, and financially, emotionally, and physically ready to have a child. Babies are cute...but they eventually grow into toddlers and then into KIDS. They are a HUGE responsibility...one you have to take care of for the REST of your life. Even if she says she doesn't want any responsibility in taking care of the kid, she probably should...just because the child IS part her...and didn't ask to be born into a situation like this. I know a large marjority of children are surprises (I know I definitely was 😉 )...but I think having a child should be a well thought out, mature, and planned decision. Children should result from love between two people...not just because a bf/husband wants one !

 

[myth77]

Personally no. I can't speak for that couple and the nature of their relationship though. I agree with Tropic, that's really sad for the child. Her feelings might change once she gets into motherhood, but that's a risky experiment that could f*ck that child up if its mom truly ends up having no interest in him/her.

I've been there, and my answer was no. My ex husband wanted far more children than the 2 we had, and wasn't helping financially or emotionally. I knew I could not afford to bring more children into this world on my salary, nor provide the extra time to take care of more kids without support, so I said no. He resented me tremendously for it, but doing something as important as having children is not something you do because someone else wants you to.

 

[socktickler86]

Ok so so far it looks like I haven't fallen into crazy town with my opinion of this.

 

[Backstep]

Having a child changes priorities, lifestyles, schedules, everything. It's not like owning a dog. And not having a kid and having one anyway sounds like one of the worst ways to grow up for that child.

 

[Leo tickles]

That's really sad for the child.

It really is. Could you imagine growing up knowing that your mother didn't even want you and even has no interest even after you're born?

Sad. That's what it is.

Replace sad with pathetic and I agree.

 

[goddess_nemesis]

I would never have a child just because my boyfriend/husband wanted one. If I'm not ready for a child, then I'm not having one. Plus, at any time the man could leave and the woman would be stuck with a child she didn't want.

Ultimately the decision to have a child should be a mutual decision between a couple.

 

[GQguy]

I think she's just saying that and your understanding of the situation oversimplifies things. They've been together ten years...their happiness and well being is very much tied together at this point. If he's unhappy...she's unhappy. If she's happy...he's happy. I do believe that he could be far more in favor of having a child but at a certain level...she wants the child too....even if at a minimum it's only to keep him around. As for whether it's "crazy" or not....I prefer to understand people's rationales than to simply label their behavior "crazy". I think it's dismissive and truly counterproductive. By understanding the root causes of why people act as they do one can cater one's approach to positively improve their actions.

These relationships are all about compromise. It's not ideal...but it's reality.

GQ

 

[emilyemilyemily]

i just recently read a magazine article about this topic; the psychiatric field calls it "reproductive coercion". this article talks about women being forced to get pregnant, husbands hiding their wives' birth control, marital rape...the lengths some men will go to just to have control over women's bodies are really incredible.

 

[GQguy]

i just recently read a magazine article about this topic; the psychiatric field calls it "reproductive coercion". this article talks about women being forced to get pregnant, husbands hiding their wives' birth control, marital rape...the lengths some men will go to just to have control over women's bodies are really incredible.

Wow.

 

[GQguy]

I wonder if 50 cent falls under this category?

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GQ

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

I would not in a million years expect a woman to have a baby just at my whim. Too many people have babies. It's an enormous responsibility and commitment. Or at least it used to be back in the 1950s.

 

[Angel_2]

She is willing to have the baby because her bf wants one but not willing to take care of it? thats not right, no way should this happen. However having a baby does change people so right now she may not be open to the idea but once she is holding her son/daughter things may change.

I still don't think its a good idea but its their choice.

 

[Bothersome]

i just recently read a magazine article about this topic; the psychiatric field calls it "reproductive coercion". this article talks about women being forced to get pregnant, husbands hiding their wives' birth control, marital rape...the lengths some men will go to just to have control over women's bodies are really incredible.

The best birth control? Abstinence.

If you can't find any pills or condoms, then just don't have sex. If they're being literally raped, then call the cops; the law is almost always on the woman's side in situations like this.

 

[Deleted member 66627]

She's insane.

I've been propositioned by my ex-husband to do similar.. and he's just as fucking crazy for wanting to do that as she is for actually doing it.

Having a child, whether it's accidental conception or planned, should be a MUTUAL desire/want. That way the child benefits completely and is not artificially loved.

Interesting thread. The broad is an idiot.

 

[Mephistopheles]

Wasn't rape invented for just this thing?

 

[Bohemianne]

LOL. If the question is reversed, I don't know how many men would be more willing to father babies of women, especially if they absolutely have no responsibility for it. It's sort of human pollination perhaps. 😉

 

[Cosmo_ac]

I think the women made a poor choice, though I can understand at least why she might have made it. 10 years is a long time to invest in a relationship. I'm not sure if the guy woke up one day and wanted a kid, or if it was something he wanted all allong and thought the girl might warm up to, or perhaps she also thought she might want a kid in a few years and ten years down the line changed her mind. I don't know, but a lot of people have been in this situation, and sadly I think more will. The easier thing (might seem hard at the time, but comepared to raising a kid, its a hell of a lot easier) would be to accept the fact they both want different things, and break it off. Sadly, that doesn't seem to have happened here.