Help...how do you deal with rejection?

[Edge]

I know everyone gets rejected many times in their life but I'm really having a hard time with rejection. The last few years as I am in my mid 20s now I really have tried to ask girls out and find out how girls see me...and boy the truth hurts lol. I never thought I was some amazing looking guy, however, I never thought I was ugly and actually thought some girls would find me cute. But I've found out girls 18-24 really are rough on guys looks. They reject 75-95% of guys right off the bat for not being "their type." Ok I don't want some girl who thinks I'm ugly to date me but it really hurts to know that a lot of girls I look at as being beautiful wouldn't give me the time of day if they were wearing a watch. Just for the record I actually am not picky about looks because I find most of the girls in my classes and stuff attractive and would date most of them. So I'm not some guy who looks for a perfect model...I see the good in girls looks, unfortunately it appears that most girls see the bad in my looks.
Oh well at least there is a bridge a few miles from my house lol. Also, at least I can laugh about it, somewhat. But it definitely is weighing on me, and each time I find out another girl is not interested in me, it...well it hurts and makes me be colder/even more of a loner than I already am by nature. Not sure where to go with this, just was wondering if anyone understands what I'm saying and how I feel and if there is any advice other then "there's a million girls out there."

 

[ElectricEye72]

Rejection

My boy ive been rejected in one way or another for 32 years! This past summer I asked out 3 VERY askable girls and recieved 3 nos. So I got angry and struck back with harassing phone calls....the NYPD werent too thrilled with that! So nowadays (after spending 2 days and 1 night in county booking) I beg my ex to take me back. Hell, you asked at a perfect time too because silly as it sounds I feel rejected that Kirsten Dunst is back together with Jake Glyndenhaal! Thats how silly life is to me! Just concentrate on making money, girls will follow.

 

[Mitchell]

I have been rejected and struck out with girls more often than I can think of. In fact, I used to keep a running count in my head in both HS and College before I met my Ex Gf, and at one point was something like 0 for 10 with 10 whiffs. (As I attribute things to baseball always) Since college, I have tacked on several other situations and such with females which havent worked out, and my only real girlfriend was because I got set up and was just lucky that she liked me. A guidance couneslor once told me that I was going for the wrong girls. I dont know. This is how I handle it.
Granted, getting rejected is frustrating for all. It happens, and we all have to deal with it. The best looking and the not so good looking have all either been rejected or not called back by a person they liked in the past. My philosophy, while hard, is that while getting rejected or not being able to get a particular person hurts at first, dont let any one person get you down. Brush yourself off, and try for new things. Eventually, someone right will come along. Also, sometimes it might be a good idea to allow yourself to deal with someone you might not ordinarially think of. Decide what is most important to you, and go after that. Maybe Iam cynical. (Perhaps the downside of being 35 and single) Iam one who believes one has to be "realistic" , and that we might not always get what we want as far as a significant other, and might have to settle for or attempt to find the best possible person under the circumstances and try to make it work.
Whatever you do, dont give up. Hell, Iam 35 and Iam still looking. Eventually, you will find someone who is the right fit for you.

Mitch

 

[steph]

ahhhhhhhhhh men...

Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em...😉

I do think too much thought goes into what people look like and not enough emphasis placed on what's INSIDE. I know it sounds cliche but it's the truth. Why? Because looks fade, always and eventually. There will forever be someone younger, prettier, skinnier. I've many male friends that are obsessed with this and are ridiculously lonely. Usually they're no supermodels either, they just expect their women to be. They'll ask me what the problem is and (knowing they've come to me for a real life honest answer) I say, "it's you, sorry. If you don't change your outlook, you'll always be miserable."

What was the saying? Beauty is skin deep but ugly is to the bone...

IMHO, some of the prettiest people visually turn out to be rotten human beings. They always depended on their looks and so, never learned to expand their brain, develop a sense of humor, become someone warm with a kind heart that makes other people feel happy.

We've all been rejected but you get up and move on, knowing you'll find something better, I promise.

Try getting out of your own head for awhile? Doing things for other people can be a nice distraction. Try doing some charity work (which helps others and makes you feel better about yourself~it's a two-fer!)🙂 Animal rights causes, breast cancer races, etc. are all fun events that attract tons of girls and will make them look twice at you, because guys are in the minority at these things. Who knows, you might actually have FUN!!

XOXO

 

[featherfingers]

I'd have the perfect answer for you but Steph already mentioned it.

I was rejected, too, but desperation was written on my face back then... and that's usually what the ladies saw when they met me. Usually, the way you feel about yourself on the inside can be felt by others on the outside. Strange, but it seems true.

Enjoy your own company... once you're happy with yourself, you'll draw people to you. Laugh, smile, be a part of life! Anyone who looks at only the outer wrapping will be missing the precious gift within. That precious gift is you, my friend.

Read Steph's reply again for more of my helpful advice.

 

[ElectricEye72]

Yknow Featherfingers, you might just be on to something! I agree with what you say. Oh and you wanna buy 10 8x10s of Kirsten Dunst? Ill sell em cheap! (read my post for why!)

 

[TicklishSinner]

Be single for a while...live a little...have fun...do stuff that being "tied down" may not allow you to do for whatever reason...I've learned that the harder you look for a significant other the harder it gets, but once you stop looking and just go with the flow, that one person always seems to find you

 

[ticklkitten]

What the previous smarties say has a lot of truth in it... some people are very shallow and won't give you the time of day, painful but true. You don't want a relationship with those people anyhow, they only make you miserable... TRUST ME.

There is an old saying about how when you stop looking it just falls in your lap. Why? It's because you start to deal with how you feel about yourself and stop worrying about what everyone else sees in you. Personally, the less I try, the more attention I get. That of course, doesn't mean stop showering and be all greasy... it only means that confidence shows, people who aren't looking desperate get all the girls (or guys) and people who are out just to have a good time and do things that they love are automatically more attractive to the opposite sex. Girls may not be banging your door down (another type you don't want to get involved with), but I bet they look twice and start thinking about how they can get in on all the fun you're having...

Hope it helps,
Kitten

 

[featherfingers]

Yknow Featherfingers, you might just be on to something! I agree with what you say. Oh and you wanna buy 10 8x10s of Kirsten Dunst? Ill sell em cheap! (read my post for why!)

Hey, ElectricEye! Glad I could help but I was basically restating in my own words what Steph had already said. Love yourself and you'll attract others to you. Be involved with others who share your interests and you're bound to click with someone, as well.

I'm not really into Kirsten Dunst, my friend. If those were Steph's photos you were offering, I'd have already contacted you.

Kitten's advice is as good as gold, too. Have any photos of her?

TicklishSinner's advice is nice, too. Photos?

 

[ticklkitten]

Nice try featherfingers, you know photos of me are hard to come by these days...

Kitten

 

[Strider]

Well,what I would consider the last major rejection I went through isn't really along the lines of what you're describing since this was with someone I had intimate history with.But it was a rejection in certain senses and had such an effect on me it caused me to get in my car and drive from Los Angeles to Alaska(telling none of my family or friends)and then staying there for about a month backpacking in Denali.

So frankly,you could find far saner people than me for advice on this particular subject.

 

[BlackmoonDoll]

God has a plan for everybody in this world even when we don't relise it or know it he does. So just relaze and enjoy life Edge. Some girl will come along some day in your life and def say ''Yes'' to you about going out on a date or whatever the case may be. For how ever many NO's you get you and for how ever many times you get shot down you are def bound to get a few Yes's from girls. Trust me on that one.

I'm almost 21 years old and i haven't had very many girls that i have dated or talked with yet. So just live your life man and make the best of it and trust God

Good Luck Edge. I'm really pulling for ya

 

[jugner]

About a month ago someone wrote a thread just like yours, and I replied with my story, I'm 22, pretty good-looking, lift weights a lot, the only problem is I'm in a wheelchair. Women don't want me much. Steph told me women become less shallow with age, so my advice is don't be in a hurry, sometimes I get lonely, but I end up smiling cause I tell myself, "I'm worth the wait".

 

[dskodj]

Id have to say Steph just about hit the truth and my personal outlook right on the nail. Was expecting to see all the responces say "oh youll find the right one" etc and was ready to go off...but, Steph said it all..almost...only thing i'll add is that the age group you mentioned are all shalow anyhow and prob will end up either lonely the rest of their lives in the end or they wouldn't be worth your emotions and time because they will never know what love is and would end up fuckin ya over in the end anyhow. So, dont sweat it really. As long as you have family and at least 1 friend (not really required but it helps) it's all ya need in this life😉

 

[Knox The Hatter]

Stop thinking about what they think of you. Think about what you think of them. Ha! Big difference, huh? Because, if you persist in thinking only about their reaction to you, you'll never learn to love yourself for what you are. Chances are, all these nubile young things you're asking out ain't worth a shit, anyway.
Relax. And be you. Keep pluggin' away.

 

[Edge]

There were some good responses, thanks for them. But boy some of you guys make yourself sound like the biggest losers in the world lol. I guess its not only me that gets rejected and feels bad but anyways its just weird because girls in my age range usually don't think I'm ugly its just I'm not "their type" often. Same shit to me lol. If they don't want me its the same thing. It just seems like they have a really specific type...it sucks so bad. But anyways the guys who were in their early 20s who wrote on this, its good that you guys realize as you stated about how girls hopefully get less shallow as we get older. But the one thing I can't do is be "nice and friendly" to a girl after I feel rejected...I don't start a fight but I basically ignore them and don't wanna talk to them any more. Like my saying goes, when it comes to having a girl as a "friend" that you think is beautiful: If I want a friend, I'll go and buy a dog (they're more loyal than a girl, and they don't talk back). Hehe 😱) but thanks for the supportive words from everyone.

 

[Iggy pop]

I have to ask why is it that think girls do not find you attractive? While it's true that girls do care about looks, it's usually less so than guys. When girl tells you "you're not her type" it is not always about looks. It could be your personality, the way you dress, etc.

I'm not ugly, but I'm not the greatest look guy in the world. I get rejected too, but for every rejection there is an acceptance.

Honestly, I don't know you, but just off the surface this sounds like a self esteem problem. I don't care how good looking you are, poor self esteem will kill your chances with any woman.