How much do you tell...

[NHLovenlaughter]

She says: I have a few good friends that are aware of my tickling fetish, but usually respond with a..really???...Is there a point when telling someone about your fetish is inappropriate or just not necessary either when in a relationship or just talking with good friends ???? Hoping to hear everyone's opinions!!

 

[FLBowler]

I always feel communication is key to a good relationship, friendship of not. If they truly are your friends, they will accept it. Also as long as you know when it's sexual and when to stop.

 

[stockytickler]

How does it come up? I've met hundreds of people in my life, and relatively few of them know anything about me sexually. I'm imagining this book club or church picnic where someone announces point blank they're into leather. Do you mean like a good friend admiring your collection of feathers and, almost as an afterthought, asking how you come to be collecting them?

 

[emilyemilyemily]

i mostly only tell the guys i date. my best friend doesn't even know.

 

[MaleTickleeDC]

This topic comes up every now and then on this site, and my answer remains the same: there is no good reason to reveal this sort of thing to anyone other than your sexual partner(s). No, your friends won't understand. Yes, they will always, always, always think of you as the guy or girl who has a weird tickling fetish forevermore. They will tell everyone about it, including everyone that becomes a mutual friend in the future. It will become part of your identity to them, and not in a good way.

Look, we all wish we lived in a world where sexuality and fetishes were viewed as something clinical, without any value judgments being attached to them and without any archaic moral notions about sex and fetishes being "right" or "wrong" that date back to the Bronze Age. Unfortunately, we don't live in that world. We live in the real world, and in the real world, you don't want the albatross of a fetish to perpetually hang around your neck, potentially ruining relationships, job opportunities, etc. If tickling is sexual to you, then the only people who need to know about it are your present and future sexual partners.

 

[emilyemilyemily]

No, your friends won't understand. Yes, they will always, always, always think of you as the guy or girl who has a weird tickling fetish forevermore. They will tell everyone about it, including everyone that becomes a mutual friend in the future. It will become part of your identity to them, and not in a good way.

wow, how many shitty coming-out experiences did it take for you to come to this conclusion? blanket statement much?

 

[NHLovenlaughter]

I always feel communication is key to a good relationship, friendship of not. If they truly are your friends, they will accept it. Also as long as you know when it's sexual and when to stop.

She says: If you are not interested in someone sexuallly, is it worth even discussing with them?

 

[MaleTickleeDC]

wow, how many shitty coming-out experiences did it take for you to come to this conclusion? blanket statement much?

I know that most folks here are very young and still have a lot of youthful idealism under their belts. But as you get older, you'll see what I'm talking about. The world is far less forgiving than it initially appears to be.

 

[NHLovenlaughter]

How does it come up? I've met hundreds of people in my life, and relatively few of them know anything about me sexually. I'm imagining this book club or church picnic where someone announces point blank they're into leather. Do you mean like a good friend admiring your collection of feathers and, almost as an afterthought, asking how you come to be collecting them?

She says: I guess I am trying to figure out whether this is something that you would tell a normal friend...like anything else, or something that you should keep between your partner. Also, on another level, when you bring it up to someone else, aren't you typically looking for them to fulfill your tickling desire in some way?

 

[stockytickler]

I know that most folks here are very young and still have a lot of youthful idealism under their belts. But as you get older, you'll see what I'm talking about. The world is far less forgiving than it initially appears to be.

Even one bad experience can be soul-shaking, and you're not wrong. Projection allows you to imagine everyone is as accepting as you yourself might be, but others approach the world like everyone needs to think/behave/havesex exactly like ME or they're WRONG. So yeah, it's not something I lead with. In exactly the same way I don't post a Facebook status update "Who's up for some tickling?!" there's the world, and there's the TMF, and they are distinct environments.

NHLovenlaughter(she), there's a line in "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" that goes: "I wonder what the women talk about when the men are talking? I must find out one day." I can assume it's not pillow fights and tickle fights? Has hentai anime so misled me?

Seriously, tho, if you and your friend are talking about, say, your men, and how you like to have it done to you, (and if I'm crossing a line, NHLl(he), my deepest apologies), you could get a little blushy and say "Well, the other night ... he TICKLED me! And oh my God, Bree, I LIKED it!" and she can react however she likes to because right now it's just a kinky little one-time thing that he did and it never comes up again ... or she's completely fascinated, you have a new go-to topic of conversation and you've single-handedly rejuvenated some other couple's sex life.

But now if you'll excuse me I'm having ... evil thoughts.

 

[justatickler]

I know that most folks here are very young and still have a lot of youthful idealism under their belts. But as you get older, you'll see what I'm talking about. The world is far less forgiving than it initially appears to be.

The condescension isn't really necessary, is it? You look like a relatively new member here. All it takes is a few readings in the forum or chatting with people to figure out that while it can be a numbers game, the world is not out to get you, or "us". I think to most people it's fairly benign, especially if they are truly good friends/girlfriend/boyfriend, whatever. You've quite obviously had some bad experiences.

 

[Phineas]

I know that most folks here are very young and still have a lot of youthful idealism under their belts. But as you get older, you'll see what I'm talking about. The world is far less forgiving than it initially appears to be.

Really? I'm pushing 40 and I've never had the kinds of experiences you seem to think are the norm. Most of my friends know about my fetishes and none of them have ever pulled the kind of high-school shit you describe.

I think a lot of people who have such horrible 'coming out' stories have very poor judgement about who they should be coming out to. No, announcing your tickle fetish in the middle of your weekly Magic: the Gathering tournament hoping the cute girls in the room will throw themselves at you barefoot is probably not a good idea.

 

[stockytickler]

Who's new, who's young, that's gross, etc., everyone's experiences in life feed their conversation in this forum, and if someone has had really /bad/ experiences, my instincts are to sympathize. Most anyone wants in life is acceptance. As a generation, Millennials tend to have more acceptance of themselves and others than other demographic groups. Also, older people may also have encountered more negative life experiences. It shouldn't devalue them. We have the conversations to learn from each other, yes?

 

[luv2tickle99]

I can understand where MaleTickleeDC is coming from. Part of the reason my ex wife left me is because of the fetish... even though she knew about it before we got married. She seen me tickling her daughter ond day and got into her mind that I was trying to get my kink on.. which it was nothing ever like that. I know.. like im sure most of us here do... how to seperate play tickles from sexual tickles. That did not stop her from throwing it in my face though. She never understood it or even tried to.. baring the 2 times she attempted when she first found out and it was just very light tickles. She did not liked to be tickled and I respected that so we never talked about it. So do I repress it from others now.. sure. I do know as well that there are people out there that would just see it as another part of you and would not care. Like phineas said.. its all about judgement, but even your best judgement can be wrong sometimes. We are all just human. Dont down MaletickleeDC so much. It can be very tramatizing when you tell someone you thought you could trust and have them use it agaist you or look down on you cause of it. If you know the person is very vanilla.. it may not be a good idea to tell them, but on the other hand.. if the person has a few kinks of their own then they would probably be more understanding. Remember these are just our experiances with coming out. Its the ying and yang of things. Its up to you to decide if your friends can handle it or not.

 

[anonymiss86]

Well I was always very hush hush about it in High School. I didn't even tell boys I dated. However, when I hit my 20's (i'm 25 now) I started telling the guys I dated. I also have told a few friends but I also know who to tell and who not to tell. The biggest response I've gotten is "that's so innocent and cute". But my friends are also very open in general. They talk about anything and everything. Imagine a "that 70's show" kind of atmosphere when they're all in the basement in a circle and it goes from person to person. Kind of like that lol! But I've had very funny and pleasant experiences telling friends and lovers alike 🙂! They all told me I had nothing to be ashamed of. My boyfriend for the last 4 years even told me that he was apprehensive when i told him i had a fetish and relieved when he found out what it was so... 🙂

 

[MaleTickleeDC]

Look, I don't doubt that there are plenty of success stories out there of people who have told all of their friends about their tickling fetish and who have not only had positive results, but now have friends who have joined in on the fetish! My problem with this topic, and the reason I'm deliberately taking such a strong anti-coming-out position, is that I feel that some folks here NEED the validation that they receive by coming out. That is, they feel that ONLY by coming out and by being accepted by everyone will they feel normal. My point is that, because this is a big world filled with all kinds of people, you're never going to be accepted by everyone. At best, telling your friends is going to be a crapshoot. You could be pleasantly surprised or find yourself looking for a new group of friends.

But back to my beef with this topic: no one needs anyone else to accept them. All one needs to do is accept themselves for who they are. Once you accept yourself, you no longer have the desire to seek the world's approval for your fetish.

 

[BellybTickler]

I've been upfront about it in my relationships, tickling and BDSM are an important aspect of my life and I wouldn't give them up for the world. Some of my friends do know, and they are more than cool with it.

 

[Rusty Shackleford]

I've never understood why you would want to share such a thing with your friends... I have only one friend that knows, and I certainly didn't tell him; my first gf told her best friend (who happened to be my good friend's sister) about my tickling fetish, and then one day he's dropping asinine hints to fuck with me.


He's a good friend; I've never come out and admitted it to him directly, and even thought I'm sure he thinks it's really weird (probably more funny than weird) as a true friend he judges me for who I am, not what I like. Unfortunately, I'm almost certain he's told other people, simply because it's such and unheard of and peculiar kink... so I kinda understand the whole "albatross" thing. Everyone I interact with in my life respects me enough to never mock me to my face, but like I said, asinine hints get dropped and winks get tipped so I'm certain a few people know.



I can understand wanting to share your life with your friends, and it's perfectly understandable to talk about sex and the like with your friends... but let's be honest here, people. This shit is fucking weird, and I think you have to be mature enough to realize that not everyone is as understanding and accepting as we'd like them to be.


I advise discretion.

 

[BellybTickler]

I've never understood why you would want to share such a thing with your friends

Because it is nothing to be ashamed of. Accepting who you are also means tolerating what others will think or say.

 

[giggle-maker]

I use Howard Stern! Once you show some friends a few youtube vids of Carmen Electra and Pamela Anderson being tickled it all of a sudden goes from unknown wierd fringe kink to mainstream and not one friend I have, guy or girl, questions it at all!


The bottom line is when you tell someone, it's all in how you present it. If you start out by saying something like "Please don't think I'm strange but I have this fetish that's really out there." THAT is guaranteed to put them into a mental state of "it's wierd" and then the friend will either accept it or not. If you present it as something that's not wierd in the first place and moreover, that you are definitley NOT THE ONLY ONE OUT THERE, then the "wierd" mentality is taken out of the equasion. Confidence is key! Be matter-of-fact with it and give a nonchalant "been there done that" attitude and those you are telling will do the same. Don't be nervous and nobody else will.

 

[Rusty Shackleford]

Oh, I understand that, BellyB. I'm deff not ashamed of it (I haven't felt shame since I was eight years old) and while I can tolerate a lot more than ridicule because of a fetish, I'd rather not, all the same.

Because while I actually like having this fetish (vanilla porn does nothing for me) I like not being known as "that guy with the tickling thing" so much more.

 

[Rusty Shackleford]

And giggle-maker: tickling is not weird, even tying someone up and tickling them is something people can wrap their heads around, but deriving sexual gratification from the experience is completely weird.

And while I'm not saying that "weird" is a good or bad thing (I'll leave that up to you), it can makes things uncomfortable, awkward, or embarrassing.


...and as an afterthought, just because I share the same fetish as Howard Stern does not make things any more palatable!

 

[usgrant]

There is absolutely no need or benefit to outing yourself to others not in the community, absolutely none.

 

[Wolf]

There is absolutely no need or benefit to outing yourself to others not in the community, absolutely none.

This presupposes that there are no other people who'd be interested, intrigued, good-naturedly amused, or even not give a damn who aren't "in the community". That thought is rather limiting.
And by "rather", I mean, "extremely".

Of course, this isn't to say it should be general knowledge. Some things should be nobody's business.

 

[Comfort Eagle]

There is absolutely no need or benefit to outing yourself to others not in the community, absolutely none.

I've told "vanilla" friends about it, and when the response wasn't total apathy, it was curiosity and an interest in giving it a shot.