How to you keep yourself save when meeting someone into our "sport"?

[QBWeaver]

How to you keep yourself safe when meeting someone into our "sport"?

This is a topic I've addressed several times over the last 5 years but I'd like to hear from YOU. Yes, that's YOU! Doesn't matter if it's a woman or a man.

I know that when I first found people who enjoyed this "sport" I was like a kid in a candy store. Heck Yeah I wanted to meet them and live out my fantasies. I met several folks without regard for my safety just "assuming" that it would be ok since I met them online and they seemed SO nice. I was very fortunate that they all were quite nice. I had wonderful experiences. But... I also know a woman who was subjected to literal torture for an entire weekend who disappeared from the scene out of her extreme fear of being subjected to that again. She wanted to live her fantasy as well but he carried it WAY too far.

When I'm about to meet someone for the first time I let someone know. I let them know who it is I'm meeting, where we'll be and I arrange for them to call me to check on me during the scene. We have some code words we use to alert each other to any potential danger. That way my contact can either come over or will call the police to assist me. I also serve as a contact for many women, and men, who are meeting folks.

So... What do YOU do to protect yourself? anything? Have you ever thought of your safety in the scene especially if it involved bondage?

Jan

 

[Strelnikov]

NJJen started a thread on this very topic a month or so ago. It's locked, can't post to it, but there's lots of good info there. Jen or Mia, how about moving it back up to the top?

Strelnikov

 

[QBWeaver]

Thanks Strelnikov,

I'll look for it. I don't recall seeing it earlier but I know Jen would have lots of good information to share about that.

Thanks bunches!

Hugs and Tickles,
Jan

 

[Strelnikov]

QBWeaver

As I recall, the title was "Profile of an Online Predator" or something similar. NJJen was the thread starter. Look sometime around 9/11.

Strelnikov

 

[QBWeaver]

I do recall that thread. Thanks Again!

 

[mrhm53755]

I am a very trusting and gullible person so I don't take any precautions before the meeting. I have been fortunate I guess since no meetings have turned bad or ugly. All were wonderful.

 

[dvnc]

Good call, Strel. When one of those is locked, you can just link it, like this:
http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=3685

Now folks can jump in and peep at that fine thread. It was locked by her request, 'cause folks got busy with the personal details, either blamin' her or lookin' t'harm the person that started the mess.

Better still to just prevent the possibilities.

Arrange for safety calls. Leave documented evidence of who you meet, even if you mention a locked or passworded file on your computer. The law HAS hackers for such. Trust me on that. A little paranoia goes a LONG way to dissuadin' bad occurences.

Keep in mind that the bdsm community has been doin' this sort of thing for decades. It works if you do it, and has prevented more than a few occurences. I still do such, and I'm not exactly delicate or frail. Prevention beats needing cures, y'know.

 

[terorizer]

I never meet for play, when it's a first time meeting. Always in a public place. The more people who SEE you AND the person(s) you are meeting, the better. I always have my own transportation.

QB and DVNC have mentioned the most proven and safe methods. Safety can NOT be overstated! I do believe still, common sense and intuition are possibly the best tools you have at your disposal. If you don't FEEL comfortable/safe, or if you SUSPECT something isn't quite right, then go with that feeling. Especially when a person is unwilling to give you any information other than a screen name and a date to meet.

Personally, I feel this is a great benefit to attending a gathering; getting to meet and know folks face to face. Understandably, many of us would be reluctant to let on we were going to meet, (for the first time mind you), someone for tickling/bondage play, even to those we trust most. Of course, there's no need for such apprehensiveness with a fellow tickling enthusiast you've built trust and friendship with.

 

[njjen3953]

NJJen started a thread on this very topic a month or so ago. It's locked, can't post to it, but there's lots of good info there. Jen or Mia, how about moving it back up to the top?

Strelnikov

Strelnikov,
The reason that I asked for the thread to be closed was that a huge amount of negtative posts were gathering. If the members can see this thread as looking out for our well being and respect the content, I would happily have it reopened.

Jen

 

[njjen3953]

Re: QBWeaver

As I recall, the title was "Profile of an Online Predator" or something similar. NJJen was the thread starter. Look sometime around 9/11.

Strelnikov

NOOOOOOOO!!!! It was before 9/11.
I agree that the thread turned disasterous, but not like the events of 9/11.

Jen

 

[MistressMia]

How about a dungeon?

I would not recommend meeting someone for play if it's your first meeting. However, if this is the plan, then another alternative would be to find a local Dungeon and ask them if they'll rent out space to you. Most Dungeons will do this (especially if they're not too busy).

The benefits to this are multiple:

1 - you're not alone

2 - it's furnished play space

3 - you pay for the amount of time you want

4 - you can tell the Head Mistress to check on you every so often as you request. (a tip $ is appropriate). Make sure she knows your safe-word.

5 - you're on neutral territory

6 - being at a Dungeon may add to the excitement

7 - Role Play may be possible (Most Houses are equipped with role play rooms such as medical rooms and class rooms)

8 - Renting space is usually more cost effective than paying for a pro-tickling session with one of their Mistresses

9 - Renting space may be slightly more expensive than getting a motel room, but it would be a lot safer

I may have gotten a little ahead of the question, but I thought it was worth mentioning an alternative to a motel room if indeed RL tickling is going to take place on a first-time basis.

Other than that, I agree with the above posts:
Please let someone reliable know your plans and the specific info. Check-up calls are a good idea. Take as many preventative measures as possible! And most importantly, never under ANY circumstances put yourself in a compromising position. Remember, NO means No but you have to MEAN what you say or you won't be taken seriously.

Great thread QB! It's a nice follow-up to Jen's(my tickle Doll)!

 

[Darkknight]

Totally think this thread and the one Jen started a while back about this is valid.

I'm a guy so the threat isn't as big to me if I was to meet a gal in our "sport". BUT I still have taken pre-cautions, telling friends and writing where I'm going and who I'm meeting and when on paper. Ya never know. I always suggest a public place and I do everything I can to make sure she feels safe, body language tells you, if she's too nice to let you know.

I feel horrible for your friend Jan that met that guy who took advantage of her. Unfortunately ,outside our tickle circle, I've heard stories like these. I know it's exciting to finally meet someone like us in person but you can't truelly know anyone from emails or phone calls. You really can't. Don't care what anyone says.

This is really on the same level of going out on a blind date. Give the info to family or friends of who you're going to meet and where.
(I feel like a parent... sheesh.)

Ditto on Mia's remark, " NO means NO but you have to MEAN what you say or you won't be taken serious". Big time true.

DK

 

[QBWeaver]

Thanks everyone for your replies. It's good to bring up this topic every so often to ensure our friends in the community are thinking before they meet folks. It's just the real world in a highly volatile situation at times due to the possibility of bondage being involved.

Play safe Everyone! And enjoy!

 

[njjen3953]

With the joy of a child in your heart, you will be forever young

I for one will be young forever. Got that Peter Pan Syndrome.😉

Jen

 

[QBWeaver]

I absolutely agree EQ... Great points there. Been there, done that!

Thanks for stating it so well!

Jan

 

[AffectionateDan]

Outfreakin'STANDing thread...

An issue that's NOT covered enough, considering the rate of newbies we have here. Play safe, kiddies!

 

[njjen3953]

Dan,
Are we bored tonight? I've had 3 e-mails this evening, so far, alerting me that you have posted to a thread that I subscribed to BACK IN 2001!!!!!!!! 🙄

 

[Oddjob0226]

Well, QB, you made some good points, so I really have nothing to add. You should just use the same caution you'd use when meeting anyone for any kind of date for the 1st time, kink or no. Although, as a last resort fail safe I do have a pair of leather cuffs that can be opened by the person in them if things get too scary & desperate. Although the one time I could have used 'em I didn't have them on.....!

 

[babinsky]

Hi Jan...

 

[QBWeaver]

Thanks Danimal for resurrecting this. Someone is reading my mind! (I know... it's a short story! LOL) Just this past weekend I was thinking I should go over some basic safety rules again.

It's just basic stuff but in the excitement of the meeting so many of us don't bother with it. I sure do now! But I didn't when I first found out there are so many of us around. I was like a kid in a candy store without any thought to my safety. I was very fortunate to meet some incredibly wonderful guys into this who were all gentlemen.

Today, I play safe. I follow the recommendations that I've detailed. Someone always knows where I am and who I'm with. I have a code word that I use. It's just so natural for me now to follow the safety recommendations and as a result I'm having a fabulous time!

I can't stress it enough to play safe.

Hi Babinsky!

 

[Myst]

I agree with the whole, renting a dungeon thing...although ive never done so before, and really probably never will...

It is always best to play it safe, I mean...you might talk to this guy who is sophisticated, intelligent, caring...and you meet him and find he's a regular Hannibal "The Cannibal" Lecter.

Tickle safe, and you'll tickle for a very long time ^_^;;

 

[Havsoker]

I'm a guy so the threat isn't as big to me if I was to meet a gal in our "sport". BUT I still have taken pre-cautions, telling friends and writing where I'm going and who I'm meeting and when on paper. Ya never know. I always suggest a public place and I do everything I can to make sure she feels safe, body language tells you, if she's too nice to let you know.

Hello DK. It's been a while. I would like to offer an additional thought. I'm also a guy and at 6'1", 220, I am not exactly small. As a lee, I would be more inclined to take precautions if bondage is contemplated. A guy who is a lee is helpless once restrained and size ceases to be a protection.

Mutual trust is critical. It may take time, but it is worth it.

Just my two cents.🙂


Hav

 

[BigJim]

I've used a few simple rules that generally make it easier on the mind of the lady I'm organising the meet with.

1/ It helps the most if you and her have known each other for quite a bit before the meeting day. It's amazing how well you can get to know someone over chatting on MSN, AOL or Yahoo for six months. You can find out a lot about them and they about you. Knowing the person you're going to meet as well as you can will go some towards allaying the fears of meeting a weirdo axe-murderer off the internet.

2/ Arrange to call a friend on your mobile a few times during the course of the meet. In one case of mine, the person called by the lady was another member of the community, so there was nothing unknown and no awkward questions. If a friend knows you're going on a "blind date" or something (if they're not from the community, you may be wary about giving them all the details obviously) then it's good for their peace of mind too. It's also common practice with most dating agencies to arrange to call a friend, for safety's sake.

3/ Arrange to first meet in a public place. Two of my three meets with TMF ladies have been in public bars where we chatted and had a couple of drinks first. It can put you well at ease to chat to someone for an hour or two before you get down to business. (Not to mention that Dutch courage is handy too! 😀)

 

[ticklebutton]

Thank you...

Dan for bringing this up to the top again, and also QB - when I see your name as author of a thread I know it will be worth reading.

I also found NJJen's original posted thread to be quite helpful, and well done DVNC for finding it & giving the link up above.
It's a valuable thread - her words made so much sense and still hold true.
Also the responses to it were pretty eye-opening.

Anyone who protests the posting of such info, discourages advising women to be cautious, or attempts to admonish & blame the victim is someone to be looked at closely - it's an immediate warning sign.

Button

 

[Roseblossom]

uh oh

This came at just the right time. Thanks.

Roseblossom