I don't use the word "fetish"... here's why

[brotherted]

I know some don't agree with my take, which might make it an interesting conversation.

When introducing our little hobby over the years to normies in my life, I've never once used the word "fetish." Basically, that's because there's a statistically significant percentage of people who once they hear that word, would be more likely to think of it as sketchy, creepy or perverted. To them, person with a fetish essentially means weirdo.

I go the other direction: I describe it, (if I'm forced to), as something that I like and think is fun -- but there are lots and lots of other things that I like and think are fun too. In other words, it's not a deep, dark, brooding and uncontrollable urge that takes over every other aspect of who I am as a person (which some would associate with a "fetish") -- it's just one item of a list of things I like to do in a relationship. I like sex in certain ways too. I like dancing, and flirting, and massaging in certain ways too.

Plus, I don't see much upside in hitting someone with that word. They'll very much figure out on their own how you like to roll in this regard, without you needing to verbalize it. That gradual realization over some time feels to me a whole lot healthier to me for a budding relationship than giving oneself some kind of label that they may find jarring to hear, before they really know you in that way.

 

[WickedTouch]

I know some don't agree with my take, which might make it an interesting conversation.

When introducing our little hobby over the years to normies in my life, I've never once used the word "fetish." Basically, that's because there's a statistically significant percentage of people who once they hear that word, would be more likely to think of it as sketchy, creepy or perverted. To them, person with a fetish essentially means weirdo.

I go the other direction: I describe it, (if I'm forced to), as something that I like and think is fun -- but there are lots and lots of other things that I like and think are fun too. In other words, it's not a deep, dark, brooding and uncontrollable urge that takes over every other aspect of who I am as a person (which some would associate with a "fetish") -- it's just one item of a list of things I like to do in a relationship. I like sex in certain ways too. I like dancing, and flirting, and massaging in certain ways too.

Plus, I don't see much upside in hitting someone with that word. They'll very much figure out on their own how you like to roll in this regard, without you needing to verbalize it. That gradual realization over some time feels to me a whole lot healthier to me for a budding relationship than giving oneself some kind of label that they may find jarring to hear, before they really know you in that way.

I hear you on this and agree from at least a few angles. If and when it comes to talking about it with "normies," I think I prefer much more of your approach, though it depends on the person, as a lot of people have their own niche sexual proclivities and sometimes it's more intriguing to them than off-putting. But it takes some knowing and reading of the person to know whether that's the right way to go. There's certainly less risk with your approach and I think I'd lean that way more often than not. But depending upon what I'm expecting to get out of my connection to that person, I do indeed have a sexual relationship with tickling at one level or another and I definitely wouldn't want someone that felt it was benign fun to then have the potentially disturbing reality hit them that I may have been using them for sexual gratification outside their knowing (even if not true).

Another thought I've had is that, whether it's called a fetish or not, a lot more people have educated themselves (or more unfortunately been overexposed to them through creepy interactions online) that they are more able to identify things that look like fetish behaviors than ever before. So, there is still a real possibility that if someone, especially in the younger adult generations, is exposed to it, they'll label it a fetish or something similar, regardless of how it is referred to by the other person,.

Very technically, for a lot of people in the tickling community, it is a fetish, but I find myself using the word less and less these days. One of the more frustrating things about trying to be precise with language, especially when you want to somewhat control the feeling or charge that comes with a word, is that it constantly evolves in meanings and associations. While people still use fetish today, it feels dated, and a bit tainted by cultural judgement. The word kink, while not perfect, is broader and seems to have been more adopted in the new cultural movements of sexual identity and expression. Kink is what I try to use more often, and even then, context is everything. Sometimes I use the word fixation, especially if I want to drop the sexual connotation, which doesn't always apply for me. Based on the little I understand about your connection to tickling from what you've written, you don't have a fetish, but you do have a kink. In either case, calling it what best works for you and helps you best connect with others through it is what you should probably call it.

Frustratingly, I've seen the word fetish have a bit of a resurgence in some online communities more recently, so I think I'm just going to try and be even more intentional about which word I use in different contexts going forward.

 

[yinzer]

I have to admit I'm one of those people that would use those 2 words interchangeably, tho it would probably be more accurate to refer to my 'fetishes' as kinks. Being that I don't really use these words at all outside of the tickling community, and in that sense I'm pretty new to this, I'd never even thought much about the differences in the past or the connotations they might have. It's just not a conversation I'd ever had in person with anyone in my life.

 

[Comfort Eagle]

I'll agree that the word "fetish" has a tendency to scare off otherwise open normies, but I'll argue making it clear it's "a kink", or more commonly "a thing I'm into" from pretty early on is better than just dancing around it waiting for them to pick up on. As an aspect of my sexuality? For sure. Can I get off on other things without tickle torture being involved? 100%

But I do like it, I want to do it, and I make it clear from the gate it's something that I'm gonna need for anything long-term. Regardless of whether or not I truly need it, I want it and I'm going to get it.

 

[hefophre]

Originally I used and accepted the word fetish, because it is how this was introduced. I understood "fetish" to be something of intense infatuation or liking or idolization (much greater than average, like a desire for a particular hobby or sport). I now also no longer use it. Despite its alternate meanings, the word has an immediate sexual connotation to many NOW because of how people are introduced to it on social media, etc. I am completely content with tickling for tickling sake, and will have no sexual feelings from it. Purely fun. Any involvement intimately is still not the tickling, itself. It is the comfort and intimate relationship to the other person, and knowing things are within that trajectory, not because its tickling. I believe that many people are wrongly attributing this word.

 

[yinzer]

Originally I used and accepted the word fetish, because it is how this was introduced. I understood "fetish" to be something of intense infatuation or liking or idolization (much greater than average, like a desire for a particular hobby or sport). I now also no longer use it. Despite its alternate meanings, the word has an immediate sexual connotation to many NOW because of how people are introduced to it on social media, etc. I am completely content with tickling for tickling sake, and will have no sexual feelings from it. Purely fun. Any involvement intimately is still not the tickling, itself. It is the comfort and intimate relationship to the other person, and knowing things are within that trajectory, not because its tickling. I believe that many people are wrongly attributing this word.

Sorry if I'm misunderstanding you here, but doesn't the literal definition of the word 'fetish' say that an object or act is necessary for sexual feelings? So, using tickling as an example, if you have a tickle 'fetish,' tickling is an integral part of those sexual feelings, and sexual feelings are inextricable from the word? Vs using tickling as a kink, if you have a tickle 'kink,' it's still sexual, but there can be sexual feelings even if tickling isn't involved at all? People's connotations are wrong about a lot of words they use relative to the denotation of the word, but sexual feelings are inherent in the words 'fetish' and 'kink', but with the object being necessary for it to be a fetish and unnecessary for a kink. In other words, I'm not following how this is because people are wrongly attributing the word 'fetish?' It's actually correct to use it that way!

 

[hefophre]

Sorry if I'm misunderstanding you here, but doesn't the literal definition of the word 'fetish' say that an object or act is necessary for sexual feelings? So, using tickling as an example, if you have a tickle 'fetish,' tickling is an integral part of those sexual feelings, and sexual feelings are inextricable from the word? Vs using tickling as a kink, if you have a tickle 'kink,' it's still sexual, but there can be sexual feelings even if tickling isn't involved at all? People's connotations are wrong about a lot of words they use relative to the denotation of the word, but sexual feelings are inherent in the words 'fetish' and 'kink', but with the object being necessary for it to be a fetish and unnecessary for a kink. In other words, I'm not following how this is because people are wrongly attributing the word 'fetish?' It's actually correct to use it that way!

1. An object that is believed to have magical or spiritual powers, especially such an object associated with animistic or shamanistic religious practices.
2. An object of unreasonably excessive attention or reverence.
   "made a fetish of punctuality."
3. Something, such as a material object or nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification.

I wont even call it a kink. Kink means unusual habit, etc. but this too is usually under some puritanical sexual taboo connotation.

It is entirely possible for people to exist with strong habit and like towards tickling, without it being sexual thing. Occasionally there are accounts of coming across "vanillas" or amongst partners, who are persistent ticklers. they are "vanilla" because they havent found a community that casts a label upon something they otherwise just enjoy doing.

 

[maniactickler]

Id never use the word fetish. thats a dirty word for me.

 

[natscott6282]

to me its an obsession and a fixation not a fetish

 

[milagros317]

I prefer to say "My erotic interests include tickling and women's bare feet."
To me, a sexual fetish is an inanimate object that is necessary for sexual arousal. Thus, someone may have a fetish for women's shoes, but not for women's feet (as long as those feet are attached to a living, breathing woman).

Hair can go either way.
Suppose A has an erotic interest in women's hair. With a willing partner, he likes to cut off a lock of a woman's hair, take it home with him, and masturbate by rubbing against his penis. That to me would be a hair fetish.
Suppose B has an erotic interest in women's hair. With a willing partner, he likes to sniff it and rub his face into it. Doing so gives him an erection and he then has vanilla sex with her. That to me is not a fetish, just an erotic interest.

 

[Joana Miranda]

Prefiro o termo intimidades pois tudo é sobre intimidade, afinidade, confiança, diversão e prazer. E sem contar que sou apaixonada e obceca por cócegas

 

[P[a]pi]

I don't like using the words fetish or kink. I say I'm into bdsm and then just say what I like to do. My wife likes the word kink. I know that they all have different definitions, but to me it's just about using the words you are more comfy with.

 

[brotherted]

To extend the thread a bit, I was really saying that I don’t use any of the category description terms, not fetish, nor kink, nor bdsm. I don’t even find it useful to say “tickling,” unless it’s a situation where the other person actually makes it weirder to avoid the word than to use it, by the way they me ask a direct question. Then I’ll use it.

But to me, any of those labels carries possible downside, balanced against pretty much zero upside, especially with someone new in my life, where it’s not clear how they’ll react to any of the terms. The terms kind of feel clinical to me.

And also since learning my version of the reindeer games I’m into, through direct, personal interactions with me, will always be more holistic and natural than quickly connecting me to these labels with which some people carry negative associations. In other words, they might misinterpret any of the labels to also include stuff I’m not into — which could result in easily avoidable troubles.