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I hate my friends girlfriend

I dont like my best bud's girl either..she kinda treats him like shit but he's happy with her for some reason..but I aint gotta live with havin to see her (he lives in another state lol).

But basicly my suggestion to you would be to just keep your cool when she's around..I mean you dont have to like her..if he's happy then he's happy. What exactly is it about this gal that you absolutly dispise? That would be more helpful in giving advise to know.
 
Tank, what you are experiencing is nothing new. Back in the 80s I was single and living with two room-mates. Things were great until one of them got the girlfriend from hell. She'd spend the whole day over at our place, finally leave around midnight or one, then she'd call as soon as she got home. Things got worse when he gave her a key to our house without our knowlege or approval. Then 3 days out of the week, I'd come home to find her in the house. Sometimes she'd decide to move the furniture or add a painting, always just assuming her adjustments were welcome. Things never got better for us until he and she finally got married in '87. Eighteen years and three kids later, they've ended up in a bitter divorce. Had he listened to us and to his own brother, he could have avoided such a waste of his life, but he's the kind of guy whom you can't really tell anything without it going in one ear and out the other.

So I feel your pain, brother. I really do. I wish I had some advice for you, but absolutely nothing we tried ever worked. Just hope and pray his blindness passes and he sees her as you do.
 
I would probably keep my distance, as much as I could that is, without being obvious that's what you're doing.

I've never met a guy who would listen to anything negative about their girlfriend while they were still together. Doesn't have to be verbal, we resent any form of criticism about them, even if it's just implied. (Like appearing to dislike her.)

One thing - after awhile the "new" wears off I guess our testosterone level evens out or something. In any case, if she's a loser he'll probably see it for himself... eventually.

Good luck. Sounds like an uncomfortable situation you'll just have to hang in there for awhile.
 
Hmm, lets say there was a plan laid out, one of the tasks is to finish college. She is an achillies heel to these plans. She basically sucks up his time with her bs. She want's to be the center of his life and strangle every amount of time. When shes over here she keeps him from going to to class. She trapped him aswell if you know what I mean. I believe she knew what she was doing all along. Sure she likes him, but basically she messed him up for good.
 
Basically she was his first and I think that's why he can't leave her. He's wanted to on many occasions at least three or four. But she wraps her tenticals tight around him, and he eventually caves time after time. I seriously think he's with her because she has sex with him. Dam, it pisses me when I see her, thankfully she stays away from my stuff. But to put it simply she is an infestation that I simply can't deal with. Luckly or at least hopefully she will not move in. Or at least wait until the rent is up and I leave. Oh and I eventually had to tell him that I don't like her one bit. But I told him I will try with everything I've got. But easy to say it aint working.
 
I notice that the appearance of your friend's girlfriends seems to be important to you. Why is that?
 
This happened to me with my best friend's girlfriend, Melanie. He dated her for 3 years from 1990 to 1993. I absolutely despised the girl, and she didnt like me. Every time they had a problem, or he wanted to break up with her, the b'tch would accuse me of "influencing him" to do so. She was also a user. One time, we drove her all the way from my house in Fort Lee, NJ, to Action Park in Vernon Valley, like 60 miles away, and even after that, and staying at my house all weekend, she still was never nice to me.
In spite of this, due to the feelings of my best friend, I said very, very little. I didnt want to hurt his feelings, or cause friction between us. Finally, due to her selfish attitude, they broke up. Their break up had nothing to do with me, but after they did, I finally admitted my bad feelings for her, and told him that I had kept quiet, due to him.
Your situation is a bit worse then mine was, because you live with your friend, and have to see this girl every week. With me, it was just every few weeks.
My best advice, while I know it may be aggravating, is not to bash her to your best friend. Trust me, bud, I've been there. If you bash her, he might turn on you, and you dont want that. Suck it up, and be civil. He cant change how you feel. In time, Iam a believer that things always work out for the best, and if he stays with her, try to tolerate it, and realize that you are sacrificing for your friend. I did it, and would have had to had my best bud married the witch he was dating. In friendship, bending over backwards to please is what we do for those we care for. It's human nature.

Mitch
 
It is true I find her, well repulsive. I believe 25% is truly physical and the rest is everything else. I don't care that shes not attractive. I care that she does'nt seem to care about his goals. She seems to only care about her own objectives whatever they are. Sure some of my distain is toward him for screwing himself up. But even so that girl is the crucks of the entire problem. But oh well, I just hate not being able to keep my friend from messing up everything he's tried to accomplish.
 
kcantankerous said:
It is true I find her, well repulsive. I believe 25% is truly physical and the rest is everything else. I don't care that shes not attractive.
Click to expand...
You don't? OK. But you mentioned it twice - once in noting that she's not attractive and then again in saying that his last gf was. So I naturally thought it was important to you.

But oh well, I just hate not being able to keep my friend from messing up everything he's tried to accomplish.
Click to expand...
It's never fun when we finally realize that we can't live anyone else's life for them, no matter how much we care. But it's an important thing to learn.
 
Very interesting to read all this stuff, I had a GF and I swear she had me by the balls, I bent over backwards for her but it never seemed enough i always seemed to do something wrong ... But eventually I made the move to finally quit on her, maybe you should talk to your friend about anything he dislikes about her and move in on that, giving him ideas on how he can quit on her.
 
Not to dis credit anyones opinion but I think telling your friend the truth and/or trying to get him to break up with his g/f will just cause problems and prob. end up losing a friend in the process.

Hey truth be told I hate my brothers wife but there's nothing I can do about it. I try not to be around them longer then I have to but yet you have to make an effort because it obvious you care for your friend and of course I care for my bro.

I think just let the relationship take its course because that is your friend choice and you have to respect that. Other then my bro I have had friends that their g/f's drove me crazy but I was always their to pick them up so I suggest you do the same.

Kust
 
I understand where you're coming from, kcantankerous. You care about your friend and you don't want to see him hurt. I've been in the same situation myself. Unfortunately, while they're happily together, nothing you say will deter your friend from his current course.

However, based on your description of their relationship, it sounds like your friend is trapped in a cycle. He stays with her, he's happy, eventually he becomes unhappy, miserable, desperate, and then he tries to break up with her. It's at this point that his girlfriend persuades him to restart the cycle all over again.

If you want to help your friend, wait until he is, once again, desperate to leave her. This is an important time. This is the point at which the cycle is in its weakest state and your friend will be most susceptable to outside forces. Your friend is on the edge of change - try to give him a nudge. Offer your support, speak candidly. If she is constantly calling the house, constantly calling leaving messages - call her behavior what it is - harassment! If the messages are nasty, that's not only harassment, but verbal abuse. If she's showing up unwanted at places he usually hangs out, that's stalking. You can go to the police to put a stop to this sort of behavior. You can take out a restraining order against a person for harassing and/or stalking you. If your state requires a witness (they probably will, being you're a man and the system is biased), offer your assistance in the matter. This way, after the TRO (Temporary Restraining Order) is issued, he will be prevented from repeating the same damaging cycle over and over. It's a big step, but it will send a clear message to the female in question that the relationship is over, and it may help your friend realize how much of a hinderence this woman was becoming to his career, education, and life.

Some on this forum will tell you I'm nuts, to stay out of it, but if this guy is your best friend and his life is being ruined, I think you have an OBLIGATION to step in. Sometimes being a friend means you have to put your emotions aside. What sort of a person would let a friend rush headlong down a path of self-deconstruction? A selfish coward only concerned with his or her own feelings.
 
how often does she visit? and during that time, could you possibly stay with a friend til she leaves? and when she does visit , how long does she stay? sorry if this was answered before, i didnt read it. i would have to say however that if he likes her, there isnt much you can do to sway him otherwise. i would keep my distance from her during the duration of the visit. and in order to keep her from your things, install a lock on your bedroom door if thats where the majority of your possessions are. other than that i suppose you will have to deal with it until they either break up or get married

isabeau

or live together, then i suppose you wouldnt want to live with them.
 
2 stories, both true

1) I hated the boyfriend's best friend the second I shook his hand. He was a handsome guy, but something was wrong~my blood just ran cold. He was always doing drugs and drinking, driving them around, putting boyfriend in dangerous situations. We fought like cats and dogs. I told the boyfriend~he doesn't love you and he's not good for you, he'll kill you one of these days with this destructive behavior. Boyfriend worshipped him and although I was polite, I never backed down.
How it ended: Best friend took a new job several hundred miles away. One night he was driving drunk w/a friend of ours who I adored. He ended up killing him and walked away without a scratch. Although boyfriend finally realized I was right about Lance, I took no pleasure. Suffice to say~he finally dumped him.

2) My best friend's guy. I hated him because he was always making fat jokes to my friend and making her cry. He was rude and disrespectful and a total pig. He'd make dirty cracks about my body in front of her to make her feel bad. One night he said something that crossed the line as far as the boyfriend went. Boyfriend was much bigger and getting ready to kick his ass. I had to beg and finally convinced him. "Look, this is my best friend. For some weird reason, she thinks she loves him. So we have to at least pretend for her sake. Because I love her and I'm keeping her in my life as my best friend. So deal."

Bottom line? He'll eventually see her for the wreck she is if it's as bad as you say. You can't change free will honey.

XOXO
 
Dude, Kantank, I WAS your friend man. Not literally, but I was that guy. Had a girlfriend who nobody else liked. The best thing you can do is keep him open to other women. Tell him about other girls who like him and tell him to keep his options open.
 
my old roomie

kcantankerous said:
What should I do, I try to like her but I absolutely can't stand her. But I live with my best friend so everytime she comes into town she always stays. I can't figure out why. She is hard to look at, and she apparently makes him happy for the most part. But she's not lets say she only concerned with her own agenda whatever that is. I tried to look at it from all angles but I can honestly say that I am not jelous and I am not in the least attracted to his girl. I seriously look at things in terms of what they are. Anyways I wanted to get other peoples opinions. I want to be friendly to her because she's my best friends girl but I just have utter contempt for her very existance. I've had no problem with the girl he use to date, and she was by far more attractive, and had more going for her. Anyways any thoughts as to how I can fix my behavior?
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If you tell him you dont like her or KEEP saying you dont like her... it doesnt matter how close you are to him... IF men are like women... he will get pissed at you!!!!!! my ex bf lived with me and my roomie..... my roomie WAS my best friend till she started trash talking my man! needless to say, i am not with him anymore and dont speak to her! My new bf was married to a beast and his friends NEVER said a bad word about her for 7 yrs.. once they split they all told him they called her Jennzilla the whole 7 yrs but the point is... your friend will see soon enough and all you have to do is be there for him no matter what! He has to learn on his own! just be his friend and smile at her! once she leave call a friend who ISNT friends with your roomie and trash talk her! it will make you feel better and keep the living situation peaceful!
 
Exact issue with me now, i hate my roomies gf, i pity her and she is completely pathetic, she has no life outside of her bf, and ive nicknamed her "BK" for buzzkill, because whenever there is a party, she either whines or sits on a chair and sulks till she can go to bed with him. She was also a person who couldnt sleep in her dorm room so would have to walk down the hall to sleep with him....even tho he wasnt tired. Classic quote from his roomate, she was like "kiel can u turn the lights off im tryin to sleep"
"then go sleep in your own room!"

Just ignore her, best advice
 
Goodieluver said:
she was like "kiel can u turn the lights off im tryin to sleep"
"then go sleep in your own room!"

Just ignore her, best advice
Click to expand...

Goodieluver thats exactly the kind of stuff this damn girl does. Anyways I wanted to give up the gf bashing. But sometimes he seems to like providing ammunition for me. He'll even say stuff about her that he can't stand. I believe it's because she's utterly submissive to what he wants, and she has sex with him. I truly believe he's with her because she will have sex with him. Non of that crap matters to me, except for her ability to distract him from school and work. And that I just can't stand her.
 
I have two senarios that sound all too familiar. When I was single and rooming with two friends of mine, one of my roomies dated this girl that I couldn't stand. She was so selfish. For example, when she lost her job, my friend stopped everything he was doing and went to be there for her. About a month later, my roomie lost his job and when he told her what happened, she couldn't be bothered. We went out that night for drinks, and, all I told him that what she did was wrong. I saved the bashing because I knew it wouldn't do any good. In order to vent about her, I would bide my time until they had a fight (which seemed like every day), and turned my support to him on all cases. Eventually they broke up and I never saw her again.

Another one of my friends fell heads over heals over this girl. I have to admit, she was strikingly beautiful, but, to me, she looked like a dog. Why? because she was rude to all of his friends, including me. She also had the personality of a dead fish and ABSOLUTELY no sense of humor. As they were going out, I finally told him how I felt about her because it seemed to me like she was using him and trying to control his life. End result, he was setting himself up for a world of hurt, which I didn't want to see him go through. If I thought she would be good for him, I would have put my feelings aside and kept my mouth shut. Fortunetely, in the end, she also left.

I know it's a tough situation but there are some things that have to be evaluated before you act. Primary question, IMHO, is do you think she is good for him? Also, more important, is he happy with her?

I could tell in both cases that my friends were not happy, so it was easy for me to do what I did.
 
kcantankerous said:
Goodieluver thats exactly the kind of stuff this damn girl does. Anyways I wanted to give up the gf bashing. But sometimes he seems to like providing ammunition for me. He'll even say stuff about her that he can't stand. I believe it's because she's utterly submissive to what he wants, and she has sex with him. I truly believe he's with her because she will have sex with him. Non of that crap matters to me, except for her ability to distract him from school and work. And that I just can't stand her.
Click to expand...


Heh i wonder if we know the same person

He badmouths her so much too and i honestly believe he is only with her for the sex and he can get it whenever, also because if he did break up with her, he would literally have no chance at any other girls out here cuz he has no female friends outside her, plus he and his brother are, as i coined the phrase "townhouse trolls" who spend weekends drinkin with themselves in the house, where as i go out and socialize with people

If she is tryin to be controlling with u on the distractions like "can u keep it down, im tryin to sleep" or whatever, just say "this isnt your place, if you cant sleep, sleep at yer place."

I even joked with eric(the bf) that "If she spends the night here every night for a month, i am seriously gonna ask her for rent" he laughed and agreed and said it would suck if she did that
 
It's a hard thing to choose with, but I guess you have to go with your personality, are you confronting and can you tell your friend or do you back away and let him do what he wants at your expense. Second choice sounds a lot worse.
 
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