I've been thinking a lot lately, and I think what I miss the most is being innocent. I miss being carefree, as when we were younger, without all of the responsibilities and stress. I miss the times in which the most fearful thing was the imaginary monster in our closets, or when our biggest decision was what our favorite color was going to be that week. There wasn't so much worry, and social expectations have yet to apply to us. I liked being able to read whatever I wanted, to play the piano whenever I wanted. I was able to be creative without someone criticizing, or I could step out of the house without worrying what I looked liked. I didn't even know what makeup can really hide.
Now, my biggest fear is one day coming home from a long day or work and school, to see something unfortunate has happened to my grandmother. I haven't felt so much pressure to balance both school and work equally. It's immense stress to have to be the only one in the family working, and at the same time, I have to stay on top of my unexpected future. When I was younger, I knew that someday, I would have to take over the family. Maybe that it when I truly grew up.
I want to be able to have a sense of freedom, and you would think that being an adult would give you that satisfaction. Sure, I can buy all of the lottery tickets that I want, but now i have to decide if I should really be wasting that money on something so unreliable.
I just miss having colorful dreams, and at the same time, a clear mind, with less weight on my shoulders, and more sense of being myself.