I need help with a girl...

[Antarion]

Let me start out by saying, I don't normally have problems with girls, this one's different. I wouldn't normally post something this near to me on here because I'd be afraid of getting found out IRL, but you guys are cool and I'm fairly certain the person I'm going to be talking about isn't on here. If you don't want to read the novella I posted below, and just want to answer a quick question, skip the bolded lettering.

So I've known this girl for nearly three years now. She moved in around my sophmore year of high school and we didn't click immediately. My best buddy got along pretty well with her though, and they started dating. I started hanging out with her more because she was the GF of my Best friend. A year later, she joins Speech and Drama. If you don't know, I was the captain of the S&D team in highschool. Because I'm captain, I get the back row of the bus on on trips to myself. She starts sitting in the row in front of me, not with my bro. We start talking now, alone, through different traditional S&D games like truth. Back then was when I first 'obtained' my sports physique and I wasn't used to being randomly complimented. One trip it was me, another friend of mine, her, and another girl. For those of you who read my story in the True Stories section, The girl I'm talking about I think I called ashley. Not the runner girl but the other one. We were playing a game of truth, and the question was...

Out of the people in this group... Who would you most want to have sex with?

Both girls picked me, and my friend picked the girl that he's been eyeing for a while. Long story short, questions like this kept popping up, and she kept dropping hints that she liked me. I still thought of myself as the fat nerd who joined S&D three years ago, so I didn't pick up on it.

I get a message on facebook from this girl, and it says... (I'm paraphrasing.) So Antarion... I'm afraid to tell you this because I'm not sure how you'd react... But I like you. Like more than a friend.

I reply back... "As flattered as I am, no thank you." And that's it. I don't speak to her in months.

In the time since we last spoke, I'd changed quite a bit. Back in high school, I'd never touch alchohol, I thought marijuana was the devil's leaf, and I spent my weekends playing D&D and MTG. Now I spend my weekdays at the gym or in class, and spend the time I have off partying. You wouldn't know I was the same person if you only knew me from high school.

Nearly a year passes... I'm just moving into my dorm in college, and for some reason all I can think about is her. How big of an ass I was to her, how I shouldn't've said that to her in such a way... And how I kinda regret it. I still had her on facebook, so I messaged her to apologize. She gave the most paper-thin "It's cool, we're cool." I've ever heard.

For some reason I can't remember, I start texting her. We start texting daily. I find out she had a very potent break-up with my buddy, my S&D group is shattered without me as a captain, my nerd group fell apart, and my football team isn't doing as well without it's guard. I go up to my old hometown after a while, and I ask if she wants to hang out. She says yes and spends nearly the entire time we're hanging telling me how cool I am now, and how much better she likes the new me, and how worried she is I'm going to overdo it in college. I drop her off and she gives me a hug good bye.

A week later, a weekend that I'm just drinking and texting her, we're playing a game of truth over text. The question is "Who are you crushing on" She says no-one, I try to use a chicken out. She types to me...

"Why r you hiding things from me... 🙁" And for some reason, probably because I'm drunk, I type back.

"Fine, I think I'm kinda crushing on you a bit..." And she tells me

"I thought that's why you were chickening out, haha." And changes the subject, I ask how she feels about it and she says...

"Well... I dunno... We'll see how things go?" I'm reading that as 'I don't want to shoot you down as hard as you shot me down.' But now she's saying things like... "Oh, you're so sweet!" And "You're cute when you're flustered!" And she punctuates her words with smiley faces. She tells me... "I'm not sure... But I think I like how much you pride yourself in your masculinity..." She just recently told me "I've got a 4 day weekend coming up... You want to come see me? We can drink if you want... 🙂"

We've been texting daily, she didn't immediately drop contact with me when I told her I liked her. Today she spent nearly an hour telling me how much better I am than her ex boyfriend (My buddy.) She's the girl I've been writing about in my Intentional Distraction thread... To be cliche as hell... She's driving me wild and I think she's doing it on purpose.

What I'm asking is...


I told a girl I liked her and she told me "We'll see how it goes..." But she's dropping MASSIVE hints that she's into me... What am I supposed to think!?

 

[Druidici]

Take it slow and casual,give her a little space and try not to crush in her too hard. Don't always be the first one to text. If she likes you,don't worry,she'll text you enough to try and change your agenda for you...lol. Remember..slow and casual kid.

 

[Antarion]

Take it slow and casual,give her a little space and try not to crush in her too hard. Don't always be the first one to text. If she likes you,don't worry,she'll text you enough to try and change your agenda for you...lol. Remember..slow and casual kid.

I keep remembering relevant stuff, but I don't want this to be my blog, haha.

She's always the first one to text, always wakeup texts and stuff. She is trying to get me to spend time with her, like I said, she invited me up this weekend to drink and watch disney movies... Long story. 😀

 

[Myriads]

Short take:

She is showing interest in interacting with you in person. She is spending time in text and other communication with you, and not trivial amounts of time. This is called interpersonal investment, and while one cannot ever say what the person thinks they are investing in, it is a sign of intent. That they see a roll in their life for the person being invested in (it could be just as a time killer, it could be more, never assume) But the fact that it exists is a tip off to potential.

You are not shut out, nor are you firmly classed in her world yet. She's deciding, or has decided, and the position is different then what now exists, and she is angling you into that new roll.

Your past is the past. You were a different you, and she's shown recognition of that fact, and doesn't seem to hold it against you. So I wouldn't worry over it.

You might represent 'the one that got away' to her, and in her own words you are even 'better' now. Positives.

What to do?

Decided what you want, and act in a moderate slow paced way toward that goal. Don't be afraid to ever ask her "What are you thinking here?" "Am I reading our situation correctly, and you want "x"?" and so forth. Chances are lost due to inaction, and expecting people to read our minds.

Have fun. Enjoy interacting, and remember you are not the person that you once were, and the you of today is not the boy who fumbled the ladies attention earlier.

Good luck.
Myriads

 

[Jagermeistered]

I agree with Myriads, in a way: he is "old" though 😉 😛 ... So, yeah, just have fun! Take it slow - have some good times; maybe, the tickle-foreplay will come to fruition. Then, you wrap-up your "stick of remembrance," and go from there... 😀

 

[Antarion]

Short take:

She is showing interest in interacting with you in person. She is spending time in text and other communication with you, and not trivial amounts of time. This is called interpersonal investment, and while one cannot ever say what the person thinks they are investing in, it is a sign of intent. That they see a roll in their life for the person being invested in (it could be just as a time killer, it could be more, never assume) But the fact that it exists is a tip off to potential.

You are not shut out, nor are you firmly classed in her world yet. She's deciding, or has decided, and the position is different then what now exists, and she is angling you into that new roll.

Your past is the past. You were a different you, and she's shown recognition of that fact, and doesn't seem to hold it against you. So I wouldn't worry over it.

You might represent 'the one that got away' to her, and in her own words you are even 'better' now. Positives.

What to do?

Decided what you want, and act in a moderate slow paced way toward that goal. Don't be afraid to ever ask her "What are you thinking here?" "Am I reading our situation correctly, and you want "x"?" and so forth. Chances are lost due to inaction, and expecting people to read our minds.

Have fun. Enjoy interacting, and remember you are not the person that you once were, and the you of today is not the boy who fumbled the ladies attention earlier.

Good luck.
Myriads

It's always awesome to see that Myriads replies to a post because you know he has a well thought out reply. Thanks man!



Oh, and Jager, she found out that I had a tickling fetish through a drunken game of truth. Tickling came up in conversation and, I'm paraphrasing of course, she said... "Well you know I'm ticklish... I guess you're just going to have to figure out where... 😉" If that isn't flirting, she doesn't know what fetish means.

 

[Antarion]

Don't be afraid to ever ask her "What are you thinking here?" "Am I reading our situation correctly, and you want "x"?" and so forth. Chances are lost due to inaction, and expecting people to read our minds.
Myriads

Myriads... You glorious man you... I can not believe this worked, but it did. We were texting and I called her 'pal' on accident, she texted back

Her: Don't call me pal... that's like the pinnacle of friend zoning... you didn't friend zone me, did you?

Me: No, I assumed you friendzoned me...

Her:I said we'll see how it goes... i didn't friend zone you.

Me: Well I don't want to be led on if you see this going nowhere.

Her:But I do though...

Etc... Etc... Basically she said she doesn't want to rush into things, and to paraphrase, she said "I like you alot. The only thing I don't like about you is how afraid you are to show your emotions..." It's... Odd, to say the least...

Myriads, the whole 'outright asking' thing worked, I have no clue how. Thanks bro/sir.

 

[Bothersome]

I've been here a fairly long time, and if I've learned anything since I've been here, it's that Myriads is very smart.

Glad things are working out for you.

 

[Myriads]

Myriads, the whole 'outright asking' thing worked, I have no clue how.

It worked because the fault at the base of the majority of interpersonal relationships is lack of communication or miscommunication. Once you open the paths for it to flow, progress happens (not always the progress hoped for, but progress none the less)

"You seem afraid to show your emotions" is code for: "I can't read you, and understand how you feel toward me, I want you to communicate how you feel to me better."

So staty in touch. Be open about what you are thinking and feeling in regards to her. And in this I mean small things "I was thinking about how going out to dinner with you would be like" and "I look forward to our texting." things like that.

Myriads

 

[helplessandhappy]

Oh, and Jager, she found out that I had a tickling fetish through a drunken game of truth. Tickling came up in conversation and, I'm paraphrasing of course, she said... "Well you know I'm ticklish... I guess you're just going to have to figure out where... 😉" If that isn't flirting, she doesn't know what fetish means.

If she said this, it's on. 🙂 She likes you and is totally open to getting tickled by you. Have fun!

 

[Antarion]

If she said this, it's on. 🙂 She likes you and is totally open to getting tickled by you. Have fun!

Hahaha. I have no clue if that's what she meant cammie, she could just be unaware of what a fetish really is.

 

[c7_assassin]

Sounds like you two have a lot to talk about.

'Talk about' in this case being a euphemism for sexing up each other's bodies. 😀

 

[Antarion]

'Talk about' in this case being a euphemism for sexing up each other's bodies. 😀

Jesus christ I'm going to stop coming on here during the late hours of "Everything's funny." And that reminds me of...

 

[Jagermeistered]

It worked because the fault at the base of the majority of interpersonal relationships is lack of communication or miscommunication. Once you open the paths for it to flow, progress happens (not always the progress hoped for, but progress none the less)

"You seem afraid to show your emotions" is code for: "I can't read you, and understand how you feel toward me, I want you to communicate how you feel to me better."

So staty in touch. Be open about what you are thinking and feeling in regards to her. And in this I mean small things "I was thinking about how going out to dinner with you would be like" and "I look forward to our texting." things like that.

Myriads

I told you he was "old"... 😛 Sexuality always conform to ancient (personal or heritage)covenants... However, you are playing the mystery card.

You should play that game(if you want to), and if she is totally attracted to you - show your cards... If she is not; throw the friendship frame out, or ditch each other - and, find new friends! It boils down to risk...

 

[Jagermeistered]

Jesus christ I'm going to stop coming on here during the late hours of "Everything's funny." And that reminds me of...View attachment 373881

C7 is Canadian... He wants to "Jesus Christ" himself - upside down on a crucifix, with bacon covering his face... They are a bunch of Hannibal Lecter's 'up' there. 😛

 

[WorkInProgress]

Here's my suggestion. When you get together with her for the four-day weekend, go easy on the alcohol, go easy on the flirting, go easy on thinking about tickling her, and GET TO KNOW HER. Let her get to know you. Listen to each other. Talk about the challenges you're facing in college. Listen to the challenges she's facing. Show empathy. Build the foundation of a real relationship, a relationship that can be either a friendship or a romance. Too many relationships, especially at your age, are more about acting out peer group performance rituals than about really connecting as people.

On a side note, I've been where you are, and I would advise you not to be too much of a kid in a candy store when it comes to opportunities to party get drunk or high or anything else in college. Things are enjoyed better in moderation, and there is something to be said for actually learning the stuff that the windbags up at the podium (like me, here in New York) are trying to teach you. Slow down. Savor your youth the right way.

 

[Jagermeistered]

Here's my suggestion. When you get together with her for the four-day weekend, go easy on the alcohol, go easy on the flirting, go easy on thinking about tickling her, and GET TO KNOW HER. Let her get to know you. Listen to each other. Talk about the challenges you're facing in college. Listen to the challenges she's facing. Show empathy. Build the foundation of a real relationship, a relationship that can be either a friendship or a romance. Too many relationships, especially at your age, are more about acting out peer group performance rituals than about really connecting as people.

On a side note, I've been where you are, and I would advise you not to be too much of a kid in a candy store when it comes to opportunities to party get drunk or high or anything else in college. Things are enjoyed better in moderation, and there is something to be said for actually learning the stuff that the windbags up at the podium (like me, here in New York) are trying to teach you. Slow down. Savor your youth the right way.

WIP, is totally spot-on!

You should also talk about childhood. That will also help with moderation of possible intake of alcohol and drugs, and you may(or may not) discover that you are actually attracted to each other - sooner and not later. We all develop during our upbringing. For example, if somebody loves heavy metal music; that infatuation did not come from nowhere, so get to know each other.

I would rather party with a girl who I am truly attracted too(and, know)... And, not a girl who might leave a surprise on my cock-n-balls(i.e. STD), after just a one-night stand, as an example. I am not saying that is the girl you are talking about, but you never know...