If this isn't a fetish, then why are some of us 'hard-wired'?

[Deleted member 66627]

I know it's an age-old debate. But thinking more about it, it just doesn't seem possible for me at least to categorize it as just an interest. I was into this way before I even knew what "it" was. I can't say the same about writing or reading books.

I have a heavy interest in reading, writing and even baking. I wasn't born with it though.

So, it's just got to be a fetish..


..right??

 

[26Strings]

It makes sense, thats for sure. basically, we all like tickling, and from there out, call it what you will.

 

[Sandrock74]

I guess I'm the same way in regards to tickling. I've always had some instinct (for lack of a better term) that I liked it and had more of an interest in it than others apparently do. I guess whatever gene-combo I was born with just got put together properly?
Maybe our love of tickling is a genetic crap shoot? Of course, that would seem to make us more like mutants then I guess. Someone call the X-Men!

I never had a particular "moment" that made me realise I liked tickling, the interest was just always there for me. Even going back to my earliest memories, my interest in it was always around.
Prior to the internet days, I always just chalked it up to me being weird.

Although to be fair, I've always known what I've wanted to do with my life (career wise) ever since I was 5 years old. Is that due to something about how my brain, specifically, is hard-wired? Who can say?

 

[taz_tickler]

I know it's an age-old debate. But thinking more about it, it just doesn't seem possible for me at least to categorize it as just an interest. I was into this way before I even knew what "it" was. I can't say the same about writing or reading books.

I have a heavy interest in reading, writing and even baking. I wasn't born with it though.

So, it's just got to be a fetish..


..right??

I'd say it is definitely a fetish - it is for me anyway and was before I even knew the meaning of the word "fetish". Its definitely not the same to me as my singing - that's something I need too but in a much different way.

 

[TMF Jeff]

I often wonder about this, because I've known people who had what I thought of as a fetish for something, and it was the driving force in their life in a way that I don't really think tickling is for me.

The question I often ask myself is, do guys who are obsessed with women's boobs have a fetish? What about guys who are into legs, or anal sex, or any other specific thing that turns them on other than a penis inside a vagina?

Somewhere there's a line between having a specific thing that you like to do, and a fetish, and I think it's very blurry and probably varies from person to person.

I guess another question, though, is what exactly is a fetish? I like bdsm but I don't require it to enjoy sex. But although I don't require tickling to enjoy sex, sex being pretty fun under any circumstances, it's pretty close to being a requirement in the sense that I can't imagine wanting a sexual encounter that didn't include it on some level.

Is a fetish a strong preference? Or is it something you HAVE to have in order to feel fulfilled in life? Or is it something else entirely?

I can tell the difference between the way I feel about tickling and the way I've seen people feel, for example on the Howard Stern show or at gatherings, when they have a fetish that is clearly the consuming and driving force in their lives, to the point where it's all they can think about.

And not just guys who have been deprived of the object of their fascination for so long that they're crazy from the need, I've also seen people who have plenty of fetishy activity but still get completely fixated when their fetish is dangled in front of them.

It's a big question that for me only leads to more questions 🙂

 

[Musicroxmysox]

I think that with a fetish there is some amount of hard wiring, but like an interest if it is not cultivated and developed it can go defunkt.

So basically if you realize you have something, but you suppress it, instead of embracing it, I think there is a large chance you can learn not to sort of have it. I do feel it would be a dis service and that people should embrace what makes them them, but many would rather suppress something of this nature instead. I suppose understandable.

 

[taz_tickler]

I think that with a fetish there is some amount of hard wiring, but like an interest if it is not cultivated and developed it can go defunkt.

So basically if you realize you have something, but you suppress it, instead of embracing it, I think there is a large chance you can learn not to sort of have it. I do feel it would be a dis service and that people should embrace what makes them them, but many would rather suppress something of this nature instead. I suppose understandable.

Many years ago, before I had some relationships in which tickling was a big part, I tried to put my fetish off as just being wierd. After having those relationships, tickling was "cultivated" and really became a big part of who I am. When I go a while without it, the fetish just grows more intense until I am able to induldge in it again. Those few relationships and this forum have helped me understand there is nothing wierd about it....its just something that most people aren't into. I fully agree we should embrace the things that make us who we are...except, of course, things of violent or criminal nature - and that certainly doesn't apply to anyone I've met here.

 

[jersey_tickler]

I agree with Crystal, because I too feel the same way

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

Honestly JoJo - trying to figure it out makes my brain hurt LOL I've spent countless hours swondering where this comes from, if it was caused or just always there, and if I wasn't born with it (because I can't remember life since the day I was born..maybe I developed it early enough that it FEELS like I was born with it) will it one day vanish as quickly as it appeared??

I can't handle all these questions about myself, so I just ignore them and enjoy chatting with awesome people, gasping and squirming when someone "accidentely/on purpose" says something that gets under my skin, feeling an extra special something when vanillas tickle me or eachother, and get the holy living shit tickled out of me every once in awhile 😛 and all that is enough to keep me distracted enough to not worry about those types of questions 😛

 

[Artoo]

I guess it depends on what you mean by fetish.
I guess there is no black and white. People are interested in tickling on many different levels, whether they are concious of it or not.

 

[TklDuo-Ann]

I don't use the term fetish because I personally feel it's used incorrectly when refering to tickling in general. But, I definately see it as a paraphilia (alternate sexuality) for myself. It's even been a sometimes obsession for me.

I'm not really into your "normal, everyday sex". (That is mainly because of damage from abuse resulting in it not being able to be a pleasant experience for me.) But, I love being tickled. With most folks, it's completely platonic and will rarely turn me on unless certain spots are targetted. But, when it comes to playing with Drew, it's a different matter. If he even hints at it, I can get very much aroused and want to drop whatever we're doing to go have some fun.

AFA being hard-wired in enjoying it...I suppose I am to a degree. I can't recall a time when I wasn't drawn to it (even when it terrified me). But, being hard-wired and having that wiring be sexual in nature aren't necessarily dependant upon one another. So, while they can go together, I don't think it's a must. I know it's not for me.

I think one of the dangers in putting labels on things is that we find ourselves either fitting or not and then not always looking beyond the label to discover the rest of who we are. We're all individuals...even those who like to try giving up their individuality. Any label may apply in part. But, I've yet to see one that's an exact fit for anyone. So, I try to avoid using them unless I qualify it in doing so to make it clear that it's only a partial fit.

 

[BellaRisa]

I often wonder about this, because I've known people who had what I thought of as a fetish for something, and it was the driving force in their life in a way that I don't really think tickling is for me.

The question I often ask myself is, do guys who are obsessed with women's boobs have a fetish? What about guys who are into legs, or anal sex, or any other specific thing that turns them on other than a penis inside a vagina?

Somewhere there's a line between having a specific thing that you like to do, and a fetish, and I think it's very blurry and probably varies from person to person.

I guess another question, though, is what exactly is a fetish? I like bdsm but I don't require it to enjoy sex. But although I don't require tickling to enjoy sex, sex being pretty fun under any circumstances, it's pretty close to being a requirement in the sense that I can't imagine wanting a sexual encounter that didn't include it on some level.

Is a fetish a strong preference? Or is it something you HAVE to have in order to feel fulfilled in life? Or is it something else entirely?

I can tell the difference between the way I feel about tickling and the way I've seen people feel, for example on the Howard Stern show or at gatherings, when they have a fetish that is clearly the consuming and driving force in their lives, to the point where it's all they can think about.

And not just guys who have been deprived of the object of their fascination for so long that they're crazy from the need, I've also seen people who have plenty of fetishy activity but still get completely fixated when their fetish is dangled in front of them.

It's a big question that for me only leads to more questions 🙂

This is my favorite definition for this whole thing, from Askmen.com:

So what is a fetish? If you have a fetish, you are obsessively fixated on either an object or a body part.

You need that specific something for sexual gratification. When you masturbate, you fantasize about that particular thing. Even if you have sex with a partner, you still need to fantasize about that object or have it present for you to get off.

For instance, if you're attracted to brunettes, that's one thing, but if you are unable to get aroused unless you're with a brunette, then you likely have a fetish for brunettes.

I agree with this about 99%. I don't think that we fetishists always need our 'thing' for sexual satisfaction, but I know personally it's not a complete WIN sexual encounter without my kinks at least running through my mind. In fact I don't think sex and my kinks have ever been seperate in my head, certainly not in my fantasies. I liken it to spending the day at my favorite amusement park but not being able to ride the coasters; I can still have an amazing time, but it's not going to feel like the experience was complete

Having said that, I definitely believe there are levels of fetishism the way there are levels of sexual need. As Jeff mentioned, tickling isn't a driving force in life for him the way it is for many other tk-enthusiasts; but I don't believe that means it's not a fetish for him, or for myself, it just means that for others the desire runs even deeper than it does for us.

 

[Sanhael]

I often wonder about this, because I've known people who had what I thought of as a fetish for something, and it was the driving force in their life in a way that I don't really think tickling is for me.

Maybe your lifestyle is a part of that? You produce tickling porn. I've talked to a couple of strip club bouncers who are more turned on by fully clothed women than naked ones now, and "normal" porn producers who are bored with sex (one, ironically, because he considered making tickling vids).

The question I often ask myself is, do guys who are obsessed with women's boobs have a fetish? What about guys who are into legs, or anal sex, or any other specific thing that turns them on other than a penis inside a vagina?

IMHO, it depends upon the 'normalcy.' I believe that by popular definition a sexual fetish, as the term is typically used, refers to something which is somehow the focus of sexual urges and desires that are not normally associated with said something. Boobs are biological sex organs which are hard-wired into the average guy's brain, and nipple stimulation helps a girl to get off, so I wouldn't call that a fetish. Anal? Legs? I've *seen* self-described fetish Sites for those (some major leg ones are just a couple of clicks removed from the TMF via linking).

Somewhere there's a line between having a specific thing that you like to do, and a fetish, and I think it's very blurry and probably varies from person to person.

I always assumed that the line fell between "this is fun; hey sis, c'mere" and "Holy @$%^ that's HOT!"

I guess another question, though, is what exactly is a fetish? I like bdsm but I don't require it to enjoy sex. But although I don't require tickling to enjoy sex, sex being pretty fun under any circumstances, it's pretty close to being a requirement in the sense that I can't imagine wanting a sexual encounter that didn't include it on some level.

Personally, again, I'd call that a fetish. I don't know; maybe that's an odd point of my psyche, but I've always assumed "fetish = sexual, not fetish = not sexual," and simply chalked discrepancies up to "some fetishes are stronger than others."

...

OBGYN-Kenobi: "These are not the fetishes you're looking for."

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Is a fetish a strong preference? Or is it something you HAVE to have in order to feel fulfilled in life? Or is it something else entirely?

Yes, but not every strong preference is a fetish. Yes, but you might not need it every time you get off. And, yes... it's somethin' else alright 😉

I can tell the difference between the way I feel about tickling and the way I've seen people feel, for example on the Howard Stern show or at gatherings, when they have a fetish that is clearly the consuming and driving force in their lives, to the point where it's all they can think about.

There have been TMFers whose forceful and ravenous attitudes towards tickling have freaked me out completely. Maybe you're simply a more rational and controlled person? Not that there's anything simple about it. Also, as I stated above... maybe the level at which tickling is a part of your life helps you out with regards to keeping more "dangerous" urges in check? Howard Stern is a psycho, and some of these other people probably don't get any TK (or S-E-X, for that matter) except at gatherings.

And not just guys who have been deprived of the object of their fascination for so long that they're crazy from the need, I've also seen people who have plenty of fetishy activity but still get completely fixated when their fetish is dangled in front of them.

I've seen a man pull a wagon loaded with a ton of cement by a cord attached to his penis. Doesn't mean I can do it 😛 More seriously, though... there are people with vastly above/far below average sex drives. I think the same thing applies to fetishes.

 

[dvnc]

Bella hit it.

In simple, a sexual fetish is a focus on something that ain't alive. The hair, not the woman. The feet.

Tickling as a sexual arousal is a paraphilia. That's one to look up. A love for something other. Most here, amongst any other kinks, have a tickling paraphilia.

If you can become aroused without tickling, then it's an interest. A highly charged interest, surely, but an interest nonetheless.

 

[BellaRisa]

Yup

Tickling as a sexual arousal is a paraphilia. That's one to look up. A love for something other. Most here, amongst any other kinks, have a tickling paraphilia.

If you can become aroused without tickling, then it's an interest. A highly charged interest, surely, but an interest nonetheless.

I agree. Interestingly, a long time ago Bill and I were discussing this, and when I said 'paraphilias' he got me into calling my kinks my 'proclivities', for the very reason being discussed a bit here-the fact that they're completely intwined with my sexuality but not as intensely for me as for a lot of other folks

 

[KrazieDog]

I think so many people above are nailing it and/or touching on it. I think the world's necessity to "define" every single thing and wrap it in a neat little box is what makes the whole thing seem complicated. As defined fetish is the requirement of some thing for sexual gratification. Its very much ingrained in so many of us and is part of our sexuality but not necessarily required for sexual gratification. On the other hand, it is still contextual for so many of us in that we can tickle our little brother/sisters/nephew/niece/etc in the context of fun and it be nothing more than that. You could literally drive yourself crazy thinking about it.

I don't like the word fetish at all frankly. Tickling is a passion of mine. It's been with me for as far back as I can remember, before I knew what it was. I love it now, its a huge part of me, but by no way defines me. It is what it is and I won't drive myself batshit trying to make sure I fit into some other person's definition of what they think I have or don't have.

 

[nenezinho]

Funny to see this topic again!

This was part of our talk on the night before last NEST, together with MTPJeff and dvnc. Great night once again!!!

I tend to agree on Dvnc´s view on the paraphilia side. I think it´s likely the most comon stance among us. Altough some around here do have a real tickle fetish in a way that completely drives them.

But then again, the way in which we are hardwired is something only we can say about ourselves and will differ from person to person.

I can only share with you how are my own feelings about it 🙂

I canot really figure out where i stand. I think i have a strong interest in tickling and likely a mild interest in feet. While i can be sexually aroused without both tickling and feet, there´s no doubt that specialy tickling will always enhance all experiences a lot!!! So i´m not sure if this qualifies as paraphilia or plain old interest. What i surely know is that the only thing driving my life is my moral and what i think to be right or wrong, a kind of my own justice. nothing on my body or in a women´s body will drive my life. Since young i always tried to achieve a lot of self control in order to really decide based on my moral and justice (which sometimes does not equal common justice).

So i guess even if i really had a fetish or paraphilia i´m likely controlling it to the point where it stands as just an interest. Now the tricky question is: where is truly reality between feelings, self awareness and self control.

As i usually like to say, whenever our minds come to play, we are in for some real though questions

I do love to tickle and be tickled by women so in the end this is what matters, that we have fun and enjoy life 🙂

 

[huskys]

I think that with a fetish there is some amount of hard wiring, but like an interest if it is not cultivated and developed it can go defunkt.

So basically if you realize you have something, but you suppress it, instead of embracing it, I think there is a large chance you can learn not to sort of have it. I do feel it would be a dis service and that people should embrace what makes them them, but many would rather suppress something of this nature instead. I suppose understandable.

I can totally relate to this.
There was a time in my life where I really thought I was nuts. lol
And I did try to force tickling out of my life. I had one girlfriend during this time and I never tickled her once!!!
Then with time, and discovery, I found others just like me. (yay to all of you)
Well the 'hard wiring' as its been called was still there. And to be honest whether you call it a fetish, or paraphilia, or whatever else, it is something that I love.
No it doesn't rule my life, and there isn't a huge community down here to interact with. But that will make meeting a lot of you at NEST all the more enjoyable.
So as Music and a lot of others say, learn to embrace rather than suppress.
Its quite a community we have here!!!

 

[chicago]

It's not that it isn't a "fetish" it's just that "fetish" is not the technical term for it.

Tickling is a philia, it's just easier for people to describe it as a fetish.

That said, I don't think anyone is born with these sort of things. I think, as we grow and develop certain experiences or situations stay with us and mold the way we act or whatever, when we are adults.

 

[BellaRisa]

.

That said, I don't think anyone is born with these sort of things. I think, as we grow and develop certain experiences or situations stay with us and mold the way we act or whatever, when we are adults.

I have to respectfully disagree, because I believe there has to be some genetic reason that so many people can have *very* similar experiences growing up but only a few of us have these philias or fetishes. Something about us is different and causes us to react to stimuli others just ignore. I was raised very, very similarly to my twin cousins who are only a few months older than myself, tickled by the same exact people and exposed to the same tickling on tv and such...but I have this kink and they don't. How many tk-philes have siblings who don't share this, spanking people who were never spanked as children and not very exposed to it but still have the interest very deeply...I have memories of being mesmerized by tickling in cartoons before my 3rd birthday, and I'm reasonably sure that nothing remarkable occured in my infancy that would have caused my kinks. I could certainly by wrong but I truly believe this is something we have from day one

 

[Wildtime]

I kinda think of my tickling compulsion as being a fixation.

 

[Deleted member 66627]

That said, I don't think anyone is born with these sort of things. I think, as we grow and develop certain experiences or situations stay with us and mold the way we act or whatever, when we are adults.

I don't think this is completely true. It's hard to back up experience with reactions to certain things tickling related. Especially at 6 years of age.

And on a slight aside: If you feel that way, do you think that homosexuals are not born gay either?

 

[chicago]

I see what Bella and others are saying, but I still don't think we're born having tickle fetishes. I think we are born with certain things that can be triggered by environment which may be why certain children grow into adults with tickling fetishes and others don't.

I feel it's somewhat similar with homosexuals. I'm not completely convinced there is a "gay gene" or that it is hereditary or such, but it is something to think about. I think homosexuality results from a combination of predisposed DNA, brainwaves, whathaveyou and the influence of environment.

 

[Coda]

Do you consider a "fetish" something that someone is necessarily born with? I'm certain that I have some seemingly-inescapable sexual interests that I acquired at specific times during my life...

 

[doseone]

I agree with what some of the others have said, which is that I feel it's more of a fixation or interest more than fetish. The reason I say that is once you through it under the "fetish" guideline you go down a slipper slope so to say. As fetish for the most part is associated with something you need to either get aroused or feel some sort of sexual gratification from. Which I think a lot of us on here don't really identify with. Either way it is rather interesting as to why or what it is exactly that got us so hard wired in a way to develop this certain interest or fascination. Anyway, that's my two cents on the matter.