If you don't smoke, would you date a smoker?

[ndj101982]

I'm just kind of curious about this because a few nights ago I met a very nice girl at a bar and we hit it off right away. She is really into me and I like talking to her, but I found out that she smokes and I don't. I don't like smoke or even being around smokers because of the smell. Is it worth not pursuing things further because of that, or am I being pretty shallow in considering cutting her off before anything even gets started?

I almost feel like I should just see where things lead before worrying about the smoking thing. Maybe she's gonna try to quit at some point or maybe she isn't a super heavy smoker. I don't know, but I'm thinking it may be really shallow of me to ruin something if she is into me. For all I know she is super nice and it could lead to good things if I just overlook it.

What are your opinions about dating a smoker if you don't smoke?

 

[maniactickler]

Short term i could tolerate it, but a long term relationship, no.

 

[ndj101982]

Short term i could tolerate it, but a long term relationship, no.

I'm thinking that if it did go anywhere in terms of a relationship, perhaps at some point I could suggest her quitting and see what happens? One of my ex gf's parents were chain smokers though and it was one of the most digusting things I've ever witnessed. They both looked 5-10 years older than they were, coughed all the time, went through crazy mood swings, ect.

 

[sasaxrah]

I can't imagine a situation where it'd be OK long-term. I couldn't make out with someone who smells like a cigarette.

 

[Synful Pryde]

I've never touched tobacco in my life, and i dated a smoker a couple years back. She wasn't a chain smoker by any means, but she did go through them at a decent pace. For me her smoking wasn't such a big deal, and personally i wouldn't let something like that put me off from getting to know someone.

There are a couple of things you may want to consider in the case of a more serious relationship:

1) If the smoker in question is female, will she be willing -- or able -- to quit in the event of pregnancy?

2) Be aware that attempts to dissuade someone from smoking may be seen as you trying to change them to fit your image. Sounds a bit convoluted, but to put it another way, "Why doesn't she/he love me the way i am?" might go through your partner's head if you keep bringing up quitting.

Just my thoughts 🙂

 

[Snail Shell]

When I started dating my current gf, she was a smoker. I work very hard in our relationship to never say, "no, you can't, or it's over". I've told her my opinion of her smoking, that I'd prefer it if she didn't smoke and that she's a grown-up capable of making her own choices.

That said, she hasn't smoked in over a month and I'm very, very proud of her.

Snail Shell

 

[maniactickler]

The bad things about smokers are many. the smell, the hacking mucus cough, the hoarse voice, and the skin that turns into a raisin when they get older.

 

[vladtickleman22]

Pretty simple really. Ask her if she minds not smoking while you're out on dates. Fairly reasonable request.

 

[maniactickler]

Pretty simple really. Ask her if she minds not smoking while you're out on dates. Fairly reasonable request.

Not for a smoker it isnt.

 

[ali32]

What are your opinions about dating a smoker if you don't smoke?

I don't think I'd last very long dating a smoker...

ali32

 

[Leo tickles]

Is it fair of you to ask her to stop? No. You like her, right? Quit focusing on getting to change for you, that's wrong. Especially if you aren't even in a relationship.

At the same time, it's not fair of you to change for her and accept her smoking.

So, tell her the reason, and call it quits. It sucks and isn't fair to either of you, but if it's that big of a problem for you, it's a compatibility issue.

 

[Mitchell]

Absolutely not. I was around smoke the first 33 years of my life. Out of ten main relatives in my immediate family, grandparents, parents, aunts, and uncles, seven of them smoked. The only non smokers were/are my father, my paternal grandmother, and one of my maternal aunts. My father used to smoke when I was born, but he gave it up, so, technically, I had eight out of ten family members in my immediate family who smoke/d. Additionally, smoking caused the death of my paternal grandfather, who died of cancer. My maternal grandmother had severe emphasemya, and, as the forum knows, my mom has lung cancer.

I've been around enough smoke in my life, and seen enough loved ones damaged/killed by smoking. I dont want that anymore, and I certainly dont want my children to have a mother who smokes.

Mitch

 

[TheTickleMonster]

I wouldn't date a girl that smokes. Typically I find smoking unattractve. Only like on girl I have known I still found attractive after she smoked but she was special lol, but anyways. I'm getting old and I'm sure this is a stupid reason but in my opinion smoking kills. And what if I fall in love and get married to a smoker and in 30 years she dies frm cancer (yeah they could be a very happy 30 years, but, I still don't want to have to deal with that.. too many of my family die from cancer.), If she's going to kill herself that's her problem, I don't want to get married to someone who's killing herself, however that's only like 10 percent of the reason, 90 percent is just bc I find it unattractive.. plus I've heard it's like kissing an ash tray

 

[Dakine]

What about if she was SMOKIN' HOT?

 

[kis123]

What about if she was SMOKIN' HOT?

She could be smoking hot, but she couldn't be a smoker. I'm not a man and men think about things differently when it comes to beauty (generally speaking). But I will never again date a smoker, plain and simple.

My ex still smokes and you can hear that cough for miles around. His BP is still sky high; otherwise he's relatively healthy.

The first thing I remembered when we split is after three months I was able to breathe from both nostrils simultaneously.......wow, what a concept! My children still suffer from allergies and sinus problems 11 years later from being in the home with a smoker.

Never again....there are too many men who don't smoke I can get involved with thank you very much.

 

[c7_assassin]

Wow...there are a lot of judgmental people on this forum.

This isn't even about me; I quit a while back. But I mean... wee bit shallow, don't you think? It's not like we're smoking white rhino horn...

 

[kis123]

Wow...there are a lot of judgmental people on this forum.

This isn't even about me; I quit a while back. But I mean... wee bit shallow, don't you think? It's not like we're smoking white rhino horn...

Can't speak for anyone else, but it doesn't matter what someone's smoking. If they're smoking, I'm not interested (and that comes from someone who smoked too-been smoke free 18 years After I got pneumonia over 2yrs ago, I really can't tolerate smoke anymore. If I smell it, I'm the one hacking up a lung.....no thanks!

When I split from the ex the first thing I noticed was my ability to breath substantially better. I'm not giving that up for any man! I'm not telling anyone to change for me; keep smoking and I'll keep it moving.

I'm the first person who supports smokers' rights; they pay tons of taxes then can't even smoke at the venues their taxes directly paid for. Whether a person smokes or not doesn't change the quality of their job performance so I don't believe smokers should be discriminated against in the workplace. But for my dating relationship preferences, I will never date another smoker because I don't want it in my hair, clothes, home, or lungs.

 

[Mitchell]

c7, in such a case, we have a right to be judgemental, for the following reasons.

I've always believed that one should not judge another person, unless that person's actions directly affect their emotional or physical health, or the quality of their lives.

In the case of dating a smoker: Research shows that secondary smoke can be just as unhealthy as direct smoke. I spent 33 years breathing in smoke, until my mom quit in 2003.

Then, one has to consider, what happens if this person I'm dating who smokes, turns out to be a woman I end up living with, marrying, or having children with. Having seen what smoking did to members of my family, with them getting cancer/emphyasema, etc, I wouldnt want that to happen to another loved one. Not to mention that I wouldnt want my children living with a smoker. Additionally, research shows that smoking can cause birth defects or problems in babies.

My reasons are valid. It's not a question of being "judgemental". If someone wants to smoke, that is their business. It's my business to say that they would not be the right girl for me.

Mitch

 

[obama666]

NO!

 

[AmericaRocks]

Well, I really can't tolerate when someone smokes around me just because I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to tobacco smoke and practically cough up a lung when I'm anywhere near it. I always feel bad, because some people cough around smokers to prove a point, and I think they think that's what I'm doing. Not that I'm a fan of smoking at all.

But I would be open to dating a smoker. I'm not about to pass up someone great just cause they smoke.

Besides, non-smokers kind of seem to be in the minority these days, so writing off all smokers and undateable would seriously limit my options.

 

[c7_assassin]

In the case of dating a smoker: Research shows that secondary smoke can be just as unhealthy as direct smoke. I spent 33 years breathing in smoke, until my mom quit in 2003.

Mitch

It really doesn't say that. Your risk of lung cancer statistically increases if you live with a smoker...to one in 80 000.

I can see someone who really can't stand the smell refusing to date a smoker...and I mean, I understand wanting the person you're with to be healthy. For instance, I wouldn't date someone with a crystal meth habit. But cigarettes and meth aren't the same thing... Would anyone consider it a deal-breaker if the person you date likes to climb mountains or go cave-diving? That's potentially unhealthy too, right?

 

[rhiannon]

I don't smoke and am married to a heavy smoker.

 

[TropicThunder]

I'm thinking that if it did go anywhere in terms of a relationship, perhaps at some point I could suggest her quitting and see what happens? One of my ex gf's parents were chain smokers though and it was one of the most digusting things I've ever witnessed. They both looked 5-10 years older than they were, coughed all the time, went through crazy mood swings, ect.

The bad things about smokers are many. the smell, the hacking mucus cough, the hoarse voice, and the skin that turns into a raisin when they get older.

There is so much truth in this statement it isn't even funny. In answer to the OP: no, I could never date a smoker. I grew up in a home with a chain smoker. 18 years of suckin in smoke like it was oxygen. I'll never subject myself to that again.

That isn't even taking into account the fact that, unless the smoker finds some clever way to avoid their own smoke, smoke residue smells HORRIBLE and thus the smokers themselves smell like they have bathed in yak urine. You never realize that until you get away from it and then come in contact with someone who smokes. The smell is horrendous. I couldn't date someone who smelled like that. lol

Wow...there are a lot of judgmental people on this forum.

This isn't even about me; I quit a while back. But I mean... wee bit shallow, don't you think? It's not like we're smoking white rhino horn...

I agree you c7.

As someone who used to smoke, and recently quit, I can understand where he's coming from.

It's the comments I've bolded above that make it come off judgemental. Just saying.

 

[Bohemianne]

All my life I never smoke. My SO doesn't smoke either.

 

[sasaxrah]

I can see someone who really can't stand the smell refusing to date a smoker...and I mean, I understand wanting the person you're with to be healthy. For instance, I wouldn't date someone with a crystal meth habit. But cigarettes and meth aren't the same thing... Would anyone consider it a deal-breaker if the person you date likes to climb mountains or go cave-diving? That's potentially unhealthy too, right?

Agreed - I hate kissing people with cigarette breath, so it's a deal breaker for me. Eating something unhealthy or driving over the speed limit in a car are also unhealthy and risky. It doesn't seem fair to target this one activity, smoking, and making it the biggest deal breaker out there.