Dark Crane
4th Level Orange Feather
- Joined
- May 14, 2019
- Messages
- 2,782
- Points
- 48
I'm more used to be on Mainstream section, maybe some of you know me from there...
Well, I've been away from the forum for a few months since January and have been back for about a month now. I wrote here at the beggining of the year that I had a trouble concerning sex and that I wasn't confortable being here anymore. At the time, I'd just started a relationship with an old girlfriend. Turns out she broke up with me at the end of January. But that's not the point here, because it was a toxic relationship, unfortunately.
The thing is, I've always had a problem with sex and I'd like to get it fixed. So I'll tell you a part of my story. Now, more sure of myself and still wanting to discuss this issue. Because I know some of you have or had a similar problem...
My first memory of liking a girl is when I was 4 years old. I always ended up liking some girl who paid attention to me and wanted to be with her. But I was never very good with girls in that sense. I fell in love for the first time when I was 11 and it seemed to be reciprocated, but the love on her side ended suddenly. I only got over it 6 years later, when I fell in love for the second time. I got to kiss the girl, but things after that didn't go as I wanted. Then, less than two months later, I met my first and only girlfriend in my life.
At that time, I felt a little strange. And I felt strange for the following: my friends started masturbating around 12 to 13 years old. And they talked about the videos they saw, the photographs of naked women and the like. I've never been turned on by that kind of material. And I thought it was weird because I always knew I was straight. Women have always attracted me and my desire has always been immense for the women I loved. Emotional connection has always been very important to me. But I couldn't masturbate...
At that time, I already knew that tickling for me was something that turned me on. I knew that since I was a child, but I had never linked it to sexual matters.
Well, I started dating and my dick was absurdly hard next to her. So hard it hurt. Then one day, looking to relieve myself, I thought maybe I could masturbate to a tickle video. And I finally got it.
Okay, so far nothing much. No problem still then, I was crazy to have sex with her. And, the first time we tried it was in a bathroom in the condo where I live. Very hot in there, little space, the only thing I felt was the condom squeezing my cock.
But it never worked out. We tried several times and it never worked. I was inexperienced and she had vaginismus, my penis didn't penetrate her at all. She was in a lot of pain and I began to imagine that I was the problem. There were a few failed attempts over two years until we never tried again.
And since then I have never tried to have sex again. I began to imagine that my fetish was the cause of this. In fact, as I never penetrated her, I am still a virgin in practice. All this tormented me day and night for a long time and torments me until nowadays, because I always wanted to start a family and I saw my sexual inability as an impediment.
But I don't want it to be like that. I want to start a family and be able to have a healthy sex life with the woman I love. Nothing more than that. It's very frustrating to think that I'm incapable, that I'm useless, that I can't have sex.
At the beginning of the year, what happened was that we had started dating again and finally I would try again. The ghosts came back with force, because I didn't want to fail, I didn't want her to leave because of my inability. She broke up with me at the end of January and it turned out I didn't try again.
Well, it was very gratifying to read what you wrote to me at the beginning of the year and to know that many people go through or went through this problem. Today, I am sure that my fetish is not an impediment and that this is much more a psychological issue. But I am still afraid. I'm afraid to fail, I'm afraid I'll never get what I want. And I would like to know what you think about it and also know a little more about your experiences...
Let's talk about it. And thank you very much for your kind words and attention at the beginning of the year...
Well, I've been away from the forum for a few months since January and have been back for about a month now. I wrote here at the beggining of the year that I had a trouble concerning sex and that I wasn't confortable being here anymore. At the time, I'd just started a relationship with an old girlfriend. Turns out she broke up with me at the end of January. But that's not the point here, because it was a toxic relationship, unfortunately.
The thing is, I've always had a problem with sex and I'd like to get it fixed. So I'll tell you a part of my story. Now, more sure of myself and still wanting to discuss this issue. Because I know some of you have or had a similar problem...
My first memory of liking a girl is when I was 4 years old. I always ended up liking some girl who paid attention to me and wanted to be with her. But I was never very good with girls in that sense. I fell in love for the first time when I was 11 and it seemed to be reciprocated, but the love on her side ended suddenly. I only got over it 6 years later, when I fell in love for the second time. I got to kiss the girl, but things after that didn't go as I wanted. Then, less than two months later, I met my first and only girlfriend in my life.
At that time, I felt a little strange. And I felt strange for the following: my friends started masturbating around 12 to 13 years old. And they talked about the videos they saw, the photographs of naked women and the like. I've never been turned on by that kind of material. And I thought it was weird because I always knew I was straight. Women have always attracted me and my desire has always been immense for the women I loved. Emotional connection has always been very important to me. But I couldn't masturbate...
At that time, I already knew that tickling for me was something that turned me on. I knew that since I was a child, but I had never linked it to sexual matters.
Well, I started dating and my dick was absurdly hard next to her. So hard it hurt. Then one day, looking to relieve myself, I thought maybe I could masturbate to a tickle video. And I finally got it.
Okay, so far nothing much. No problem still then, I was crazy to have sex with her. And, the first time we tried it was in a bathroom in the condo where I live. Very hot in there, little space, the only thing I felt was the condom squeezing my cock.
But it never worked out. We tried several times and it never worked. I was inexperienced and she had vaginismus, my penis didn't penetrate her at all. She was in a lot of pain and I began to imagine that I was the problem. There were a few failed attempts over two years until we never tried again.
And since then I have never tried to have sex again. I began to imagine that my fetish was the cause of this. In fact, as I never penetrated her, I am still a virgin in practice. All this tormented me day and night for a long time and torments me until nowadays, because I always wanted to start a family and I saw my sexual inability as an impediment.
But I don't want it to be like that. I want to start a family and be able to have a healthy sex life with the woman I love. Nothing more than that. It's very frustrating to think that I'm incapable, that I'm useless, that I can't have sex.
At the beginning of the year, what happened was that we had started dating again and finally I would try again. The ghosts came back with force, because I didn't want to fail, I didn't want her to leave because of my inability. She broke up with me at the end of January and it turned out I didn't try again.
Well, it was very gratifying to read what you wrote to me at the beginning of the year and to know that many people go through or went through this problem. Today, I am sure that my fetish is not an impediment and that this is much more a psychological issue. But I am still afraid. I'm afraid to fail, I'm afraid I'll never get what I want. And I would like to know what you think about it and also know a little more about your experiences...
Let's talk about it. And thank you very much for your kind words and attention at the beginning of the year...