I'm in a rough situation...

[SamuelKhan]

...I beg your forgiveness, but I have to vent.

I want to jump in my car and run the fuck away...Right now I feel extremely low and not sure what to do.

Yesterday was one of the worst days in my life when some of our relatives came over for Thanksgiving. My uncle, whom I will never speak to again, had to make snide and callous remarks about my current status of living at home with my mom. It's one of those wounds that they keep pouring salt into.

I am the product of a dysfunctional home. I was criticized and verbally abused by my father, and sometimes mother. I think dogs had better status than me and my younger brother, who died 20 years ago of cancer.

A lot of my situation is my own doing. I buy stuff that I can't afford, making me immobilized for the time being. It could be the compensation of not having stuff like this before, but at a terrible cost. It's not how much money I'm making, it's the brutal monthly payments, that take up all of my take-home, almost. I barely have enough for gas. I'm not blaming anyone else for this, nor do I want pity.

But I'm hurting so bad and feeling so worthless, that it's reaching dangerous levels. After a period of time, it becomes second nature. I have no social life. I've tried to get help before, but the last psychologist I visited tried to turn me into a zombie, despite helping with my financial skills and study skills.

College in my 30's was hell. You talk about being alienated and demoralized a second time. I dropped out but returned only to go through it again. They teased me during a field trip to a plant. I cried. A grown man bawling like a baby. I lived with my parents. How could I go out and have fun?

The only hope I have is to work freelance and generate enough extra income to pay off my debts and free myself from this prison.

I'm sorry about this everyone. I'll leave you alone now.

 

[lk70]

Sounds like you could benefit from some debt counseling. Looked into it?

 

[Bugman]

...I beg your forgiveness, but I have to vent.

I want to jump in my car and run the fuck away...Right now I feel extremely low and not sure what to do.

Yesterday was one of the worst days in my life when some of our relatives came over for Thanksgiving. My uncle, whom I will never speak to again, had to make snide and callous remarks about my current status of living at home with my mom. It's one of those wounds that they keep pouring salt into.

I am the product of a dysfunctional home. I was criticized and verbally abused by my father, and sometimes mother. I think dogs had better status than me and my younger brother, who died 20 years ago of cancer.

A lot of my situation is my own doing. I buy stuff that I can't afford, making me immobilized for the time being. It could be the compensation of not having stuff like this before, but at a terrible cost. It's not how much money I'm making, it's the brutal monthly payments, that take up all of my take-home, almost. I barely have enough for gas. I'm not blaming anyone else for this, nor do I want pity.

But I'm hurting so bad and feeling so worthless, that it's reaching dangerous levels. After a period of time, it becomes second nature. I have no social life. I've tried to get help before, but the last psychologist I visited tried to turn me into a zombie, despite helping with my financial skills and study skills.

College in my 30's was hell. You talk about being alienated and demoralized a second time. I dropped out but returned only to go through it again. They teased me during a field trip to a plant. I cried. A grown man bawling like a baby. I lived with my parents. How could I go out and have fun?

The only hope I have is to work freelance and generate enough extra income to pay off my debts and free myself from this prison.

I'm sorry about this everyone. I'll leave you alone now.

Ok.Jumping in your car and running away will not solve anything so forget about that.Screw your uncle,who cares what he thinks?If things are that bad Sam you need to call 911 and get some help,now.So one psychologist was a dumb shit and a pill pusher,not all of them are that way.You need more then anyone here can provide my friend.Call a sucide hotline if you need to,but don't make a permeant decision based on temporary problems.I'm sending you a pm right now.

 

[SamuelKhan]

Not to worry, I'm not suicidal. Not that stupid, fortunately. I'll be okay. It's just weekends are very rough for me.

 

[Bugman]

Not to worry, I'm not suicidal. Not that stupid, fortunately. I'll be okay. It's just weekends are very rough for me.

OK man,i'm glad to hear that.You had me going there.If you need to talk you know how to find me.

 

[Horatio]

Yeah, dude, you gotta quit beating yourself up. Try a different therapist and maybe get involved with a church or non-profit group so you can help other people while at the same time getting your social needs met.

Maybe forget the family right now, just pick one or two you like and stay away from the rest? It seems like a source of depression for you.

I hope things get better for ya soon, man.

 

[lespieds]

Sounds like you could benefit from some debt counseling. Looked into it?

Better yet, look into a chapter 7.
Credit counseling is bullshit. It does just as bad for your credit as bankruptcy, and you are STILL stuck with a lot of debt. Plus, a lot of the credit counselers are bogus. do a little search about Ameridebt.

So what about chapter 7? To qualify -
A single person cannot make more than $38K a year.

Debts from child support, malicious actions such as destruction of others' property, and some student loans cannot be bankrupted.

You pretty much have to wait at least 90 days from the last time you used a line of credit before you can file. You do not have to bankruptcy out of ALL your debts, like if you have a car or something else big you want to keep.

By the way - in a bankruptcy, chapter 7, you don't lose all your shit like some people think, unless you have a lot of serious assets. BUT, most filing a chapter 7 just don't have anything worth taking.

Here is more info - bankruptcyaction.com
Some attorneys will do a free consultation. YOu are commiting to nothing and have nothing to lose by just talking to them to learn of your rights, but if you do set up an appointement, make a list of questions you have.

So enough about that. One thing about families - some of them are assholes. Unfortunately, we do not choose who our relatives are. We don't HAVE to associate with them tho. 😉 It is difficult when a person is hurting and some snide fuck like a dimented uncle makes remarks.

 

[SamuelKhan]

Better yet, look into a chapter 7.
Credit counseling is bullshit. It does just as bad for your credit as bankruptcy, and you are STILL stuck with a lot of debt. Plus, a lot of the credit counselers are bogus. do a little search about Ameridebt.

So what about chapter 7? To qualify -
A single person cannot make more than $38K a year.

Debts from child support, malicious actions such as destruction of others' property, and some student loans cannot be bankrupted.

You pretty much have to wait at least 90 days from the last time you used a line of credit before you can file. You do not have to bankruptcy out of ALL your debts, like if you have a car or something else big you want to keep.

By the way - in a bankruptcy, chapter 7, you don't lose all your shit like some people think, unless you have a lot of serious assets. BUT, most filing a chapter 7 just don't have anything worth taking.

Here is more info - bankruptcyaction.com
Some attorneys will do a free consultation. YOu are commiting to nothing and have nothing to lose by just talking to them to learn of your rights, but if you do set up an appointement, make a list of questions you have.

So enough about that. One thing about families - some of them are assholes. Unfortunately, we do not choose who our relatives are. We don't HAVE to associate with them tho. 😉 It is difficult when a person is hurting and some snide fuck like a dimented uncle makes remarks.

I'm afraid bankruptcy is not an option. I have a some kind of a plan to pay off some of my stuff and refinance whatever is left. I need to retain my credit so I can use it later to buy a house.

 

[aurora5150]

you know all of the responses so far have great advice and i think it would help you out. the whole chapter 7 thing though is a personal choice of course.

you need a support system. screw the family. get out any way you can. i know this may not be what you want to do but i would seriously consider asking some trusted friends if you can crash with them for a while. i know many people think that is a bad idea but when a person is having as much trouble at home as you describe then you really need to get out any way you can. believe me i am going through something similar. money problems and negative family members just don't mix. if i had a friend or a family member that would let me stay with them i would be out of my house before they could blink an eye. find support groups. and as far as meds you have the right to not take them. if a doc tries to push them on you say no and look into getting a new therapist.

the main thing i want you to know is that 1. you're not alone and 2. get proactive. i know it's hard. i'm going through some similar issues so i do understand. and once you get yourself going you'll start to feel a bit better. but please don't just sit at home. it won't help you at all. call friends and if you're feeling suicidal call a suicide hotline. here's a web address, it has all the different numbers to call depending on where you are: http://suicidehotlines.com/

you will get through this. it's hard but as long as you keep pushing forward you will get through this.

 

[SamuelKhan]

Thanks for the love you've been showing me so far, even if it's tough. I'm feeling much better now, and working on some software to reinforce my education and skills. I'm going to start a progress report series of threads to keep everyone informed of my progress. It was one of my weak moments, and I had nobody, except this place.

Not mulling seppukku. I repeat, no suicide. Not that stupid.

I could also schedule a voice chat so I can actually talk to you guys instead of chat or send PMs. I must warn that I have satellite internet so my response would be a bit slow. That could serve as a support group.

I want to tackle this debt problem by creating extra income through my freelance contract work that I plan to do, and have hopes in becoming my only full-time job.

Bankruptcy is out of the question, because I had to co-sign for my mom's new car and the property we own has my name on it as co-tenant, and I would have to file against those. I would like to buy a house someday and get a business loan, so I don't want that on my mind. Please, no charity push on my behalf. I'm better than that.

I'm willing to take some suggestions, as some of you have tried to offer.

 

[InspectorJapp]

I buy stuff that I can't afford, making me immobilized for the time being.

If you still do that, I think some sort of therapy would be helpful.
If you have stopped, is it possible to sell some of the things you have bought?

 

[cloudgazer2k]

all it takes, bro, is letting go. don't make things difficult for yourself, and know that all those material things won't go with you. do what you feel you need to do in order to get things igured out, and don't let anyone's negativity hold you down.

 

[steph]

Mph. Tough call. I never understood the people that think because others are "related by blood" that you have to tolerate their BS and abuse. Fuck off and die is my mantra when it comes to most of my family members. It's a decision I'll never regret. Well-intentioned friends have tried to talk me out of it with zero success. When you've seen what I've seen, little Miss Walton Mountain, come back and we'll talk. 😱 You can NOT let other people dictate whether you are a worthwhile human being or not. OK? Eleanor Roosevelt said, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Pretty right on, don't you think?

Now, onto the financial issues. Why did you "have" to co-sign for your mom's car? There was a gun to your head? Sorry, I don't mean to sound like I'm making fun, I'm just asking. It's a simple transfer of title. Let Mom take care of Mom~this is not your problem to solve, she's a grown woman.
You own property? Why not borrow against the equity to pay off your debts?
XOXO

 

[Bohemianne]

Hope this helps even a little

It won't be easy but I can see you got lots of support from here. I don't know if some of my words can help. let me try:

1. Right now you have to segregate asset from liability. You said you only have enough fund for sustenance, if it won't be too inconvenient, dispose your car to save cost and recover later.

2. In the meantime, avoid negative people for a while, just until you recover. Avoid the sharp tongue and opinions that will make you feel worse.

3. Control yourself from buying vanities at the moment.

4. Reinforce and do strategic plans for your business to boost it.