introducing the tickling world to a "vanilla"?

[alixandrya]

so I recently introduced my tickling fetish to my fiancée.
it was NOT easy, and she is still trying to tolerate it.
we've gotten into some arguments about it, even.

guess she can't understand (due to her vanilla-ness)
why I'm so sexually fueled by it.

anyone have any insight as to how to ease a "vanilla"
into the world of tickling, whether erotic or otherwise?

thanks for any help, guys.

 

[ticklehound]

Has anyone ever intentionally 'outed' themselves???

Looks like you & me are in the same boat.

I'm trying to get her into tickling. So far, I've playfully tickled her in bed but very brief & nothing serious. I'm trying to bring it up in general conversation. I even surfed on her computer for 'tickling' articles and YouTube videos for "vanilla" tickling scenes, hoping she finds it in her browser history.

[This begs a query: has anyone here ever "OUTED" themselves intentionally to a signif other to bring out tickle talk? As a way to discretely disclose your tickle fetish?]

Just the other day, she met my lil cousin who inadvertently helped me (I think). She knows I'm ticklish and likes to poke me in the sides (BTW, why she does this, I dont know, because she is MUCH more ticklish & knows I get EVEN). So, as she playing with me, she "threatens" to tell my GF to exploit all my tickle spots. She's nice and said she wont, but at least the thought is in her head.

What I'm having trouble with is introducing her to this place (TMF) and the other tickle media sites. I'd like to start her off with the mildest tickling clips I could find, but not sure which ones. The older MTP & TC stuff were nice but I dont have 'em anymore. (I am worried she might not like the bondage aspect, DEFINITELY not the nudity just yet).

The only thing I can think of is to try playful tickling, as way to bond & have fun. From there, I hope to tell her how much I like to tickle & be tickled - leading to the "confession" - how tickling turns me ON like nothing else.

- Its definitely NOT easy. The key for me is to be extremely patient and not rush things.

 

[stockytickler]

If she witnessed you and your cousin having a playful ticklefight that went on for half a minute or so it would be something to talk about later ... And what your cousin was doing is called "instigating" -- she /enjoys/ you getting even. The danger is if that specific conversation also reveals your arousal, because she might wonder if you were attracted to or aroused by your cousin.

Let it just be something fun that happens from time to time and that you enjoy and maybe she'll come to enjoy -- after all, tickling is touching, and women do tend to enjoy being touched playfully and with affection by their beaus (none /I/ ever went out with, but /generally/) ... and /then/ get into the leather dungeon aspects of it. 😉

 

[Myriads]

Introduction of a fetish to a 'nilla partner is tricky, but best done through a long discussion that starts with you opening a serious dialog with your partner. The proverbial 'serious chat'.

Your goal is to link for her your instinctive like of ticking, with something she likes the same way...

Ask this:

"Honey, why do you like women better then men?"

She may say a lot but the answer she will tend to come up with is "Because I do." Which of course is truth. It's how she is hard wired, on the genetic and psychological levels.

Once she gets there you are home free.

You should have no trouble connecting the underpinning of her sexuality with the underpinning of your sexual fetish.

You'll see the lights go on when she gets it. (further bonus analogy, coming out with a fetish, shares a lot of aspects of the experience of coming out for a gender preference)

Now, thats not to say she'll LIKE it as you do. But she will 'get' why its important. and that is the basis for finding a way to fit it into your relationship in such a way as to keep both of you happy, and not annoyed.

Good luck,
Myriads

 

[JoePTickle]

My wife is not a tickling fan, and at times she had lamented about how closely tied it is to my drive.

That was a couple years ago though. She seems more than happy nowadays to tickle me as much as I like.

I think the lamenting was more rooted in certain ways that she liked to be intimate, that I was not meeting. Over time, by trying out some different things and paying attention to what she enjoyed the most, I think she's become more satisfied and eager to return the favor.

When we're in bed, I let her decide how we begin. I default to meeting her needs first, if she wants me to choose.

She is not kinky, very vanilla. The thought has crossed my mind about bringing tools or bondage into our life, but I'm patient about that.

I don't plan to show her tickling media. I prefer to keep our tickling relationship between us, she understands how much a part of me it is, and I suppose my instinct is that it would be more distracting than motivational for her. But that's just me.

Thanks for asking.

 

[Tidas]

If you want someone to understand something, dialogue is the only way to make it happen. The interesting thing about explaining a fetish to someone without one, is that explaining a fetish is almost impossible. Can you explain it to yourself? I would venture to say that most of us don't understand the way we are; I know I cannot explain why I cannot get off without certain things in the bedroom. I think the proper way to explain it is to purely examine the facts of the case. [You have a tickling fetish. It is not a phase. It is part of who you are. If you love me, this is something that will not go away, and you must be prepared to deal with that.] Having studied philosophy for many years now, I find the best way to get to the root of a seemingly abstract concept, is to break it down into its component parts, and then slowly rebuild it. If you do this with your significant other, and you keep a rational, civil mentality, then the outcome will be what it ought to be. You ought to be receptive to questions she has, and answer them as perfectly honestly as possible. Do not varnish the truth, it will not serve you in the long run. A frank and honest discussion, in a rational tone is the only way to make progress.

 

[Mane'o]

There are two levels of opening up to your SO about your fetish. One level is her accepting your fetish. The second level is engaging with you in your fetish. If you jump right to level two, it could be too great a leap for her. And she may only reach level one but never level two. Good luck.

 

[3xPIN]

Slow and steady, don't rock the boat to hard. That it is all I have for advise.

But I have something to say that may make you feel a little better: If you think telling a vanilla about your fetish is hard, try telling a fetishist of a different color! Whips and vibrators excited her so! I just wanted to tickle her and get the tickling back. Things were never quite so simple. She always had to be the dom, never the sub. I was a switch and that bothered her to no end.

-more to come; i should head for bed.

 

[rhiannon]

guess she can't understand (due to her vanilla-ness)
why I'm so sexually fueled by it.

It doesn't have anything to do with being vanilla. I'm not vanilla, and I will never understand how people can be sexually fueled by being pissed on or piss on someone. I'm just not into it, it's not my thing, and nobody can ever, ever ease me into it. If someone truly doesn't like being tickled, I would think it's the same for them.

 

[Yankee22]

This may be a bit unethical to do to your SO, but the way I told one girl was after a month or so of dating and being very vanilla as far as intimacy, I told her I had a kink and wanted to tell her but was embarrased. I acted so embarrassed and unwilling to tell her, that her mind really started to run the gaunlet of the most extreme fetishes and kinks. By the time I opened up and told her it was tickling, she was so relieved that it wasn't one of the more extreme things that had been rushing through her head that she laughed it off and was totally cool with it. She even thought it was cute that I was embarassed about something so innocent. I didn't have the underlying agenda in mind when this was going on, and I know not every SO would react this way, but looking back I do think there may be something to structuring telling your SO in a way that implicitly allows them to view tickling as super tame compared to some other kinks out there.

 

[derkitzelnkonig]

"Recently introduced" and "fiance"?

Very bad choice

I regret to inform you that there will be no "easing" her into it. Some people will never like it, some will on occasion, and some will like it. But If she is only "tolerating" it, cannot understand why you enjoy it, AND ESPECIALLY if there us arguing about it, things will NEVER get better, only worse! and dont be surprised when she cuts it out of the picture entirely once that ring is around her finger. You may wanna head for the hills now, and learn from your mistake.

Generally, if you are planning to be in ANY form of lasting committed relationship with someone that would involve and require sex, then its usually a good idea to let them know about your needs and desires BEFORE you commit, especially to something like getting married...

 

[Psycho]

wow there are a lot of people saying their SO's are reacting negatively to tickling. In my experience women tend to be open to just about anything if you make sure to please them as well. Ask her what her fantasies are and then fullfill them, and then tell her yours. When you argued about it, what was her major objection?

 

[alixandrya]

wow there are a lot of people saying their SO's are reacting negatively to tickling. In my experience women tend to be open to just about anything if you make sure to please them as well. Ask her what her fantasies are and then fullfill them, and then tell her yours. When you argued about it, what was her major objection?

it's not the tickling so much, it's my near obsessive need for it. and she's extremely patient with me about it. she loves reading the stories I write, and hearing the discussions people post on here. she wants to be educated. but she also wants the perspective from a lee on how to tolerate it, or how to deal with it for my sake.

 

[derkitzelnkonig]

Well that seems a less negative situation than your original post.

Is the obsessive need for it, obsessive because she is not indulging you and therefore you are constantly (obsessively) requesting it. Theres still no real easing into it. She doesnt need to have a fetish for it to have fun with it and let you do it. She either will or she wont.

 

[Psycho]

Well the best advice I can give is to go the extra mile to please her and fulfill her fantasies, and she will return the favor.

I said the following earlier today somewhere I just know it. Anyway, I used to be only a ler and HATED being tickled. It is still torturous and I don't particularly enjoy the sensation, but being pushed beyond my limits by a woman is arousing to me. My advice to her is to make it a game. You torture her and she could get you back. You could even experiment with bets and the like where if one goes a period of time without using a safe word they get rewards or punishment if they don't make it. The possibilities are limitless. Try to make tickling just as fun for her as it is for you. Incorporating sexual teasing/denial is one way I have found to ease "vanillas" into it. Anyway, best of luck to you!

 

[robmic]

Two of my last three LTRs were totally "into" it once they found out how much it turned me on, which by the way, transferred into how much it influenced my efforts to satisfy them. When they saw how it turned me on and how that turned into their pleasure, it was a no brain-er to them. Which, by the way, made me want to satisfy them even more! It was a (forgive me for this), "win-win". They both asked me the next time we were together if I wanted to tie them up! :0

 

[3xPIN]

it's not the tickling so much, it's my near obsessive need for it. and she's extremely patient with me about it. she loves reading the stories I write, and hearing the discussions people post on here. she wants to be educated. but she also wants the perspective from a lee on how to tolerate it, or how to deal with it for my sake.

Ah, well that is a little different. Just remember, you and she, everyone has to be GGG. That is Good Giving Game. The really important thing is that you care to her needs as well. My exes biggest problem was I could always sneak in a quick tickle but her things were more private. So I agreed to only tickle at intimate times. Then she complained that she was TOO ticklish. So, I became a strict lee for a while. Eventually she let me write a few stories and even tie her up and tickle her a few times, but all in all, she just wasn't that big into it. Now, though, she won't stop tickling me most of the time we hang out. I guess patience is the key.

And hey, congrats on her getting on here with you. You guys are definitely on the right track. Sometimes you have to give and take, slow down or compromise. Both of you are open-minded and that is a good start. I hope what little I share can help you two come to an impasse at least.

Good luck and God bless.

 

[rhiannon]

but she also wants the perspective from a lee on how to tolerate it, or how to deal with it for my sake.

Lees don't tolerate it or "deal" with it. We just love it. Personally, I am not someone who tolerates something in sexuality because it is a major turn off for me. If I don't like it, I don't do it.

But if it's not the tickling itself, but you being so obsessive about it, then maybe try not bringing it up to her so often!

 

[Marquis De Sade]

If all else fails there's always chloroform. 😎

Kidding. I already replied to this thread in a PM to you. Hope it helps.

🙂

 

[ticklehound]

Yea, I find it hard to deal with being tickled in public, esp relatives - people who dont know about my tickle fetish. So when my cousin was teasing me, I reacted quickly. It wasnt that drawn, just quick pokes and prods from her. I ended it with a furious assault on her ribs for about 5 seconds - after which, for her sake, left me alone - but still threatened to tell my signif other.

I've decided to bring it up during our pillow talk at some point. I think I'll just be honest, say "I enjoy tickling. I think its so much fun" and leave it at that. From there, a tickle here-and-there will lead to something more. I know she's smart enough to realize there is a HUGE difference btw playful tickling AND what I have in mind for us in the bedroom.

But its like whats been said, take it slow. I want to be with this girl for the long haul, so I gotta make this work. I'm definitely open to accept & indulge in any of her fantasies; I know deep down she'd be willing to do the same...