Is the tickling fetish really a fetish about control?

[kcantankerous]

I understand your logic....but....

Simply because someone is a willing participant in the control/be controlled act doesn't make it not so. I think most would agree that spanking is a control fetish whether the spankee request it or not. How is tickling different? You're still exerting force over someone to elicit a reaction ....isn't that the definition of control?

If it's all about bringing people joy then why are most lers loath to be tickled? I have a theory....they don't like to be controlled. Why is there a 5 page thread about how an impromptu and unwanted tickling of a masculine male that results in a ticklish giggling reaction erodes at his masculinity...it's because masculine men are supposed to do the controlling and seeing him controlled makes it appear as though he's not as masculine. The same logic applies with crying....a man who is controlled by his emotions is simply not as masculine as a man that controls his emotions.

There's nothing wrong with control. When a man makes love to a woman it's all about control. A crappy male lover is one that loses control of his body and has no control over his lover. The best male lovers are the one's that control their own bodies and that of their partner.

Again....there's nothing wrong with control... It's perfectly natural but lets call a duck a duck.

GQ

Hey GQ

I can tell you've given this some thought, to be honest I like reading the posts you make that I come across. Let me step back and ask you what your definition of control is? Is it like master and slave control style. Sometimes ducks are not ducks it could actually be a swans. Anyways, I look forward to seeing what you have to say. The definition I am thinking of is: the power to influence or direct people's behavior or the course of events. I can not sit here and say I don't like controlling someone. However, to think that it is the overarching reason for enjoying tickling, I don't think that is the case for me.

Thanks,
K

 

[Mane'o]

As with so many other topics here, there is probably no single answer and when the use of "all" or "every" or "only" is used it often tells more about the preferences of the writer. Control certainly has a large place in tickling but only one of many aspects as Myriads indicates. The control question is not just within the realm of tickling but could be applied to many situations, relationships, and interactions and some might extend that to say "all" relationships and interactions have an undercurrent of control. I think that probably oversimplifies things but it makes for interesting discussion.

 

[trifalcon4]

if it's a tickling mood, then control is just bonus points, and vice versus. <--- IMO

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

I don't think that it's *really* a fetish about control, as if it say that if people found another way to experience the same shift in control they would go with that instead of tickling. I think that it's an aspect of the fetish that is very attractive. I know that I love that part of tickling. Watching the control shift from me to him is a huge rush. It's why I love little moments like when you feel someone's grip around your wrist go from gentle to tight because shit's about to get real, or when things are just kinda normal and then something happens and he gets that look that gives you goosebumps because it means he's in predator mode and you have a pretty good idea of who the prey is....

*ahem*...sorry.

Anyway, but in addition to all that, I like tickling just for the tickling. I love the sensation. I love the playfulness. I love the versatility. I've found my way into other activities that allow me to enjoy a shift in control, and I love them, but I don't love them in place of tickling.

 

[gigglemakr]

Control is certainly a part of it, but just a "fun" part, at least for me. The fun for me as a ler is controlling the (very ticklish) lee's emotion simply by touch. There is no reason for the lee to laugh except for that well-placed skillful touch that gets her giggling and unable to stop until the ler stops tickling her. This does not translate into everyday life but rather a fun interlude for both. That said, under the right circumstances I could reverse the roles with the right person. Either way, it is not necessarily a question of a "controlling" personality.

 

[stockytickler]

It's so completely about control for me. Exerting my will on someone ... giving over my will to someone ... I like the Plinko board analogy ... I also appreciate the depth of discussion this is being given.

That said, if someone's assessment of the aspect of control in a tickling situation isn't true for any one person, it doesn't make it any less valid, because everyone here has a different response and application of tickling in his or her interactions. No one person's experience is any less valid than anyone else's and it's not likely that we'll come to any kind of universally applicable assessment. But there are some broader truths that are generally applicable and apply to vast pluralities of people, and I do think GQguy's assessment comes close to being one of those truths. 🙂

 

[Morpheus72]

Leave it to Myriads.....it's "sensation play" for me, as near as I can figure it. Good breakdown, man.

And I agree with pretty much everything "kcantankerous" said.

As far as implying to some of us that "we don't know what we are", that's just silly. I know enough about myself to know that for me the almost-universal "tickling = control" idea doesn't apply.