Is the tickling fetish really a fetish about control?

[MaleTickleeDC]

I have to wonder just how much of our tickling fetish is really about the psychological need of those who are lers to control or dominate others, and the psychological need of people who are lees to submit to others or be dominated. I personally find that I am often "turned on" by situations involving domination and submission in other areas of life aside from tickling. For example, I was watching a TV show tonight, where a sweet, attractive woman without a lot of confidence was being psychologically dominated by an aggressive, bitchy, also attractive woman, and I got a rush or thrill similar to that I would get from watching, say, an F/F tickling video where one hot woman is tickling another. That makes me wonder whether, at least for some ticklephiles, tickling is really a proxy for a domination/submission fetish, or a control/being controlled fetish. Tickling by its very nature includes the loss of control on the part of the lee, and the control over someone else's body by the ler. So it seems like tickling and control issues are inseparable.

 

[Coda]

For many, there's no question that control and power, or the feeling of being able to manipulate someone or be manipulated by them, is an underlying source of their interest (definitely for me).

Judging by some posts and conversations this doesn't seem to apply to everyone, so they may be separate concepts in some minds.

 

[Emishticklish]

I'm sure for some that's the case. 🙂

 

[King of tickles]

I don't think its a control issue for me. And I really hate that word "ticklephile." Makes it seem like I'm a creeper.

 

[3xPIN]

Eh, 70/30.

 

[love feet]

it may be both!

 

[P[a]pi]

When I play with my wife there's more to it for me than just control, but any other chick, it's all about control. So basically my love for my wife is what adds the other things to the session.

 

[scorpionldr]

I have to wonder just how much of our tickling fetish is really about the psychological need of those who are lers to control or dominate others, and the psychological need of people who are lees to submit to others or be dominated. I personally find that I am often "turned on" by situations involving domination and submission in other areas of life aside from tickling. For example, I was watching a TV show tonight, where a sweet, attractive woman without a lot of confidence was being psychologically dominated by an aggressive, bitchy, also attractive woman, and I got a rush or thrill similar to that I would get from watching, say, an F/F tickling video where one hot woman is tickling another. That makes me wonder whether, at least for some ticklephiles, tickling is really a proxy for a domination/submission fetish, or a control/being controlled fetish. Tickling by its very nature includes the loss of control on the part of the lee, and the control over someone else's body by the ler. So it seems like tickling and control issues are inseparable.

I sort of recall mentioning to a friend feeling that part of my tickling fetish is about sort of being a clown.....that by "keeping a girl happy" it would sort of make her want to stay longer. That was, of course, before my great dry spell.

But I don't really want to control. I just want someone to accept that *this* is something I feel I need. Not just a hole.

 

[-Hari-]

for me its very much about control, causing reactions etc.

I wouldn't say its inseparable tho, for some I dont think control really comes into it.

 

[kcantankerous]

Hello MTDC,

For me as a lee it is more about eliciting laughter/pleasure, I am not a bondage fan and I don't relentlessly tickle (I give breaks and such). Having said that, I am sure an element of control is part of the pleasure. As I am usually seen as intimidating by most, it is fun to give my ler the control when I do get tickled.

I'm sure others like the dominating aspects of tickling. I never meet a girl who wanted to be bound and tickled, I imagine I would oblige with light bondage in such a situation. I do not like gags of any kind, I know you didn't ask but I figured I'd through that out there. Essentially, anything you'd see happen in say Criminal Minds is stuff I would avoid doing lol.

Thanks,
K

 

[Kittycupcake]

For me, yes, definitely all about the control.

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

I've always been perplexed with the people in my own circle that have control issues, and I frequently call them on it. While I recognize that there are inherent issues of control with any tickling situation, I view it as an unfortunate side effect.

 

[BMoreTklr]

While I recognize that there are inherent issues of control with any tickling situation, I view it as an unfortunate side effect.

I agree with this comment. Some years ago, I was trying to introduce a friend to the fetish and she automatically went there insisting this was a need to be in controlling/dominating position over another. I don't think about tickling in this fashion but I guess it's like medication......bad side effects can occur.

 

[rhiannon]

It's part of it, yes, but not all of it. I'm everything but a sub, and it's really not a turn-on for me in other areas of life.

 

[Knudus2]

I am tickling for control. But tickling, with all the touching, squirming and laughing, is a very sensual way of exercising psychological control.

I am only attracted to domination / submission in other area of life, if it has a sexual flavor and only if is the right "playful" context.

 

[tj77]

Depends on the person. For me and mine tickling is just a fun playful form of affection and sexuality. We sometimes get intense but even those are bonding experiences where we walk away feeling loved, not dominated.

 

[TickVix]

I can sort of see a tickling and control relationship though probably more subtle than outright domination, I can see lers enjoying having more control in a tickling situation and a lee enjoying having less.

 

[Morpheus72]

Not about control for me...

For me, it's about the awesome sensations that go along with it. I enjoy being tickled, because it feels great and is a huge turn-on for me. When I was in a relationship where I could tickle someone else, my intent was to give them the same feelings that I got when tickled. Now, it may have been a control / loss of control thing for her, but it wasn't for me. I'm in a relationship now where my girlfriend hates to be tickled, and thus I won't tickle her, though I could "control" her by doing that.

 

[GQguy]

It's ALL about control. Everything we do while mating is ALL an exchange of control. When I kiss a woman on her neck....what is that? It's an exchange of control. It's a show of submission by the person offering up their neck and a show of dominance for the person playfully kissing their neck. Think about it evolutionarily...if a wolf has another wolf's neck in their mouth...it usually means death. It's interesting that our most ticklish spots tend to be very dangerous if bitten by another person. Just like they say that skin ticklishness arose from needing a warning from poisonous insects I think our "usual suspects" of ticklish spots relate to mortal injury spots hardwired into our brains. We enjoy tickling/getting tickled because we like the rush of playing with those spots. Its "funny"...but why do we laugh? Well I think that deep in our brains there is a paradoxical effect....her neck is exposed which is dangerous...yet nothing is happening...he's only playing....the adrenaline that would be used to fight or flight has no place to go so laughter results. The situation is absurd to the primitive part of the brain.

I think that's why some people hate to be tickled.....they don't want to give up control. Ever been tickled by someone you didn't like....what is your first thought? Punch her/him in the face right? I know I get angry when a guy or a girl I don't like tickles me. And if someone I do like tickles me....there's the need for revenge of some sort. I think it's no different than the play one sees between two dogs wrestling with the submissive one ending up on their back(the prone position) and the dominant one on top.

GQ

It's all subconscious.

 

[JoePTickle]

My earliest memory of enjoying tickling was having my feet tickled when I was six years old or so. By my grandfather. Since I'm straight, that makes me think that tickling started as something non-control. Nowadays though both of those aspects are a good part of it. Clips are more appealing to me when the lee is tightly restrained. I think that's because an extremely ticklish lee can try to thrash all about, but the ler is unaffected, can tickle or tease as she pleases. So even that might not be so much about the control, as much as maximizing the "suffering" of the lee.

I have friends who definitely say it's about control for them. So for me personally, it's there to some degree, and for sure in many others... just not exclusively overall.

Thanks for asking.

 

[Phineas]

I'm sure for some that's the case. 🙂

This. The whole power/control thing isn't my bag, but there are a lot of people here for whom it is.

You really want a mindfuck? A girl told me years ago that Jung wrote about how tickle fetishes are just suppressed rape fantasies. Chew on that one for a while...

 

[GQguy]

It's funny that so many people say they aren't into control yet they like tickling! Lets examine "tickle culture" for a moment.

Bondage: Why would anyone tie up another person? Cops handcuff criminals to exert control over them right? We put collars on our pets so that we can control them right? Bondage is ALL about control.

"ticklishness": We LOVE our ticklish models. The more ticklish the better. Why? Because we have more control over the ticklish lee! Ever tickle someone not ticklish? No fun right? No control=no fun. Ever tickle someone that almost jumps out of their skin when tickled? Fun right? control=more fun.

fake lees: Why do we LOATH fake ticklees? If it were all about the laughter we shouldn't care right? But we do. We want a lee that is authentically under the control of the tickler.

tickle torture: Why do we use such a term? Torture implies control does it not? When the vietcong tortured our soldiers they wanted it to stop...but because of their submissive position they had to endure the torture. While tickling is not painful we love to hear our lees beg and plead for the tickling to stop. However it is the ler that is in control that dictates when the tickling stops.

"taming of the shrew": one of the themes that keeps arising in our tickle culture is that of the attractive/strong/confident/snobby/bitchy woman being put under the control of a tickler and forced to laugh by having their ticklish spots exploited. No one wants to see the ugly submissive girl tickled. It's no fun. On the F/M side the lee is usually a buff athletic type guy. No one wants to see a weak/skinny/shy effeminate guy get tickled. It's no fun. It's all about control. The more difficult it seems to control an individual in real life the more fun it is to watch them be controlled when tickled.

I definitely think we have an identity problem as we don't truly understand who we are. Ticklers/ticklees love the exchange of control. That isn't a bad thing. The exchange of control is something that is integral to human interaction. "Too many chiefs not enough Indians" is a recipe for disaster. Every manager knows this. Who here doesn't have a boss? Even if you own your own business that business owner always yields to the demands of his/her customers. Ever go on a date and no one wants to take charge? It's a shitty date. Ever go on a date and both people want to be in control? It's a shitty date. One person must be in control while the other goes along for the ride. This is a basic tenant of human interaction. As tickle lovers we just relish in the exchange of control. There's nothing to be ashamed of.

GQ

 

[kcantankerous]

It's funny that so many people say they aren't into control yet they like tickling! Lets examine "tickle culture" for a moment.

Bondage: Why would anyone tie up another person? Cops handcuff criminals to exert control over them right? We put collars on our pets so that we can control them right? Bondage is ALL about control.

"ticklishness": We LOVE our ticklish models. The more ticklish the better. Why? Because we have more control over the ticklish lee! Ever tickle someone not ticklish? No fun right? No control=no fun. Ever tickle someone that almost jumps out of their skin when tickled? Fun right? control=more fun.

fake lees: Why do we LOATH fake ticklees? If it were all about the laughter we shouldn't care right? But we do. We want a lee that is authentically under the control of the tickler.

tickle torture: Why do we use such a term? Torture implies control does it not? When the vietcong tortured our soldiers they wanted it to stop...but because of their submissive position they had to endure the torture. While tickling is not painful we love to hear our lees beg and plead for the tickling to stop. However it is the ler that is in control that dictates when the tickling stops.

"taming of the shrew": one of the themes that keeps arising in our tickle culture is that of the attractive/strong/confident/snobby/bitchy woman being put under the control of a tickler and forced to laugh by having their ticklish spots exploited. No one wants to see the ugly submissive girl tickled. It's no fun. On the F/M side the lee is usually a buff athletic type guy. No one wants to see a weak/skinny/shy effeminate guy get tickled. It's no fun. It's all about control. The more difficult it seems to control an individual in real life the more fun it is to watch them be controlled when tickled.

I definitely think we have an identity problem as we don't truly understand who we are. Ticklers/ticklees love the exchange of control. That isn't a bad thing. The exchange of control is something that is integral to human interaction. "Too many chiefs not enough Indians" is a recipe for disaster. Every manager knows this. Who here doesn't have a boss? Even if you own your own business that business owner always yields to the demands of his/her customers. Ever go on a date and no one wants to take charge? It's a shitty date. Ever go on a date and both people want to be in control? It's a shitty date. One person must be in control while the other goes along for the ride. This is a basic tenant of human interaction. As tickle lovers we just relish in the exchange of control. There's nothing to be ashamed of.

GQ

Hey GQ,

I respectfully disagree with you on a minute level. I don't like bondage and if it wasn't almost mandatory in clips I would not own as many clips with it involved. When I tickle in real life, one the lees was a former member of this community, I never bound her and gave her as much rest as she needed. I like bringing attractive women pleasure. That is why I like tickling because they laugh, I do not attempt to make them scream, beg, or some of the more extreme varieties some people on this forum enjoy (not that their is anything wrong with them enjoying such stuff).

Even fake lees in clips don't bother me as long as they are believable. Now if a girl (Lily Haze) came up to me and said hey I want you to tie me up and tickle the crap out of me because its a huge turn on. Well I would do it because I know it is a turn on for them. My joy really comes from the joy that whomever I am with experiences.

Does that make sense, I look forward to your feedback.

Thanks,
K

 

[GQguy]

Hey GQ,

I respectfully disagree with you on a minute level. I don't like bondage and if it wasn't almost mandatory in clips I would not own as many clips with it involved. When I tickle in real life, one the lees was a former member of this community, I never bound her and gave her as much rest as she needed. I like bringing attractive women pleasure. That is why I like tickling because they laugh, I do not attempt to make them scream, beg, or some of the more extreme varieties some people on this forum enjoy (not that their is anything wrong with them enjoying such stuff).

Even fake lees in clips don't bother me as long as they are believable. Now if a girl (Lily Haze) came up to me and said hey I want you to tie me up and tickle the crap out of me because its a huge turn on. Well I would do it because I know it is a turn on for them. My joy really comes from the joy that whomever I am with experiences.

Does that make sense, I look forward to your feedback.

Thanks,
K

I understand your logic....but....

Simply because someone is a willing participant in the control/be controlled act doesn't make it not so. I think most would agree that spanking is a control fetish whether the spankee request it or not. How is tickling different? You're still exerting force over someone to elicit a reaction ....isn't that the definition of control?

If it's all about bringing people joy then why are most lers loath to be tickled? I have a theory....they don't like to be controlled. Why is there a 5 page thread about how an impromptu and unwanted tickling of a masculine male that results in a ticklish giggling reaction erodes at his masculinity...it's because masculine men are supposed to do the controlling and seeing him controlled makes it appear as though he's not as masculine. The same logic applies with crying....a man who is controlled by his emotions is simply not as masculine as a man that controls his emotions.

There's nothing wrong with control. When a man makes love to a woman it's all about control. A crappy male lover is one that loses control of his body and has no control over his lover. The best male lovers are the one's that control their own bodies and that of their partner.

Again....there's nothing wrong with control... It's perfectly natural but lets call a duck a duck.

GQ

 

[Myriads]

Like most sexual behaviors tickling fits across a spectrum of greater fetish classifications.

It can be a D/s behavior.
It can be a Control behavior.
It can be an embarrassment/humiliation behavior
It can be sensation play
It can be bonding behavior

And that is just off the top of my head.

No fetish fits neatly into one of the circles above it. Like a very very busy venn diagram they tend to lay under many higher classes.

The best way to get perspective is to go as far up the pyramid as you can.

Tickling can be traced up to 'Action behaviors' at the top of the list. Its something that is DONE to another. It's an active item. It's DONE to. It's interactive by definition. Cause--->effect.

these elements then form the 'forks' that people hit when experiencing it, and their own unique psychological shape determines how they bounce when they hit them.

Every person will bounce down the plinko board of fetish to a unique slot that defines them.

A big percent of them will be up-tracible to 'Control' but not all, and the paths to that point will often be twisty (For example, wanting to humiliate someone is a form of control, wanting to be mentally obliterated by sensation is a form of anti-control, which is in effect control based)

blargh. Enough Psych 201.

Myriads