Is tickling cheating?

[ElFewja]

I don't believe the vast majority of people have even considered this issue. In my circle, most people don't look at tickling as sexual. And they are correct. It isn't sexual activity. The fact that some have an erotic reaction to it does not change the nature of the activity itself.

Someday I should ask my vanilla friends for their thought on this. If I do I’ll say tickling but I don’t think the fact that it is tickling is necessarily relevant. As I’ve said elsewhere, consider this an interest in which you care about deeply (assumption) and that (usually) is shared with another individual. I don’t think the what is as important as the why and the who, sexual or not.

Myriads, the issue around which you keep dancing is simply this. You feel that a significant other is owed this information. If a guy doesn't tell his significant other about his fetish, he is denying her information that is hers by right. You are perfectly free to hold to that opinion, but I personally find such attitudes to be indicative of a need to control one's partner. I would never harbor such expectations of a partner, nor would I tolerate a partner who held such expectations of me.

I found this paragraph really interesting. You phrase yourself well here and in a way I had not considered, specifically the “attitudes to be indicative of a need to control one’s partner.” I think that’s a very enlightening thought that maybe should be expanded upon in these discussions. While I might talk about doing right by the other person, as you’ve indicated that is not necessarily what I’m doing but instead doing what I think is right by that person. I’m controlling the outcome based on my interpretation. It’s potentially an interesting topic.

There is no such thing as a lie of ommission. Voluntary silence is not suppression.

Allow me to elaborate upon my original post. My stance is that a choice is an action, be it one of action or inaction. An action can be deceiving, and so too can silence. Perhaps calling a lie of omission a lie is not the most apt way to define inaction as deceptive, but by choosing to take no action because it in some way propogates an illusion of reality that one wishes to establish I personally consider it deceptive and therefore a lie. I think that’s what a lie of omission is, though I also believe Myriads may have described it better.
In regards to literature I am very much a deconstructionalist and I don’t believe that any word has an innate meaning. We might be arguing semantics as opposed to the existence of an idea, and I can respect that, but if that is the case then we’re having a disconnect in discussion, one which discusses labeling and naming and one which discusses the existence of an idea regardless of what it is referred to as. If that makes sense. Im probably overcomplicating it.

Do you have an obligation to tell your lady of your thought? According to your "logic," if you don't, you are "lying" by ommission. What if you notice that your lady doesn't look as pretty as she did 10 years ago? Well, unless you don't want to be a lying bastard, you'd better fess up.

Yes, I would consider myself lying. Sometimes – more often than not for myself– I don’t mind being a lying bastard. Everything is subjective, and for me that includes when and how to lie. If this hypothetical relationship was with a girl I had just recently met then I would hope she wouldn’t be surprised at thoughts like the one you described, although I know that isn’t necessarily the case. For me though, if I just met her or only had been dating her for a month or so, that’s not a serious relationship. That doesn’t mean I would necessarily go sleep with a bunch of women but just that I don’t mind having thoughts like that about other girls. Who cares? The level of commitment is low right then.

In a more serious relationship I also wouldn’t mind having the thoughts because Im a committed type of guy and thoughts such as that are only going to distress or upset my significant other if I voice them. So for me, if the content is irrelevant – if Im not going to act on it or anything – then about the only good that would come of speaking about a fantasy like that would be to bring potential emotional stress to someone I care about. I don’t want to upset someone I care about, and Im not going to act towards the other girl because I care about the one I’m with, so for me there would be no point in talking about it.

On another level, I’ve dated at least one girl who did not mind if I talked about those things, and she did not mind because she understood that I was only interested in her. I was caught looking at another girl’s feet for example, and my s/o of the time commented on it. She wasn’t insulted, poked fun at me over it and then we moved on with our conversation.

tl;dr: Lying isn't necessarily bad. It's still lying, though.

 

[LadyPierrot]

I've come across a few unpleasant married men (online) over the last few years-- only a few-- who not only insisted that it was not cheating but so criticized me for not being willing to spend an evening in a tickling session with a married man. I found it interesting that the guys defending it so adamantly were also so disrespectful towards the woman they were chatting with. I think that of you're doing something secretly with a man that his life partner would be hurt by if s/he knew about it, you're probably doing something wrong.

 

[LadyPierrot]

Same goes for women of course.

If you're lucky enough to be in a relationship where playing with others is acceptable to both and understood, that's awesome.

 

[laughinggaszone]

This all boils down to moral relativism. The guy feels his philosophy is right. The majority of people don't agree with his philosophy. Most of us would not want to get into a relationship with a person whose moral compass was so different than our own. At the end of the day, he has to deal with any fallout that his moral center might cause. While it might be acceptable for him to get hurt by his own moral standing, I do not feel it is right that others have to be hurt by it. This is where I have a problem with his moral stance. If he were the only one to answer for it's outcome, it wouldn't be a problem. However, that is not possible when you interact with other people. If you hold a differing moral code, you are eventually going to hurt someone.

 

[Californiasun19]

I love to share my sexy's wife's feet with other decent, good looking, respectful guys! We do not care if they are married or not, just as long as they are discreet. It is very hot! I am one of the few lucky ones I suppose. T. - Delray Beach, Florida

 

[Talamantes]

I think a lot depends upon context. If a married man X is tickled by an old female friend Y and he laughs and enjoys it but doesn't react sexually, absolutely it's not cheating. On the other hand, if married man x is aroused by tickling or being tickled and goes out to solicit it without his spouses awareness, it may or may not be. I do agree with DAJT that a "lie of omission" isn't the moral equivalent of "lie of response" if indeed it is a lie at all.

If two committed people in love haven't made arrangements in an area, society's norms don't necessarily become the default. The couple still has it's own groundrules and responsibilities. Moreover, even if it is cheating, there may be other ethical counterweights in play, e.g. the non cheating partner's conduct, the effectiveness of the partner's communication. And the hurting or being hurt of the non-cheating partner isn't the only factor in the ethics of it. (S)he may be just as culpable or more so. S(he) may have cheated, been indifferent, cruel, sadistic or failed to perform their responsibilities. The question of "is tickling cheating" begs the question of whether or not it's morally justified. The term cheating is pejorative. And I disagree strongly with a prior poster that having "flexible moral compass" means any rationalization or conduct is acceptable. The corollary is that a rigid, narrow minded moral compass assumes facts not in evidence and risks the suffering of the "cheating spouse" who through no fault of his or her own may be trying to meet needs without torpedoing the whole relationship and hurting third parties. Agree to disagree. I think the question of whether tickling is cheating may not be the most important one to a woman or man in the situation of making that decision.