So the default under your position is to not tell them that Jumping on Rubber ducks turns you on at all. After all if they don’t know that, then they cannot object, because as far as they know. Jumping on Rubber Ducks is just a normal thing that everyone does on occasion. Nothing sexual there.
Correct. Period. Very well put. Unfortunately, this is the last point in your response that contains reasonable discussion. I don't agree with all of it, particularly the part in which you attempt to reverse-engineer tickling as part of the sexual process. Not at all accurate but very amusing and well articulated. Unfortunately, beyond this point, we derail sharply from meaningful discussion and venture into an area that shares no borders with reason, thoughtful discussion, or legitimacy.
And this is where people call you deceitful.
You are lying by omission for your own benefit.
"Lying." Pretty strong language, expecially to describe something that was never said or even communicated in any way. But it's good you brought it out into the light, as it highlights the foundation of the flawed thinking that has caught on here in the TMF. That being that there's a mandate to tell your significant other your fetish, or be labeled as a dishonest liar.
Consider this for a moment. We're actually discussing a mandate of disclosure so strong that failure to comply earns one the label of a dishonest liar. What a fine line you've drawn between an honest man of integrity and a dishonest, selfish liar.
This flawed thinking is a carcinoma growing out of a legitimate moral imperative, "always tell the truth." It's a good axiom, and one for which I go to considerable effort to strive, despite your uncharacteristic character assassination.
But does "always tell the truth" mean to "tell everything you know to be true?" If you know a truth and don't tell it, aren't you guilty of not telling the truth? A legitimate question, but one that's easily answered. If that were true, we'd spend our whole lives telling and never listening. Pretty obvious, really. So if always telling the truth doesn't mean telling everything you know to everybody you know, then it must mean something else other than full disclosure.
Clearly the phrase "always tell the truth" (aka "always be honest") is better elaborated to mean, "Always make your words truthful." In other words, don't go blabbing everything you know, but in your discussions and your comminications, be honest in the things you communicate. And communication goes beyond the verbal. One can communicate with a wink and/or a nod, that can indicate communication beyond (and often in contradiction to) the words being said.
We've established that full disclosure of everything can't possibly be the deciding criteria for honesty. Ergo, it must be possible to keep some things to yourself. After all, who tells anybody, even a significant other, everything about yourself? So the question becomes, what differentiates what must be told from what one can keep to oneself?
So far, of the many good people waving the TICKLING IS CHEATING flag, I've only seen one who has made any attempt to define the point where honest stoicism transforms into dishonest lack of disclosure...
It becomes dishonest when you're withholding that information so you can "get away with" tickling other people, because your partner doesn't know you have a fetish.
This one statement strikes at the core of the flawed thinking that permeates this thread and others like it. According to this brand of logic, you can refrain from disclosing your fetish and have your honesty intact. You haven't "lied" to anybody about it. But the minute you consider indulging said fetish with another, it's Abra-cadabra, your silence has now been magically transformed into a "lie." The same silence that was okay before, has now suddenly become not okay.
This is where the whole "tickling is cheating" argument breaks down the way any house of cards eventually does. And the sad thing is that I suspect it's all built on needless guilt. The idea that somebody can derive erotic stimulation from a non-sexual activity like tickling makes some feel guilty. "I get off on tickling. I'm not like other people. I'm abnormal. I'm guilty." So in order to appease their consciences, they place tickling in the category of "sexual activity." By applying the rules of sex to tickling, keeping it under the same constraints as sex, they now feel more like "normal" people.
Then along comes somebody who dares to think differently. Somebody who has decided not to feel guilty about his fetish, and uses its inherent obscurity to experience the fetish in the real world where others dare not.
The reaction from the fetish mainstream is severe.
"We can't have that! We must find some way to demonize this behavior. Wait, I've got it! We'll establish a mandate that anybody with a fetish must disclose that fetish to his significant other, thereby placing it into the category of sexual activity with all of the pitfalls that come with it."
"Great idea," somebody will say. "But what if somebody refuses that mandate? After all, it's surely going to restrict opportunity. How will you enforce it?"
"Easy. Anybody refusing the mandate will be labeled as 'dishonest.' If they persist, we'll step up our attacks and call them 'liars.'"
"Whoa, hold up, now. How can you call somebody a liar when he's not told any lies?"
"By simply appropriating an obscure legal term, 'lying by omission,' and leveraging it to support our mandate."
"Umm...yeah, I don't know about that. Aren't you at all embarrassed to use a phrase like 'lying by omission?' Isn't that an oxymoron?"
"Of course not. It's a legitimate legal term."
"Yeah, but it refers to crimes and issues of legal consequence, like withholding evidence. Not issues of romantic relationships."
"Doesn't matter. It's a phrase people have heard, even if they don't know what it means. They'll accept our definition of it. Trust me."
The phrase "lying by omission" to describe the decision to keep your fetish information to yourself is probably the most brazen and ridiculously transparent attempts to rationalize the full disclosure mandate. It's like saying if you don't get your sweetheart a birthday present, that would be "stealing by omission."
Remember, your fetish is your business and nobody has the right to know about it. You may choose to share or not. Neither choice is dishonest or unfaithful. You absolutely CAN get tickling action outside of the relationship with your honesty and fidelity intact, as long as a) you've made no agreement to the contrary, b) your extra-marital tickling encounters don't become sexual or romantic.
