is tickling someone who is not your SO cheating?

[TKL_Rebel]

you can only do wrong if your intentions are wrong....

meaning if your tickling someone for a sexual gain then yes consider it cheating...

if your just playfully tickling a friend maybe because they started it, it can still be frowned upon but i wouldn't hold a crusade over it if you know what i mean

 

[FeatherFeet]

All of my ex's took part in tickle attacks on me with multiple people, and I tickled them all and plenty of our female friends all the time. Sometimes me and my ex's would tag team, double team, or organize entire tickle attacks on everyone at birthdays and parties. Everyone always had a blast--everyone knew that me and my ex's used to take the tickling to a totally different level when we were alone and it was pseudo sexual, and no one considered it cheating on any level. I'm talking tickling girlfriends in front of their boyfriends--sometimes their boyfriends telling me how to do it well, and 4 girls on me at once with my girlfriend helping.
I would never consider it cheating--and I wouldn't ever be with a woman who would consider it cheating--because to me that would be a sign of massive insecurity.
Is going to a club and dancing with other girls cheating?
And I disagree with the "it's up to your SO what's cheating" because these things are not a one party decision. They can leave you because they were offended by what you did, but it's only cheating if you were breaking an agreement between you--you can't be cheating if you never agreed to something." Your SO can suddenly decide you TALKING to any other girl is cheating--and I don't know anyone in their right mind who would think that (though I have seen it happen to people.)
It's called trust people--if you really can't trust your partner then you shouldn't be with them. If you can trust your partner, then they are still going to be yours despite tickling, dancing with, or talking with other people of the opposite sex (or same sex depending on oreitnation.)
Also, the argument "well if you're doing something that turns on the people around you it's cheating" then I woulda had to keep alot of my ex's from walking out of the house--because they'd turn guys on just walking down the street- Many girls would have to never go dancing, never go to the beach, never do plenty of things they love to do--and you can't tell me "well if they know about it then it's wrong!" because what shapely girl who wears a bikini to the beach doesn't know the effect it has on multiple guys? honestly...people really need to chillax and just trust their partners some.
at least that's my stance. and like i said--would NEVER be with someone who thought of tickling as cheating.

 

[AmericaRocks]

If you are married, would tickling someone else be considered cheating?
I would think has been has been an issue for some people here. How many people's SO still doesn't know they like tickling?
I guess it all depends if the point of it is sexual in nature or not.

It definitely varies depending on the couple, and on the nature of the tickling. If you have a tickle fetish, then yeah, probably it is. But it's something that the couple should discuss with each other.

 

[rhiannon]

I'm talking tickling girlfriends in front of their boyfriends--sometimes their boyfriends telling me how to do it well, and 4 girls on me at once with my girlfriend helping.

You think the boyfriends would have reacted like that if you sported a big old hard-on while tickling them? 🙂

Is going to a club and dancing with other girls cheating?

No. But I know a lot of people who still wouldn't appreciate it.

They can leave you because they were offended by what you did, but it's only cheating if you were breaking an agreement between you--you can't be cheating if you never agreed to something.

I don't know anybody who puts up a catalogue that classifies one by one what exactly is cheating. Some people say oral sex is not sex. It's all definition. And in this game, the definition simply is up to the partner!

 

[Flatfoot]

I don't know anybody who puts up a catalogue that classifies one by one what exactly is cheating. Some people say oral sex is not sex. It's all definition. And in this game, the definition simply is up to the partner!

It's definitely a communication thing. Yes, not an outright checklist of dos and don'ts, but when it comes to the unique nature of fetishes, boundaries must be established. It may not be an issue for couples who are open, but it'll vary from person to person. If someone tickled my wife, I'd be pretty pissed, even if it didn't mean to either of them what it means to me.

 

[cue]

It does depend on each of the couples of trusting each other, but also has to do with each person's comfortable level with something, too.

For instance, in the 17 years that Scott and I have been together, he's gone to a strip club twice...or maybe three times. Either way, he's went there and we were together. I don't mind. I don't care. Kiss, kiss, see you when you get home, baby.

Now for him, he wouldn't be very comfortable with the idea of me going to male review or even to a female strip club. Yes, I am bisexual and he knows it, but he just wouldn't be comfortable with the idea.

Now since I know that he'd be uncomfortable with the idea of me in a strip club, I never thought about going or anything. But, he knows that if he wants to go, he can, because it doesn't bother me.

So, in lines with this topic, it depends on the person's idea of comfort for them. Scott is dead-set against another person (guy or girl) tickling me. It's too connected to sex with us, so he would worry that it would lead to other things. If he were ticklish (which he isn't and works out for me, since I'm the one who likes to be tickled), I wouldn't mind if someone else was tickling him. It all has to do with everyone's comfort levels.

 

[AmericaRocks]

A good rule is that if you wouldn't want your SO finding out about it, it's probably cheating.

 

[cue]

Or if you can't do it in front of your SO, then it's probably a no-no, too.

 

[saratk]

I think any relationship u have with someone other than your SO that you can't tell them about whether it is tickling, kissing, holding hands, sex, phone, IM, etc. Its cheating. If u are focusing energy and physical touching to anyone else, its cheating. A fetish outside of sex is not a get out of jail free card

 

[Driver Ed]

I think any relationship u have with someone other than your SO that you can't tell them about whether it is tickling, kissing, holding hands, sex, phone, IM, etc. Its cheating.

What if I CAN tell her about it but I choose NOT to? I mean it sounds like you're implying that we're all obligated to disclose any instance of tickling or even any discussion of it on IM to our SO's.

Anybody who has that expectation from their SO has serious issues of insecurity and an unhealthy need to control. I would personally never in a million years harbor such expectations myself nor would I tolerate them in my SO.

If u are focusing energy and physical touching to anyone else, its cheating. A fetish outside of sex is not a get out of jail free card

Actually, it can be and quite often is.

I know a guy who is a die hard F/M ticklee. He goes to this one particular pedicurist because she's sexy as hell and she deliberately tickles his feet until he can't stand it any more. He's never told her it excites him sexually. All she knows is that he likes it. And that's a good enough reason for her. When the pedicure is done, he gives her a good tip and leaves. That's the extent of his relationship with her.

He purposefully neglects to mention the tickling to his wife. He doesn't lie about where he's been. He simply chooses not to volunteer that specific bit of information.

So my friend gets tickled on a weekly basis without any romantic or sexual encounter.

The pedicurist gets good tips and retains a satisfied customer.

The wife remains comfortable in the knowledge that her husband comes home to her every night and does not cheat on her. The fact that on Tuesday's he's exceptionally randy has completely escaped her notice.

Everybody wins.

 

[rhiannon]

The question is, how would his wife feel if she knew exactly what was going on? If he feels like he can't tell it to her, then that's a sign he is doing something wrong.

What if I CAN tell her about it but I choose NOT to?

If she's fine with it in case she finds out by accident - cool. If not - you're doing something wrong, or you are with the wrong partner, either one.

 

[C.A.B.]

"The thought is as bad as the deed."

Anyone guilty of that? (raises hand)

 

[fightinggirl666]

Ultimatley is boils down to if you're partner knows and approves of the tickling with another person. You can say "Oh but my partner doesn't like it so I have to find it somewhere else" or what ever you wish but at the end of the day if you can't tell your partner straight up what is going on and have them approve of that then yes it is cheating. It could be physical cheating or emotional cheating (depending on how you view tickling sexual or not) but it's cheating however you look at it if your partner doesn't know/you keep it hidden from them.

 

[FeatherFeet]

You think the boyfriends would have reacted like that if you sported a big old hard-on while tickling them? 🙂



No. But I know a lot of people who still wouldn't appreciate it.



I don't know anybody who puts up a catalogue that classifies one by one what exactly is cheating. Some people say oral sex is not sex. It's all definition. And in this game, the definition simply is up to the partner!

Actually, their boyfriends knew the whole thing turned me on--just like I know when this one ex of mine used to walk around in a bikini it got this one particular guy friend of mine rock hard to see her die-hard cleavage. again, it's a trust thing.

helps that i was like best friends with the guys. but still.

 

[TheTickleMonster]

If your SO thinks it's cheating, then it is.

I don't agree with that, not intirely anyways. I don't think it's cheating unless it's something sexual. I can tickle people and have it not be sexual

However, if your SO think it's cheating, even if you don't consider it cheating you shouldn't do it. If your SO is uncomfortable with you tickling other people then you shouldn't do it.

 

[P[a]pi]

It's cheating if they don't okay it.

 

[Morning Lorie]

If it is for your SO, and your SO divorces or leaves you for it, then it is cheating, no matter what you think! 🙂 It doesn't matter what YOU think! It solely matters what your SO thinks, because it is them who will draw the consequences.

I feel sorry for you if that's the type of oppressive relationships you're used to. "I'll love you forever until you break my rules."

If my SO broke up with me for tickling other people, I'd be hurt of course. But in the long run it would be a good thing because I would have learned earlier than later that he's a controlling asshole that I'm better off without.

Cheating happens only when somebody has sex or some kind of romantic fling with somebody else. Not tickling. It doesn't have different definitions from person to person. Anybody who thinks she can change that definition is kidding herself.

 

[Driver Ed]

The question is, how would his wife feel if she knew exactly what was going on?

No, I don't think that's the question at all because nobody in that scenario is asking it. My friend isn't asking it. The pedicurist isn't asking it. My friend's wife isn't asking it.

It sounds to me like that is YOUR question, not THE question. The answer is that he doesn't know and doesn't want to know. He has created the perfect situation for his needs. He gets tickled regularly. He doesn't lie to his wife about where he's been or what he's been doing or who he's been doing it with. Surely you're not suggesting he's being dishonest or underhanded?

If he feels like he can't tell it to her, then that's a sign he is doing something wrong.

I thought I was clear about this. He CAN tell her but he CHOOSES not to. He doesn't know what her reaction would be and as long as he doesn't know, he can continue with a clear conscience. So he made a CHOICE not to tell her. Not because he feels he can't tell her. He knows he can. He just made a decision not to. Do you see the difference?

If she's fine with it in case she finds out by accident - cool. If not - you're doing something wrong, or you are with the wrong partner, either one.

She won't find out. The man knows what he's doing.

 

[rhiannon]

I feel sorry for you if that's the type of oppressive relationships you're used to. "I'll love you forever until you break my rules."

What does it have to do with oppressive relationships? If I actively do something that I know will hurt my husband, what kind of bitch am I? So if your SO is hurt by you tickling others, you just shouldn't do it. It's cheating to them!

However, if your SO think it's cheating, even if you don't consider it cheating you shouldn't do it. If your SO is uncomfortable with you tickling other people then you shouldn't do it.

You agree totally with me! 😛 That's what I have been saying all along. 😉

She won't find out. The man knows what he's doing.

But would it be fine with her if she DID find out? You say he doesn't know her reaction. I think that is a cheap evasion! It's like saying "Oh, I don't know how my wife would react if I kissed another woman, so I can do it!". It's playing dumb if you ask me! I am sure he knows his wife well enough to know exactly how she would react.

 

[Ticklemeslow]

A good rule is that if you wouldn't want your SO finding out about it, it's probably cheating.

Exactly, if your SO doesn't know about it, it's cheating. Just b/c it doesn't involve sex, doesn't mean it's not cheating, there are many different ways to cheat.

 

[TheTickleMonster]

You agree totally with me! 😛 That's what I have been saying all along. 😉

No, I don't agree with you.. you were saying that it's cheating if your SO thinks its cheating, I was saying it's not cheating but if your SO doesn't like you doing it, you shouldn't.. so yes we agree on the fact you shouldn't do it, however, we dont' agree that it's cheating or not.

 

[David Han]

That would depend on the couple. Some might endorse it, and some may not.

 

[Babbles]

If you're hiding a thrilling exchange you're a cheater. I should capitalize that....

I agree with (all or most of the above 😛)

If the SO doesn't know ---- that's cheating

if you know you have to hide touching someone else for thrills, uh, yeah, no-brainer. 🙄

But I also think if the SO considers (touching someone else for thrills) cheating --- that just confirms it....

If the SO doesn't mind ---- you're not hiding, you're not lying by omission,
you're touching someone else for thrills but WITH your SO's permission,
perhaps even their blessing if they HATE tickling and want you to fulfill that urge in (the most platonic manner possible)
---- so THAT'S not cheating 😀

I'm not really comfy with that, but hey, if the SO says it's ok....

I did meet someone married once a long time ago, a great guy, honest, really nice, upfront, told me he's married & that his wife didn't mind him tickling another woman's feet --- all platonic really (as much as it can be, though there was nothing between us but friendship) --- since she hates having her feet touched and/or tickled ---

He was fantastic, sweet, it was excellent ---- she even called him towards the end of it, I don't remember if that was to ask him to get milk on the way home or what --- (that did feel a bit odd, I felt guilty already...) I think maybe she was nervous about him meeting a strange woman...

It was all aboveboard --- but I still felt like a total creep about it, no fault of his ----
all in my head since he definitely had her permission ----- but it also turned out to be the first time he'd ever done that, I thought it was something run-of-the-mill for him and his wife, but it wasn't, it was new to them ----

So I couldn't do that again, 🙁 but I'd have come to that conclusion regardless, I'd *already felt weird about it before I knew it was the first time & before his wife called --

So yeah, if the SO knows --- it's not cheating,

but anything else is deceitful, you're going behind their back --- Not cool.

Unless they're abusive and mock you --- but that's another category.
Then you need to dump them anyway
and find a good, caring, non-abusive spouse, whether vanilla, pervert, whatever. 🙄

 

[Driver Ed]

What does it have to do with oppressive relationships? If I actively do something that I know will hurt my husband, what kind of bitch am I?

It depends on what that something is that you did. If it's casual spontaneous tickling, how does that hurt him? It would be different if you were kissing somebody, which unlike ticking is a universal expression of affection.

So if your SO is hurt by you tickling others, you just shouldn't do it. It's cheating to them!

Not at all. You SHOULD do it as often as possible. This will accomplish two things. First, your SO will see over time that the extra-curricular tickling has no affect on his/her relationship with you. Secondly, it will demonstrate to your significant other that he/she would do well not to worry so much about what you're doing in your spare time.

But would it be fine with her if she DID find out? You say he doesn't know her reaction. I think that is a cheap evasion!

Well, like somebody said earlier in this thread, "It doesn't matter what you think." Oh wait, that was you!

It's like saying "Oh, I don't know how my wife would react if I kissed another woman, so I can do it!".

That depends on if you're talking about a peck on the cheek between long time friends and relatives, or a sensual kiss on the lips for a significant duration. She would very likely have different reactions to each scenario. Not that it pertains in any way to THIS discussion, since kissing and tickling are entirely different and unrelated activities.

It's playing dumb if you ask me! I am sure he knows his wife well enough to know exactly how she would react.

Riiiight. Because we men know so well what makes women tick. No mystery there.

How's he going to know how she will react? It's never come up. Since she's never had the opportunity to react, the best he can do is speculate; an activity in which he has declined to participate.

Face it Rhiannon, my friend is totally in the right. He's having his cake and eating it too. And all your "what if...?" questions aren't going to change it.

 

[2000 Man]

If it is for your SO, and your SO divorces or leaves you for it, then it is cheating, no matter what you think! 🙂 It doesn't matter what YOU think! It solely matters what your SO thinks, because it is them who will draw the consequences.

The old "Your SO is judge, jury, and executioner" stance is fundamentally weak.
Viewing your SO as a rule maker is not only unhealthy, but is the cornerstone of a doomed relationship.

If my SO decides drinking soda is wrong, then is it still wrong?!

How about visiting the TMF to read stories, view pics, etc.?!
Or engage in discussion?

Where do you draw the line?

It's the very definition of "a slippery slope" that I'm not interested in going down.