is tickling someone who is not your SO cheating?

[2000 Man]

I agree with (all or most of the above 😛)

If the SO doesn't know ---- that's cheating

if you know you have to hide touching someone else for thrills, uh, yeah, no-brainer. 🙄

But I also think if the SO considers (touching someone else for thrills) cheating --- that just confirms it....

If the SO doesn't mind ---- you're not hiding, you're not lying by omission,
you're touching someone else for thrills but WITH your SO's permission,
perhaps even their blessing if they HATE tickling and want you to fulfill that urge in (the most platonic manner possible)
---- so THAT'S not cheating 😀

I'm not really comfy with that, but hey, if the SO says it's ok....

I did meet someone married once a long time ago, a great guy, honest, really nice, upfront, told me he's married & that his wife didn't mind him tickling another woman's feet --- all platonic really (as much as it can be, though there was nothing between us but friendship) --- since she hates having her feet touched and/or tickled ---

He was fantastic, sweet, it was excellent ---- she even called him towards the end of it, I don't remember if that was to ask him to get milk on the way home or what --- (that did feel a bit odd, I felt guilty already...) I think maybe she was nervous about him meeting a strange woman...

It was all aboveboard --- but I still felt like a total creep about it, no fault of his ----
all in my head since he definitely had her permission ----- but it also turned out to be the first time he'd ever done that, I thought it was something run-of-the-mill for him and his wife, but it wasn't, it was new to them ----

So I couldn't do that again, 🙁 but I'd have come to that conclusion regardless, I'd *already felt weird about it before I knew it was the first time & before his wife called --

So yeah, if the SO knows --- it's not cheating,

but anything else is deceitful, you're going behind their back --- Not cool.

Unless they're abusive and mock you --- but that's another category.
Then you need to dump them anyway
and find a good, caring, non-abusive spouse, whether vanilla, pervert, whatever. 🙄

How do you KNOW it was ok, with his SO?!?
Did you personally talk to her?
People have been known to lie, especially about this sort of thing.
According to your standards ... you facilitated the cheating.
Sorry, but that's the facts, ma'am.

 

[Babbles]

How do you KNOW it was ok, with his SO?!?
Did you personally talk to her?
People have been known to lie, especially about this sort of thing.
According to your standards ... you facilitated the cheating.
Sorry, but that's the facts, ma'am.

Not even close. Those are the select "facts" as you have twisted them, sir. 🙄

(Aside from the fact *he contacted me, and I was so uncomfortable I'd never do it again even though that WASN'T cheating...)

She CALLED him towards the end, as I wrote. That wasn't a setup, the guy didn't even have to tell me he was married ---

He spoke to her & referred to the fact I was there, that he'd be leaving in a few minutes ---

Guys lie about being SINGLE all the time ---- He was far more honest than one or two creeps who I later found lied about having a girlfriend or wife

By your "logic" I should avoid every guy who claims to be single until I hire a private investigator. 🙄

And there was no cheating ---- his wife knew & approved.
Don't project your insecurities on others.

 

[Babbles]

If you're sneaking, you're cheating.

As far as the rest of the arguments presented above ---

If there is an understanding with the SO ---- AND YOU'RE NOT HIDING ANYTHING ---- You're not cheating, lying, faking, etc.

BUT --If there is NO agreement or understanding between you & your SO, however

and you're sneaking "thrills" of any sort behind his/her back

---whether an online chat, about tickling or whatever gives you kicks
---coffee with a date at Starbucks
(same thing, you're having a date online or in person your SO doesn't know about....)
---a "platonic" tickle date in which you TOUCH another person for thrills
etc.

You're cheating.

 

[2000 Man]

So tickling IS NOT cheating? Gotchya.
As long as he says his wife is ok with it.

If that's true, then why did you feel guilty?

You don't trust your own feeling? OK, good enough.

 

[TickVix]

Hmmm, I can see how a SO may not like their partner tickling others (that is if they already know about your fetish), but as far as cheating I'm not sure. Also depends on if the one that's tickling wouldn't mind THEIR SO being tickled by someone other than themselves as well, so it can pretty much go both ways. I guess it all boils down to if it's sexual for them or not.

 

[rhiannon]

It depends on what that something is that you did. If it's casual spontaneous tickling, how does that hurt him?

You're right, it depends on what that something is that I did. I don't think he would mind that. But if it did, for some strange reason, it is my place to respect it if I love him.

Not at all. You SHOULD do it as often as possible. This will accomplish two things. First, your SO will see over time that the extra-curricular tickling has no affect on his/her relationship with you. Secondly, it will demonstrate to your significant other that he/she would do well not to worry so much about what you're doing in your spare time.

Yeah right, I should do something that my SO feels uncomfortable with as often as possible, that will sure make him feel better!! Sorry, but that is just not true! Let's say we're short of money and I am taking up a job in a table dance bar. You think my husband will feel more and more comfortable with me doing that? I think if he doesn't like it he will tell me and ask me to stop. And if I don't, he will break it off with me, and rightfully so.

Well, like somebody said earlier in this thread, "It doesn't matter what you think." Oh wait, that was you!

Right. It only matters what your SO thinks. Please don't turn around what I said.

How's he going to know how she will react? It's never come up. Since she's never had the opportunity to react, the best he can do is speculate; an activity in which he has declined to participate.

It hasn't come up because he has not asked her. And he hasn't asked her because he is afraid she might not agree! Now that is sneaking! I also have never asked my husband if he would approve if I went to another guy for tickling or even sex if he doesn't want to do it, but I am pretty sure he would not agree!

 

[Bohemianne]

"The thought is as bad as the deed."

Nope. 😀

 

[Morning Lorie]

What does it have to do with oppressive relationships?

I answered this already by quoting the part of your response that I was responding to. How nice of you to pretend not to notice it. I'll quote it again and hopefully you'll read it this time.

If it is for your SO, and your SO divorces or leaves you for it, then it is cheating, no matter what you think! 🙂 It doesn't matter what YOU think! It solely matters what your SO thinks, because it is them who will draw the consequences.

What you are describing in this text I quoted (for the second time now) is an oppressive relationship. Why oppressive? Because according to you, "it doesn't matter what you think, it only matters what your SO thinks." That means you don't have any say-so in the relationship. Your SO decides everything you're allowed to do because "it is them who will draw the consequences."

When a SO has total say-so over what you're permitted to do, and you have no say-so, then you're under the control of a dictator. In other words, it's an oppressive relationship.

We're talking about tickling, but where does it go from there? Does your SO control who you talk to on the phone? Who you can sit next to on the city bus? After all, it doesn't matter what you think you should be able to do. If he thinks it's cheating, it is, and he might divorce you for it.

It's an embarrassingly ridiculous position you've taken. Sure, it matters what your SO thinks, and you don't want to go out of your way to upset your SO. But there comes a point where you have to say, "Hey, this is who I am. This is what I do. You're just going to have to find some way to deal with it."

 

[TickleToy4You]

I've been telling people this lately. I'm in chicago now, but I have a lot of people back in philly (and on this site) who wanna tickle me. I have a boyfriend and I keep putting them down on the offer because I feel it would be cheating in a way. Who knows what else would happen during the session and the last thing i'd want is something to go wrong and my boyfriend not being able to recover from it. If he was comfortable with it, and I was maybe...but i'm sure a part of me and him would still be very uncomfortable. I know how often tickling turns into bondage play, being stripped, and sometimes foreplay so thats my main concern. Just make sure everyone is comfortable and agrees on the terms before you tickle/let someone else tickle you if you're in a relationship/married.

 

[GQguy]

This reminds me of the philosophical arguement over free will and whether we as human have it or not. The problem was that each philosopher had their own definition of what free will was....therefore the argument rages on for millenia.

We find ourselves in the same boat here. Cheating....what is cheating? What is it's definition? But that doesn't matter..he's asking the wrong question of the wrong people. The better question is: "will tickling other women upset my SO?" "will it hurt her?" "what will it do to my relationship?" . Of course none of us can answer those questions.

He CAN ask us how tickling others would affect our relationships. My gf being tickled by another guy would end our relationship. It would stress me out and in my career external stress should be minimized. I know she would have the same reaction. Each relationship is different.

GQ

 

[rhiannon]

When a SO has total say-so over what you're permitted to do, and you have no say-so, then you're under the control of a dictator. In other words, it's an oppressive relationship.

This is not what I mean when I say that it only counts what your SO is thinking in this context!

It is just your SO's decision if they will leave you for what you are doing or not, and you can tell them 'I am not cheating if I do this and that' as much as you want, it will most likely not change their opinion of it!

Just imagine you have a boyfriend who doesn't consider oral sex as sex (like we all know who 🙂 ) and he says he is not cheating on you if he has oral with another girl, because, hey, it's not sex! Would you go for that?

 

[Sleepy Jean]

Because tickling is a sexual turn-on for me, being tickled by another man (or woman) would be cheating.
This is what I have to tell all these boys when they ask to meet me or ask if my husband would be turned on watching another man (or woman) tickle me.
And I'm amazed by the attitude of a few people in the TMF regarding my relationship with my husband and my desire -- a perfectly natural desire -- to make him happy. I am NOT "under the control of a dictator." It's called "love." I invite you all to try it someday.

 

[Fat Bastard]

And I'm amazed by the attitude of a few people in the TMF regarding my relationship with my husband and my desire -- a perfectly natural desire -- to make him happy. I am NOT "under the control of a dictator." It's called "love." I invite you all to try it someday.

The “all hell would break loose” if he caught wind of your participation here, comment notwithstanding of course. 🙄

 

[rhiannon]

I am NOT "under the control of a dictator." It's called "love."

Signed!

 

[Morning Lorie]

This is not what I mean when I say that it only counts what your SO is thinking in this context!

It is just your SO's decision if they will leave you for what you are doing or not, and you can tell them 'I am not cheating if I do this and that' as much as you want, it will most likely not change their opinion of it!

How does that change anything? Your SO is controlling your actions under threat of punishment (divorce) if you don't give in to his demands. Rhiannon, you don't have to tolerate that. You too have the option to divorce him for exerting unreasonable control. I'd be glad to talk about this in PM if you like.

Just imagine you have a boyfriend who doesn't consider oral sex as sex (like we all know who 🙂 ) and he says he is not cheating on you if he has oral with another girl, because, hey, it's not sex! Would you go for that?

Oral sex is still sex. It never occurs outside of a sexual context. It's never an expression of playful affection between a mother and son, or brother and sister. I've already said that cheating involves sex or romance. Oral sex falls into that category. Tickling does not.

Tickling is not cheating unless it's something that both partners agree not to do - like going out to a friendly lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex. It's something that has to be talked about so an agreement can be mutually reached. When reaching any agreement, it matters what both partners think, not just one or the other. At least in a normal healthy relationship.

And I'm amazed by the attitude of a few people in the TMF regarding my relationship with my husband and my desire -- a perfectly natural desire -- to make him happy. I am NOT "under the control of a dictator." It's called "love." I invite you all to try it someday.

Excuse me, but aren't you the woman who talked about your husband beating you to the point of tears and screaming?? I hardly think you're in any position to preach to us about love or "perfectly natural desires."

I invite you to try a healthy, fist free relationship some day.

 

[rhiannon]

You too have the option to divorce him for exerting unreasonable control.

I don't think that it is unreasonable control if my husband does not want me to have a tickle session with another guy. I think it is understandable! If he had a spanking fetish, I would not appreciate him sharing it with another woman either.

I'd be glad to talk about this in PM if you like.

Sure, I'm curious as hell, would love to. 🙂

It never occurs outside of a sexual context.

Tickling to me doesn't either! A lot of people here get sexually aroused from tickling, and it is really understandable if their SO does not want them to do it with someone else then.

Tickling is not cheating unless it's something that both partners agree not to do

Not necessarily....let's say the couple we're talking about is me and my husband. I get sexually aroused from tickling. So if I go and do it with someone else, it would be cheating, even if I say "No it's not". My partner knows what it does to me. So if he says "Yes, it is cheating", it is cheating. If he would say "It doesn't bother me, go ahead", then it is not cheating.

 

[Morpheus72]

Sleepy Jean said it best. Tickling is sexual to me, therefore meeting someone else for tickling while in a relationship is something I consider cheating.

 

[leafstk]

Yes

 

[goddess_nemesis]

If you are married, would tickling someone else be considered cheating?
I would think has been has been an issue for some people here. How many people's SO still doesn't know they like tickling?
I guess it all depends if the point of it is sexual in nature or not.

It depends really because there's no black and white answer. Everyone's definition of cheating varies and when you're in a relationship, it's important to be on the same wavelength as your spouse on what constitutes cheating and respecting your spouse's feelings.

For me, I don't see it as cheating, but when I was dating my ex, I refrained from having tickling sessions. I had told him about my fetish and about the sessions I had prior to dating him. While he was accepting of my fetish, he was uncomfortable with the idea of me having sessions with other men. Despite my reassurances that nothing more would happen, it still made him uncomfortable. So because I loved him, I respected his feelings and didn't have any sessions during our relationship. To do otherwise would have hurt him and undermined his trust in me.

 

[ali32]

I don't consider it cheating as long as I am not going behind my partner's back, but having said that I think it's a very individual thing.

I am married and I tickle others. My husband knows that (he is a tmf member too), and we have agreed on some boundaries (eg. clothes stay on).

ali32

 

[Angel77]

If I was with someone, I wouldn't engage in tickling sessions with anyone but him. I have a fetish and that means that tickling for the most part is sexual to me. I wouldn't go out and have random men touch my boobs so why would I want someone to touch me in a way that turns me on for the most part? Everyone is different and some people have SO's that don't care if they act on their fetish. For me, not so sure I'd be comfortable with that.

 

[leafstk]

If I was with someone, I wouldn't engage in tickling sessions with anyone but him. I have a fetish and that means that tickling for the most part is sexual to me. I wouldn't go out and have random men touch my boobs so why would I want someone to touch me in a way that turns me on for the most part? Everyone is different and some people have SO's that don't care if they act on their fetish. For me, not so sure I'd be comfortable with that.

Amen 🙂

 

[rhiannon]

What Chrisums, Nemesis and Angel said is just perfect!

 

[Bagelfather]

It doesn't get simpler than this.

This thread pops up like a wack-a-mole over and over. It reappears mostly because we have new people to ask a question many of us have addressed before.

It boils down to this..

Are you lying to your partner and/or not being fully honest about your activities with other people?

If your answer is no and your partner has not said 'stop' you are not cheating.

If your answer is yes then you are cheating and being dishonest with your partner.

If you have to lie about it, it is cheating.

If you give the argument of "tickling isn't sexual (in your opinion) therefore I can tickle someone or be tickled and it is not cheating."

By that same argument your partner could say "I think making out is not cheating (in your partner's opinion) because it doesn't involve vaginal intercourse."

If (for example) you would be upset by your partner making out with someone else and you found out... you would be upset. How dare you make out with someone. How dare your partner violate your value set.

But wait... you have violated YOUR partner's value set because your partner thinks tickling or being tickled is cheating.

Who is right? Who is wrong?

Both people are wrong, because both were not honest with the other partner.

 

[TickledToDeath]

GEEZE.
Perpetual redundancy in this time loop.

YES. If it is done without your SO permission, behind his or her back, and or when said SO has expressed for you NOT to do so... YES it is cheating.,
Period. NO gray area. You did something behind the back of your SO.

If you told your SO you quit smoking and you sneaked out and lit up. That is "cheating" not only to your SO but on yourself as well.

Tickling is NO different.