A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
Well," said her mother, "so how was the honeymoon?"
Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So
romantic."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam
started using the most horrible language; things I'd never heard before!
I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take
me home...PLEASE MAMA, PLEASE!"
Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so
awful. WHAT 4-letter words?"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama, words like dust, wash, iron,
cook," "I'll pick you up in ten minutes," said the mother.
---------
hehehe~!
This next is one of those "feel good" thingies. Supposedly written by Dave Barry, but one never knows. It's kinda cute...I like #3 🙂
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
seriously.
8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
10. Never lick a steak knife.
11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
12. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy eople who are not in them.
18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
19. Your true friends love you anyway.
Now don't you feel all warm and fuzzy? Well, I know there are a few of you that are at least fuzzy. 😛
Joby
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
Well," said her mother, "so how was the honeymoon?"
Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So
romantic."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam
started using the most horrible language; things I'd never heard before!
I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take
me home...PLEASE MAMA, PLEASE!"
Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so
awful. WHAT 4-letter words?"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama, words like dust, wash, iron,
cook," "I'll pick you up in ten minutes," said the mother.
---------
hehehe~!
This next is one of those "feel good" thingies. Supposedly written by Dave Barry, but one never knows. It's kinda cute...I like #3 🙂
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
seriously.
8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
10. Never lick a steak knife.
11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
12. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy eople who are not in them.
18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
19. Your true friends love you anyway.
Now don't you feel all warm and fuzzy? Well, I know there are a few of you that are at least fuzzy. 😛
Joby
