Kids who tell parents "You have no right to come in my room"

[love feet]

Not on the property that they own you don't. All it boils down do is simple law. They have the right, the LEGAL right, to go anywhere and everywhere in THEIR house that they choose. You have no right whatsoever to tell someone to stay out of a room that you occupy in THEIR house. Your parents are your parents. You respect that. Period. You don't like the fact that they can do what they want in their house, then it's time to move. As a grown individual, you should have your own place that you pay for, put power and water in, buy food in, and clean up. Then you can tell someone to stay out, cuz the lease/deed is in your name.

I don't get where this entitlement crap is coming from. Your age is just a number. If you are immature and idiotic enough to believe that your age supercedes their legal right in their own home, then you were dropped on the head one too many times. Your house/apartment that you pay for is treated the same way. They come over, they have total respect for YOUR home that YOU pay for. But THEIR home that THEY pay for, that THEY pay for utilities, that reflects THEIR credit, is their house. Your room is a part of their house. That's the bottom line. Get over it and grow up.

ok show me the law!??

 

[john getty]

Not on the property that they own you don't. All it boils down do is simple law. They have the right, the LEGAL right, to go anywhere and everywhere in THEIR house that they choose. You have no right whatsoever to tell someone to stay out of a room that you occupy in THEIR house. Your parents are your parents. You respect that. Period. You don't like the fact that they can do what they want in their house, then it's time to move. As a grown individual, you should have your own place that you pay for, put power and water in, buy food in, and clean up. Then you can tell someone to stay out, cuz the lease/deed is in your name.

I don't get where this entitlement crap is coming from. Your age is just a number. If you are immature and idiotic enough to believe that your age supercedes their legal right in their own home, then you were dropped on the head one too many times. Your house/apartment that you pay for is treated the same way. They come over, they have total respect for YOUR home that YOU pay for. But THEIR home that THEY pay for, that THEY pay for utilities, that reflects THEIR credit, is their house. Your room is a part of their house. That's the bottom line. Get over it and grow up.

That's an interesting point. Here's a rhetorical question, let's say your parents' house was flooded, or burned down or something (I hope it never happens) and they moved into your place until they get back on their feet. Would you have the right to rummage through their belongings when they go out?

 

[jonsmith]

I think that at some point a child at a certain age should be able to deny persons entry from their room for a short amount of time. During my formative teenage years I suffered through everyone coming in my room. My mother, my father, my sister; and when they discovered my drawings and other unusual stuff I was into, they teased me about it.

Aside from the fact I greatly disliked noise, which is why I always closed my door and unwittingly caused this great distress, I was and am a very private person despite how I appear online.

To have someone knock on my door, and a quarter second later just force my door open, then rummage through my things, my items of personal property, and then talk about it as if it were nothing, even to the point of telling people in my extended family and the neighborhood of my quirks as if it were nothing, as if I were a less than, was a grand offence that I detested.

Now, I do not think that a child should scream to their parent, "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE IN MY ROOM!" as some have said, that speaks of entitlement that these children do not have, or deserve. The have no right to be speaking to their parents in such a manner. And they need to be socked in the eye for a move like that. But there should be some level of respect which must be shared between the parties. And I eventually forced my family respect me as I respected them, and it was only fair.

I think one has to be diplomatic about this. You don't bring down an empire by fighting them down. You have to persuade them to submit.

 

[Brock Samson]

That's an interesting point. Here's a rhetorical question, let's say your parents' house was flooded, or burned down or something (I hope it never happens) and they moved into your place until they get back on their feet. Would you have the right to rummage through their belongings when they go out?

My mother is deceased these past 20 years, and my father is another anonymous number among billions, so I'm pretty sure I'm safe. But, since it is rhetorical, I'll go ahead and answer. Your parent going through things they may have paid for in a fit of drug/porn related paranoia is one thing, but you going through things that clearly do not belong to you is another. This is apples and oranges. Still fruit, but different variety. Your case is one in millions. Your parents seemed to do this out of spite, but again, their house, their rules. You as their child that they were raising are kinda obligated to obey them, with as much legal rebellion as you can muster. Your parents coming to crash with you after a disaster is a totally different scenario. They are destitute, and have nothing. You are taking them in, not raising them. They are still your parents. What is their's is not yours. You aren't raising them from childhood up, worrying that they might be on the dope or the needle, or beating off to animal genitalia. You are helping them. So, in essence, you don't have the right to do it to them, but they do because they are raising you, from childhood up, worrying about you and the choices you make. Besides being a parental duty, it's also their legal right, since most of the stuff you 'own' is listed on a reciept with their names and credit card numbers, with means that they really own it.

It's a very thin line when it comes to being grown inside one's parent's house, but again, you are in their house. Going through your things that you have paid for as an adult, with money you worked to make, is not legal. But, them going in your room and nosing around a bit or just being there is still their legal right. Their house, their rules. Now, should their be some diplomacy from both sides? Yes. Privacy is a courtesy, and it should be respected to a certain extent, but it's not a right, so it doesn't have to be respected, and any claim/argument otherwise is foolhardy at best. Would I respect my child's privacy? Yes, but out of choice, and only so far. Locks on your door in my house is not happening. And if I get the faintest idea in the back of my mind that you are doing some in any way wrong, I'm gonna do some investigative work. That includes searching 'your' room, and all the contents within it. And I wish my child would tell me to get out of their room! That would definitely result in a backhand that would make the Williams sisters jealous!


And besides...aren't you the least bit horrified that you might actually find something inappropriate? Little blue pills and Trojan Her Pleasures, and maybe some nice edible lube! Is that really an image you want being repeated in your mind for the rest of your life, haunting your dreams, and your own sex life? That would definitely take the award for 'Most Awkward Conversation between Parent and Child'! That would top the drug talk, the sex talk, and the dreaded masturbation talk!

 

[john getty]

My mother is deceased these past 20 years, and my father is another anonymous number among billions, so I'm pretty sure I'm safe. But, since it is rhetorical, I'll go ahead and answer. Your parent going through things they may have paid for in a fit of drug/porn related paranoia is one thing, but you going through things that clearly do not belong to you is another. This is apples and oranges. Still fruit, but different variety. Your case is one in millions. Your parents seemed to do this out of spite, but again, their house, their rules. You as their child that they were raising are kinda obligated to obey them, with as much legal rebellion as you can muster. Your parents coming to crash with you after a disaster is a totally different scenario. They are destitute, and have nothing. You are taking them in, not raising them. They are still your parents. What is their's is not yours. You aren't raising them from childhood up, worrying that they might be on the dope or the needle, or beating off to animal genitalia. You are helping them. So, in essence, you don't have the right to do it to them, but they do because they are raising you, from childhood up, worrying about you and the choices you make. Besides being a parental duty, it's also their legal right, since most of the stuff you 'own' is listed on a reciept with their names and credit card numbers, with means that they really own it.

It's a very thin line when it comes to being grown inside one's parent's house, but again, you are in their house. Going through your things that you have paid for as an adult, with money you worked to make, is not legal. But, them going in your room and nosing around a bit or just being there is still their legal right. Their house, their rules. Now, should their be some diplomacy from both sides? Yes. Privacy is a courtesy, and it should be respected to a certain extent, but it's not a right, so it doesn't have to be respected, and any claim/argument otherwise is foolhardy at best. Would I respect my child's privacy? Yes, but out of choice, and only so far. Locks on your door in my house is not happening. And if I get the faintest idea in the back of my mind that you are doing some in any way wrong, I'm gonna do some investigative work. That includes searching 'your' room, and all the contents within it. And I wish my child would tell me to get out of their room! That would definitely result in a backhand that would make the Williams sisters jealous!


And besides...aren't you the least bit horrified that you might actually find something inappropriate? Little blue pills and Trojan Her Pleasures, and maybe some nice edible lube! Is that really an image you want being repeated in your mind for the rest of your life, haunting your dreams, and your own sex life? That would definitely take the award for 'Most Awkward Conversation between Parent and Child'! That would top the drug talk, the sex talk, and the dreaded masturbation talk!

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. Now you are (I think) the second person in this thread that seems to think that I was in a unique situation, I assure you that I was not. There seems to be a new fetish these days for the older generation in that they believe that my generation are a bunch of lazy layabouts who don't contribute anything to the household, maybe there are kids like that, but I assure you, my situation was not unique.

 

[Brock Samson]

ok show me the law!??

Being a lazy fuck is quite tiring, isn't it? Very well, I'll just paste some excerpts from Wikipedia, and Fairlex's free online dictionary, both of which are grabbing their tidbits of info straight out of legal dictionaries. Starting with the latter (that's the last one):

Trespass to Land

In modern law the word trespass is used most commonly to describe the intentional and wrongful invasion of another's real property. An action for trespass can be maintained by the owner or anyone else who has a lawful right to occupy the real property, such as the owner of an apartment building, a tenant, or a member of the tenant's family. The action can be maintained against anyone who interferes with the right of ownership or possession, whether the invasion is by a person or by something that a person has set in motion. For example, a hunter who enters fields where hunting is forbidden is a trespasser, and so is a company that throws rocks onto neighboring land when it is blasting.

Every unlawful entry onto another's property is trespass, even if no harm is done to the property. A person who has a right to come onto the land may become a trespasser by committing wrongful acts after entry. For example, a mail carrier has a privilege to walk up the sidewalk at a private home but is not entitled to go through the front door. A person who enters property with permission but stays after he has been told to leave also commits a trespass. Moreover, an intruder cannot defend himself in a trespass action by showing that the plaintiff did not have a completely valid legal right to the property. The reason for all of these rules is that the action of trespass exists to prevent breaches of the peace by protecting the quiet possession of real property.

Now that first part in bold leads to the second part in bold, and that part is used all the time when parents tell their grown ass kids to kick rocks, and the grown ass kids get a sense that it's really their house and they have the right to be there, and do whatever they fell like. This would be you. So pay attention. Wikipedia comes into play with a direct definition of trespassing:
An unlawful intrusion that interferes with one's person or property.

Let's learn some more, shall we? Let's see what the experts have to say about this subject. But where do we attain such knowledge? Well, I've got the answer. This is coming from a site called ILoveIndia.com, and they get the best advice on many subjects ranging from astrology to sex to zylophone lessons, and then post it online instead of in those expensive ass self help books. Let's read some more!


To ensure good and healthy relationships between parents and adult children living at home, it should be made sure that arrangement is mutually agreeable to both parents and their children. Children need to understand that it is their parent’s home and it is their right to keep the home as they want and their access in the house is not a right but a privilege.

The relationship between them needs to be redefined and both the parties need to understand that children are ‘adults’ now and should have the same rights and responsibilities that adults have to bear. Even if they are living with parents, adult children should live more as ‘adult boarder’ and treat their parents and their property with the same respect. They need to bear their own expenses, share with their household expenses and chores, do their own laundry and clean their own rooms. Too much dependence on parents can lead to emotional immaturity in children and frustrations for all.

This also means that while parents can state the codes of living while children are under their roof such as for smoking, taking drugs or sex and ask their children to do anything they do not approve of, elsewhere, they cannot stop them from being in charge of their decisions such as what to wear, whom to befriend and set curfews. The adult children may do anything they want, which is offensive to their parents, where they do not unnecessarily need to witness their children’s actions.

And so, with these links (http://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Criminal+Trespass , and http://www.iloveindia.com/parenting/adult-children/adult-children-at-home.html), thats gonna do it for me and you. Lots of luck in your fruitless effort to run your parents' house.

 

[Brock Samson]

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. Now you are (I think) the second person in this thread that seems to think that I was in a unique situation, I assure you that I was not. There seems to be a new fetish these days for the older generation in that they believe that my generation are a bunch of lazy layabouts who don't contribute anything to the household, maybe there are kids like that, but I assure you, my situation was not unique.

Eh, no worries there, bro. I was in foster care shortly before turning 1. I didn't really ever know either of them. Not much of a loss if you ask me.

Anyways, your situation, from the way you made it sound, is on par with a minimum security prison, short of bars, sporks, and a riot response team. Not common. But, the whole point is that it is a right that your parents had, and would still have, to some extent, if you still lived with them. It's all about legality. Your room, your private space as you put it, is merely a room in a house that is in their name, that they pay for. That's it. Their house, their rules. They want to come in, you can't really stop them or tell them to get out. It irks you, I get that. Hell, it used to piss me off when it happened. I'm mostly a solitary guy, and in high school I didn't have company. I had plenty of friends, but I'd come to you, and you left my fortress of solitude alone. That's just the way it was. But as far as the parental units, they were the true rulers. My fortress resided in their continent.

 

[john getty]

Eh, no worries there, bro. I was in foster care shortly before turning 1. I didn't really ever know either of them. Not much of a loss if you ask me.

Anyways, your situation, from the way you made it sound, is on par with a minimum security prison, short of bars, sporks, and a riot response team. Not common. But, the whole point is that it is a right that your parents had, and would still have, to some extent, if you still lived with them. It's all about legality. Your room, your private space as you put it, is merely a room in a house that is in their name, that they pay for. That's it. Their house, their rules. They want to come in, you can't really stop them or tell them to get out. It irks you, I get that. Hell, it used to piss me off when it happened. I'm mostly a solitary guy, and in high school I didn't have company. I had plenty of friends, but I'd come to you, and you left my fortress of solitude alone. That's just the way it was. But as far as the parental units, they were the true rulers. My fortress resided in their continent.

Granted and appreciated. Maybe things are different in America, but as you may know, England has the highest teenage pregnancy statistic in Europe and has had for some time. When the older generation (late 20's to late 30's) were teenagers they would spit out babies as if they were a fucking must-have fashion item, and then demand respect for it, well they'll get none from me. Now it seems that the babies that were spat out 14-16 years ago are following in suit.

 

[chicago]

I don't know. I'd think if you had a good kid, you'd respect them by not waltzing into their room without knocking or looking through their stuff, etc. You want your kids to be able to come to you when they have a problem because they trust and love you, etc. A kid's room is sometimes they're only escape from things that can be stressful.

That said, I probably wouldn't mind my mom coming in my room all the time, but she was too busy kicking me out because after I was 18, I was "a guest" even though I came out of her uterus. Lame.

 

[natural tickler]

I dunno how simpler I can put this, but here goes:

if you are under 18, and are paying NO bills...then surprise! you have no rights at all

even if you are under 18 and are paying some bills...surprise! you still have no rights, it's your parents house...they can do what they damn well please...its their law...dont like it, get the hell out, find your own place, then you can go by your rules

if you are over 18 and are not paying, the fact that your even openng your mouth is incredible...no tolerance for deadbeats

if you are over 18 and paying some, that's good, because you can start paying your parents back for all they did for ya, you might get some rights, but you still know who's crib it is


get it? got it? good!

 

[Knox The Hatter]

If it's my house, and because circumstances have lead me to believe that the safety and security of the house are in danger, then I'm going in there, regardless of what the little shit thinks or says.

If I believe there is no imminent danger, then said little shit has nothing to fear. Doesn't mean I'm not gonna monitor things, though. You'd be a fool not to!

The problem is where one draws the line...because it's very easy to cross it.

 

[chicago]

lol I hate when my mom tries to guilt trip me. I mean, she was pretty shitty as a mom, which is why I am the way I am lol But how are you gonna try to make me feel guilty that you had to raise me? Uh, isn't that your job when you have kids?

 

[john getty]

even if you are under 18 and are paying some bills...surprise! you still have no rights, it's your parents house...they can do what they damn well please...its their law...dont like it, get the hell out, find your own place, then you can go by your rules

Interesting. A perfectly totalitarian system. Whether or not you can afford your own place, if you are unfortunate enough to be born to a couple of freaks : "Fuck you, deal with it!" Thank fuck for UNICEF is all I can say! The bottom line is that some people (who own their own homes) should not have children, but they do. To say that they can claim ownership over their children is disgusting and should be opposed at every turn!

 

[chicago]

Interesting. A perfectly totalitarian system. Whether or not you can afford your own place, if you are unfortunate enough to be born to a couple of freaks : "Fuck you, deal with it!" Thank fuck for UNICEF is all I can say! The bottom line is that some people (who own their own homes) should not have children, but they do. To say that they can claim ownership over their children is disgusting and should be opposed at every turn!

Exactly. Not every kid is a spoiled brat with martyr parents.

 

[john getty]

Exactly. Not every kid is a spoiled brat with martyr parents.

Thank you! Finally, someone who gets it. I'm tired of being told by complete strangers that I should respect my parents because that's that, and if I don't then by definition, I am ungrateful. I'm not trying to sing a sob story, believe me there are enough people out there who were "abused" (I always thought that word was ridiculous as it covers too broad a spectrum) as kids who would argue this point. The least you have if you have nothing else after you have been ridiculed in front of someone else's family is the sanctity of your bedroom, but no, the bastard wants to come in to stare at you for a couple of minutes and then leave. If you've lived in suburban, middle-class fucking Utopia then you don't know what you're talking about! Plus, I paid my dues. I paid my rent. I even built half of the bastard's garden with sods of grass/soil and paving stones! I think I would deserve some privacy! And I had it easy compared to some friends I could name, and I could delve into their situations brought on by their parents, but that's unrelated to me, and is a topic for another thread.

 

[john getty]

Once again, I find it difficult to argue with you because of your situation. Your situation was my prime example of "you should be in the right for demanding privacy in this case". Abuse is a whole 'nother thing in and of itself. If you are being physically beaten, this topic doesn't even touch the tip of what is or is not right, and them rummaging through your room is a non-factor compared to the other problems that are existent and need to be dealt with first. This topic was designed to discuss an otherwise semi-normal household (aka: free of domestic violence) where a child who in no way pays rent or bills demands to have some form of rights over the their parents possession (the home) in which they can bar said parents from moving freely and going into whatever room they desire.

You mentioned earlier that it was a very totalitarian style of life. Yes- it is. Parenthood is not a democracy. I'm not sure what the laws are over in England, but here in the US a parent is directly responsible in a lot of ways for many of the things their children do. So not only do they devote the majority of their lives to trying to give you food, shelter, water and education (regardless of whether they are "nice" about it. They could be right bastards for all I care- if they are providing these 4 things and the kid in question helps provide none, they can't argue), they are also legally responsible if you start doing really stupid things like drugs, criminal activities, skipping school (in California anyhow), etc. Every year of your life they have had to devote nearly every essence of their being (whether they like it or not!) legally and physically to raising that child, regardless of whether they love the child or otherwise treat them well. A true ADULT would accept this and respect their parents enough to realize they deserve to move freely in their own home, and just make sure there is nothing in the house they don't want their parents to find.

If the topic of this thread is "Do lazy kids who don't pay rent deserve any respect?" then fair enough, I agree with you and everybody else.

 

[love feet]

Being a lazy fuck is quite tiring, isn't it? Very well, I'll just paste some excerpts from Wikipedia, and Fairlex's free online dictionary, both of which are grabbing their tidbits of info straight out of legal dictionaries. Starting with the latter (that's the last one):

Trespass to Land

In modern law the word trespass is used most commonly to describe the intentional and wrongful invasion of another's real property. An action for trespass can be maintained by the owner or anyone else who has a lawful right to occupy the real property, such as the owner of an apartment building, a tenant, or a member of the tenant's family. The action can be maintained against anyone who interferes with the right of ownership or possession, whether the invasion is by a person or by something that a person has set in motion. For example, a hunter who enters fields where hunting is forbidden is a trespasser, and so is a company that throws rocks onto neighboring land when it is blasting.

Every unlawful entry onto another's property is trespass, even if no harm is done to the property. A person who has a right to come onto the land may become a trespasser by committing wrongful acts after entry. For example, a mail carrier has a privilege to walk up the sidewalk at a private home but is not entitled to go through the front door. A person who enters property with permission but stays after he has been told to leave also commits a trespass. Moreover, an intruder cannot defend himself in a trespass action by showing that the plaintiff did not have a completely valid legal right to the property. The reason for all of these rules is that the action of trespass exists to prevent breaches of the peace by protecting the quiet possession of real property.

Now that first part in bold leads to the second part in bold, and that part is used all the time when parents tell their grown ass kids to kick rocks, and the grown ass kids get a sense that it's really their house and they have the right to be there, and do whatever they fell like. This would be you. So pay attention. Wikipedia comes into play with a direct definition of trespassing:
An unlawful intrusion that interferes with one's person or property.

Let's learn some more, shall we? Let's see what the experts have to say about this subject. But where do we attain such knowledge? Well, I've got the answer. This is coming from a site called ILoveIndia.com, and they get the best advice on many subjects ranging from astrology to sex to zylophone lessons, and then post it online instead of in those expensive ass self help books. Let's read some more!


To ensure good and healthy relationships between parents and adult children living at home, it should be made sure that arrangement is mutually agreeable to both parents and their children. Children need to understand that it is their parent’s home and it is their right to keep the home as they want and their access in the house is not a right but a privilege.

The relationship between them needs to be redefined and both the parties need to understand that children are ‘adults’ now and should have the same rights and responsibilities that adults have to bear. Even if they are living with parents, adult children should live more as ‘adult boarder’ and treat their parents and their property with the same respect. They need to bear their own expenses, share with their household expenses and chores, do their own laundry and clean their own rooms. Too much dependence on parents can lead to emotional immaturity in children and frustrations for all.

This also means that while parents can state the codes of living while children are under their roof such as for smoking, taking drugs or sex and ask their children to do anything they do not approve of, elsewhere, they cannot stop them from being in charge of their decisions such as what to wear, whom to befriend and set curfews. The adult children may do anything they want, which is offensive to their parents, where they do not unnecessarily need to witness their children’s actions.

And so, with these links (http://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Criminal+Trespass , and http://www.iloveindia.com/parenting/adult-children/adult-children-at-home.html), thats gonna do it for me and you. Lots of luck in your fruitless effort to run your parents' house.

Thank you for the info!
I dont want to to run my parents' house I wanted the legal basis for your comment you gave it thanks.
Profanity was not required!!!!.

 

[Brock Samson]

I know right! I'm such a dick! I really am, but I think I was born that way. I let my emotion at the time, combined with my lack of sleep and being overworked, get the best of me there. Sorry about that. Well, cheers to you for this interesting debate. It was good fun.

 

[chicago]

You don't have to have martyr parents to be a spoiled brat. However, by not assisting in the upkeep of the house's rent/mortgage/bills etc and yet DEMANDING that you be given the respect and privileges of a rent paying tenant (despite the fact of being a freeloader) you can definitely fall under the category of "spoiled brat". No matter what their age!

Thank you, I agree. I was just saying that not every person that complains about their parents and is considered a young adult, should be just brushed off as an ungrateful teenager. Because unfortunately, that isn't always just the case. In my experience, my mother was a control freak to the max. I mean she is a sick person in the head and anyone that gets to know her can see it. But at 18, most people don't have the means to move out. So it's an unfortunate catch 22 of wishing to be independent, working to be independent, while having to live under the rule of a nutcase. It kinda sucks. S'all I'm sayin'.

 

[goddess_nemesis]

Like a lot of things, this depends on the situation. Usually if parents get along with their children and their children do not do anything to cause their parents to distrust them, the children are granted more rights as they grow up. Of course if the parents have cause for worry (drugs, depression, sex, etc.) then they have every right to go into their child's room unannounced and snoop.

Going from my own experience, I never gave my parents any worry. I was close to them and I could talk to my mom about many things. I'm 23 and I still live at home, mainly because I don't have the means to move out. I try to contribute as best as I can with some rent and just helping out around the house.

My parents can go in my room all they want; I don't really have anything to hide from them. Although I really don't want them to see anything "adult" in my room that I didn't hide very well. However, if I'm in my room, the door is shut, and my mom or dad needs to talk to me, they always knock first before coming in. It's a courtesy that I appreciate because the last thing I want is either parent just all of sudden walking in while I'm changing.

 

[love feet]

I know right! I'm such a dick! I really am, but I think I was born that way. I let my emotion at the time, combined with my lack of sleep and being overworked, get the best of me there. Sorry about that. Well, cheers to you for this interesting debate. It was good fun.

ok its cool now.