lee or ler who is in control

[amalelee4u]

has anyone ever given any thought to who truely in control of a tickling session. while the ler has me tied up and helpless its really my fantasy. does that make me in control while i beg and flop around in total hysterics

 

[TickledToDeath]

has anyone ever given any thought to who truely in control of a tickling session. while the ler has me tied up and helpless its really my fantasy. does that make me in control while i beg and flop around in total hysterics

No matter the argument by anyone..........the LER is always in control.

The LEE, is tied up. At the mercy of the LER.
Even if a safeword is agreed upon........and the LEE(is under under the assumption the he/she can stop the tickling at any time), the LER is in control to stop start continue the tickling and the intensity OF the tickling at HIS/HER discretion and control in the end.
Tis a matter of trust and allowing that ler to HAVE that control.

 

[Helena]

When I started getting tickled, I had a ler that I bossed around while I was tied up! No lie. I would want to be tied in a certain way, or tell him what to do. Sometimes we'd argue, and he would whine. So I got a different ler.

I have an incredible feeling of being able to let go with a more dominant ler. I think it's important to find a ler that can take control. My personality doesn't always want to give in. I need to be told what to do....and I need a strong partner. I think the more devilish pleasure ticklers get from my screams the more I love it.

 

[lishbeth_m/f]

duuuude...the lee is SO in control...if I even begin to look uncomfortable ryan will stop! Plus we can just say the safeword and we are off the hook!lol
Beth

 

[Redmage]

Hopefully, it is whichever of them they have both agreed will be in control at any given time.

TTD makes a valid point, that the 'ler is (usually) in control if the 'lee is bound. However the 'lee isn't always bound, and if the 'ler agrees to let the 'lee call the shots then even with bondage that's how it is.

Lishbeth's point is also valid - if that's how the 'ler has agreed to do it, and if the 'lee has not surrendered control.

This is something that really ought to be explicitly negotiated to avoid misunderstandings.

 

[lishbeth_m/f]

LOL this honestly is a great topic for discussion...but you can bet the lers will be saying the ler is and the lees will be saying the lee is...

Beth

 

[terorizer]

To me, it depends on how you relate to the experience in the first place. If the element of control is a part of the mindset, you could go back and forth. Some folks can actually turn their ticklishness off if they feel threatened of uncomfortable. (as someone who can do it, it's not so much that you turn it off, as your mind just shuts down the sensation and doesn't respond).

Personally, tickling has always been and always will be about a mutual sharing. I'm all for roleplay scenarios, and have been known to get dominant on special occasions, but at my core, there's a constant awareness and belief I'm on the receiving end of a gift.

 

[steph]

Good call honey~in theory, even if the lee is tied, they're SUPPOSED to be the one calling the shots. Like Janipoo (QBWEAVER) always reminds us at our play parties beforehand: "Remember, it's all about the lee..."

Besides, if you abuse your authority with me as my ler, not only will it be our last encounter, but if I can't beat the crap out of you, beleive you me, I have people who can who would love to do it for me.

XOXO

LOL this honestly is a great topic for discussion...but you can bet the lers will be saying the ler is and the lees will be saying the lee is...

Beth

LOL this honestly is a great topic for discussion...but you can bet the lers will be saying the ler is and the lees will be saying the lee is...

Beth

 

[fttickler]

<--- applies for position....

of Stephs KILL squad ( and official foot worshiper )

 

[steph]

(snickers and runs away) this is a serious question Mister~let's hear YOUR take!

XOXO

of Stephs KILL squad ( and official foot worshiper )

 

[Redmage]

LOL this honestly is a great topic for discussion...but you can bet the lers will be saying the ler is and the lees will be saying the lee is...

Not exactly. I'm a 'ler, and I say it's whoever the two of them agree on.

Good call honey~in theory, even if the lee is tied, they're SUPPOSED to be the one calling the shots. Like Janipoo (QBWEAVER) always reminds us at our play parties beforehand: "Remember, it's all about the lee..."

Except it isn't. It's about two people (at least). Control rests wherever those involved collectively put it.

 

[fttickler]

All kidding aside.....

we have all seen the size of Steph's heels ( arent you afraid? )
But i have to say from my own experience as a LER only that it is the Lee ( at least in my case ) Also in the DOM/sub the Dom may control the responce but the sub holds 95% of the control. Just my two cents.

 

[lk70]

Excellent question. And my answer will be very telling about me I'm sure. When I'm the ler, the ler is in control. When I'm the lee, the lee is in control 😀

And that's just how it is, 11:19 pm, April 13, 2006. Good night. 😎

 

[lishbeth_m/f]

In order for a lee to feel safe...she needs to be in control. When it comes to tickling..especially bondage...safety comes first and that is the truth. The lee pretty much calls the shots...if the lee is uncomfortable..any RESPECTABLE ler will do the right thing and meet everyone of the lee's demands to make them feel as comfortable as they can be given their predicament 😛

Beth

 

[lishbeth_m/f]

Red makes a valid point too.. it is up to the couple themselves who should be in control...but if you are following good tickling fun...the lee should be in control

Beth

 

[steph]

aw sugar, you KNOW my 8 inchers only draw a little bit of blood if I use them on you correctly! 😛
But seriously, great question and love the diversity of the answers!

XOXO

we have all seen the size of Steph's heels ( arent you afraid? )

 

[Redmage]

In order for a lee to feel safe...she needs to be in control.

It's tricky to generalize for all 'lees. I can see cases in which a 'lee might feel safe even if she (or he) were not the one in control.

When it comes to tickling..especially bondage...safety comes first and that is the truth.

Yes it is. But safety and control are separate issues.

Take this case, for example. If the 'lee is the one in control, then the 'lee is responsible for safety, no? But how can the 'lee take responsibility for the safety of the bondage when he or she didn't apply it - when he or she is in it?

Yet responsibility and control have to go together, at least to the extent that whoever has responsibility for something has control over that thing. If the 'lee is not responsibile for his or her own safety in bondage then it can only be because the 'lee isn't in control of that. So to some extent, at least, it seems that the 'ler and 'lee have to share control.

The lee pretty much calls the shots...if the lee is uncomfortable..any RESPECTABLE ler will do the right thing and meet everyone of the lee's demands to make them feel as comfortable as they can be given their predicament

Absolutely. And any responsibile 'lee will respect the 'ler's comfort zone as well. In fact I'd say that sexual partners have to respect each other's comfort zones in general. It's the responsibility they have to one another.

 

[luvgirlsfeet]

I'm primarily a Ler but i would think the Ler is in control, for a simple reason he/she knows enough when to stop whereas the Lee enjoyes the ride or should I say tickling

Steve

 

[kis123]

And this is why I don't want bondage used as the lee. If I'm the ler and they want bondage, no prob. But as the lee, I would have to implicitly trust the ler. When it comes to trust, I simply don't! If I'm bound without total control of my situation, I'd probably freak out or not be able to truly enjoy the experience.

 

[Tidas]

No one person in the situation has total control. If only the 'Ler had total control, the 'Lee would pass out, die, or just have a shitty time in general. If the 'Lee is completely in control, the 'Ler can't enact his or her personal fantasies and would just get pissed at the 'Lee. Even though tied tickling involves someone recieving and someone inflicting, control must be shared between the two factions for it to be properly enjoyed.

 

[TklDuo-Ann]

The LER had better be in control! lol Even as a LEE who is able to withhold responses and toy with the LER, I always recognize that they are in control. This is especially true if they have you restrained. They can do anything they want, including just leaving you there to think about things while they walk away. But, I don't think it takes restraints to be in control. Personally, there are spots that you can hit just so and have me totally helpless IF you know how and where to strike. But, even beyond the physical aspect, the LEE is toyed with mentally as well if the LER is any good. That can be just as much a tool of control as as anything else. Actually, letting go of control for once is one of the things that attracts me to tickling as a LEE. It's very freeing.

Ann

 

[lzamora]

Tickler on top

In my opinion, the tickler always has the upper hand in the matter. Yes perhaps the ticklee wants to get tickled, but once your strapped in the tickler has total control, if it turns out you don't like it, you have to have a real merciful tickler for him or her to stop, the tickler in my opinion has complete control once the ticklee is strapped in.