Likely-overthunk question to the group on ticklee personal history and tickler ethics

[OmahaTickler]

Someone recently posted a question about goth women being overly ticklish. As someone who has developed "a thing" for this sub-genre in our group, and having read some articles on how women from such societal sub-groups sometimes are drawn to them as an effect from childhood abuse or other trauma, I pose an ethical situation: Would it be ethical to tickle anyone -- even if "among consenting adults" standards are in order -- if you knew their ticklee urges/needs stemmed in some way from childhood or other abuse? On a more self-centered level: Would it be a turn-off for you if a ticklee's desires were not "pure," i.e., borne of some negativity in the past? I personally think I'd feel scuzzy trying to tickle a woman whom I knew was associating me on any level with a past abuser. (I do realize this risks abusing her further by stigmatizing her as "damaged," as happens with rape victims--I just don't think I could get past any guilt from possibly traumatizing her further, even if she developed a desire for tickling on a consensual level). I'm posing this question in good faith and not out to attack anyone who disagrees (as is often the case on social media, when someone poses a question, and someone dares stray from the first 30 responses that agree with the original poster, then everyone pounces on this person who dares dissent). I believe much of the real world lies in gray areas, not merely hard-and-fast right and wrong, and don't pretend to have the "correct" answer here.

 

[robmic]

Well, I'll risk it and jump into the boiling water here. My feelings in dealing with someone who has been traumatized in the past, whether it be from sexual assault or tickling, I'd like to think in a perfect world, with sensitivity and caring, you could get them over their thoughts from the trauma. But I think in the real world, once something has happened, it can't be totally undone. So even if someone really wants to embrace your tickling endeavors, I'm thinking that a certain thing could set off the negative thoughts of the past trauma and set the whole effort back to square one! Just my thoughts on the subject...

 

[chicago]

It's not up to you to diagnose them or to determine wtf "pure" means.

If you're uncomfortable, just say so or make up something kind and move on.

It's very possible people develop kink thru abuse (spanking maybe?) And if they enjoy it as an adult, why remind them of it in an a context they'd probably no longer wish to associate it with...

 

[Myriads]

Your question is basically one of taking responsibility for something that is not yours to carry.

You stipulate that the interaction is based in ”even if "among consenting adults" standards are in order” so that means that all parties have mindfully chosen to interact in a way without coercion or force in play.

So your partner is participating under their own free will.

WHY they chose this is a black box to you. It’s not needfully even knowable to that person. Motivation is often hidden in sexual desires quite well. But one tend to know what one wants. And if one chooses to have it, mindfully then you bear no responsibility beyond making sure they indeed are being mindful in their request.

If you interact on the constant basis of worry of stepping on a land mine in another person, you quickly become like a person in the middle of a real mine field. Afraid to step in any direction, and left to stand unmoving. You can paralyze yourself with ethics just as soundly.

Part of adult interactions is trusting that others know enough and can look out for themselves. The entire basis of why having sexual interactions with minors is wrong is that said people DO NOT have the capacity to look out of themselves or know themselves well enough to do so yet. So if you are partnering with someone and you’ve mindfully decided they are a functioning mindful adult then you really need to trust them to care of themselves. You should not usurp their right to mindfully chose what sort of play they interact in.

This is why communication is what I see as vital in every relationship before people jump into the physical side of things. You need to know each other a bit to know exactly what forces are at play on both sides.

Myriads

 

[robmic]

Now see Myriads shows the difference between someone who is experienced in the field of human nature and someone (me) who is just shooting from the hip!

 

[OmahaTickler]

Thanks to all who contributed, and if I derived anything from the responses, it's to reconsider my discomfort and just go with "hey, if she's OK with it, you have no reason not to be OK with it"

 

[Libertine]

It's very possible people develop kink thru abuse (spanking maybe?) And if they enjoy it as an adult, why remind them of it in an a context they'd probably no longer wish to associate it with...

I knew a woman who was raised by uberliberal parents. She told me they considered corporal punishment barbaric and had never raised a hand to her.

She had no idea why she'd craved being spanked from such an early age, but asked if I'd indulge her.

It took a while, but I finally figured out that wearing motorcycle gloves throughout the rather long sessions she required helped assuage my manual discomfort.

 

[robmic]

I knew a woman who was raised by uberliberal parents. She told me they considered corporal punishment barbaric and had never raised a hand to her.

She had no idea why she'd craved being spanked from such an early age, but asked if I'd indulge her.

It took a while, but I finally figured out that wearing motorcycle gloves throughout the rather long sessions she required helped assuage my manual discomfort.

Now that's a good one! I like that!!