Zanadu!
I share similar feelings with you. I've always resented the labeling of sexuality. For instance, I have very strong opinions about the physical act of sex that most people will find strange. To me sex just feels dirty. Greasy. Through my eyes sex can be for pleasure yes, but everyone can agree that it primarily serves a survival function. If your intention is to reproduce, better go find yourself a fun-time gal you appreciate! I'm in an interesting mindset in which I don't want to have meaningless sex with someone who doesn't fully appreciate me. It is against my personal core values. I also don't want children. I have serious doubts about the stability of the current systems by which we live and work, and our collective experience may negatively change very rapidly. Would I make a good father? Sure, I bet! But I'm not interested. I'm also afraid of STDs, so go figure.
Besides, to me tickling is far more intense than any hum-drum orgasm. Especially if you have one while being 'funished!' I look at it pretty bluntly. I can pound a slab of meat, or I can manifest intense, sensual, ticklish wonders upon someone I love, or upon myself at the hands of someone I've granted all control over to. To me that is absolutely beautiful! It has the potential to be so delightfully twisted. It seems more intimate to me than simple sexual intercourse. I can, and do receive sexual gratification from the tickling of course, so I suppose you could call that a replacement for the real thing. And feet? I just love feet! In fact, a lot of people do.
That being said, all most everyone has "gay" or "impure" thoughts at some point. We just don't go around admitting it to everyone, because unfortunately many people have bad intentions and may use that information to your disadvantage, or humiliation. Sometimes without even realizing it. Everyone has sexual fantasies pertaining to a member of the same physical gender. Sometimes... without even realizing it. We live in a machine society and adhere to questionable ideologies that ultimately deter, and actively guide us from embracing a universal constant that is pervasive within all. Love. A lot of people would probably agree that they don't appreciate living in a society in which their sole existence is to serve others with little to no reward. We feel unimportant, unloved. People don't want to pay higher, and higher taxation for the mistakes of others in an economic environment in which the cost of living never increases. Because we feel unimportant, and unloved. We're constantly fighting one another for opportunities to support an artificial construct that inherently demands continuous growth, and an ever increasing labor pool of working poor etc. Hence such an emphasis on getting married, and having children in most societies. I sometimes wonder if this is the origin of the "gay" stigma At the end of the day I find people ignorant, and judgmental I guess. I can empathize with pretty much everybody I meet. I feel their sadness, their worries, and I never want people to feel like that. Ever. Everyone deserves a friend, someone they can trust. That's love man. You can't deny it. For instance, you care about your friends a lot. You never want anything bad to happen and you occasionally worry about them. That's love dude.
When it comes down to the fetish and the sexuality dilemma; I like pretty things. I like looking at pretty people. I love my female friends and my male friends equally. Some of my male friends have lovely feet, some don't. I flirt with and I tease people because it makes them feel better. That doesn't mean I want to go sticking my dick in everyone, which people seem to assume for some reason. I will; however, tickle them to death! You can love anyone you want, and it's perfectly normal and okay. I honestly think people are so used to the darkness, that when someone attempts to bring light into their lives they shut down, and they become uncomfortable. All most like they think they're undeserving of kindness. Following the Law of Intention is important though, and you can't overstep their personal boundaries either. Everyone we meet with, and interact with is connected to our personal journey, our spiritual journey in some way. While we do have free will, we must practice a modicum of civility and respect for other people's considerations and feelings, especially when dealing with such a touchy topic.
