Long Distance Relationships

[kis123]

Before I knew about the girl having a kid and everything, it was my understanding that he already had a job and that one was just a better paying offer. As for this economy, I hate to burst your bubble but if I was in a serious relationship that I saw going somewhere, I'm not gonna jeopardize it to move far away for a better paying job. May sound illogical, but money is not the most important thing in the world to me.

Without money, you can't live or at least live comfortably.

And if it weren't for the issues with my son, I'd move in a heartbeat in order to find better wages and conditions.

You can't always view the world through your own eyes, especially since there are others in it with you. Bottom line, it's not always about you.

 

[kis123]

Kis123, your long-distance relationship sounds to me like a whole other story with its own set of challenges. The biggest challenge there is that, since you've never lived in the same place, you haven't had the chance to get to know each other that way. When you see each other, you're in visiting mode, so the relationship doesn't have, so to speak, a natural habitat to grow in. There are things you'll never know until you do both live in the same place, and in order to do that, there's a leap of faith that has to be made for one of you to move. Meanwhile, you have phone conversations and visits, and you have to rely on these to get to know each other. That's a challenge. But what's life without challenges? Good luck. I hope it works out well.

It will work out very well because I'm being very realistic about the terms. We meet each other's needs together as well as individually. We're both adults and other challenges that will present themselves will be dealt with. I've come to find out that not much of anything lasts forever..........most of the time anyway.

I'm a firm believer in seasonal relationships although I've grown to hate most of them. Sometimes it's what you learn in them that supercedes the actual relationship. Sometimes it's about making you a better....."you." It's not always meant to last forever......but you do hope so and hope springs eternal.

 

[mass1926]

Without money, you can't live or at least live comfortably.

And if it weren't for the issues with my son, I'd move in a heartbeat in order to find better wages and conditions.

You can't always view the world through your own eyes, especially since there are others in it with you. Bottom line, it's not always about you.

What the hell are you talking about. What you're saying is completely relating to a behavior that would be viewed in regards to a person thinking about themselves. If a person jeopardizes a relationship to go for a better job far away I would definately consider that meaning the person is all about themselves. Don't try your "open minded" bs on me cuz it aint gonna work. Furthermore, the guy had a friggin job already so don't be one of those "in this economy" people either. You are so friggin smart, why waste your time on the tmf when you could be out saving the worth. You self-righteous *****

 

[kis123]

What the hell are you talking about. What you're saying is completely relating to a behavior that would be viewed in regards to a person thinking about themselves. If a person jeopardizes a relationship to go for a better job far away I would definately consider that meaning the person is all about themselves. Don't try your "open minded" bs on me cuz it aint gonna work. Furthermore, the guy had a friggin job already so don't be one of those "in this economy" people either. You are so friggin smart, why waste your time on the tmf when you could be out saving the worth. You self-righteous *****

Honestly, you need to grow up and get with what's going on in 2010.

The bottom line is this; Angel gave us what she wanted us to have. Maybe there's more and maybe there isn't. For you to just say that he's selfish for going for a job that'll make his life better is really silly. I'm sure it's been done with much thought and contemplation.

Let's just say you're right and he's just a narcissistic moron who only cares for himself. He wins because he got a job that improves his financial situation. She'll eventually realize that he's all about himself so she'll contiune nursing school and keep it moving forward with her son. Still a win-win from here.

There's much more to consider since she'll have to take boards in her home state and in whatever state she chooses to move to. This isn't a simple issue; it's very complicated and has been thought through with a lot of contemplation and possibly pain as well. It's not black and white, but a multitude of shades of gray----that's the part I'm trying to get you to understand. Then again...hope springs eternal.....

Calling me names is just being childish and immature....reality is what it is. Either deal with it or remain alone............

 

[WorkInProgress]

You are so friggin smart, why waste your time on the tmf when you could be out saving the worth. You self-righteous *****

Mass1926: I hate to break it to you, but in this thread, you are the only one who expressed opinions with an implied sense of superiority to everyone who disagreed. This may be a matter where you have strong emotional opinions, and you may have good reason to be sure of the rightness of them, but you do stand out in this thread as having the least tolerance, not only for opposing opinions, but for people who have them.

 

[maniactickler]

Geez, can a guy get any more obvious?

I know what your thinking, but its purely coincidence.

 

[kis123]

Mass1926: I hate to break it to you, but in this thread, you are the only one who expressed opinions with an implied sense of superiority to everyone who disagreed. This may be a matter where you have strong emotional opinions, and you may have good reason to be sure of the rightness of them, but you do stand out in this thread as having the least tolerance, not only for opposing opinions, but for people who have them.

I've always admired your ability to be as reasonable and rational in certain situations. And I get a kick out of the occasional exchanges between you and maniac!

But in this case I believe it's a case of time management and you're wasting it here. Intolerance doesn't even begin to cut it; you should see the wonderful letter someone placed in my PM box. Oh and mass, you have an equally lovely response in yours.............😱. I'm thinking the ignore function would serve your purposes much better than your skillfully worded PMs--just a thought.

Back to the OP:

There are many reasons people are involved in long distance relationships. What about those soldiers serving overseas? Not all of them get to take their spouses/significant others with them (and in certain parts of the world, you wouldn't want to either). Does that mean the relationship ends because you can't see & be with them everyday? Sometimes the answer is "yes" and sometimes not. It depends on the individuals involved because I'm sure broken relationships happen in long distance and local relationships too huh?

 

[Flatfoot]

I'd think that both parties would have to be strong-willed, independent people for it to work. Otherwise, there's just too much potential for insecurities to sneak in. Time that could be better spent bonding and hanging out with friends ends up being used on long phone calls, potentially having to reassure a partner of faithfulness, etc.

 

[sasaxrah]

I've never had one. A summer apart broke up me and an ex-girlfriend. Doesn't mean it's impossible. Just really difficult.

 

[naughtylucy]

I think it depends on the people involved, what their expectations are, what sort of lifestyles they have. You really need to go on a case-by-case basis.

If the OP is looking for success stories, I know several people who've had happy relationships with people in other cities, near enough that they can spend weekends together and that sort of thing.

I have a friend in Moscow who has been in a happy relationship with someone in New York for the last couple of years, and I know a couple who have been together for nearly a decade, most of that time on different continents. They're currently in Lesotho and Singapore. They both have the sort of jobs (and personalities) that require them to live this way, and it's occasionally difficult, but they're very happy.

 

[Ayla ny]

I live in NY and from 2003 to 2006 my boyfriend lived in CA. He moved here in 2006 and I still kinda like him.

It's rare and takes a lot of determination but it is possible.

 

[alchemy]

Long Distance relationships are bullshit.

Don't do it.

Don't even think about doing it.

Don't think "Well...maybe THIS one will work." It wont.

Don't think "If two people are in love, distance shouldn't be a problem" It will be.

Don't think "I really know this person and they are worth it" You don't and they aren't.

Don't do it.

Just don't.

You'll be sorry.

Don't say I didn't warn you, because I just fucking did.

Long distance relationships are complete and utter bullshit.

NO! 😡

BAD!

 

[alchemy]

To further illustrate, Long distance relationships are a lot like this:

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Any questions?

 

[TangerineTicklee]

I'm not sure if long distance relationships can work out. I'm in one right now with a girl I've never met - cyber-dating - who lives in a totally different country. At first, we had some sort of connection, but we're losing it, and neither one of us is sure if we're going to stay with one another. The reason why we haven't broken up yet is because of the fact that we're both stuck in the rut with the worry that if we break up, we will be alone, so we'd rather stay together and be "kept people" instead of being alone and worrying about staying alone. It sucks, but it's better than nothing. Sometimes, some people have no choice but to just settle.

The way I see it, if this doesn't work out and we're together but we're not "in love", it's better than being alone. I'd much rather be a kept person than an alone person.

 

[Angel77]

All I know is that of course, I wish my friend all the best. Her and her man have a lot to overcome and it may or may not work but yeah, deep down I guess I'm still an optimist lol. 😛

It's not like they've never met or only have seen each other once every few months. They've been together for over a year and have been with each other almost on a daily basis so there is a strong foundation there. I can't say that for the long distance relationships that I've had. I was in the position where I did only see them once in a blue moon and that was hard on both of us. Both guys were great people though and they have definitely left a good imprint on my heart. It just didn't work out in the end but had we have lived closer, saw each other more, etc., who knows? Never say never. 😀

There are also different kinds of long distance relationships too. Some are when you live states apart and you mostly communicate via phone or computer, some are when you live near each other and one moves away (as in my friend's case) and then there are some when the long distance thing is temporary, like when one of a twosome gets deployed but you know that there's nothing they can do about it so you just make do.

I don't know. Everyone is different and what works for one couple might not work for the next couple. But I always wish everyone happiness and the best of luck. 🙂

 

[leafstk]

Well I sure hope it works out for them both, Angel 🙂

 

[badreligion]

It depends on the distance honestly . Some can be made to happen others just can't .

 

[paracarl44]

Communication is important. Should the lack of communication fall off then the relationship will falter.

 

[herts tickler]

i can relate to this because at the end of the year my gf is going to uni a fair way away and im going travelling. weve been together 3 years and its been brilliant so we would both like to stay together but we both realise that may be more hopeful than practical so we just kinda said we'll go our seperate ways and if in 3 years time when she gets back from uni we still feel the sam then we will get back together.

its just cleaner and simpler that way. not saying its ideal but thats life. if were meant to be together then a couple of years apart wont stop us.

 

[desdemona]

I'm certainly not a typical relationship kind of person. I'm not looking for happily ever after/settle down for the rest of my life with 2.2 kids and a white picket fence. I've had two long distance relationships before. And I guess you could sort of count the one I'm in with my Dom since he travels quite a bit. I count all of them as serious relationships because they have lasted > 1 year and have been monogamous. And the reasons for the break ups didn't revolve around distance. My first long distance relationship was trans-atlantic. He was an exchange student I met during my sophomore year in undergrad. I followed up by studying abroad my junior year. He moved to Canada to be closer. We actually broke up over cultural differences (he was French, and well, I wasn't). I also dated a guy I met at my first NEST. He lived on the east coast while I'm from the midwest. We would see each other for long weekends once a month. And again, I'd say we broke up more because we were at different stages in life and wanted different things. This was the deciding point rather than the actual distance between us being a major issue.

As for my Dom, I get to see him every 2-3 months on average (if I'm lucky). We spend what hours together we can, but we are both extremely busy people with full lives. We do e-mail and IM each other or call pretty regularly so that we stay in touch on a regular basis. We've been seeing each other off/on for 6 years now. I'm not looking for things to progress beyond the point that they have - we're just constantly evolving and discovering new things about ourselves. And I'm ok with that. Not everyone would settle for such I know. But it depends on what you want in life and what compromises you can reach and accept.

I hope it works out for the best for your friend Angel. Time will tell.

 

[Gentler]

I met Sean at Bellas this year and he lives 3.5 hrs from me. We barely see each other but always message each other and have occasional phone calls. So far we've been together for 5 months and counting. And still in love.

You guys should at least be able to spend weekends together. This one guy I work with has a girl friend down in Cedar City. It's about a four hour drive, but every Friday he leaves from work and heads due south on the 15.

The rest of us kind of chuckle.

 

[Desparting297]

I've been in a couple of long distance relatioships. One I stuck out for a good 3 years and we were actually planning on getting married. I'd actually fly over there every year and spend a month because that was where my mother was from so we had family to stay with and me and my cousins would go out in the evenings and that's when we'd hook up and spend time together. Sadly I had later found out that he had been seeing other girls, so he practically wasn't the man I thought he was and was just after me for residence like all the rest of the ones that flirt with foreigners. But don't get me wrong, it's not always like that. Some are quite different. I was just unlucky.

My recent long distance only last almost 6 months. We both wanted different things despite the love that was there and it just didnt work out. It only led to more arguments and one asking the other of too much going back and forth. You'd think I'd learn the first time lol but there's always that little voice at the back of your mind asking you, "what if this is the one? Don't knock it till you've tried it."

Point is, when there's someone or something you want that bad, you don't care how long you have to wait until you get it. You enjoy the moments you have for now whether it's physical or only spiritual and make the most of it. You never know things will work out, I know it's worked out for others I've been to enough weddings lol. For me it just wasn't meant to be and I've come to the point that the right person will come when I'm not looking for them. Whether they be from TMF or just passing by me in the street. There's no such thing as giving up, just keeping an open mind and staying strong.

I hope things work out well with your friends Angel77, I wish them both the best. I suppose all you can ever do is lend them support till whatever happens and keep on being the good friend that you are to them.