Man Moments.

[AmandaBear]

Humans are much more fun to dissect. The wonderful joy of removing the colon from a corpse, anus still attached, and then asking people using the anus as a sort of microphone whether they've had anal sex in their lives. 😀

LMAO!


How about taking a long hook up a cadaver's nose and moving it around until their brain turns to mush? Then we scoop out the brain through the eye socket? Hey, that's how the ancient Egyptians did it. :

I like bewbs too and I'm not a lez!

Bewbs are just cool like dat!

Indeed...there be power in the ta-ta's. 😎

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

First of all, Best. Thread. Ever. Ya'll are so adorable

I have blown up a yule goat

😵
😵

You blew up a goat?!

I was once arrested for driving without pants.

I once punched a Barbary Ape in the face in Gibraltar when it tried to steal my ice cream cone.

You can't tell these stories with gullible people like me around. We've discussed this before, no? I'll believe you LOL

being able to pick up your underwear with your toes toss em up and catch em on the first try .

Creativity fail Foxworthy 🙄

I've chopped down a tree... with an assault rifle.

I've stood onstage in front of hundereds of people and nailed a guitar solo to the wall by it's balls.

This...

I've knocked out my own teeth doing something stupid.

I scratch when I itch , where I itch.

I've punched a brick wall & made it say , "ouch"

and this...

LMAO

 

[Bohemianne]

I masturbate.

I've punched a brick wall & made it say , "ouch".

I've looked "God" in the face & bitch slapped that fucker from here to eternity for being such a dick.

Any pics, links, testimonials or witnesses to... [ermmm/cough]..... make the self-aggrandizement legit?

Nevermind.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

Any pics, links, testimonials or witnesses to... [ermmm/cough]..... make the self-aggrandizement legit?

Nevermind.

I understand needing/wanting confirmation of the brick wall and the God thing....

but you need proof he masturbates? 😵

 

[Soda Bobinski]

Any pics, links, testimonials or witnesses to... [ermmm/cough]..... make the self-aggrandizement legit?

Nevermind.

Hey ... I'm a man of my word. That should suffice.

Now if you'll excuse me , I'm gonna go rassle me a gator & snack on some gravel.

I understand needing/wanting confirmation of the brick wall and the God thing....

but you need proof he masturbates? 😵

Presented w/enough pudding , I can be persuaded to "prove" just about anything.

 

[Bohemianne]

Wow! 😀 😀 😱

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

Presented w/enough pudding , I can be persuaded to "prove" just about anything.

ORLY?!

 

[Soda Bobinski]

Wow! 😀 😀 😱

I know.

ORLY?!

Word.

 

[Bohemianne]

I know.

Just test-driving my Q... Funny list. 😀

 

[Filthyweasel]

Ahem...

I once allowed a surgeon to stick a tube between my ribs and into my lung, while awake in the ER, under a single injection of Novocaine.

I have had an entire bar full of very butch lesbians not only accept me as a man, but call me awesome, cheer, and give me a round of applause.

I have jumped onto a bonfire, posed for a picture, then leaped off unharmed.

I pointed and laughed when my girlfriend did the same and her pant leg went up in flames.

I have voluntarily hung myself without a single suicidal thought in my head, and survived.

I've nonchalantly walked into a pub toilet, been copiously sick in the urinal in front of other pissers, then calmly walked back out to drink myself even stupider.

I was raised in the northeast of Scotland, my coat of arms is a hand holding a sword with the motto 'Manu Forti', meaning 'With a Strong Hand' and can claim more than 3 tartans to my family name.

And the original Gaelic meaning for my first name is 'Handsome Birth'

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

I once allowed a surgeon to stick a tube between my ribs and into my lung, while awake in the ER, under a single injection of Novocaine.

Just for the record, this might be the grossest story I've ever heard.

 

[Carsomyr]

😵
😵

You blew up a goat?!

LOL! No, a YULE Goat! It's a Scandinavian Christmas ornament/decoration. 😛

 

[Mister Scruff]

You can't tell these stories with gullible people like me around. We've discussed this before, no? I'll believe you LOL

The thing about the Barbary Ape is true, though; little bastard hopped on my shoulder and tried to grab my ice cream, so I punched him. Nobody murks MAH Mister Whippy-Cone, fuck that shit >_<

 

[Mephistopheles]

LMAO!


How about taking a long hook up a cadaver's nose and moving it around until their brain turns to mush? Then we scoop out the brain through the eye socket? Hey, that's how the ancient Egyptians did it. :



Indeed...there be power in the ta-ta's. 😎

Human brains are too much fun to slice into pieces; making mush is fine with cats and such. Best part about slicing brains is knowing you're cutting into what used to be somebodies personality, character, memories and so on.

 

[badreligion]

I say this is pretty manly

 

[slacker2114]

Drank myself sober an hour before midnight on New Year's Eve and had to start all over.

Ran full tilt into the back of a van, leading with my head, fell down and got right back up laughing (drunk, of course).

 

[Artoo]

I once drank an entire bottle of chilli vodka on the stage of a big top, straight after breathing fire out of my mouth.
I was so manly, they didn't even need to pump my stomach.

 

[Capnmad]

Hiked nigh 60 miles at a go (over 5 nights) on the Appalachian trail; lived in the tent and ate the food I carried with me.

Have built my own shelter and stayed in it for two days during moderate rain, over which time the total amount of food I consumed was half an orange (I also had an egg, but it landed the wrong way when I tried to put it on the fire, and you can bet no one in that crowd was giving up their egg for me.

I was the state air pistol champ twice (once in my age group, once overall), and I have played with all manner of firearm.

I booby-trapped a hillside as a child, forgot the traps, and took the punishment after my father set one off on himself.

I have been bitten by a spider just below my right eye. I still have the scar. I have been stung by a bee just below my left. No scar. Bees, by comparison, are sissies.

I don't know how many blows to the head I have taken during my employment (one of 'em was a good 'un, though -- makes my jaw click on the right side sometimes when I chew), but even right after, I've always remained calm and professional.

I have been chased by a man with a gun, and wrecked my car in the process of getting away.

I accidentally ran in front of a cannon during a war re-enactment, and just missed being shot in the back of the head with whatever they packed it with.

I narrowly missed being bitten by a moray eel.

I have taxed the drunks at my university for using my sidewalk.

My sister's pretty bad-ass, too. She jumped and rolled from a moving van (40-45 MPH) to prove a point to a relative that she didn't have to stay for his guilt-trip if she didn't want to.

 

[scarecrow]

ive fired a machinegun
fired a machinegun into a house
fired a machinegun at a person
driven a tank
spent a year in iraq
fired an automatic grenade launcher(MK-19)
pulled some dukes of hazzard shit in a HMMWV
the list goes on.....
oh and i blocked a roundhouse kick from chuck norris and then headbutted him in the face
....................................................
also i have survived a grenade that was thrown at me
had a rocket hit next to my trailer(like 10 ft away)
missed getting hit with a rocket propelled grenade
carried a box of scooby doo bandaids with my medical equipment

 

[slacker2114]

ive fired a machinegun
fired a machinegun into a house
fired a machinegun at a person
driven a tank
spent a year in iraq
fired an automatic grenade launcher(MK-19)
pulled some dukes of hazzard shit in a HMMWV
the list goes on.....
oh and i blocked a roundhouse kick from chuck norris and then headbutted him in the face

I call bullshit on the last one. It's impossible to block a RHK from Chuck Norris. And if you had headbutted him in the face, his beard would have killed you.

 

[scarecrow]

ok so i may have slightly exaggerated the chuck norris one,slightly,but the rest is all 100% true AND IM A BETTER if not slightly insane MAN BECAUSE OF IT

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

Hiked nigh 60 miles at a go (over 5 nights) on the Appalachian trail; lived in the tent and ate the food I carried with me.

Have built my own shelter and stayed in it for two days during moderate rain, over which time the total amount of food I consumed was half an orange (I also had an egg, but it landed the wrong way when I tried to put it on the fire, and you can bet no one in that crowd was giving up their egg for me.

I was the state air pistol champ twice (once in my age group, once overall), and I have played with all manner of firearm.

I booby-trapped a hillside as a child, forgot the traps, and took the punishment after my father set one off on himself.

I have been bitten by a spider just below my right eye. I still have the scar. I have been stung by a bee just below my left. No scar. Bees, by comparison, are sissies.

I don't know how many blows to the head I have taken during my employment (one of 'em was a good 'un, though -- makes my jaw click on the right side sometimes when I chew), but even right after, I've always remained calm and professional.

I have been chased by a man with a gun, and wrecked my car in the process of getting away.

I accidentally ran in front of a cannon during a war re-enactment, and just missed being shot in the back of the head with whatever they packed it with.

I narrowly missed being bitten by a moray eel.

I have taxed the drunks at my university for using my sidewalk.

My sister's pretty bad-ass, too. She jumped and rolled from a moving van (40-45 MPH) to prove a point to a relative that she didn't have to stay for his guilt-trip if she didn't want to.

You...

ive fired a machinegun
fired a machinegun into a house
fired a machinegun at a person
driven a tank
spent a year in iraq
fired an automatic grenade launcher(MK-19)
pulled some dukes of hazzard shit in a HMMWV
the list goes on.....
oh and i blocked a roundhouse kick from chuck norris and then headbutted him in the face
....................................................
also i have survived a grenade that was thrown at me
had a rocket hit next to my trailer(like 10 ft away)
missed getting hit with a rocket propelled grenade

and you win this thread.

P.S.

carried a box of scooby doo bandaids with my medical equipment

I love this.

And if you had headbutted him in the face, his beard would have killed you.

LMAO

 

[AmandaBear]

Bolded green are things I have already done. Bolded blue are things I WANT to do 😀

I'll add some more:

I've had two screws pulled out of my elbow without any anaesthetics

I have grown a bigger beard than anyone I've ever met

I was drunk during an oral presentation in school

I have set a park bench on fire

I have blown up a yule goat

I have made my own rifle out of a floorball-stick and gunpowder from a bunch of firecrackers.

I have a sign saying "Warning: Risk for explosion - remove all containers in case of fire" hanging next to my epic stash of booze

I have a sworn mortal enemy

I have slept in a forest

I have been on the verge of alcohol poisoning


...and I'm a better man for it all, DAMN IT!

Why do none of these surprise me? Guess I'm used to it by now.

Ahem...

I once allowed a surgeon to stick a tube between my ribs and into my lung, while awake in the ER, under a single injection of Novocaine.

Holy...😱 Are you serious?!

 

[Dussicar]

I have worn a dress.

I exfoliate.

I own cats.

I sometimes buff my fingernails.

I...

Oh...We're talking about guy stuff.

Forget what I just said.

 

[Snail Shell]

My turn.

I've been in three professional fights, and won all three.

I've choked out another human being.

I've eaten condiments as a meal.

I've hung up the whole on someone I considered to be a total asshole, who wasn't a telemarketer.

I've instigated two gal friends into bi-sexual behaviour for my own entertainment.

I've turned down a booty call during the NHL post-season.

I've told a customer at work to fuck off.

I've broken up with a girl.

I've been cheated on by a girl and laughed at her when she told me.

I've done a BDSM scene with a girl without any hard limits, or safewords, or any prior knowledge of the preceding two facts, only because she was smoking hot.



Snail Shell