Ray<3tiklishft
3rd Level Red Feather
- Joined
- Aug 28, 2005
- Messages
- 1,536
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These were sent to me by a lady co-worker.
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
wedding, he laid down the following rules:
> "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I
> don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the
> table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go
> hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old
> buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules.
> Any comments?"
>
>
> His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that
> there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're
> here or not."
>
> *******************************************************
>
>
>
> Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
> anniversary!
>
>
>
> The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
> reads, "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever. "
>
> "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
> reads, "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last."
>
>
>
> (HE ASKED FOR IT!)
>
> *****************************************
>
> Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast
> table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed
> either," and storms out of the house.
>
>
>
> After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and
> rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated
> husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"
>
>
>
> She says, "I was in bed."
>
>
>
> "In bed this early, doing what?"
>
>
>
> "Getting a second opinion!"
>
>
>
> (YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
>
> *****************************************
>
> A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so
> proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,
>
> "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a
> party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out
> if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his
> voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?"
>
>
>
> His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right
> back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
>
> (RIGHT ON, LADY!)
>
> *****************************************
>
> THE SILENT TREATMENT
>
>
> A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
> each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next
> day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
> business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and
> LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM."
>
>
>
> He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man
> woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
> Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him when
> he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM.
> Wake up."
>
>
> ****************************************************
> God may have created man before woman but there is always a rough draft
> before the masterpiece.
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
wedding, he laid down the following rules:
> "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I
> don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the
> table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go
> hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old
> buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules.
> Any comments?"
>
>
> His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that
> there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're
> here or not."
>
> *******************************************************
>
>
>
> Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
> anniversary!
>
>
>
> The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
> reads, "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever. "
>
> "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
> reads, "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last."
>
>
>
> (HE ASKED FOR IT!)
>
> *****************************************
>
> Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast
> table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed
> either," and storms out of the house.
>
>
>
> After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and
> rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated
> husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"
>
>
>
> She says, "I was in bed."
>
>
>
> "In bed this early, doing what?"
>
>
>
> "Getting a second opinion!"
>
>
>
> (YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
>
> *****************************************
>
> A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so
> proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,
>
> "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a
> party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out
> if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his
> voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?"
>
>
>
> His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right
> back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
>
> (RIGHT ON, LADY!)
>
> *****************************************
>
> THE SILENT TREATMENT
>
>
> A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
> each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next
> day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
> business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and
> LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM."
>
>
>
> He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man
> woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
> Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him when
> he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM.
> Wake up."
>
>
> ****************************************************
> God may have created man before woman but there is always a rough draft
> before the masterpiece.
