My girlfriend has a tickle fetish.

[regularjoe]

Since this is my first post, I guess I'll start by introducing myself. My name's Joe and I'm a male college student in my early 20's. I do not have a tickle fetish. I guess I'm pretty vanilla by your guy's standards. Before I did some research, I thought of tickling only as a playful or flirty thing. I did some browsing before this post, and it seems like a nice community. I hope there is no problems with an "outsider" posting here.

I've been seeing a girl for a sometime now, let's call her "Jen". Recently it has gotten pretty serious between Jen and I. We are very compatible and have a great time together. Jen is very shy and introverted by nature, and I am more outgoing and energetic. I enjoy bringing her out of her shell and seeing her enjoy herself. Overall, I think we are great together. However, the sexual aspect of our relationship has been lacking. At first I chalked it up to her being less experienced than me. She seems willing and eager to have sex, but during the act, I get the idea she isn't enjoying it as much as I am. I get the feeling she is just trying to please me. I would rather us both be satisfied.

The entire time I've known her, she was always tickling me. In the beginning I just thought she was being flirty. I am much more ticklish than her, and she easily beats me. Normally I am much stronger. When she started a tickle fight, I assumed it was her way of getting advantage over me. Kind of her way of getting me back for a sarcastic comment or "winning" a disagreement. Plenty of girls I've dated or am just friends with tickle me a lot once they find out how ticklish I am. I didn't see anything odd about her behavior.

Recently she stepped up the tickling a bit more. She wouldn't stop right away when I gave up. I figured it was her way of being dominant over me. Normally she takes more of a backseat role in the relationship, which I thought she was comfortable with. For example I usually steer the conversation, choose where to eat, where to go out, etc. So I tried introducing some roleplaying into our sex life, to see if it would spice it up for her. I told her I was her slave for the night and she was the queen, but to my confusion she wasn't very interested.

Fast forward to last night. She started another tickle fight and quickly gained the upper hand. I was pinned down and gave up after a few minutes but she didn't stop until I was begging and breathless. This is when it clicked. It wasn't just the dominance over me she liked, it was the tickling itself. And she didn't "just like" to tickle. So I asked her plainly if tickling aroused her, and she admitted to having a tickle fetish. She was clearly embarrassed. Her face turned red and she wouldn't look at me.

I have to admit I didn't react well. I was suddenly angry and grossed out; angry about the torture she had just put me through, and weirded out that she got aroused by it. I thought about all the times she had tickled me, and I just thought it was fun and games. Call me a pussy, but I felt violated. I was also pissed that she had kept this from me. She knew I knew she wasn't satisfied sexually, and she had me doubting myself in bed. I almost ended it right there. She left in tears.

Well last night I slept on it. This morning I am very ashamed of how I reacted. I fear I really hurt her. I cannot truly understand what having a fetish is like, especially one that many people would find strange. Being outed like that must have been very embarrassing for Jen and my reaction made it even worse. I wish she would have told me earlier, and it didn't have to come out the way it did. I'm sure I would have been a lot more understanding had she come to me instead.

I still want to continue my relationship with Jen. I really enjoy spending time with her and think we have a great thing going. My first order of business is to apologize and have a long talk with her. I left her a message to call me when she gets out of class.

I want her to be happy. I am willing to indulge her fetish, to an extent. I don't hate being tickled, but it can get unpleasant and torturous pretty quickly. I'm quite sure it will never be sexually stimulating for me. I think that's going to be hard to get used to with Jen. Who knows tho, maybe knowing what it does for Jen will do something for me. I read some of the stories here and checked some pictures from the video producers, and quite frankly, they scare me. If Jen can only get off on torturing me then I fear it will not work out. I guess my goal is to find a medium we both can be comfortable with. I won't know what that is until I talk with her.

This post may be a bit premature, but I wanted to see if I could gain more insight before I talked with her. Just typing this out has helped me sort my thoughts.


As I said before, the stories in the story section really scare me. I see a marked difference between the regular discussion going on here and the stories sections. I know they are just fantasies, but that doesn't put me at ease. Is it common thing for tickle fetishists to want to torture somebody like that? Thinking about Jen doing that to me, or even wanting to do that to me, is an unpleasant thought.

Have any of you had relationships with someone that didn't have a tickle fetish, but was willing to give it a try? How important is it to have someone who truly enjoys the fetish, as opposed to someone who is just indulging you for your sake?

I'm also interested in possible methods to endure the tickling better. I don't want to become un-ticklish, as I don't think that would be fun for Jen. Over time, do you build up a higher threshold?

I know that was long, thanks for reading. Please, share your thoughts and advice. Answer my questions above, or add your own insight. Thanks again.

-regularjoe


PS. I'm aware that Jen may read this, but hopefully not before I talk to her first. If she is reading it, SHE BETTER CALL ME RIGHT NOW. 😉

 

[croaker68]

You didn't really say, but does she enjoy being tickled? Maybe she could also enjoy/get aroused from being on the receiving end. It might make it more fun for you too, if you knew you were going to get a chance to get her good sometimes too.

 

[isabeau]

first of all welcome to the forum, regularjoe... i am wondering if she tickles you so that you will reciprocate and tickle her back. just a thought. i can sympathize with you in that my husband doesnt share my tickle fetish. i will say it took a good deal of courage for her to admit this to you, seeing as how she is shy and introverted. i would suggest having a long talk with her and just maybe come out and ask her if she likes to be tickled . it could have been her way of telling you by instigating a tickle fight.

isabeau

ps good luck

 

[regularjoe]

You didn't really say, but does she enjoy being tickled? Maybe she could also enjoy/get aroused from being on the receiving end. It might make it more fun for you too, if you knew you were going to get a chance to get her good sometimes too.

That is a good point. I will have to ask her. If she enjoys being tickled, I would much rather do that, I think. You'd think she'd let me win sometime if that was the case. My guess is she perfers tickling me. She also doesn't seem very ticklish herself. I never really get a chance to try tho, so maybe she has some spots.

 

[chrisheaven]

Great to see a regular guy here

 

[ViperGTS]

Welcome to the forums, Joe. I hope you find all the answers you'll need here.

The stories contained in the Stories forums of this website are typically just that: stories. The overwhelming majority of them are entirely fictional and have little to no bearing in real life. However, they are the things that people like us think about.

Don't think your girlfriend is weird, or a freak. Everyone has their own kinks and everyone likes different things, and she's no different. One thing that dissapoints us here at the forum is the way people are either accepted or not accepted because of their fetish for tickling. The knee jerk reaction is certainly understandable, but make sure she knows you're doing your best to understand her kink and that, although it's not really your bag, you're working on that. ;-)

I agree with Isabeau (as rare as that might be 🙄 ), in that she might be trying to get you to tickle her back. Being tickled silly often does strike the strength from many people, but how much effort does it take to reach up, grab her sides, and wiggle your fingers? Just don't be too rough, girls are easily hurt by rough male hands. ;-) Give it a shot.

Try turning the table on her. See what it's like from her perspective. When she isn't excpecting it, shoot your hands under her shirt and tickle her ribs, or pin her ankles under your arm and tickle her feet. See how she reacts. Chances are, brotha, you'll be in for a hell of a night.

You might be surprised at how arousing tickling can be once you get used to the idea. GIrls like her don't understand that you felt "violated," because they only know how wonderful tickling is to them. try "violating" her, instead. You might see what she's been seeing this whole time.

Now, as for "tickle torture," as depicted in the stories section, that kind of thing would only happen much later in your relationship, well after boundaries of trust and whatnot have been established. Some people enjoy nothing more than being stripped naked, tied tightly to a bed, and tortured until they plain can't withstand anymore. That's what makes them horny. Other people simply get off on thinking about things like that. Others find tickling to be playful, and hardly arousing at all.

Becoming "less ticklish" is difficult, and many here won't encourage it unless there's a serious reason, like being tickled makes you sick, or it's really something you hate. Find out how ticklish your girlfriend is. If she's just as sensetive as you are, have fun! If it's uneven, and yous till feel like you should be less sensetive, let me give you a bit of advice. It's all in your mind. I, myself, am a fairly ticklish person. However, if your mind's control over your body is strong enough, you can essentially turn it off. It takes some practice, but trust me, it can be done.

If you have any other questions, post again, or feelfree to PM me or anyone else on here. We all have much experience with the subject and will be happy to answer any questions/concerns you may have.

 

[milagros317]

Welcome to the TMF, RegularJoe, and congratulations on your first posts.

As an author of some extreme F/m stories, let me assure you that we recognize the difference between fantasy and reality. I think you have the right idea, talk to her about it in detail.

My simple suggestion is that she agree to use a safeword, a word that you say which will cause her to stop immediately.

 

[regularjoe]

Thanks everyone for the responses so far.

Great to see a regular guy here

Don't think your girlfriend is weird, or a freak. Everyone has their own kinks and everyone likes different things, and she's no different. One thing that dissapoints us here at the forum is the way people are either accepted or not accepted because of their fetish for tickling. The knee jerk reaction is certainly understandable, but make sure she knows you're doing your best to understand her kink and that, although it's not really your bag, you're working on that. ;-)

I reread my post and some of the language I used, combined with my username made me come off wrong. I did not mean to imply that I thought my girlfriend or anyone here was irregular, a freak, or weird. I'm sorry to who ever I may have offended.

I do plan to talk to Jen about this. I will apologize for my "knee jerk" reaction and explain to her that I'm willing to try to understand her fetish and give it a shot. I hope she will open up to me.

I want our relationship to work. I hope that she can be truly satisfied with what I can give her. I know I wouldn't be satisfied with a woman who didn't enjoy sex, and was just going through the motions to appease me. I fear this is what I'll be doing with her tickle fetish. This is what worries me the most. I'm willing to explore tickling with her, but will it be enough? Could you folks be sexually satisfied with someone just "going through the motions" to appease your fetish?

 

[Dgree]

weird?

First of all, welcome tot he TMF.
Second, It would have cost a lot of strenght to come here and talk to this community as an "outsider". so, well done!

i would like to point out that every fetish is a bit strange for outsiders...
It is so easy to judge over other people their emotions. Last week I saw a televion show (it was more like a documentary) about guys dressing up as women. Although they were not gay at all! It just turned them on to weir women clothes. some had sex with other girls (while dressed as a girl).
My first reaction first was... "WTF! who likes doing that? These people are so crazy!"
But then, I started to realize that my fetish, tickling (anyone suprised? 🙂 ), is for some one not into tickling, prolly as crazy as wearing girl clothes to me!


Ofcourse you already found out yourself. So, well done again.

I would suggest not to wait too long to talk to her. Let her hair you are sorry for your reaction. Try to be open as possible. Let her feel you are really interested to hear what tickling means to her.

Make sure she trust you again and feel good when she is around you. The rest will follow.

Good luck
Dgree

 

[ViperGTS]

I reread my post and some of the language I used, combined with my username made me come off wrong. I did not mean to imply that I thought my girlfriend or anyone here was irregular, a freak, or weird. I'm sorry to who ever I may have offended.

I never meant to say you implied that she was weird or a freak. I simply was cautioning you to try to not think that way, since that's exactly what supresses people like her from exploring their non-vanilla sides and becoming comfortable with themselves.

I do plan to talk to Jen about this. I will apologize for my "knee jerk" reaction and explain to her that I'm willing to try to understand her fetish and give it a shot. I hope she will open up to me.

Again, I think I may have worded that improperly. Your knee jerk reaction was perfectly normal, and there's nothing wrong with it. Every reacts the same way. It's the next step that's critical. I think you'll understand what I mean soon.

I want our relationship to work. I hope that she can be truly satisfied with what I can give her. I know I wouldn't be satisfied with a woman who didn't enjoy sex, and was just going through the motions to appease me. I fear this is what I'll be doing with her tickle fetish. This is what worries me the most. I'm willing to explore tickling with her, but will it be enough? Could you folks be sexually satisfied with someone just "going through the motions" to appease your fetish?

You might be surprised, as I mentioned, at how arousing the feeling of control (or lack of control) might be for you. If she truly has a tickling fetish, and you love her, you'll find that it's something you'll start to get turned on to as well. Soon enough, you'll be honestly enjoying it, and not just going through the motions.

First of all, welcome tot he TMF.
Second, It would have cost a lot of strenght to come here and talk to this community as an "outsider". so, well done!

Quoted for EMPHASIS! good show, Joe!

 

[UnderArmTickler]

I really feel sorry for your girlfriend. As someone that has always had a VERY hard time admitting to any girlfriend that I have a tickle fetish I can understand she probably feels completely embarrassed and crushed. From your description of her I believe it took everything she had to finally admit it to you. She probably only admitted it because you brought it up first.
If the situation was reversed for me and I admitted it to my girlfriend and she reacted the way you did I would be embarrassed beyond belief. I would have a really hard time feeling attracted to them anymore. I know you don't understand this fetish or others and you realize you reacted wrong. But I totally understand if she wanted nothing to do with you anymore. If you really want her still you have a lot of making up to do. Good luck

 

[ViperGTS]

I really feel sorry for your girlfriend. As someone that has always had a VERY hard time admitting to any girlfriend that I have a tickle fetish I can understand she probably feels completely embarrassed and crushed. From your description of her I believe it took everything she had to finally admit it to you. She probably only admitted it because you brought it up first.
If the situation was reversed for me and I admitted it to my girlfriend and she reacted the way you did I would be embarrassed beyond belief. I would have a really hard time feeling attracted to them anymore. I know you don't understand this fetish or others and you realize you reacted wrong. But I totally understand if she wanted nothing to do with you anymore. If you really want her still you have a lot of making up to do. Good luck

I vehemently disagree with you. I think he reacted naturally. Why act differently than you really feel?

 

[Myriads]

Hello Joe,

Welcome to the forum, and I want to say that as an introductory post, I've seen few as well written in my years here. You clearly have put a lot of thought into your situation, and have given us a very good image of what has happened.

First up I think Joe's response was a natural one given the context of the relationship that he was/is in. Fairly natural for a person with no fetish background to have when confronted with a fetish in a partner. In that instant, a large number of events in his relationship were suddenly placed into a very different context. One that also shifted a lot of attached emotions. While his response to this was not the best for the relationship, it was very natural. Now, in realization he's taking steps to correct for that act. Mature and correct behavior in my eyes. It's clear that he cares deeply about 'Jen' and wants her to be happy.

I honesty feel that by having a open conversation with her will be the main way that you and she come to terms with the issue. Tickling falls into two distinct fetish groupings:

1) Communication touch: These are the gentle playful ticklers in the community. Tickling to them is a playful form of interaction that builds contact and intimacy via touch sharing. This is the minority group in the community. Thier thrill comes out of how the tickling builds intimacy between the partners.

2) Control oriented: These are the control oriented ticklers. They are interested in exercising a form of response control over thier partner through the act of tickling. By far the larger group in the fetish. The thrill for these people lies in the ability to 'cause' something in thier partner. It can vary, but it will almost always be able to get pinned down to seeing something happen that they provoke.

It sounds as if Jen is in the larger group 2. Part of what you discussion will be about is finding out what it is exactly that she is looking for in her tickling. Many of the things she likes might be found in bondage games where she is able to get you off very slowly, and at the speed that she likes. So there are options where you might get 'more' out of the experience that you like.

Look at the tickling as a leading sign of a larger fetish concept (control/response) and see if there are other forms of play that could be added that will satisfy her, and be acceptable to you. So while some tickling will always be a part of things, there are more things on the plate.

Myriads

 

[lk70]

I'm willing to explore tickling with her, but will it be enough? Could you folks be sexually satisfied with someone just "going through the motions" to appease your fetish?

The answer to this will be different depending who you talk to. This is a widely diverse group of people and our individual desires for tickle play range from playful wrestling all the way "up" to scenarios with intense bondage, safewords (or not!) and perhaps additional "kinks" incorporated in. So it's all going to depend on what will be enough for your girlfriend. And you know what? She may not know yet, herself. She's young and it may be something that she's still exploring and getting to know. (Heck, even us oldsters are still exploring).

I too have to say how very impressed I am by your taking the time to calm down, think, research and then post here. Clearly you're a very intelligent and thoughtful guy and she's lucky to have you. You may find yourself more aroused by tickle play as time goes on. There are a few members here who are "converts," that is, introduced to it by a partner and now they love it. I hope they chime in. And I really hope this works out for you in whatever way is best for you. PM anytime, glad to help if possible.

 

[stloldg]

My 2 cents

Just like everyone else I would like to say welcome. I only have been a member of the community for a couple of months; my only regret is I didn’t find it sooner. I have read lot of members threads the comments of a lot of the older members. (Older by time here) I have found that they have a wide range of views. I really enjoy visiting the site everyday.

Back to your situation,

I understand how your g/f feels, when I got married 20+ years ago my wife didn’t know I love tickling and feet, and she hated being tickled. As the years went on it became harder and harder for me to hide it. I started to look for someone outside of the marriage (without her knowledge) to satisfy my tickling desire and made some very bad mistakes. I still regret today.

I am blessed that she understood or loved me enough to try and understand... She didn’t like it at first, but she grown to enjoy it (now that she tickles me.)

I can also understand your side, something new, consider childish, or when you get older weird. There are not a lot of people that understand why we love tickling and you may never do. But, if you love her you will take the time to try and understand how she feels, set aside some ground rules that will give her a little of what she wants, and give you the peace of mind you want.

There is no clear cut answer to this, but again if you really love her than work it out. You’re be happier in the long run.

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

I want to welcome you to the forum Joe and thanks for being open and honest with us. I am somewhat confused. It seems that you don't like being tickled and she obviously likes tickling you. I think you did overreact and I don't blame her for being embarrassed because of your reaction. I agree with some people who have said that you should tickle her and see how she reacts even if you don't think that she's that ticklish. Just do it anyway and see what happens!


I also think that by her tickling you is her way of trying to get you to tickle her. Good luck and hope you can save your relationship!

 

[Mimi]

Welcome to the forum, joe. I do hope that you'll find our forums and atmosphere to be comfortable and welcoming as you seek to find answers to your questions.

I commend you for taking the steps that you have to understand this fetish and the driving forces behind it, especially for the sake of improving your relationship with your partner. Not many people in your position do so, as you would find by talking with other forum members about how their partners have reacted upon learning of their fetish. The fact that you are here and seeking to understand this from her side is most respectable and you've gained much admiration already.

There is not much I can say aside from what has been stated already, and I certainly do not want to sit here and parrot my well spoken colleagues. The only thing I would like to quickly do though is attempt to put your mind at ease over what you read in the stories forum. While many of us do fantasize about non-consentual or torturous tickling, it remains strictly that.....a fantasy. We live our the more sadistic aspects of our fetish through fiction and other forums of tickling media. The tickling we enjoy with our partners or playmates is consentual, safe, and negotiated. Anyone not respecting the person they are playing with is violating a general human right, and would not be welcomed openly into our community. What you read in the stories found on this forum is fantasy based fiction, and not a reflection of what we personally engage in.

I hope you and your girlfriend are able to talk this through, and find an enjoyable way to incorporate tickling into your relationship....one that satisfies and pleases you both. Good luck.

Mimi 🙂

 

[ViperGTS]

Be sure to update us! 🙂

 

[aun_existe_amor]

Hi Joe 🙂 You sound like a very kind, caring, loving, wonderful man. You seem to be the sort of man that most of us girls want. Jen is very lucky to have you. I hope you keep coming back here and become a regular poster. It doesn't matter whether you are into tickling or not, the fact that you tried to find out more and to understand it shows how much you care about Jen. We don't have all the answers here. We are all different and and enjoy different types of tickling. I'm sure everyone here would be willing to answer any questions you may have. We will all probably give different answers though depending on what we like about tickling. Jen is the best person to talk to about what she's into. You might be the only person who knows that she's into tickling and that's why she is so embarrassed. Or, it might be that she loves you so much that she is worried that you won't want her now you know. I hope you manage to work things out with her. Good luck and good wishes for the future 🙂

 

[SlightlyEvil]

Good advice has already been given, so I'll just say this:
Congratulations on being a great boyfriend. You seeking us out, spending time and energy on trying to understand what goes on in her head, while personally being scared of the consept, shows real dedication and character.

Best of luck to you both! You deserve it!

Oh, and welcome to the forum 🙂

 

[Knox The Hatter]

Good luck, Joe. Go get her.

 

[NeitherSparky]

Joe, welcome to the forum. I also think you are an amazing person for seeking this place out and "doing your homework." At 31 I've yet to even be in any sort of committed relationship so I've yet to be in Jen's position (if I ever am). I am one of the "minority" fetishists mentioned earlier for whom tickling is more playful and pleasant, without any sort of real control issues to speak of. I find it hard to join in many discussions because of that (so I don't! Notice my low post count). I personally can't even read the more extreme stories.

I wish you and Jen luck. Coming back to update us is optional, don't feel weird or pressured. 🙂

 

[ticklingfeet4fu]

First off, let me welcome you aboard Joe.

Second, I think it is great that you research this and asked us our opinions and advice. You are not very typical that is for sure.

Third, It takes a REALLY man to admit that he made a mistake especially in regards to his relationship with a lady. I find it also fasinating that after you made this mistake ( actually it should be termed a mistake but more of an overreaction ) that you want to do the right thing to make it work.
I will say you are nothing short of CLASSY. I hope she forgives you and holds on to you.

Good Luck!!!

 

[meangry]

As many have said in regards to the story boards...it is mostly fiction, usually in a fantasy styled situation. As a male, I am sure there are actresses, or girls you knew growing up that you felt an attraction to that you fantasized about.

Is this fetish conventional? By all means, no. But are the people who have it? I'd say, in many cases, yes. I'm an average guy. I like sports. I'm getting a college education, and I have done some very exceptional things scholastically, athletically, and so on. I was with the 'In' crowd growing up. I was never really a social outsider or any of that. People from all walks of life have kinks and what not.

I know some people think that looking and fixating on boobs is healthy, but looking in terms of this...it makes someone just as big of a pervert if they get off on that. Every single person has a thing...or things...that get their motor running.

The ability to accept it and want to cater to it is awesome though. Just remember: this fetish does not define your girlfriend. Your girlfriend is still the same person she always was, the person you loved and such. This is another layer to her. Now reacting the way you did I think is wrong, but perfectly natural. She hasn't even really violated you. She didn't tie you to the bedposts and have at it for a weekend or anything. Should she have told you? Sure. But even so, when someone comes out of that closet, getting freaked out is only going to put them in there longer, and in many ways harm future relationships.

Make the effort. If you love her, you love her. Bottom line. Don't let a fetish, a kink...or whatever dictate how you feel about her.

And also...just tickle her back. In many ways, this is a two way street. People switch all the time and have fun with it.

 

[ticklesmurph]

welcome joe....hope you can work things out.....DAMN i wish i could find a girlfriend with a tickle fetish!!