My Monthly "Things That Ticked Me Off" Rant...

[Dave2112]

* Saw an infomercial for some face-cream and there's Jessica Simpson talking about how she couldn't go out of the house or perform to her "potential" when she had zits. "Oh my God, it was like my life was over or somethin'! I just couldn't stand in front of people with any dignity and lip-synch to those cartoon jingles that pass for songs that other people write for me! I could barely shake my boobs at the crowd to keep my 15 minutes going..."

Die, Jessica. Preferably something to do with fire.

*Saw a regular commercial with a guy in a head-wrap sitting next to that stupid AFLAC duck. (Separate rant: Nice to see Gilbert Gottfried's career hasn't stalled.) Said guy is going on and on about how AFLAC made sure that he could pay his bills, help keep his family happy. Then, while I'm sitting here watching this... as an average American who got sick and could barely keep his head above water due to his insurance company's greed...this guy says: "...and little Jenny could continue with her piano lessons!"

Yeah, I'm gonna be catching up for years...but at least I feel good knowing that there was no interruption in 5-year-old Jenny's piano lessons.

Fuck Jenny.

*They are actually giving Martha Stewart 2 television shows. She and O.J. must have failed in thier search for the real inside trader. There's a commercial for Martha's new reality show where she's saying, with a straight face to one of the competitors, "You can't give up! I made the best of a bad situation! I've been to jail..."

You spent five months in a place even the inmates called "Camp Cupcake"! For an offense that would have gotten me 25 years.

Get beaten by clubs and bleed in the moonlight.

Ok, back to normal...

 

[Mimi]

LMAO! Omg I am SO with you on the Jessica Simpson commercial. She was mortified over having, what? Three mini invisble bumps on her chin? Honey, the digital editors have a FAR harder time masking that blank vacant look in your eyes than they do digitally erasing a few non-existent pimples!

Go fly a buffalo...

 

[JPie1]

you know what Dave?


YOU ROCK!!!! LOL

 

[isabeau]

thanks Dave that made me laugh sort of, your sense of humour gets to me everytime. however i disagree about martha, i did like her but i am finding it hard to see her on tv again. and camp cupcake is in my state, famous inmate squeaky fromme s home away from home. and omg i so agree about jessica simpson i mean what is with todays media? making a celeb from someone with absolutely nil talent while plenty struggling artists die a slow death waiting for recognisation. and i cant figure out who would sleep with her to get her where shes at today. i also lump britney in that category. sorry brit fans.

isabeau

 

[kis123]

Anyone remember Jessica Simpson doing a commercial with Pizza Hut and the Muppets? The only thing I got from that commercial was she finally found her true soulmate.

If you paint her green, she'd be Kermit the Frog's long lost sister! I don't know what anyone sees in her-she's unattractive, has no talent, and a small piece of a body (depending if it belongs to her or her surgeon or not). Now her sister is cute, but is equally untalented. But she's a lot easier to look at.

I know how it feels to get sick and have your life handed back to you. I sold AFLAC years ago-they need to take the money they spend on commercials and pay the agents better that peddle that crap for them if you ask me!

Yeah Dave....what everyone else said.....YOU ROCK!!!!

 

[phfttklr]

Excellent Dave !! Reminds me of a Jim Norton (comedian) rant- especially the endings.

Did you do other celebs here before? I could do a search, but that would take up precious seconds of clicking and typing

What's often considered important these days,in the world of the media, I sometimes feel jealous of Tom Hanks in the movie "Castaway".

I need to go out tonight and find love, lol

 

[asutickler]

Not that I'm a fan of Jessica Simpson or anything... But I find it curious that so many people who apparently don't like her would waste their time and energy sitting around talking about just how much they dislike her. 😕

 

[Mimi]

Because my life is sad and pathetic and I'm not happy unless I have something or someone to bitch about. 🙄

 

[asutickler]

lol, so bitch about AFLAC. Everyone hates insurance companies, and for a damn good reason... 😀

 

[Dr. Bill Kobb]

Not that I'm a fan of Jessica Simpson or anything... But I find it curious that so many people who apparently don't like her would waste their time and energy sitting around talking about just how much they dislike her. 😕

They probably wouldn't, except that Jessica SimpsonTM is so relentlessly shoved down their collective throats, that it's nice to be able to converse with a bunch of, well, strangers(for the most part) and find that common ground, even if it's just a bunch of us all standing here questioning together why the hell this person is in fact everydamnwhereyoulook. I refuse to believe she has such a monumental following. Her and most 'celebrities' these days are foisted upon you, like it or not. Buncha vacant-eyed meat-puppets with corporate tentacles up their wazzos.

Can you see someone like Frank Zappa or Janis Ian even getting studio time these days? 🙁

 

[asutickler]

Can you see someone like Frank Zappa or Janis Ian even getting studio time these days? 🙁

lol, GOOD! Damn hippies... 😛

 

[Mimi]

lol, so bitch about AFLAC. Everyone hates insurance companies, and for a damn good reason... 😀

True, but at least the AFLAC commercials are entertaining!! 😛

 

[asutickler]

lol, yeah... And that duck would so, like, TOTALLY cream the Geico gecko. 😀

(I mean cream as in kick his ass... Not cream as in the duck has some sort of gecko fetish.) 😛

 

[Dr. Bill Kobb]

That poor gecko wouldn't stand a fart-in-a-mitten's chance against that duck.

 

[asutickler]

 

[Dr. Bill Kobb]

Praise Allah!

See! The Koran teaches one to..."Always look on the bright side of life!"

 

[isabeau]

omg asutickler too hilarious. actually i also like the aflac commercial, some of them anyway. and i think the geicko is too cute. as for wasting my time talking about jessica, this is the first time i have ever voiced an opinion about her outside of my house. usually i'm not catty or mean, but geeshhhhhhhhhhh she is horrible to the max. and not knowing what chicken of the sea was. sighs.

isabeau

 

[unit5610]

...but just think...Jessica will someday be overtaken by the next overmadeup, ridiculuously skinny bimbo that Hollywood can produce and people will forget about her like yesterday's trash. That type of fame is very fleeting...
Give me real people like we have on this forum any day!

 

[kis123]

lol, so bitch about AFLAC. Everyone hates insurance companies, and for a damn good reason... 😀

Been there, done that! I used to sell for them and they suck!

Does that cover it?

Besides, the Jessica Simpsons and the Britney Spears of the world are the unattractive, untalented bimbos that everyone loves to hate. Besides they'd rather have negative attention than none at all!

 

[asutickler]

ROFL... I know someone who used to work for State Farm, and, according to them, their own employees refer to the company as "SNAKE Farm." 😀