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Navy Sea Story

MAJ, I believe that when Admiral Zumwalt was no longer Admiral of the Navy, whoever took his place banned the beards... which took place the same month that I was discharged, thank goodness. I still had to be clean shaven except for a mustache while serving in the Reserves afterward... Military and cop mustaches are the worst looking things to ever sit on a lip...and maybe one ex-girlfriend of mine.

Speaking for myself, I became a Shellback but I didn't have to participate in all of the initiations, except for kissing the feet of the 'drag queens' and having my face forced into that greased belly. I just had surgery when we crossed the equator.
 
Damn Right I'm A Shellback!!

I still have my shellback card. Here's what's strange, I went from the Pig where the ceremony was everything, to Special Projects submarines where I was the ONLY SHELLBACK ON THE BOAT! Projects was strictly a northern pacific deal and once in projects most sailors never left. Out of 170 sailors on my sub (we'd go to sea with about 120 we only had 7 who had been to the PI. Maybe I'm nostalgic about the Navy because had I stayed in I would have retired on July 3rd of this year.

I knew beards must have been banned when I was in because I remembered it, and I also remembered it was before I went to Nuke school in late '84. I believe the CNO at the time was Watkins?

Christ. OBAs. I hated those F ing Things. One thing I liked about Submarines was we'd pick up a mask and plug into the Ships air header for our emergency air, but we still had to qualify on OBAs. Now I ask you, what kind of safety device is it that's MORE dangerous to take it off than the actual event itself? Remember how hot those cannisters would get? (And how fun they were if you chunked them in water?)

You know, I'm not surprised at what happened to you in the PI. I still find it uncanny at how those women would know the names of virtually every sailor in Subic, Manila, O Town. I found an old buddy of mine because I asked a PI Honey if she knew of him.

HOw about the haircuts? I still have no f ing idea what a "taper" is, or how some chief from the beginning of time was able to judge your "taper" I always found it effective to just say I got my haircut from a Navy recommended shop. Then it didn't matter if you had a taper or not. I always thought the surface fleet had all the jerk off chiefs because when I was on the Pig we had this chief who would chew your ass for not having sideburns. It didn't MATTER that the regulations didn't require them, what mattered to the chief was the "model" sailor who was pictured in the uniform regs had sideburns so it was an unwritten requirement. Now I thought this to be the monument of fuckedupdom until I went to my submarine. As a rule the Khakis on the subs were far better creatures to work for after all we all had to sleep in the same areas, although we did have a Goat locker too. Then I met Master Chief S++++P, this piece of work required you to wear your dungaree sleaves rolled down and buttoned, that is if you were wearing the long sleeve variety. His reasoning was simplicity in the making, even though the regs didn't require it the "model" sailor in the regulations had his sleeves rolled down and buttoned, therefore we had to.

On the other hand, one of the funniest things I ever saw was done by a dickhead Master Chief on the Pig. As we ex sailors all know NO ONE EVER GAMBLED ON A USN VESSEL (Right!!LOL). One night we were in Reactor Berthing and these guys had a huge game going on. I believe there were about 3000 dollars worth of chips all over the table. This Master Chief was pulling Master At Arms duties. He walks in, asks what's going on and we're all trying to play it cool. We say, Ah just a friendly game of cards there Master Chief. He laughs and says ok carry on, then he turns around and says Hey given it's just a friendly game you boys don't mind if I mess the chips up do ya? Then he proceeds to mix all the piles together!!! (Personally, even though it cost me about a grand in winnings I get a laugh out of it to this day).

On the other hand there were some decent Khakis. We had a Lt Comander in projects who was a Mustang. For those who don't know a Mustang is an officer who started out as enlisted and worked his way to being an officer. Since they don't have the Academy Ring they tend to be cool. (I hate ring tappers, I now have three ring tappers working for me and I ride them constantly). Anyways one night we were on watch together and I asked the officer if I could ask a personal question. At first he was hesitant because usually when I was given permission to ask a personal question I'd ask if I could buy someones daughter or wife. Finally he said, Yeah Bam shoot. I'd noticed after this officer was saluted he'd always smile RIGHT after returning with his salute. He wasn't on a power trip so I figured I'd ask. The Cdr told me, "Well when I was enlisted everytime I'd saulte an officer I'd say Fuck You under my breath, so now when I return a salute I say Same to you!!!" He was definitely unique.

Ok guys, I know this had to happen on every ship, but did you guys always have at least ONE guy who had to do the 50 yard drunken dash so he wouldn't miss ships movement after a port of call? (This by the way was a favorite spectator sport on the Pig)


Tron
 
Hey, Neutron! Those berthing compartments literally gave me headaches. Those are sleeping quarters, for the uninitiated. I bet coffins would have been more comfortable. Every morning I'd wake up and ram my head into the lighting fixture. This would be funnier with pictures.

I also had a roommate back at the base who had the worst foot odor anyone could imagine. Remember that scene in "Raiders Of The Lost Ark", when that box was opened and all of those 'Angels' were flying around... if you looked at them, they'd turn evil and your face melted? That's what entering that room was like. I finally put in a request for a new room. He was sore at me for doing that... and he was also the cook. I can only imagine what added ingredients he put in my omelette at breakfast.
 
LMAO!!!!


I think I should hold a Navy Ticklers party and invite all four of you. Wouldn't I have fun that night? Hearing lots of Navy stories and getting tickled by four handsome, rugged, well-traveled guys!!!!
 
Hell crydun, I'd Come Down

You didn't answer my email, you said something about a couch that was confusing because it came out of the blue!

Tron
 
featherfingers..

Or how about when you'd finally get to sleep after about a million hours on watch, and the kid who was supposed to wake up the next group of watchstanders would accidently get your rack instead.

Just how many times did you get woken up with a flashlight beam top the eyes only to here the Following "OOPS wrong rack!" (For those who don't know, a rack is your bed. On a submarine they were about 6 feet 2 inches long, about 24 inches or so wide. There was a blue privacy curtain . I believe between my rack on the boat and the one above me was about 20 inches or so. All I knew was I couldn't roll over. Our racks could be lifted so you could store your stuff in the flat space below them

WE had one guy who the seamen HATED waking up because he'd get up real mean and start swinging. Eventually they'd bring in a stick and poke the guy through his curtain.

On a sub everything stunk. You weren't alowed to shower everyday because we could only make limited water. When you did shower you could rinse for 45 seconds. Turn off the water, Lather and wash your hair. Then get 45 seconds to rinse off. And yes a guy timed it. We stored our "underway" clothes in storage bins outside our rooms because we couldn't stand the smell even after many washings (imagine wearing a grease trap from a restraunt). The sad part is, even with the smell there were sTILL guys whose feet would knock you dead!.

Another thing about submarines. Most places you work aren't more than 25 or 30 feet long. So after being at sea for 90 days and seeing nothing but walls you actually couldn't see farther than 30 feet when we got into port. Anything farther than that was just a blur for about a day or so.

TRon
 
Re: Hell crydun, I'd Come Down

Neutron said:
You didn't answer my email, you said something about a couch that was confusing because it came out of the blue!

Tron

the mailer daemon said two were delayed. Maybe it was one of them.
 
More Later This Weekend..

I'm on nights till SAturday!

Hey did you guys change your home state in order to avoid paying state taxes? The minute I'd resided in Florida for 6 months I became a proud resident of that state!
Tron
 
Last edited:
Surface Vs Subs

I had a unique persepective in the Navy because I was one of the few who got to be in the target fleet and the sub fleet. Not only was I in the sub fleet I was in a very special part of it. I went into the Navy a bit later than most, I was just over 23 years old. At the time I'd played in the NFL, but left because of a pretty bad head injury. MY youngest brother had just graduated high school, he entered the Air Force (which wouldn't take me due to a few minor altercations with the law). I figured I'd join the military too. One day I was reading a Sports Illustrated and saw this great advertisement for Mississippi Power And Light, which was opening the Grand Gulf Nuke plant around 1984. Behind the guy in the ad was a chalboard with an equation, which I was able to solve, later on i found out it was the Xenon Equilibrium Equation. I figured this nuke stuff might be cool, and I was tired of Umpiring Baseball and playing Semi Pro Ball. I was also sick of colege and I'd always loved the Navy. So I called a recruiter about this nuclear thing they had going. I told him I wouldn't join unless I could be a nuke, recruiters had a quota for Nukes and even though he wasn't sure of my appearance (Mohawk, Loin Cloth with a knife tucked into the waist band) he gave me the nuke test, which I aced. The Navy then granted me a "Behaviour" waiver.

I like Boot Camp. I didn't get fucked with, mostly because I understood it was a game and played along.

Then I went to "A" School, which is whewre I learned the basics about Steam Engineering and Power Plants. That was in Great Lakes Illinois. Lucky for me I left GLakes right at the beginning of December, just before it got cold

By the way MAJ and featherfingers, do you remember that Antibiotic jelly they shoot into the area just above your ass at GLakes? I remember the next day getting out of my rack and falling down because the fucking shot froze your ass muscles up!.

FRom there I went straight to Orlando, no smurf duty because Uncle Sam was hurting for nukes BIG TIME because of the drug purges of the mid 80s and they were flat in the middle of the big submarine construction era. I had an AWESOME time at Orlando. It was a great area, lots of things to do, lots of women, lots of titty bars and clubs, and for some reason I fell in love with the fashion square mall. Every Friday night we'd go to the 10PM showing of REvenge Of The Nerds, followed by Rocky Horror. One thing I hated, every day at 4pm it'd rain on base, and stop promptly at 410, just as I was entering the mess hall. This ensured I'd have to get my dress whites dry cleaned frequently. I refused to wash my clothes in the barracks laundreys because you'd always get kids who had no idea how to wash clothes, and if you'd follow them you'd end up with dress pinks. I'd head to Chi Chi's on Colonial everyday at 330PM for happy hour (I'd go out the Bennet Street Exit Maj) Sometimes of course I'd it the Cover Slut, and Century 21 because I liked watching a movie and drinking beer.

At Nuke school the top 10 guys in the class our choice of where we'd go to prototype. For those who don't know what that is, after Nuke School the Navy would send you to a land based reactor to qualify prior to allowing you to operate their fleet reactors. These prototupes were the same types as in the fleet (except MARF which was the Frankenstein of all reactors). Your choices were Balston Spa NY, Windsor COnn, or Idaho Falls Idaho. I wanted Balston Spa, but my two best friends at Nuke school wanted IF. Since I could request they go where I go I decided I'd request IF, mostly because they wanted to go there worse than I wanted Balston Spa. The reason having friends was important was none of these places had barracks, you had to rent a place so good room mates were essential. TRansportation wasn't a problem because the IF prototype was in a desert, and the Navy would bus you 90 minutes each way. When I was a student that was on top of a 15 hour work day. It sort of sucked. They did have overnight berthing if you were too tired to go home, but usually it was shutdown due to guys getting the crabs.

I got picked up for staff duty, my two roommates went straight to the fleet. After my staff tour I alread mentioned how I ended up on The Pig.

I like both fleets. I had a blast in both, but the mentality certainly was different. NUkes are trained to question orders, it's the first thing they tell us. Do not blindly follow any order, and if you don't agree do not follow it at all. However you better have a good basis to disagree. Many of the guys in the surface fleet, and just about all the Chiefs were regular Navy were obedience was king. AS a person I tried to get along with all the various ratings (rating is a job in the Navy, for instance Maj was an Electronics Rating, feather was probably an Aviation, I was an engineer). I was sort of a minor league hero on the Pig because I was doing an Officers job (EOOW an engineering officer), and because I had a degree and refused to become an officer. Plus I was only on the Pig a short time so I didn't have to play the games. I REALLY hated those fucking chiefs whose only job was to tell you to get a haircut or your shoes shined prior to leaving the Pig. I was also astounded at how many ways the Surface fleet could cook Hamburgers (Sliders) and try to pass them off as different things!. I DID like the people, as a group they were far more varied than submariners. Plus they partied harder. There was a lot more fucking with the enlisted in the surface fleet. I remember this asswipe Master Chief got it into his head that normal working hours are 8am to 430PM. Now to a civilian that might seem just dandy. However to a sailor it meant the following (I'll explain). Each area of a ship has watchstanders, in other words guys who do various jobs in that portion of a ship. In engineering on the Pig we were on 4/8 which meant I'd be on watch 4 hours and off for 8. During that 8 hours I might have to do maintenance, work on my qualifications, or go to Battle Stations. In other words I couldn't always sleep. Well this fucking Master Chief decided since 8 to 430 were normal working hours that meant no one could be in Berthing during those hours. So if I got off watch at 8AM I couldn't go to sleep, and I'd have to be back on watch at 4pm. We finally got got it lifted by basically being so bullheaded ABOUT making the Chiefs and the officers prove every order they gave was correct the CO wanted to know why nothing was getting done in Engineering (for instance paperwork needed to start up the reactors). When he found out about the berthing thing he blew up, Although I had the feeling if the reactors were running he wouldn't have given a shit. Because the Enterprise was so busy it was tough sleeping to begin with, although realistically I can't remember one time in the Navy when lack of sleep bugged me. I guess we just all got used to it. My first day on board I was told Reactor Berthing was closed so I had to find a rack for myself, it didn't bug me because I knew nukes from the Pig, and they all told me Reactor Berthing was noisy because it was right next to the main engines of the ship.. Dumbass me went forward and found a great lounge, with plentry of open racks. Thinking I was smarter than 6000 other sailors who had been on the Pig for awhile I said, I'll take one of these. Of course that evening I was shocked by the tremendous noise above me and the fact it felt the whole end of the ship was shaking off. Turns out my nice quiet mecca was that way for a good reason. It was right under the catapults that launched the airplanes. The next day it was realized I was there as a guest and to help out, so I was given a rack in Reactor Berthing 🙂 I soon found out Night time wasn't too bad on the Pig. One of the more senior guys tuned me into sitting on the fantail and watching the Wake of the ship. I spent many a happy hour just sitting watching stars and watching the wake. It's a sight I'll never forget.

My time on the Big E ended too soon and I went to my projects boat. It was decidedly different!. Of course rank meant something, it was a miltary organization, but competence meant a LOT more. I met plenty of incompetent guys in the surface fleet (and no wonder, the surface fleet is huge). I can't say I met an incompetent person in the Sub Fleet, then again I was in a very select portion of it. They also weren't anal about personnel inspections or hair cuts, Keep it short enough and they were happy. I also never wore a dress unirform when I was in projects. When you left the boat no one inspected you and the Captain ALWAYS let us leave first after a cruise. The other thing I noticed was the Sub Fleet was a LOT more serious about quals. For the civilians out there quals are basically books with a bunch of tasks. You learn how to do the task, then show a qualified person you can do it. He then signs your qual book. After your book is done you are now qualified to work independently. About the only thing that was the same, within my first three days on the Enterprise I was qualified in Damage Control, same thing on the Submarine. The other quals however were different. For instance on the Enterprise technically all Nukes had to be qualified a majority of their watchstations within a year, but no one really bothered checking, unless they ran out of watchstanders. I never once saw anyone get into trouble for not qualifying. Also, you didn't have to know anyone elses job. If you wanted to qualify surface warfare you could, but it wasn't required. On the sub I had 6 months to qualify all my watchstations PLUS submarine warfare. I didn't have to know how to repair everyones equipment, but I did have to know how to operate in case the normal ratings got injured or killed. I was a nuke, but I could con the boat if needed, and I could operate the sonar and all that. It had to be that way in the subfleet because we had a limited number of people. Around 120 on my boat. The odd thing was for that limited number of people it didn't seem as friendly as in the surface fleet. Someone was always checking your qual status. And unlike the surface fleet every watchstation you qualified on required an interview with the Old Man.

Our berthing was different, for instance the Junior Officers slept in the same berthing as us, AND when someone was sleeping they were good about letting you sleep. Also, subs "Rig for red" between certain hours of the day. In other words they have special red lights that simulate night. They do this for two reasons.
1: to keep your body on a regular clock, although they didn't think it through because we were on 6/12 (6 on watch, 12 off) so you'd rotate different times of the day on watch)

2: In case the boat has to surface at night they want to guys who go topside to be able to see in the dark instantly. The whole time I was on the Sub we only surfaced outside of port once. And that was because the weather report predicted gorgeous weather, we were only out for training, and the CO wanted to have a BBQ. So we surfaced, we swam in the Pacific (with two sharpshooters to cap sharks) and we had about a 8 hour party.

Some guys had to "Hot Rack" Subs have a limited number of bunks or racks and sometimes when doing training we'd take more than our usual complement of people. In these cases junior guys hot racked. When one was on watch another would take his rack, and they'd rotate like this. The other option was strap on racks which had little clamps so they could strap them onto a torpedo. My first 7 weeks onboard I slept on a MK48 Torpedo. Overall the fact there really wasn't segregated berthing made the officers and crew a lot closer.

Yes the food was a LOT better, at least until we ran out of fresh stuff, and still they managed to do well. We ate a lot of varieties of chicken, steak, roast beef, shark, and every Saturday night was all you can eat pizza. After about two weeks at sea we'd get mostly dried milk, dried eggs, freeze dried stuff, but they always had fresh bread and cookies. The cooks had a list of every mans birthday and we'd have birthday parties underway. If anyone wanted to cook they did. ON halfway night (the night we figured to be halfway done with a cruise) we'd have casino night, and the officers would cook. We always had new release movies before the general public did, but until you qualified you couldn't watch movies. We had two schools underway, your in rate training, and School of the Boat to keep your Submarine warfare quals up. When I was on the Enterprise they NEVEWR scrammed (Shutdown the reactors) while the ship was underway. When I was on the submarine, we'd be submerged, and the engineering officer would constantly come back and turn the automatic shutdown switch, then turn off the lights and we'd have to start up in pitch black. In his words your life might depend on it.

First thing a Sub would do underway 9after submerging, was Angles and Dangles. Basically they dive the boat at a maximum angle, as fast as they can, then surface her in the same manner. They did it multiple times. (BEST damn roller coaster I've ever been on) This is dobne for two reasons, to get used to handling her under the worst conditions, AND also to make sure the boat was "rigged for sea" Rigged for sea means everything needs to be tied down.. THe wrath of God would come down on you if something fell out of your rack, or a tool fell on your watchstation. The Sonar Guys could tell the Old Man exactly where a noise came from, and what caused it. I know it sounds picky, but Submarines lives depend on stealth. And a small noise can get a bunch of sailors killed.

Overall it was a good life. The one things I could have done without were the smell of my clothes when we came in from a cruise. And that endearing thing the Russians used to do called a Crazy Ivan. Russian weaponry sucked and their sensors were for shit. For instance you could hear Russian subs from MILES away and they couldn't hear us at all. Directly behind a submarine is an area known as the Baffles. WAter churning through your screws tends to mask any noise in the baffles. US Submarines had the ability to hear through the baffles, but the Russians never seemed to be able to figure out how to do it, or get the proper electronics to do so. SO as a compensatory measure they'd do a rapid 180 degree turn and charge right back through their baffles. They'd do this to be able to hear, AND hopefully to spook a US sub into trying to avoid the Soviet boat, and in doing so make some noise that they could analyze and maybe use a detection measure. They didn't really give a fuck if they hit anything. Of course we were training to maintain course on the basis the odds are they couldn't turn directly back into their own path, and they'd most likely miss. WE called this Rusky maneuver a Crazy Ivan . I suffered through a few of these. (Technically I guess it should be called FUCK A CRAZY IVAN!! Because that's what you'd hear over the sound powered phones from the control room when it happened.

Be safe!

Tron
 
Hey, Tron!
Wow, what a read! I don't think I can reply to everything I've just read there, but I'll give it a shot.

I went to boot camp in San Diego, where the weather was pretty agreeable, even in December. I never had to have that shot that you spoke of. We certainly had our share of immunization shots, but even with those we ended up catching colds due to the fact that each guy brought his own 'hometown germs' with him.

I remember that I hated shaving. I've had facial hair of some sort since I was three. So, when I got to boot camp and the barber shaved off my hair, I knew my beard would be the next to go. We had to shave off our own facial hair. I did a pretty good job of cutting up my face with those cheap disposable razors they gave us. So, with my face nice and bloody, I went to the Company Commander and asked if I could perhaps be exempt from shaving. He didn't buy it. I went without facial hair for the next four months. (Counting "A" School, too). Ladies, if you think it was shallow of me to worry about facial hair that way, imagine being told you could wear no make-up of any kind for four months.

As soon as I was attached to my unit after graduating from "A" School, I was told I could grow a mustache! Woo Hoo! In retrospect, military mustaches are the cheesiest looking things on Earth. A live caterpillar would have looked better under my lip. That's why I wear either a beard or a goatee now. (Today it's a goatee)

I had my share of friends. Some were good influences, others not so good. My best friend at the time and I were walking around Olongapo after doing some drinking. There was a Black man walking just ahead of us. My friend, for no apparent reason and totally unprovoked, called that man a n*****. (I refuse to use that word... I respect Black people too much and I have Black people in my family). The Black man put down what he was carrying and walked toward my friend. I stood between them and told him, "Please don't hit him. He's drunk, he doesn't know what he's saying". The Black man clobbered my friend and knocked him flat on his back. I can't say that I blamed him. The Shore Patrol came and got names and details then let us go.

The next morning I was called in to the Ready Room. (That's where the pilots receive their instructions about the day's events). As I walked toward the CO, my friend (wearing steel-toed combat boots) kicked me in the shin. The CO asked me to tell him about what happened the previous night. I told it like it was and from that day forward, the friendship I had with my friend ended. Sad, but I wasn't about to lie just to save his ass. I would've lost all of my self respect had I done that.

I wrote the above because I don't want people to think that once you're in the military, prejudices and hatred suddenly disappear. You learn new prejudices or your old ones become stronger...or you find you are no longer as prejudiced as you once were...depends on the person. I disliked officers because they always seemed to be so high and mighty... until I met a few who were down to earth and very kind.

My sermon is done, Tron. I hope the 'congregation' didn't fall asleep.
 
I've just got to revive this one, because I completely pissed myself reading it. It is the funniest fucking thing I've ever read. Government uniformed jobs in general have sick and earthy senses of humour, but there's no doubt that nothing gets sicker than the navy.
 
I've just got to revive this one, because I completely pissed myself reading it. It is the funniest fucking thing I've ever read. Government uniformed jobs in general have sick and earthy senses of humour, but there's no doubt that nothing gets sicker than the navy.

He he, I had a friend in the RAF who is out now, but he was on Crash 'n' Smash - the team that picks the pieces up after a plane crash. He had some hilarious tales to tell. You may know what I mean, and think it's incredibly crude, but it's the only way these guys got through the awful job of picking those pieces up. But the humour is definitely as you say Jimbo!
 
Great thread. I haven't seen Neutron post in quite some time. Anybody heard from him?
 
Now this was a good bump.😀 I recall reading this thread before,frickin hilarious.:blaugh:
 
Unceremoniously disbarred, I do beleive Drew.
(Damn I miss the "good 'ol days"...) 😛
XOXO

Great thread. I haven't seen Neutron post in quite some time. Anybody heard from him?
 
Yes Tronny was black balled, I forget why, I (eventually) got on very well with him, but he did get in to fearsome spats with other posters.

I miss the guy, I hope he will be back one day.
 
Blackballed as in suspended or permanently booted?
 
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