Need advice

[AdviceName]

Hi all. I've posted here before under a different name, but I just created this one to get unbiased advice on a serious problem I'm having. I've been in a relationship with an amazing woman for a little over two years now, but we've recently run into a problem. I've been having some trouble in the "performance" department when tickling is not present. When it is - no problem at all. The trouble is...she's not into including tickling EVERY time. Sometimes she just wants some quick sex, which I want desperately to give to her, but have been largely unable to do. The bottom line is that she's fine with tickling being something that turns me on, but not with tickling being the ONLY thing that turns me on. I'm in love with her, and I want more than anything to be able to just be able to have regular sex with her like any other guy. She's told me that everything else about our relationship is exactly what she wants, but this is the one sticking point. I can't let this be a deal breaker...so any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

 

[solescratcher99]

Okay, I'll bite. If SHE wants the quick sex, then pop a viagra and let her have it. You don't have to cum, only she does. You just need to keep it up long enough. Just my two cents.

 

[Myriads]

Your tickling paraphilia has become a tickling fetish.

Once the tickling becomes needful, then you have entered the problem side of things. Your sexual psychology has become trapped behind the need, and thus your options are getting limited.

This is the point that clinical therapy starts to have some value, though you can start by trying some simple exercises at home. You need to start to 'remap' your arousal structure so to speak. I'd suggest looking back to the things other then ticking that had the strongest effect on getting you worked up then focusing upon them as you try to get yourself off. The trick is to find threads of other arousal cues and build them back up.

It takes a bit, but you can walk it back to a more robust set.

Myriads

 

[robmic]

Okay, I'll bite. If SHE wants the quick sex, then pop a viagra and let her have it. You don't have to cum, only she does. You just need to keep it up long enough. Just my two cents.

Good advice!

 

[AdviceName]

Hey all...I'm not trying to be a bother, but I'd really like to get some more opinions on this. Thanks to those who have responded already, and thanks to any who proceed to respond.

 

[Teal]

I agree with solescratcher... you're best off working out sex that works for you (with tickling) and sex that works for her (without tickling) and doing some give and take; basically when she wants sex without tickling just make sure she gets off and you can have your fun later. You could try thinking about tickling to try to stay aroused, but to be honest I'd recommend using your hands or mouth or maybe a vibrator on her.

 

[AdviceName]

Confession....I'm not all that experienced with sex. She is of the opinion that if I were to, say, see her without shirt on, that I should be hard RIGHT NOW. Because I am not very experienced, I don't know if that is or is not realistic. I want our sexual experiences to be mutually gratifying...but I also want to be able to please her on a moment's notice, with or without tickling.

 

[Myriads]

but I also want to be able to please her on a moment's notice, with or without tickling.

This is unrealistic. Every human is different, and arousal rates vary across populations (and age groups) Basically that means that while some guys can be insta-ready, other will take some time. Foreplay exists for both the female and male contrary to jokes that people make about it.

Your goal should be to be able to gain an erection in a reasonable amount of time, with reasonable interaction in that time. While tickling is a cue that works well for you to achieve this, finding others, and learning how you work is going to be part of the task that lies ahead of you.

If your GF believes that you should become a rod of iron upon the slightest gaze on her nude form, then she's holding some unrealistic expectations. Sometimes you will, sometime it will take longer, and believe it or not, sometimes you won't get it up.

Myriads

 

[ISUmark]

I mean..if the fetish is as powerful as it is for most of us couldn't you come to a compromise? Meaning if youre having trouble keeping hard because there is no tickling couldn't a quick 2 seconds or so of tickling when your getting soft remedy that? Doesn't have to be full blown tickle sex, just a quick 2 seconds to get the blood flowin back to the little guy.

 

[DeaconMye]

Honestly, I think you're trying too hard, it creates anxiety that can usually result in going soft. Like I mean if you go into the situation believing that you won't or can't succeed your putting too much pressure on yourself and the mind is interfering with body. Try thinking about the most erotic experience you've had with tickling and hold onto that, gain some confidence that you don't need the physical part of tickling. Spend more time enjoying the moments leading up to sex and stop worrying. I've had a similar issue when I was younger and I just needed some confidence.

 

[MrTicklefeet]

Myriads always seems to be the voice of reason here, the head guru of sage advice.
I've had similar issues with my ex, the first six years there were no complaints in the sex department. But move cross country with her and watch the magic happen. A personal transformation, she started getting angry with everybody, and me living right in the same house with her I got quite a bit of it.
But here comes the thing were not that were supposed to work things out together, she told me to read books. The burden was placed solely on me to make this work. Books said it was the attitude of the two people involved, but she didn't want to hear that. I ended up moving back to the west coast, alone.
Stuff happens, but best of luck with dealing with it, though I don't know. That line about just seeing her topless sounds like there's some difficult days ahead. Not all relationships are made to last a lifetime.

 

[Frowg]

When you are exploring your sexuality in a solo setting... try some stimuli that do not include tickling. Check out some other stuff and stay with it until you find yourself aroused... work up to it. Do it more and more often... eventually, you will find that you are capable of being aroused by conventional means, even though they are not the bull's eye... Try different things... try it with out any stimuli beyond your own imagination as well... you may find that a fantasy of your own making can bring you to attention better than anything else... try to explore those fantasies with your partner, and her's as well when you guys DO have the time on your hands... I think you will find yourself able to overcome this obstacle. Good Luck!

 

[dr_random]

Here's a question. Does she really require the D? Maybe a dildo, vibrator, and/or you fingers. And make her cum just by stimulating the clitoris. Solescratcher's right, you don't have to cum. Try new things, sex doesn't have to be done just one way.

 

[fallfrog]

If either of you are not opposed to oral sex, that might be just the thing for her. If you're into it but worry about not being experienced, enough, let her guide you. Aim to please. You will most likely find your efforts appreciated.

 

[shaolindog]

Dude, being ready when she takes her shirt off is unrealistic, as Myriads stated. Maybe as soon as she removed her shoes, but... I'm right there with you on this, though, not that experienced either, but I couldn't perform without knowing that there was going to be tickling involved. I agree with ISUMark, try a quick tickle or two to get started and then fantasize about prior tickling sessions with her to keep going. Good luck and I hope something helps and you get this resolved before it becomes problematic in the relationship.