Sounds a little like the "strip club mentality" I also have a drop dead girlfriend who is up for almost anything I ask sexually, but I still go to the strip clubs nearby with my friends not because I want these women but its just the fantasy. I know its not the same and you should consider divorce in your case but for some reason the "fantasy" part is just that are u sure he would actullay go through with the meeting of the girl he pms?
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Need serious help understanding
- Thread starter Aleah
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AngelOfDarkness
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You need to divorce his stupid ass ASAP.
MaleTickleeDC
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Honestly, there's no need for psychoanalysis. He's a guy, he's been married for two decades, and he's looking for a thrill. The tickling has nothing to do with it. I mean, the tickling provided the opportunity for an "adventure" on his part, but it could easily have been plain old vanilla sex that set it off.
I think you should tell him that he can have his tickling fantasy with the other woman as long as you get to have whatever fantasy you want fulfilled by another guy. Fair is fair. Let's see if that changes anything.
I think you should tell him that he can have his tickling fantasy with the other woman as long as you get to have whatever fantasy you want fulfilled by another guy. Fair is fair. Let's see if that changes anything.
MaleTickleeDC
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I also have to decline to join the whole "Divorce him NOW" brigade. Marriages are tough. They're constant work. Marriages that keep going do so because people are willing to work through their problems. If everyone got divorced whenever things got tough, you basically wouldn't have any long-term marriages left. This might be a case where the marriage really does need to end. But the way everyone jumped right to divorce is sort of depressing, and is a symptom of our instant gratification society, where everyone has to have everything they want, exactly as they want it, and right now.
A lot of us are on the divorce bandwagon because he went behind her back AFTER she accomodated him, and after he chatted with the other woman again.
There are now serious trust issues, and this poor woman will always wonder if he's cheating on her. It'd probably be easier on her, mentally, to just start over and be with a guy where she's not spending everyday paranoid that her man is talking to/meeting another woman.
And he's got the "instant gratification" problem, not her!
You see, I can't get off this "I tried to please him" direction she took, assuming we're getting the whole story.
Re-read my earlier post - I mean......HOW MANY GUYS HERE HAVE AN UN-ACCOMODATING GIRL/WIFE?!!!!
He needs to sit down...in a chair...by himself....and think long and hard about that.
If she is the least bit attractive, and posted her picture here and said "I'd love to fulfill any of you guy's tickling heart's desire, here's my feet!" ....how many PM would she get?! How many girls here complain about all the PM's they get?
I simply don't know any other way to put it!
Am I missing something?
Does every guy with a tickling fetish get instant acceptance and participation in their partners?
Were all those threads saying otherwise figments of my imagination?
My opinion just goes WAY up when I encounter someone who is accepting of my fetish...because I've never encountered someone who's open minded yet. I keep it to myself, because I fear rejection just like anyone else here.
Things HAVE changed, where I have the "I don't give a shit attitude," but I can't say it won't hurt to have a girl turn tails and run away after I tell them I love tickling, or pantyhose, for that matter.
So I look at someone like Aleah like a rare jewel, that should be appreciated...and tickled, if she wants!
I mean, Husband, if you're reading!
She's right there! She want to be tickled by you! She's chose you way back when, she's stuck with you!
Enjoy all your fantasies with her, she loves you, that makes it even hotter!
Go buy some costumes if you have to! She can be the cowgirl, you the tickling cowboy, hell, I don't know, whatever the hell floats you boat!
There are now serious trust issues, and this poor woman will always wonder if he's cheating on her. It'd probably be easier on her, mentally, to just start over and be with a guy where she's not spending everyday paranoid that her man is talking to/meeting another woman.
And he's got the "instant gratification" problem, not her!
You see, I can't get off this "I tried to please him" direction she took, assuming we're getting the whole story.
Re-read my earlier post - I mean......HOW MANY GUYS HERE HAVE AN UN-ACCOMODATING GIRL/WIFE?!!!!
He needs to sit down...in a chair...by himself....and think long and hard about that.
If she is the least bit attractive, and posted her picture here and said "I'd love to fulfill any of you guy's tickling heart's desire, here's my feet!" ....how many PM would she get?! How many girls here complain about all the PM's they get?
I simply don't know any other way to put it!
Am I missing something?
Does every guy with a tickling fetish get instant acceptance and participation in their partners?
Were all those threads saying otherwise figments of my imagination?
My opinion just goes WAY up when I encounter someone who is accepting of my fetish...because I've never encountered someone who's open minded yet. I keep it to myself, because I fear rejection just like anyone else here.
Things HAVE changed, where I have the "I don't give a shit attitude," but I can't say it won't hurt to have a girl turn tails and run away after I tell them I love tickling, or pantyhose, for that matter.
So I look at someone like Aleah like a rare jewel, that should be appreciated...and tickled, if she wants!
I mean, Husband, if you're reading!
She's right there! She want to be tickled by you! She's chose you way back when, she's stuck with you!
Enjoy all your fantasies with her, she loves you, that makes it even hotter!
Go buy some costumes if you have to! She can be the cowgirl, you the tickling cowboy, hell, I don't know, whatever the hell floats you boat!
MaleTickleeDC
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Oh I'm certainly not faulting the OP for anything. She seems to be a wonderful woman. I agree that the douchebag husband has a major insta-gratification problem. When I made that comment, I was more concerned that there were so many folks in the comments section who were jumping right to divorce.
And don't get me wrong. I agree that there are major trust issues at this point. And that the guy is a douchebag.
And don't get me wrong. I agree that there are major trust issues at this point. And that the guy is a douchebag.
ElFewja
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Holy. Crap. I'm kind of glad I read so many of the posts.
Let me just say? Ok, I am really, really against what this guy did, and I am personally extremely sorry for what you have to deal with, as it sounds like you've tried to be as accommodating as possible towards him, even going as far as counseling.
It seems that, since he is not willing to speak about it, that it may very well be the end. You really shouldn't have to put up with this.
However, those feelings aside, let me add this:
I realize that the marriage is not an open one, but have you considered asking him if he would be willing to allow you to join these sessions, either as an additional ticklee or an additional tickler? I suggest this not because I condone his actions -- I consider it cheating as well as you appear to do -- but it is a possible solution, though possibly temporary.
Mostly, I say this because -- and despite the others -- I feel that every attempt should be made to make a marriage work. It's a commitment, and even if it seems that he isn't entirely supportive of that, a commitment is a commitment.
Really, I am truly sorry that this happened to you. Your story made me tear up a little bit. I really do not understand how anyone could receive so much love and acceptance and hurt someone like this. Well, I've been cheated on several times before, though, so I kind of almost understand. Not that our situations are comparable.
It comes down to your needs, and again, as he isn't co-operating... well, sorry. Really, sorry.
Do be aware that if you join him on these excursions in an attempt to keep the relationship healthy that he may totally leave anyway. It would seem consistent. But, I still think an attempt should be made. Unless you aren't ok with that at all; he's already hurt you pretty deeply, so, whereas I would normally treat the relationship as a two-person thing, I'm just going to look at your side of it. You need to do what's right for you, you know?
Hope things improve. Really.
-Etc
Let me just say? Ok, I am really, really against what this guy did, and I am personally extremely sorry for what you have to deal with, as it sounds like you've tried to be as accommodating as possible towards him, even going as far as counseling.
It seems that, since he is not willing to speak about it, that it may very well be the end. You really shouldn't have to put up with this.
However, those feelings aside, let me add this:
I realize that the marriage is not an open one, but have you considered asking him if he would be willing to allow you to join these sessions, either as an additional ticklee or an additional tickler? I suggest this not because I condone his actions -- I consider it cheating as well as you appear to do -- but it is a possible solution, though possibly temporary.
Mostly, I say this because -- and despite the others -- I feel that every attempt should be made to make a marriage work. It's a commitment, and even if it seems that he isn't entirely supportive of that, a commitment is a commitment.
Really, I am truly sorry that this happened to you. Your story made me tear up a little bit. I really do not understand how anyone could receive so much love and acceptance and hurt someone like this. Well, I've been cheated on several times before, though, so I kind of almost understand. Not that our situations are comparable.
It comes down to your needs, and again, as he isn't co-operating... well, sorry. Really, sorry.
Do be aware that if you join him on these excursions in an attempt to keep the relationship healthy that he may totally leave anyway. It would seem consistent. But, I still think an attempt should be made. Unless you aren't ok with that at all; he's already hurt you pretty deeply, so, whereas I would normally treat the relationship as a two-person thing, I'm just going to look at your side of it. You need to do what's right for you, you know?
Hope things improve. Really.
-Etc
Uuuh, I would LOVE to see the outcome of THAT!! 🙂
Uhm, excuse the hell out of me, but why does SHE have to make every attemt to make the marriage work while he can do whatever the heck he wants?? I kinda have the feeling she has already done a lot to make it work, more than most women would!
ElFewja
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Rhia:
Circumstances or contexts. There are a lot of "If" or "Perhaps" answers to your statement.
But:
Given that she is asking for assistance, I felt it appropriate to offer potential advice to her. I find it difficult to give an answer that involves his actions aside from speaking to him or counseling since he is not directly involved in this conversation. In relation to your statement: I never used the words have or need in my response. It is just my opinion that, given the small amount of info available, that that suggestion seemed valid enough.
Also, as I said, I fully believe that a marriage is a commitment and that *every* attempt to keep to that commitment -- or any commitment after it has been made -- should be attempted. It is also my belief that if you don't do that, then you're quitting, giving up, or not trying hard enough. There's always an alternative, and that was the point to my post. To offer an alternative.
I also thought I had made clear in my post your viewpoint, and that I too carry it. If I didn't then, I apologize, because your words describe my feelings aside from any suggestions I made. I do agree that he is being unfair, and that really, the responsibility to metaphorically fix this should fall onto him. But I still feel that giving any advice directly involving him is... not fully informed advice. The counselor is the one that would be able to give that, not us. We're merely sympathizers.
My only hope is that, if she reads my suggestion and runs it by him, that everything works out happily. Maybe it's something he hasn't considered yet, or that the counselor might miss. That is the main reason I offered it.
To the OP:
My heart goes out to you~ I hope you resolve this.
-Etc
Circumstances or contexts. There are a lot of "If" or "Perhaps" answers to your statement.
But:
Given that she is asking for assistance, I felt it appropriate to offer potential advice to her. I find it difficult to give an answer that involves his actions aside from speaking to him or counseling since he is not directly involved in this conversation. In relation to your statement: I never used the words have or need in my response. It is just my opinion that, given the small amount of info available, that that suggestion seemed valid enough.
Also, as I said, I fully believe that a marriage is a commitment and that *every* attempt to keep to that commitment -- or any commitment after it has been made -- should be attempted. It is also my belief that if you don't do that, then you're quitting, giving up, or not trying hard enough. There's always an alternative, and that was the point to my post. To offer an alternative.
I also thought I had made clear in my post your viewpoint, and that I too carry it. If I didn't then, I apologize, because your words describe my feelings aside from any suggestions I made. I do agree that he is being unfair, and that really, the responsibility to metaphorically fix this should fall onto him. But I still feel that giving any advice directly involving him is... not fully informed advice. The counselor is the one that would be able to give that, not us. We're merely sympathizers.
My only hope is that, if she reads my suggestion and runs it by him, that everything works out happily. Maybe it's something he hasn't considered yet, or that the counselor might miss. That is the main reason I offered it.
To the OP:
My heart goes out to you~ I hope you resolve this.
-Etc
WheresThe Clip?
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Hi and firstly let me say how sorry I am that you have been open minded about this, and it appears to have blown up in your face.
As a comparison I am primarily a male lee, which is someone who derives (whatever) from being tickled. This has been with me my entire life, to the extent that sex means next to nothing to me, yet being a ticklee is at the core of my erotic identity (in the same way for instance that being gay would be at the core of a persons identity if they were homosexual). Now I have been seeing (although I don't live with) an attractive/wonderful woman for the last four years, who is very sexual in a conventional/vanilla way (which is the exact opposite of me).
Now the thing is I meet her sexual needs (to the extent that I have to take viagra in order to get sufficiently aroused to do so), yet she does not meet my tickle fetish needs. This is not through want of trying. She is prepared to tie me up, dress up in lingerie, and do her best. Yet the bottom line is she doesn't get it, it never works as it should, and how it has done in the past with other people (mainly professional dommes). I have introduced her to other aspects of domination such as caning (me), which she took to much much better, and chastity fetish (which she hasn't). However the bottom line is I always have to prompt her about everything which kills it for me, because primarily she thinks in a conventional sexual way.
So why don't I just kick her into touch then and move on to someone else ?
The answer is she is a great woman, and our life does not revolve around what we do in the bedroom. My guess is you have a great relationship, outside the bedroom with your husband as well, so are you really wishing to throw that away ?
Now I have to compartmentalise this fetish, mainly through things like the TMF, in order to give me an outlet (although I wouldn't play with other people - mainly because I don't have the time or opportunity). A lot of the people posting on this thread, condemning your husband do play outside their marraiges (albeit with 'permission') and are on this forum a hell of a lot of the time.
So what's the answer ? especially when you feel you have bent over backwards (to the extent of coming on this forum) to accommodate him. Well I think the first thing is to realise he is never going to run off with anyone from here. Statistically it is very hard to meet anyone of the opposite gender on this forum, let alone fnd one you could actually live with outside of the confines of this fetish. The second thing is to look at the good things in your marraige and realise how mad you would be to throw that away.
The third thing is to not to give him tacit approval, but instead try to control and limit his interest in this fetish. What do I mean ? well this is a true example:
A guy I work with only smokes at work. As he constantly says: "his wife doesn't know he smokes, so he can only do so at work, as she would go ballistic if she ever found out".
Tommy Rot, of course she knows he smokes, but by pretending she doesn't she is able to limit how much of it he does, and keeps it out of her home, and her presence.
Good Luck
As a comparison I am primarily a male lee, which is someone who derives (whatever) from being tickled. This has been with me my entire life, to the extent that sex means next to nothing to me, yet being a ticklee is at the core of my erotic identity (in the same way for instance that being gay would be at the core of a persons identity if they were homosexual). Now I have been seeing (although I don't live with) an attractive/wonderful woman for the last four years, who is very sexual in a conventional/vanilla way (which is the exact opposite of me).
Now the thing is I meet her sexual needs (to the extent that I have to take viagra in order to get sufficiently aroused to do so), yet she does not meet my tickle fetish needs. This is not through want of trying. She is prepared to tie me up, dress up in lingerie, and do her best. Yet the bottom line is she doesn't get it, it never works as it should, and how it has done in the past with other people (mainly professional dommes). I have introduced her to other aspects of domination such as caning (me), which she took to much much better, and chastity fetish (which she hasn't). However the bottom line is I always have to prompt her about everything which kills it for me, because primarily she thinks in a conventional sexual way.
So why don't I just kick her into touch then and move on to someone else ?
The answer is she is a great woman, and our life does not revolve around what we do in the bedroom. My guess is you have a great relationship, outside the bedroom with your husband as well, so are you really wishing to throw that away ?
Now I have to compartmentalise this fetish, mainly through things like the TMF, in order to give me an outlet (although I wouldn't play with other people - mainly because I don't have the time or opportunity). A lot of the people posting on this thread, condemning your husband do play outside their marraiges (albeit with 'permission') and are on this forum a hell of a lot of the time.
So what's the answer ? especially when you feel you have bent over backwards (to the extent of coming on this forum) to accommodate him. Well I think the first thing is to realise he is never going to run off with anyone from here. Statistically it is very hard to meet anyone of the opposite gender on this forum, let alone fnd one you could actually live with outside of the confines of this fetish. The second thing is to look at the good things in your marraige and realise how mad you would be to throw that away.
The third thing is to not to give him tacit approval, but instead try to control and limit his interest in this fetish. What do I mean ? well this is a true example:
A guy I work with only smokes at work. As he constantly says: "his wife doesn't know he smokes, so he can only do so at work, as she would go ballistic if she ever found out".
Tommy Rot, of course she knows he smokes, but by pretending she doesn't she is able to limit how much of it he does, and keeps it out of her home, and her presence.
Good Luck
C.A.B.
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Concisely observed.
WheresThe Clip?
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Well I am sorry to say this, but women like you make me want to vomit. Because it is all working out for you in the bedroom/tickle fetish department (as you never cease blowing about on this forum), you then assume you have the right to lecture others for whom life isn't that easy. Firstly he has a need that all of us on this forum have (including you), that is not (unlike your perfect marraige) working within the confines of his marraige.
Also you sanctimoniously talk about people cheating, as if you are some paragon of virtue/morality yet at the same time post naked pictures of yourself on this forum for other men to leer over. I assume your husband helps you select which pictures to display. So frankly idiot butt out.
Libertine
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Actually, most of those advocating an instant divorce are in their late teens to mid twenties, unmarried and unqualified to comment.
Your Inner Puritan's escaped. I suspect your calling Rhiannon an 'idiot' is more out of frustration than an assessment of her IQ. There are many professionally shot nude modeling pix of my wife, Kittentoes, on this site, and you may leer all you want. I've helped her select which ones to post here, and I certainly don't think it's cheating.
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Sunriseticklee
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I have been following this thread silently, because I have two opinions, and it has created a little mini battle. One opinion is a result of my moral up bringing and how I was taught for better or for worse was just that. You do what you need to do to keep the family together and work through the issues because no marriage is perfect. (Which my mother did for like 33 years.)
Then there is a big part of me who formed my own mind. I'm the girl, who right after college had the “balls” to confront and eventually kick my dad’s ass (for his abuse. Afterwards, my mother finally kicked him out for good! edit: Forgot to say why I fought him.) So I know, although I am blessed with an awesome husband, and a wonderful marriage- the grass is certainly not greener on the other side.
Now with this, I have a dilemma.... The girl in me who would rather live alone than live in the midst of an unfulfilling, disrespectful, and unhealthy relationship says dump the zero and spend the rest of your life making a great life for you and your kids. You won't start the healing process, until this begins.
Ok.... The other side of me wants you to try again. And I know I'm gonna get kicked in the butt by some of the other people here, but these are my ideas:
1. Try counseling
2. Try asking him if he is cool with you both choosing and tickling a woman together. I remember the first time I saw my husband tickling another woman. I thought I was going to feel weird or jealous or whatever (I like being the center of attention lol). But it was totally cool. And when he was done and the guy and girl left (they were tag teaming her)- We laid into each other and- 😀 Totally worth the wait!
3. Since he thinks that you aren't as ticklish as he wants you to be in certain areas, find out for him what you can do. It might be his fault. He might be a suck ler! There are tips, tricks, equipment, certain materials worn that increase ticklishness. Silky materials, pantyhose (makes my feet and legs horribly ticklish), being tied a certain way, being blindfolded so you can't anticipate where it is coming from, after sex (skin is more sensitive after climax), brushes, ice, toys... So many ways to multiply the tickle experience!
4. Separation and not divorce: Give him some time without you and the kids. Give him time to realize what he is missing. It seems like he thinks he can still be a good husband and father, but thinks his love for tickling has nothing to do with you and how he feels about you. Give him time to realize how life would be without you, how life could be if he lost everything. Be prepared with this one. He might be totally fine with it- and if he is, that's your answer that he doesn't truly want to be with you. BUT if it works, he'll be ready to discuss with you what he needs to do to get you back and fix what he messed up.
5. LOL (Not recommended but...) Give him a dose of his own medicine. Be open that you are finding a guy or girl to tickle you. Invite him to watch if he wants. And make sure the person is an awesome tickler too. Maybe your hubby will get some pointers on how to tickle you the right way! Especially if you are really responding. 😀
What NOT to do:
Threads like this. If he has seen it, it will just alienate your relationship further.
Stop spying on him. I mean, all you are doing is making yourself feel worse. You know he's doing it, and he knows you know. Don't keep pouring over the emails and PMs. All it will do is ruin your self esteem and make it harder to empower yourself.
Keep an eye on the kids. Really they matter so much more than this tickle thing. Chances are they either know or can sense that there is some negativity between you and their dad. Be sure to show them love, let them know that they are safe, and that you would do anything to provide for them. But don't lie to them. (They will figure it out and resent it!) They don't need to know why mom and dad are having some issues (most families go through it), but don't try to convince them that everything is roses all the time. They need to see a GOOD example of how to work through family problems. Do NOT argue in front of them.
Please note- I do not condone cheating, but I have to ask... Is he having sex with these women or just tickling them? Is it the dishonesty that is really bothering you, or is it the fact that he is touching someone else? Maybe I didn't read close enough. I don't remember hearing that he was scheduling to have sex. Sorry if I missed it.
So... you have a lot to think about:
1. Is this enough to end your marriage?
2. Are you willing to compromise further?
3. Do you want to consider counseling?
4. What do you BOTH consider as cheating?
5. Is your happiness and fulfillment important, and how important is it?
6. What about your children, how will this affect them, and what are you willing to do to about it?
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Know that NONE of this is your fault, so please do not blame yourself. This post may not help, but at least it will help you see that you have more than one option. Only you can make the final decision.
Sunny
Then there is a big part of me who formed my own mind. I'm the girl, who right after college had the “balls” to confront and eventually kick my dad’s ass (for his abuse. Afterwards, my mother finally kicked him out for good! edit: Forgot to say why I fought him.) So I know, although I am blessed with an awesome husband, and a wonderful marriage- the grass is certainly not greener on the other side.
Now with this, I have a dilemma.... The girl in me who would rather live alone than live in the midst of an unfulfilling, disrespectful, and unhealthy relationship says dump the zero and spend the rest of your life making a great life for you and your kids. You won't start the healing process, until this begins.
Ok.... The other side of me wants you to try again. And I know I'm gonna get kicked in the butt by some of the other people here, but these are my ideas:
1. Try counseling
2. Try asking him if he is cool with you both choosing and tickling a woman together. I remember the first time I saw my husband tickling another woman. I thought I was going to feel weird or jealous or whatever (I like being the center of attention lol). But it was totally cool. And when he was done and the guy and girl left (they were tag teaming her)- We laid into each other and- 😀 Totally worth the wait!
3. Since he thinks that you aren't as ticklish as he wants you to be in certain areas, find out for him what you can do. It might be his fault. He might be a suck ler! There are tips, tricks, equipment, certain materials worn that increase ticklishness. Silky materials, pantyhose (makes my feet and legs horribly ticklish), being tied a certain way, being blindfolded so you can't anticipate where it is coming from, after sex (skin is more sensitive after climax), brushes, ice, toys... So many ways to multiply the tickle experience!
4. Separation and not divorce: Give him some time without you and the kids. Give him time to realize what he is missing. It seems like he thinks he can still be a good husband and father, but thinks his love for tickling has nothing to do with you and how he feels about you. Give him time to realize how life would be without you, how life could be if he lost everything. Be prepared with this one. He might be totally fine with it- and if he is, that's your answer that he doesn't truly want to be with you. BUT if it works, he'll be ready to discuss with you what he needs to do to get you back and fix what he messed up.
5. LOL (Not recommended but...) Give him a dose of his own medicine. Be open that you are finding a guy or girl to tickle you. Invite him to watch if he wants. And make sure the person is an awesome tickler too. Maybe your hubby will get some pointers on how to tickle you the right way! Especially if you are really responding. 😀
What NOT to do:
Threads like this. If he has seen it, it will just alienate your relationship further.
Stop spying on him. I mean, all you are doing is making yourself feel worse. You know he's doing it, and he knows you know. Don't keep pouring over the emails and PMs. All it will do is ruin your self esteem and make it harder to empower yourself.
Keep an eye on the kids. Really they matter so much more than this tickle thing. Chances are they either know or can sense that there is some negativity between you and their dad. Be sure to show them love, let them know that they are safe, and that you would do anything to provide for them. But don't lie to them. (They will figure it out and resent it!) They don't need to know why mom and dad are having some issues (most families go through it), but don't try to convince them that everything is roses all the time. They need to see a GOOD example of how to work through family problems. Do NOT argue in front of them.
Please note- I do not condone cheating, but I have to ask... Is he having sex with these women or just tickling them? Is it the dishonesty that is really bothering you, or is it the fact that he is touching someone else? Maybe I didn't read close enough. I don't remember hearing that he was scheduling to have sex. Sorry if I missed it.
So... you have a lot to think about:
1. Is this enough to end your marriage?
2. Are you willing to compromise further?
3. Do you want to consider counseling?
4. What do you BOTH consider as cheating?
5. Is your happiness and fulfillment important, and how important is it?
6. What about your children, how will this affect them, and what are you willing to do to about it?
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Know that NONE of this is your fault, so please do not blame yourself. This post may not help, but at least it will help you see that you have more than one option. Only you can make the final decision.
Sunny
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WheresThe Clip?
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No you've got that wrong. My reaction to her comment wasn't brilliant (as often ones first reaction isn't) but it was in irritation to someone (as is common on this forum) cherry picking a sentence or two of a persons thought out reply, to make a cheap misunderstood point.
So to clarify further I admire and respect any woman such as your wife (or even Rhiannon for that matter) who is an adult and can accept that most of us enjoy being titillated, teased, turned on (whatever), and thus can enjoy themselves taking on that role. What I don't admire is that same person subsequently pretending to be Mary Poppins, in order to preach to someone else about morality. Or to put it another way while I might enjoy a woman who walks around displaying a bit of cleavage, I cannot stand the sort of woman who does this in order to get her boyfriend/husband to use this as an excuse to beat someone up, who happens to have glanced in said direction.
Now going back to the original post, this is a very difficult situation, as I feel for this woman who has gone out on a limb to make the effort to participate and understand (just as I highlighted that my girlfriend does). Yet I can also understand how her husband is driven like all of us on here, and that a Vanilla person (again like my girlfriend) will never quite get it.
As I said, throwing away an otherwise great relationship, because of what happens in the bedroom or the realms of a persons overall sexuality, is madness, unless of course that is the sole important thing in that marraige.
Here I totally agree....but this can also be looked at from two sides - as always I guess. In my opinion, everything is fine if both partners agree to it. It is their personal decision, whether others might find it immoral or not.
But what you're basically saying here is also "Sex isn't important enough throwing your relationship away for". Exactly my opinion. So, if your partner doesn't appreciate you finding sexual gratification outside of the relationship, from that background it should be no problem stopping to go astray and be happy with what is served at home.
DontAskJusTckle
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Let's all try to remember that we're only hearing one side of this story. I'm not trying to raise doubt on Aleah's story, as I'm convinced she is genuine. But many here are exacting judgment on this guy without hearing his side of the story, and it surprises me not at all to find Rhiannon leading the lynch mob.
For all we know, the guy may be getting his tickle jollies without having sex with his victims. And maybe that's the answer to this whole dilemma. Let the guy tickle whomever he wants as long as he only has sex with this wife.
For all we know, the guy may be getting his tickle jollies without having sex with his victims. And maybe that's the answer to this whole dilemma. Let the guy tickle whomever he wants as long as he only has sex with this wife.
Libertine
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Probably not a solution. For most women in a relationship the fact that her man's getting ANY sort of jollies, no matter how innocuous, out of ANY situation that doesn't involve her (strip bars, watching porn, noticing a passing girl on the street, whatever) is cause for much Sturm und Drang.
DontAskJusTckle
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Quite true, I agree. I was just thinking that the OP seems very accommodating, far more so than the shrill shrew who would begrudge her man a glance at another woman.
I merely suggested it as a possible workable compromise. He gets his needs fulfilled while she retains his sexual faithfulness. It could work, but like any marital obstacle, it takes concessions on the part of both. He must agree not to go any farther than tickling, and she must agree to allow him that tiny little bit of freedom.
ticklebrowse26
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Wow.
I don't know what else you can do. You've offered to accomodate his fantasies. You've even opened a TMF account.
You discovered his extra-marital contacts AFTER you had offered to work on satisfying him.
It sounds like he's not willing to let you into his world.
And I think he will try to cheat again. Based on his past behavior.
I really don't know what else to say. I like Sunrise Ticklee's suggestions. Definitely need couples counseling. But that would be all a bunch of nothing if he still shuts you out and does all this secret stuff.
From my own experience, I'm not married to a tickle fetishist. But she accomodates me. She listens. And we play. And it works because I open the door and she is willing to walk in.
I just don't know if he'll ever open the door. I'm sorry.
I don't know what else you can do. You've offered to accomodate his fantasies. You've even opened a TMF account.
You discovered his extra-marital contacts AFTER you had offered to work on satisfying him.
It sounds like he's not willing to let you into his world.
And I think he will try to cheat again. Based on his past behavior.
I really don't know what else to say. I like Sunrise Ticklee's suggestions. Definitely need couples counseling. But that would be all a bunch of nothing if he still shuts you out and does all this secret stuff.
From my own experience, I'm not married to a tickle fetishist. But she accomodates me. She listens. And we play. And it works because I open the door and she is willing to walk in.
I just don't know if he'll ever open the door. I'm sorry.
