Need serious help understanding

[rhiannon]

He gets his needs fulfilled while she retains his sexual faithfulness.

The thing is, how can she ever be sure she retains his sexual faithfulness after all the sneaking around he's done? Trust is just gone, that's the problem here.

 

[mustang]

Maybe he just wants some 'strange'.

 

[darkscar]

I don't understand why people do this crap. they really don't think about other people's feelings. it sounds really bad when he made another account to try and go under your radar. If counseling isn't working out, you can't help people who do not wish to be helped =(
i wish you luck in this situation

 

[Knox The Hatter]

I think you should tell him that he can have his tickling fantasy with the other woman as long as you get to have whatever fantasy you want fulfilled by another guy. Fair is fair. Let's see if that changes anything.

I would insist on this.

Get him to overhear one of your conversations on the phone (make sure he doesn't hear the dial tone from the background)...or just have a fake conversation with your best friend. "You know that kid at the tennis club? The one who looks like the guy from 'Burn Notice'? He was telling me he has a cougar fetish. Well, he didn't come out directly and say that, but that was the message he was giving. I think he wants me to be his cougar! What do I want? My hands on his butt. All night."

Good luck. I know you (and your kids) are alone, riding in the train car. Weigh your options. Haste makes waste.

 

[Sunriseticklee]

I would insist on this.

The one who looks like the guy from 'Burn Notice'? COLOR]

As long as it is JESSE, the second burned spy. Talk about RED HOT! Yummmmmsssss!

 

[rhiannon]

This is exactly why I would never marry a woman who didn't actually have a tickling fetish.

I wish you the best of luck for your quest of finding one! You'll need it! 🙂

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

The thing is, how can she ever be sure she retains his sexual faithfulness after all the sneaking around he's done? Trust is just gone, that's the problem here.

He was "sneaking around" because he had needs. If those needs are acknowledged and a compromise is achieved, there's no reason for any more sneaking. Besides, nobody can be 100% certain. The possibility for unfaithfulness is something that looms over all relationships.

 

[magic fingers]

HELP please. I posted several months ago about finding out about my husband's tickle and feet interest and my desire to indulge this for him. It has been a disaster. We had a few "sessions" and i thought they went well.,, Until I discovered that he had been PM'ing back and forth with another member here about meeting up. (He had set the acct. email to my email years earlier, so when they began exchanging messages, the notifications came to my email acct). He told her more in 2 days about his desires/interests than he has told me in over 20 yrs. he told her that I tried, but I "faked it and that just killed it". Said that "My wife is ticklish, but not in the spots that interest me". He never spoke to me about this, never tried other methods. he just assumed I'm a mind reader and decided he would go outside our marriage. He set up a mtg with her at a hotel, and I showed up early. He was shocked to say the least. We do not have any sort of open marriage, have never been with other people...that is not remotely ok. She never came, I PM'ed her before I showed up to let her know it might not be the party she was expecting. He expressed sorrow and swore it was a momentary lapse. I found out today that he made another user name/acct here and messaged her again. I am heartbroken. I've done everything to try and participate. he's never actually told me what he likes, I've asked hundreds of times, he refuses to discuss with me. Why would he want to do this with a stranger when his attractive, petite, wife with beautiful feet was willing to do this with him? I don't understand. He was going to cheat on me to satisfy this desire without even giving me a chance.

I realize I haven't heard your husbands side of the story, so I'll try not to be too hard on him, but it sounds to me like you're the one doing all the work to keep the marriage together, and he's not willing to meet you halfway. I understand the initial reluctance to tell you about his tickling fetish (I usually have to know a girl for a couple months before I can open up about my love of tickling), but you two have known each other for 20 years, and not only has he been keeping this a secret, but he's seeing other women behind your back. Even if he's "just tickling" this other woman, it's still sexual to him, and I don't blame you for being hurt. I hope someday he wakes up and realizes how lucky he is to have such a loving and understanding wife. Most of the women I've dated hate being tickled, and would never indulge me the way you indulge your husband

 

[Aleah]

Thank you so much for the well thought out replies.I am overwhelmed at the response and have really spent time reading over them. It did help me to see that I have maybe done more than most wives would have (according to most posts, anyway).
I'm not sure what is going to happen with our marriage at this point. I truly believe I have done all I can do at this point. He is struggling with some other issues related to job related mental trauma and has decided to seek some much needed help. I am hoping (beyond all hope) that this recent behavior is related to that and not a new and "improved" husband rearing its head after all this time. I am well versed on fetishism and I know that it can be worked into a healthy relationship, but he has crossed a line I'm not willing to cross with him. The sheer amount of time and energy he has recently spent on this is beyond ridiculous. I really hope its just related to the other issue and not the fetish taking over.
I really am not interested in participating in a group tickle session- I know myself well enough to know that I can't watch my husband obtain sexual pleasure from another woman and I damn sure don't want him meeting someone on his own (with or without my knowledge). Does that make me old-fashioned or a prude? Maybe, but that's how it is and he knew my beliefs on fidelity when he married me as a 20yr old kid. If his beliefs have changed over the years, he forgot to tell me.
The female that he was trying to meet with made it clear that she expected sex after the tickling was over. Funny thing is...it hurt just as much that he was going to tickle her as it did knowing he was going to have sex. He lied, he snuck, he was going to touch another woman behind my back to satisfy himself. Ouch.
Someone posted that he couldn't imagine the awkwardness of any future tickling between my husband and me..you and me both! I don't even want him to think about my feet right now. He made it all seem....seedy somehow. sigh. Thank you all again, I really do appreciate your input.

 

[Mitchell]

Aleah, after reading your latest post, I can say that you are definitely not old fashioned or prude for not wanting to watch your hubby obtain sexual pleasure from another woman. Your views and feelings are in line with what I think people would expect most women to feel.

I will say that your husband's situation is a bit unusual, in that his fetish came about so suddenly, after you had been married for such a long time . Most of the forum members here, have had their fetishes since much earlier in life. For example, I've had a fetish for female feet since I was five years old, literally. I used to read articles about tickling in magazines in my teens, but it was not until I started communicating with a straight male pen pal, when I was 27, that I realized tickling was a "Fetish" for me.

My theory about my fetishes has always been this: I hope to find a girl who enjoys being tickled, and having her feet played with, as I am into both. As I know many girls who arent into tickling dislike being tickled, I would hope to meet someone who would at least indulge me with tickling sometimes. I know for a fact that if I met someone who, after getting to know me, said "You can never tickle me, or play with my feet, ever", that person would not be the right partner for me, because I would be accepting that I have to completely give up something that has been important to me for a long time. Obviously there is much more to a relationship then just tickling and feet, but.. I would hope to be with someone who had the personality qualities, and was at least tolerant of the fetish aspects of me.

You will find for the most part that the members here are very welcoming and helpful. Deciding to become a member will be very informative for you.

Mitch

 

[obama666]

You should issue a "fatwah" against him.

 

[love feet]

You should issue a "fatwah" against him.

I do not think that would help!.

 

[rhiannon]

@morningjacket,

well, if I am missing the point, I am always grateful for clarification as you just did! You sound like a pretty decent guy, and I truly hope you will find the right one for you out there.

 

[Cavum]

HELP please. I posted several months ago about finding out about my husband's tickle and feet interest and my desire to indulge this for him. It has been a disaster. We had a few "sessions" and i thought they went well.,, Until I discovered that he had been PM'ing back and forth with another member here about meeting up. (He had set the acct. email to my email years earlier, so when they began exchanging messages, the notifications came to my email acct). He told her more in 2 days about his desires/interests than he has told me in over 20 yrs. he told her that I tried, but I "faked it and that just killed it". Said that "My wife is ticklish, but not in the spots that interest me". He never spoke to me about this, never tried other methods. he just assumed I'm a mind reader and decided he would go outside our marriage. He set up a mtg with her at a hotel, and I showed up early. He was shocked to say the least. We do not have any sort of open marriage, have never been with other people...that is not remotely ok. She never came, I PM'ed her before I showed up to let her know it might not be the party she was expecting. He expressed sorrow and swore it was a momentary lapse. I found out today that he made another user name/acct here and messaged her again. I am heartbroken. I've done everything to try and participate. he's never actually told me what he likes, I've asked hundreds of times, he refuses to discuss with me. Why would he want to do this with a stranger when his attractive, petite, wife with beautiful feet was willing to do this with him? I don't understand. He was going to cheat on me to satisfy this desire without even giving me a chance.

Im really sorry to hear about this situation. Im not going to defend the actions of your husband, but I can understand him that it can be really hard to open up to a person you love about what you like (when you didn't meet because of the fetish). I been there myself and it's frustrating. However...when you now know about this, he is doing the biggest failiour in a relationship...to NOT communicate and be open with the other person in the relationship. It seems to me that you worked really hard to please him and it must be extremly frustrating to discover what he did/does. I admire your efford and wish I could do something to ease your feelings about this.
If I ever experienced something like this I got to be honest and say that I would dump the person. I could never be with a person who couldn't be trusted or being able to talk about problems.

I wish you all the luck in this situation.

Greets Espen aka Cavum

 

[BMoreTklr]

Reversing Behavior

I feel like I am a little late to the conversation, and unsure if it's over or not, but I feel no one else has added this insight. First of all though, let me say that I agree that the husband is completely wrong for what he did in this situation, and that Aleah is completely justified in her emotions and actions up until this point.

With that said, I must say that while he was a bastard for what he did, there was a motivation, and I'm sure he didn't say "hmmm, how can I go out and be an asshole and tear apart my family today?". Considering they've been married 20 yrs and his wife just discovered his fetish a few months ago when they've been married for 20 yrs, this tells me he's gone through great lengths to keep this secret/compartmentalized as Libertine suggested. I'm sure he felt to "out himself" would bring all sorts of criticism many of us have expressed fearing when telling our friends and/or significant others about our interest. Then along comes the internet and TMF and tickling vid producers, which allow him to chat/interact with others with the same interest, and even watch tickling scenes in the privacy of his own home while still maintaining some form of anonymity. Problem is, he went too far when he sought to connect with another member here on TMF without giving his wife a chance to indulge his fetish (but now that an expectation of sex was involved too, completely wrong).

My point is (atleast from a fetish standpoint) is that this part of his life is something he's taken great length to keep hidden. I'm going to assume like many of us, it started in his teenage years. His actions to keep it hidden is a behavior. Sure it was a decision he made loooong ago but it has now turned into a behavior he's conditioned to do. Yes he's married but whether it's a fetish, or being a pathological liar, things don't change people just because they walk down the aisle. That's like expecting the Grand Wizard of the KKK to no longer be a white supremacist because he takes a course on racial sensitivity. A tiger doesn't change it's stripes overnight...especially when it's something they aren't quite ready to do.

My advice to Aleah (again only from the fetish standpoint) would be to try to understand that this is the mindset he's coming from. I know that is tough considering you've done more than enough to try to participate and understand the fetish, but his BEHAVIOR is to not communicate with you about this. He's kept things hidden for a long time and now it being shone in the spotlight I'm sure is a bit of a shell-shock. 2010 was the first year I actually had someone express interest in being tied up and tickled to me, and eventhough we played and had several "sessions" it took me months to really open up and be able to talk to them comfortably about it in person. It's a sticky situation to say the least, and I know this is painful to say the least, but my advice is that you take this into account when trying to talk to him. As for counseling, if he hasn't talked to you about it and you're his wife, I wouldn't expect him to open up to a stranger whether they're a professional or not. I hope this has added something new to the conversation and a more helpful perspective to helping work through things.

 

[misspandora]

I'm so sorry you're going through this!! I know how painful it can be to feel someone you love putting that distance between the 2 of you. And honestly, that's exactly what he's doing. He's distancing himself from you. HE probably thinks that this woman he's been messaging here, is some newer, more exciting flavor, and that excites him, but what he doesn't realize is that it's a fantasy. Right now he barely knows her except what she has chosen to reveal online. It's easy to get excited about the person who you haven't had arguments with, or problems with--as all couples have after 20 yrs.

Honestly, you've done all you can do. You even said as much. He's not a puppet. You can't control him, and you can't make him be invested in this marriage. Bbut if you let him get away with doing things behind your back and blatantly transgressing boundaries you CLEARLY established for him, your self esteem is gonna be nil eventually.

For your own benefit and to save your sanity, I would move out. I'd tell him you want a temporary separation. Maybe give him a chance to see what he'd miss out on, if you left for good. Counseling can only work if the other party is open and honest, and he's just NOT being that. At all.

 

[misspandora]

?????

You should issue a "fatwah" against him.