No girlfriend, lack of tickling, yada = depression.

[Drago69]

(posted in tickling discussion, 'cause tickling is in the subject, and stuff)

For a while now, I'm completely unhappy. Not just because of the stuff in the topic, but having no girlfriend (no friends, either, and haven't really touched a girl at all since I was 5), and having no tickling at all in my life certainly sucks. Like, I could be sitting around doing what I normally do, and then something will make me think about this stuff, and suddenly I just feel horrible about everything, and don't wanna do anything anymore but think about it alone. Then it gets worse, 'cause I get depressed over not doing anything.

I'm a big guy, so I've been trying to lose weight, and I've been wanting a girlfriend, and been wanting tickling in my life for what seems like forever, but I haven't been lucky with either yet. But I also have no self-esteem or confidence, and I feel no girl should have to put up with how I look, so blah. Went down from around 320 pounds, to about 260, which I am now, though, so it's getting there - just seems like it's going to take forever for me to be happy enough with myself to actually go for anything.

It's especially tough when you feel so bad about yourself that you don't even wanna go outside anymore.

I feel better when I talk about this stuff on the internet, but I don't have anyone to really talk with about this stuff anymore, at the moment, so I am just posting about it here. I don't know if it shoudl go here or not, but I'm posting it here 'cause it talks about tickling a little bit.

Anyway, it's not like this is going to help anything, but whatever. Just really want to know what it's like to tickle a girl, and snuggle, and all that good stuff... would be nice... I can't wait for it to happen someday. ^^

And I'm done. Sorry if this is in the wrong area, and don't reply if you're gonna get pissed at me for some reason... the only reason I have doubts about posting this is because I don't know if I'll anger some people somehow... or they'll just react wierd... or whatever... and sorry if I do.

Well, see ya.

 

[ticklkitten]

One thing I've noticed around here Drago is that people are pretty supportive of one another and what we all go/have been through in our lives.

The way you feel right now is pretty common, I realize that part of the feeling of depression is isolation, but you aren't alone. Lots of other people expereince what you are going through. And the good news... there are lots of things you can do to get through it. This is totally generic but see your doctor. S/he can help you with your goals whether it be finding a way to help with the way you feel or assist you with your weight loss goals (way to go btw! sounds like you're doing awesome!)

And once you are on your way to feeling better about yourself... you know what happens? Your confidence SHOWS. Members of the opposite sex are attracted to that. They see that you know you have something to offer... admittedly, you will meet those down the line who just don't care, trust me, you didn't want them to stick around anyhow! If they did you might end up sorta where I am right now... yuck.

I'm sure others on here will have far better advice than me. Heaven knows I'm not the one who is the best equipped here to advise anyone. But I believe in what I stated above. Things WILL get better...

 

[kcantankerous]

You probably should fix your appearance if you can't stand yourself. I'm glad you lost alot of wieght. Continue to doing a good job on that, and for god sakes get some confidence. How can you expect anyone to love you if you dont love yourself.

 

[Leo tickles]

I feel the same way. But oh well. Shit happens. Do what I did, stop bitching, and do something about it.

 

[Mitchell]

Drago, I had a similar problem to you, although to a different degree. Earlier this year, as most who know me are aware, I was diagnosed with high blood pressure, and was a mess. I weighed 200 lbs, which, while not overly excessive, made me look blown up and terrible. I used food as my crutch for my other problems in life. Once I found out about the high blood pressure, on the advice of my doctor, I have gone on a very strict low carb diet, and dropped 28 lbs, going from 197 on 3-17 to 169 on 7-12. I feel better, my bp is down, and I look better. The diet is a great tool for you, and I wish you continued success in your weight loss goals.
In the area of never giving up. Most on here are aware of the difficulties I've had during my 3 years with TMF with my estrangement from my father, and my business difficulties. There have been times during those 3 years that I've just wanted to go under the covers, and stop fighting to make things better. Iam here to tell you that I havent done so, and you cant either. If you can achieve your weight loss goals, and feel better about yourself, you can then move toward meeting someone. My mom has told me for years that a woman will be attracted to a man who has a quiet confidence, not cocky, but just who believes in himself. Iam 35, it's been a while since I've had a serious girlfriend, and yet, I still dont give up. I've been fortunate to have a best friend of 24 years who has been like a brother to me. (Since Iam an only child, and dont have any siblings) We have a very good and meaningful relationship, in that we can talk to each other if something really important happens in one of our lives, and we have more than just a "hey, man, whats up" type of thing. It would be good if somehow you could find even a male friend or two to do activities with, such as a movie, or other things, as you're trying to focus on your own goals. I havent always had a woman on my arm, but even at my lowest points, when things were the worst, I had my best friend, and a couple of other trusted friends to spend time with. My best friend and I see each other every week. We met in CT at age 11, lived in the same town til age 19, and then lived 50 miles apart for yrs, about 200 miles away for another 2, and since 1999, he lives 6 miles from me. We dont talk every day, as we both work, and lead our seperate lives. We'll email each other several times a week, and talk the day we get together, and maybe one other time during the week. He has been an essential part of my life in both good times and bad, and we will be friends for the rest of our lives, even if we live far apart.
You are headed in the right direction with the weight loss, and I hope pretty soon you will feel good enough to get out there and make friends. I want to tell you one story of mine where I was feeling timid, and getting out there resulted in my making a long term friend. I had taken a yr off from college due to financial reasons in the early 90s. I went back, having missed what would have been my senior year, and all the classmates I had entered with had moved on. The first week of school, I felt lonely, out of place, and depressed. I placed a call to my grandmother, who lit into me. She said:"Mitchell, damnit, get out there and meet people. You arent going to make any friends sitting in your room" I went down to an impromptu open mike event held that night on campus, and met Barney. (Yes, that is his real name, he's 35, a CPA, lives in NY, and hes a good guy) Turns out, I didnt know this, but Barney lived right across the hall from me on campus. We got to talking, became good friends quickly, and I still talk to him every week, and see him several times a year 13 years later. Had I not gone to that event, I never would have met him. Grandma has since passed away, but I credit her for telling me to get off my butt and do something about my loneliness, instead of sitting around looking to meet no one. This has worked for me, and it can for anyone, if they just try.
I didnt mean to interject myself here. I want to offer you encouragement, my friend. You are a good guy. Good Luck to you with everything, and your friends here at TMF are behind you. One thing I've learned about this site, is that whatever our differences, we rally behind our fellow members in times of need. We are all here for you, and any time you need to vent or need advice, let us know. We will be more than happy, and I will be more than happy to help in any way I can. Good luck to you, Drago.

Mitch

 

[ticklkitten]

I was hoping you'd chime in Mitchell!

 

[Drago69]

Hehe... thanks everyone. =D Your replies almost make me wanna cry.

Other problems: I haven't been able to get hired for a job yet - I don't think it's my personality, as I've been told I am nice and everything... I just never seem to get hired for anything. I've been addicted to the internet for a good amount of my life (gaming, and stuff), and now I wanna move on, but I have no idea what to do... I mean, I've been doing stuff to lose weight, but I have nowhere to go, and until last year, I didn't go out much at all, mostly because my mom didn't like me going out a lot. =\ Though I have since then, so I'm getting passed that.

All my friends I've had in my life have been assholes, and never really close. They've always made fun of me because of my weight, and my intelligence, and other things. So I stopped hanging out with them this year, since they were just making things worse. I would love to have a friendship with someone that is like yours, Mitch, I really would. =)

My only problem is I am entirely too shy, and don't really wanna be seen too much in public - hell, when I go for walks, whenever I pass by someone, I just look the other way and pretend they're not there until they pass by me, 'cause I don't want to think about them.

I guess I can just hope that as I lose weight, I will gain confidence and self-esteem like people here say I will. But until then, I am glad I have people as wonderful as you all to get support from.

Replies:

Ticklkitten,

Thank you. =D I was going to a school student helper person... while in school for the rest of this year, and I talked to her about some stuff, and she made it possible for me to get glasses, and go to the doctor to get weighed, and then get my blood tested and all that. So that helped. I don't know what else the doctor can do, but I suppose I can go and see.

I've gotten a little better at talking to girls this year, but I never talk to them too much. I'm not that interesting. But I really hope that I can eventually lose enough weight to make me feel good and gain some confidence so that maybe I can be a little more interesting or something...

Thanks so much for the reply.

Knogz,

Thanks for the reply. There is not a whole lot really to love about me at the moment, so I guess I'll have to work on that. I've wasted a lot of my life, and now I'm useless and I seem to not be interested in doing anything, or motivated to do anything other than to lose weight. I hope I can eventually get into the right frame of mind, with the loving myself and having confidence, eventually, but at the moment, I find it hard to believe it ever will. Hopefully that will change soon. Thanks again. =)

Pdxguy,

Thanks a lot. I hope that I'll be able to find some new friends sometime, too... but I have a feeling that's gonna take awhile. But hopefully it'll happen sometime... thanks again. =)

Mitch,

Thanks a lot. I am really glad that you managed to lose weight and keep your blood pressure down - must feel great! All my diet really is, is trying to eat more fish and stuff, and less fatty foods, and yada - and I gave up pop (or soda, whatever you call it... coke, pepsi, etc.) and now only drink water, and skim milk, mostly, and try to eat more vegetables and fruits. All that good stuff. I am trying to get back on track, as I've been finding it hard to get motivated - hopefully I can get some of it back from the nice people on here.

I am glad that you have such great friends - I'd give anything to have friendships like yours. I like to talk about stuff that's happening, but I only feel comfortable doing that online, though it seems the one person I liked to talk to about stuff isn't all that interested in talking to me anymore, which is why I posted here. I consider people online to be a lot better friends than the ones I've had in real life, but it's frustrating not being able to see them or anything, and just type, and stuff... still, it's better than nothing.

I had given up on posting here for a long time, but maybe I should post here more often, as the people seem to be nice, and it's great to have a place to come to if I want to say anything. And I'm really feeling the support being talked about here - which I've never felt from anywhere else. =)

Thanks again!

On a side-note: How sad is it that the closest I've ever felt to love has been over the internet? I mean, I've talked to a girl and know what she looks like, and I always think about her, and love talking to her, and wish we could meet in real life, though I pretty much assume it won't happen. Frustrating as hell, and I need to get over it, but meh... I'm pathetic.

So yeah... thanks everyone for the replies. I'll try as hard as I can to make myself feel better, and to not give up... everything I want just seems so out of reach that I lose motivation sometimes, and I am glad I am able to get support here. Sorry this is such a long post. I'll keep checking on this thread, so maybe it'll keep going for a little bit... I don't know... but I really like this. =D

Thanks once more. I'm done now.

 

[Iwon'tgrowup]

Find the good things about yourself, and celebrate them. That sounds like a cliche', maybe, but it's really truth. You've clearly found people who care about you, and that alone makes you NOT pathetic. Make a list of what's great about you. Put it on your refrigerator. Add to it when you find something new.

Listen, I'm in the 240 range (and far from 6 feet tall) and in the wake of my recent divorce, I've dated no less than a dozen women in a three-month period. All but one wants to go out again. There are always people who want to spend time with someone interesting. It's not too early in your weight loss journey to start the search.

Drop the pathetic gig, pal. Someone is waiting to find you fascinating. You've just got to find her.

P.S. And for God's sake, start saying "hello" to people on the street. Some will ignore you. Their loss. Many will smile back. Trust me. It will make you feel better.

And get a job, even if it's bagging groceries at Wal-Mart. That's valuable work, too, and a paycheck always helps boost self-esteem. Work your way up. Again, trust me (and a venue like that is a great way to meet women!).

And if you'll permit me one more piece of very direct advice . . . stay away from the damn computer. Give yourself an hour a day as a reward for something. Otherwise, leave it off.

 

[tommytikl]

Find the good things about yourself, and celebrate them. That sounds like a cliche', maybe, but it's really truth. You've clearly found people who care about you, and that alone makes you NOT pathetic. Make a list of what's great about you. Put it on your refrigerator. Add to it when you find something new.

Listen, I'm in the 240 range (and far from 6 feet tall) and in the wake of my recent divorce, I've dated no less than a dozen women in a three-month period. All but one wants to go out again. There are always people who want to spend time with someone interesting. It's not too early in your weight loss journey to start the search.

Drop the pathetic gig, pal. Someone is waiting to find you fascinating. You've just got to find her.

P.S. And for God's sake, start saying "hello" to people on the street. Some will ignore you. Their loss. Many will smile back. Trust me. It will make you feel better.

And get a job, even if it's bagging groceries at Wal-Mart. That's valuable work, too, and a paycheck always helps boost self-esteem. Work your way up. Again, trust me (and a venue like that is a great way to meet women!).

And if you'll permit me one more piece of very direct advice . . . stay away from the damn computer. Give yourself an hour a day as a reward for something. Otherwise, leave it off.

yes, what he said, and what others have said too!

Chin up man!
I am/was VERY shy, I was in the same boat as you!

Well I got out of the boat and pushed my shyness down and finally said hello to girls, I smiled at them and OMG, they smiled back!

And as far as friends go, friends are only as close as you let them be!

You have lost 60 pounds that is something to be proud of!
That is not easy.

Here is something my friend did, he was a big guy like you.
He had a picture of himself at 350!!, then lost 50 pounds like you did.
He took a new picture of himself and couldn't believe how good he looked.
He put the two pictures next to each other in his bedroom so that he could see that he had made progress.
Well on year later he is not 230 and feeling awesome and has pictures of himself improving to see how far he has come.
Try it, it might work for you too.

Good luck buddy!

 

[Drago69]

Find the good things about yourself, and celebrate them. That sounds like a cliche', maybe, but it's really truth. You've clearly found people who care about you, and that alone makes you NOT pathetic. Make a list of what's great about you. Put it on your refrigerator. Add to it when you find something new.

Listen, I'm in the 240 range (and far from 6 feet tall) and in the wake of my recent divorce, I've dated no less than a dozen women in a three-month period. All but one wants to go out again. There are always people who want to spend time with someone interesting. It's not too early in your weight loss journey to start the search.

Drop the pathetic gig, pal. Someone is waiting to find you fascinating. You've just got to find her.

P.S. And for God's sake, start saying "hello" to people on the street. Some will ignore you. Their loss. Many will smile back. Trust me. It will make you feel better.

And get a job, even if it's bagging groceries at Wal-Mart. That's valuable work, too, and a paycheck always helps boost self-esteem. Work your way up. Again, trust me (and a venue like that is a great way to meet women!).

And if you'll permit me one more piece of very direct advice . . . stay away from the damn computer. Give yourself an hour a day as a reward for something. Otherwise, leave it off.

I don't know what the good things are... I can't see a whole lot of good, but I'll try harder. Thanks. =D

I really hope I can find someone ... been dreaming about what it'd be like for the longest time. I hope it all turns out at least a bit close to how I picture it - not that I can be choosy. =)

I smile at people sometimes, which gets them to say hi to me - if they say hi, then I do as well.

Yeah, I've been trying to get a job, and I'm going to continue to try - it's just being a pain in the ass. I can't wait to get a job, seems like it woudl be fun to me, and I'm sure getting paid will be a great feeling.

When I get a job and have mroe to do, I am definitely going to be on the computer less. It's becoming less and less fun to be on, as I'd prefer to finally move on with real life and do many things. The job will be the real first step into it. I am getting help with a resumé soon (only been using applications up until now) so that should help me get one.

Thanks for replying. =D

yes, what he said, and what others have said too!

Chin up man!
I am/was VERY shy, I was in the same boat as you!

Well I got out of the boat and pushed my shyness down and finally said hello to girls, I smiled at them and OMG, they smiled back!

And as far as friends go, friends are only as close as you let them be!

You have lost 60 pounds that is something to be proud of!
That is not easy.

Here is something my friend did, he was a big guy like you.
He had a picture of himself at 350!!, then lost 50 pounds like you did.
He took a new picture of himself and couldn't believe how good he looked.
He put the two pictures next to each other in his bedroom so that he could see that he had made progress.
Well on year later he is not 230 and feeling awesome and has pictures of himself improving to see how far he has come.
Try it, it might work for you too.

Good luck buddy!

Before school ended I got a little better talking to girls... I mean, it never went anywhere, but I got a little better. Then school ended and I don't know how things are going to work from here on.

Hm, never thought of taking pictures. People have told me I looked better, but I can't actually see much different without some sort of comparison, I guess. I just can't notice it as easily.

I am glad your friend was able to lose so much weight. I'm sure it must be great. I just wish I would lose a little of da boobies. =p

Thanks!

 

[justadinosaur]

Hey Drago! Something else important you've got to think of, I guess... Don't focus so much on how you are and how you'd want to be and who you'd want to be with and all that... That is and remains in the realm of ideals, of what-if's... Try to do things instead, including lots of sportyish things of course, which will do you just good and help you shed that excess weight if you want!
Instead of wondering about the destination, start the journey! Doesn't matter if people made fun of you or whatever, that hurts, true, brings your self-confidence down in the long term, right... But cannot and should not prevent you from searching inside of yourself and finding out what could be a passion, a hobby, a personal goal you want to work on... One or more... Something that you might see on TV, or that you always thought was fun or interesting, and go at it. Do things! Be yourself through living! Become yourself... Not even your new self, because there won't be anything new, that "self" is there inside, you just need a few steps to start taking it out. Could be an artist, could be an expert in some cultural field (I am a supernerd into science both as a job and as a hobby....), could be a sporter (35 is never late enough to take on some physical activity man, gradually, with method and patience, make it a habit, not a duty!), could be something in the outdoors or with a group of people... And by doing and going, you'll get to know other people.... People you can learn from, people you can give to, people that will make you feel better because they'll see how you are, whereas the way you see yourself through your own eyes is not very helpful right now, way too hard!
Go and do... Find out what and do it... Live... Because you're no better but sure, very sure, no worse than anybody else out there if you try it! 🙂
Do you believe me...................?? Yes?? Then go!

that dinosaur....

 

[Newcastle Uni]

I think you're doing the right thing. As you continue to lose weight you should feel much, much better about the way you look. As you gather confidence, you will be much more relaxed and comfortable around women and then it should all start to slot together.

Try this advice - it works! Go out to a pub/club and talk to as many women as possible. Ask for their phone number. At first I found I was just asking women I thought no one else would be interested in,m and then one night I asked a gorgeous girl to dance and she said yes! Well, I gained more confidence, even asking to tickle one girls feet. She put her feet in my lap and I tickled away.

I found my girlfriend by just approaching her in a club and asking for her phone number. It went slow at first, but is now starting to take off.

 

[lk70]

volunteering?

If I may toss out an idea here, Drago. You want to get away from the computer and do something, but you're shy in public. How about finding some sort of volunteer work to do? If you like animals, an animal shelter would be a great place to start. You can spend time helping comfort and socialize the animals there and will only meet a small group of people, who just by the virtue of the fact they are volunteering as well, are bound to be compassionate and nice people. Or if animals are not your thing, try a senior center or a food kitchen or anything! You can find all sorts of things at www.volunteermatch.com. You're bound to feel good about yourself for vounteering and bound to meet other great people. Best of luck to you!

 

[Drago69]

I think you're doing the right thing. As you continue to lose weight you should feel much, much better about the way you look. As you gather confidence, you will be much more relaxed and comfortable around women and then it should all start to slot together.

Try this advice - it works! Go out to a pub/club and talk to as many women as possible. Ask for their phone number. At first I found I was just asking women I thought no one else would be interested in,m and then one night I asked a gorgeous girl to dance and she said yes! Well, I gained more confidence, even asking to tickle one girls feet. She put her feet in my lap and I tickled away.

I found my girlfriend by just approaching her in a club and asking for her phone number. It went slow at first, but is now starting to take off.

Thanks. =) The only problem with that is I don't like pubs or clubs, or whatever. I'd prefer to not go to them, and I probably won't. But I am glad you found your girlfriend and it's moving along nicely. Good luck with that!

If I may toss out an idea here, Drago. You want to get away from the computer and do something, but you're shy in public. How about finding some sort of volunteer work to do? If you like animals, an animal shelter would be a great place to start. You can spend time helping comfort and socialize the animals there and will only meet a small group of people, who just by the virtue of the fact they are volunteering as well, are bound to be compassionate and nice people. Or if animals are not your thing, try a senior center or a food kitchen or anything! You can find all sorts of things at www.volunteermatch.com. You're bound to feel good about yourself for vounteering and bound to meet other great people. Best of luck to you!

Actually, I was told by my schools social worker that I should try to volunteer... if anything, just to have something else to put on my resumé (as I have nothing). She said the SPCA would be a good place to volunteer, but I wouldn't know how to go about getting started with that anyway - especially since I don't have a clue where one is. =p I'll look into it, though... but I am more focused on getting an actual job first... there's no one in my house working at the moment, so I need to get one and help pay the bills and stuff. =) Hopefully soon. Thanks a lot for the advice. =D

Hiya Drago - so nice to see you back! Yes, there are so many folks on this thread that care about others and are smart & kind & funny, too. Lots of good ideas here.

Having chatted with you and looked at your website, I know communication with people is something you're really good at - so if you enjoy conversation with people online I'd say continue with it as long as you enjoy it... while at the same time increasing your real-life activity.

It's not "pathetic" or less valuable than being social in person - it actually helps you get comfortable with real life conversations, and also helps you identify what kinds of folks & interests you enjoy and want to seek out; and what kinds to avoid.

Depression and isolation can make a person get tunnel vision and spend too much time brooding on their problems. Perhaps you need a jump-start to get you looking out at the world again with enthusiasm; that's where a doctor can help with some tools - perhaps an anti-depressant drug for a bit, advice about health & nutrition, maybe even a little counseling. Sounds like your friend at school pointed you in the right direction - I'm so glad there are people like that in schools.

A support group like weight watchers or overeaters anonymous can open up your world to other people dealing with the same kinds of challenges you are -and yay for you taking charge of your health, by the way! - and get you more comfortable with social groups.

One thing I'd really like to see you do is erase that tape in your head that says "you're not very interesting". I know for a fact that message is not based in reality - having joked and chatted with you I know that you are interesting & imaginative, kind & playful. You also have a terrific sense of humor, honey - and that's extremely attractive!

You have interests... that makes you interesting. Pursue your interests because they make you happy; not soley for self-improvement, but also because pursuing your interests is what will enlarge your world and lead to other experiences. Don't worry so much about what other people think, or give them the power to make you happy or unhappy. You're in charge of your life here.

Ik had the great idea of volunteer work - it's an excellent way to explore what kind of work you want to pursue, and what kinds of people you want around you in your work life.

Start in a casual way so you won't feel stressed. You could do something for a non-profit you admire by helping them with your skills with computers, for example; this will get you involved in important work using abilities that you already have confidence in - and you'll be working with people who will really appreciate you.

Take it as seriously as if it were a paying position; approach them with a resume and letter of interest, and imagine in your head what the interview will be like so you can rehearse - you'll build your professional social skills & experience too.

Climb out of your shell, Drago, and enjoy all the world has to offer you. You can do it at your own speed, in ways that feel comfortable and enjoyable. You get to choose the way you want your life to look.

Come back to the chatroom sometimes too, hon - you need more fun

Yeah, most of what I do is just lay around and think about the problems - sometimes until I start crying; but that doesn't happen as much anymore, unless the problem is big. I was also told by the social worker in school that that wasn't a good way to go... it's just that when I get like that, I lose all motivation to do anythingn else, so it's annoying.

Lots of people have told me that talking online is just as good as talking in real life, because you're still talking to people... and I guess that's true - I just get frustrated now since I can't see the other people, and I want to, is all.

I don't know how great my sense of humor is, or how interesting I am... lots of times I'll be fine doing things, and then I'll say something stupid and ruin everything. This worked offline, and (as recent as this morning) online. I always think everything is fine, then the other person gets upset, and I hate that feeling I get when I realize I've upset them, or something... though in real life, I try not to show any emotion about it, just because I haven't found anyone that I would be comfortable showing any emotions too, aside from happiness and sometimes anger. I'm trying really hard not to think about that stuff too much right now, so I'm gonna move on.

If I did volunteer work, or any job, I would prefer one where I was moving around, not sitting at a computer. I would like to get exercise out of it so I'd always be working towards getting the weight off. So I'll have to look into finding something that doesn't make me sit down for hours and stuff.

I'm trying to 'climb out of my shell' and see more about the world, but it's easier said than done. I'm trying to see the good stuff, but I can't yet... but the only thing I know, is that I can get excited about really simple things... I used to get excited just because I was going to the grocery store on my own... I still get excited when I am going to ride the bus, because I haven't done it too often... I used to be really excited when my old friends wanted to include me in stuff they were doing... hell, I was even going to attempt to go out with them yesterday just to have something to do (as it was one of their birthday, and they called me for some reason) - but even though they said they were coming by my house, they never did... so yeah... I'm just going on now.

Thanks a lot. =) And I may try to go into the chatroom now and then from now on.

 

[Luv2Tickle69]

Forgive me Drago if this has been said already....and if it has....consider it an echo of support...

....for starters (as one who's been up and down with weight), congrats on the current stakes of your weight loss....keep it going, and you'll feel much better knowing how much work you did to get it to that point, and you'll feel better wearing clothing that showcases yer new image.

Here's where else things might sound repetitive....

....women are (for the most part) drawn to men who carry themselves confidently....that's NOT to be misconstrued with COCKINESS....but CONFIDENT.....someone who seems to look 'at home' no matter where he goes, and can engage with most anybody. Women DO notice this.....I think as your weight loss continues, and your efforts to find gainful employment is fulfilled, you'll feel a sense of relief, and the added tastes of success in both endeavors will suit you as well....it will begin to show.....'cuz as it's been said so far....if you don't show/give some love to yourself....THAT will reflect to others IMMEDIATELY.....and it just ISN'T attractive.....it's even LESS attractive than being 'big.' (which, frankly, doesn't mean squat....I've known PLENTY of people who were larger sized, and carried themselves with the confidence I spoke of earlier).

Right 'bout now....I'd say, keep the focus on YOU.....get YOU sorted out....get YOUR shit together (I say that in a friendly way, mind you)....and once you see you're getting the results you want for your efforts....you'll be able to pursue a love interest with more open eyes, mind, heart and soul...and you'll FEEL ready to do so....one last thing....don't work TOO hard or put TOO much of yourself out there.....it's a deal of give and take....look, but don't look ALL the time.....temper how you meet single women.....and...of course...BE YOURSELF....

.....moreover....GOOD LUCK.....she's out there bro.....waitin' on you.

 

[kcantankerous]

Yo

I'm not sure how old you are Drago, but I'm sure you have time to make a change. One think I learned is you cannot rely on women alone to make you happy. Furthermore, women tend to gravitate toward men who are self confident; even cocky normally the younger girls like that. And again know one will love you till you love yourself so get it done. Well you can pull it out if you just like yourself. So again continue to workout and lose weight, its funny how weight lose can directly pump up ones self confidence. If you have to find a personal trainer you can connect with to push you even harder. Get some new cloths, maybe play a club sport. I gerrantee you'll change in your self concious mannerisms. I'm not gonna bs you and say youll find someone especially if your running around with your present disposition. But even if you find a girl without changing your current train of thought, theres a 90% chance it will fail. So again get the weight down, and your confidence will increase. Furthermore, play a sport, or something to increase your self confidence.

 

[Drago69]

Forgive me Drago if this has been said already....and if it has....consider it an echo of support...

....for starters (as one who's been up and down with weight), congrats on the current stakes of your weight loss....keep it going, and you'll feel much better knowing how much work you did to get it to that point, and you'll feel better wearing clothing that showcases yer new image.

Here's where else things might sound repetitive....

....women are (for the most part) drawn to men who carry themselves confidently....that's NOT to be misconstrued with COCKINESS....but CONFIDENT.....someone who seems to look 'at home' no matter where he goes, and can engage with most anybody. Women DO notice this.....I think as your weight loss continues, and your efforts to find gainful employment is fulfilled, you'll feel a sense of relief, and the added tastes of success in both endeavors will suit you as well....it will begin to show.....'cuz as it's been said so far....if you don't show/give some love to yourself....THAT will reflect to others IMMEDIATELY.....and it just ISN'T attractive.....it's even LESS attractive than being 'big.' (which, frankly, doesn't mean squat....I've known PLENTY of people who were larger sized, and carried themselves with the confidence I spoke of earlier).

Right 'bout now....I'd say, keep the focus on YOU.....get YOU sorted out....get YOUR shit together (I say that in a friendly way, mind you)....and once you see you're getting the results you want for your efforts....you'll be able to pursue a love interest with more open eyes, mind, heart and soul...and you'll FEEL ready to do so....one last thing....don't work TOO hard or put TOO much of yourself out there.....it's a deal of give and take....look, but don't look ALL the time.....temper how you meet single women.....and...of course...BE YOURSELF....

.....moreover....GOOD LUCK.....she's out there bro.....waitin' on you.

Thanks. =) Yeah, confidence is the key it seems. I'll just have to try harder to build that up - it's pretty tough, though. I guess I'm going to have to focus on me and get me sorted out, 'cause until then I don't really have much else to focus on anyway.

I hope she is out there as you say. Thanks again. =D

I'm not sure how old you are Drago, but I'm sure you have time to make a change. One think I learned is you cannot rely on women alone to make you happy. Furthermore, women tend to gravitate toward men who are self confident; even cocky normally the younger girls like that. And again know one will love you till you love yourself so get it done. Well you can pull it out if you just like yourself. So again continue to workout and lose weight, its funny how weight lose can directly pump up ones self confidence. If you have to find a personal trainer you can connect with to push you even harder. Get some new cloths, maybe play a club sport. I gerrantee you'll change in your self concious mannerisms. I'm not gonna bs you and say youll find someone especially if your running around with your present disposition. But even if you find a girl without changing your current train of thought, theres a 90% chance it will fail. So again get the weight down, and your confidence will increase. Furthermore, play a sport, or something to increase your self confidence.

I'll be 21 in November. Hm... I thought it was possible to be happy if I had a girlfriend - like, she could be my best friend, and everything else at the same time... well, I guess not. I will keep working toward losing weight so I can learn to love myself, and while a personal trainer would be nice, I couldn't afford it, and it might not be necessary anyway. I'm not really big on sports or know how to get involved in them, but maybe someday I'll try and figure it out and do as you say. Thanks again. =)

My pleasure. One good way to meet potential friends is to participate in activities you really enjoy. And feel free to skip the stuff that doesn't appeal to you. (I don't bother with bars and nightclubs and such, as I really don't get pleasure from that.) Anyway, others may have recommended this already -- I didn't read all the replies. (Lucky you, getting so much free advice! LOL)

And good for you for dumping the "friends" who were making fun of you. You don't need that in your life, especially if you're working on building self-esteem.

The only thing I am really interested in is video games and stuff... I'm not really sure where to go to find people with interest in that. I mean, I know one place, but usually there are never many people in there, and it's not like anyone ever becomes friends, they just talk about games and then leave.

Yeah, I'm kinda happy, and kinda sad that I stopped hanging out with those friends at the same time. While they were annoying as hell, and for some reason they liked to hit me a lot, they were my only real reason to go do anything now and then. I mean, I know I'll find other things, but meh. Thanks again. =D

 

[GoForTheLaugh]

I just wanted to say how much I respect the honesty in your posts, Drago.

You might want to try a site like meetup.com, where you type in your zip code and interest and then find out where people with interests like yours are meeting. Do you go to a college or live near one? There are organizations in colleges for people with similar interests to meet. Groups also post flyers in libraries, community centers, town halls, supermarkets, and so on.

Like Mitchell, I have a best friend who means everything to me. In fact, even though D does not share my tickling fetish, he knows how uncomfortable I am with it since I am only just coming to terms with it, and he has been incredibly supportive--even letting me give him a tour of this board while he cringed. The two of us help each other out in the very manner that Mitchell described. It works both ways; if only one of us were supportive, I doubt the friendship would last.

Like you, both D and I hate bars and clubs, by the way. That's part of the reason we were initially interested in being friends.

I met D when I was a few years OLDER than you, Drago. It's not like there's a cut-off age for meeting good friends.

And there's no cut-off age for dating, either.

Of course there's a woman out there for you. The only men who stay alone are the ones whose expectations are unrealistic, as in an older man, for example, who ignores interested women his age because he wants someone who's 21, or a man of any age who only wants women who look like Jessica Simpson. You don't even have to wait to finish losing weight to start dating; there are many kind, empathetic, intelligent women who will make you happy but may not have ideal bodies. And so what? If you treat them with kindness and respect, they won't care as much about the size of your body. When your arms are around them and they can put their head on your shoulder, what do they care what size pants you wear? Sex is making love when you want to be with the woman because of who she is and not solely because of what she looks like. The same goes for her wanting to be with you.

I don't usually admit this, but I used to be a very fat teenager, and I used to hang out with friends who treated me poorly simply because I wanted friends so badly. I know exactly how you feel, and I also know that you can lose the rest of the weight, keep it off, feel great about yourself, make solid friends you keep for life, and amaze yourself with the incredible people you date. Once you believe you can, you not only do but you never look back.

I don't know you, but I am proud of you for reaching out by posting what you did. That shows character and commitment. You're on your way!

 

[Luv2Tickle69]

Drago....m'man....you're 21?? Dude....Lord willing...you got MORE than enough time to get yourself together on as many fronts as you feel you need to be....and find the kind of woman you want to spend time with.....at this stage of the game bro..the world's your oyster....think of it that way....

.....again....that confidence will build as you score each little victory for yourself....they're stepping stones.....all of 'em....don't make small of 'em and don't let anyone ELSE make small of 'em either...

 

[steph]

Some really amazing advice here. I do think your 20s (esp the early part) are all about making mistakes and finding yourself (even if it means you get lost for a little while along the way~ and trust me, you will.)

The good news is that the people you know who exce at comunicating, who get along best with other people weren't born that way~they got there by practising.

I love the volunteer work idea and I've proposed it to others in the past. You don't have to do it 40 hours a week for it to work~pick an afternoon, or every other Saturday, something like that. You'll be helping out others and will start to feel better about yourself (congrats on the weight loss, BTW!) Another thing that's great about it is it gets you out of your own head.

I've also suggested this about how to meet girls but it bears repeating: take a class, something you enjoy. People are always drawn to people who look like they're having a good time.
XOXO

 

[kis123]

You're only 21?? It's a real sad thing that I've experienced so many young people so depressed. I'm not saying young people don't have problems-that would be completely disrespectful. It's just that you have so much life to live that it pains me to know so many of you are struggling at such a young age.

When it comes to weight issues, I'm right there with you. I know how it feels to the the fat kid, overweight teen, and obese adult. It really sucks, doesn't it? However, you will waste a lot of good years dwelling in it. Love yourself today!! Don't make your self-love and acceptance conditional under any terms, including your weight. It will amaze you once you make a conscious decision that this is the way you will live from today forward. You are what you think you are. Certain types of people gravitate towards you because of what you think of yourself. Fight the voices in your head! This will take the most time to do because you've spent 21 years playing the wrong dialogue to yourself. You'll fight with this for a long time, but persistence will win out if you're patient.

I have complete faith in your ability to pull through and eventually come back on top! I respect you for putting your feelings in print and testing cyberspace for some kindness (for a change). Most of the members here have each other's best interests at heart.

 

[lk70]

She said the SPCA would be a good place to volunteer, but I wouldn't know how to go about getting started with that anyway - especially since I don't have a clue where one is. =p I'll look into it, though... .

If you have any interest in volunteering with an SPCA or similar org, let me help you get started. First go to http://www.petfinder.com Spend some time searching your area and you'll see the orgs that exist. From the homepage, click on Sign up to be a volunteer . That will give you a form where you check off what sorts of things you'd be able to do- from computer help to dog walking, whatever floats your boat. And the groups who need help will find you. Or you can call them up, or send them an email and ask if they need help- and I promise they do.

And you mention getting a "real" job. Do you have BestBuy near you? What about being a member of the Geek Squad? Computers and mobility all in one job!

Just get out there, man, and see how much you have to offer the world! Everything else will fall into place. I promise. 🙂

 

[Drago69]

I just wanted to say how much I respect the honesty in your posts, Drago.

You might want to try a site like meetup.com, where you type in your zip code and interest and then find out where people with interests like yours are meeting. Do you go to a college or live near one? There are organizations in colleges for people with similar interests to meet. Groups also post flyers in libraries, community centers, town halls, supermarkets, and so on.

Like Mitchell, I have a best friend who means everything to me. In fact, even though D does not share my tickling fetish, he knows how uncomfortable I am with it since I am only just coming to terms with it, and he has been incredibly supportive--even letting me give him a tour of this board while he cringed. The two of us help each other out in the very manner that Mitchell described. It works both ways; if only one of us were supportive, I doubt the friendship would last.

Like you, both D and I hate bars and clubs, by the way. That's part of the reason we were initially interested in being friends.

I met D when I was a few years OLDER than you, Drago. It's not like there's a cut-off age for meeting good friends.

And there's no cut-off age for dating, either.

Of course there's a woman out there for you. The only men who stay alone are the ones whose expectations are unrealistic, as in an older man, for example, who ignores interested women his age because he wants someone who's 21, or a man of any age who only wants women who look like Jessica Simpson. You don't even have to wait to finish losing weight to start dating; there are many kind, empathetic, intelligent women who will make you happy but may not have ideal bodies. And so what? If you treat them with kindness and respect, they won't care as much about the size of your body. When your arms are around them and they can put their head on your shoulder, what do they care what size pants you wear? Sex is making love when you want to be with the woman because of who she is and not solely because of what she looks like. The same goes for her wanting to be with you.

I don't usually admit this, but I used to be a very fat teenager, and I used to hang out with friends who treated me poorly simply because I wanted friends so badly. I know exactly how you feel, and I also know that you can lose the rest of the weight, keep it off, feel great about yourself, make solid friends you keep for life, and amaze yourself with the incredible people you date. Once you believe you can, you not only do but you never look back.

I don't know you, but I am proud of you for reaching out by posting what you did. That shows character and commitment. You're on your way!

Thanks a lot. =)

My friends all liked getting drunk and going out and being idiots, so I was never one to join them, and we didn't really have anything in common. I hope I can find a friend like you did someday. It must be great. I told one of my friends about my tickling fetish - you know it's wierd when you have to cover up tickling stuff on your computer by just saying it's normal porn to be accepted 😵; - but he seemed all curious and I told him, and he thought it was stupid and laughed at me about it, and basically joked around for about 15 minutes before he left, then we never talked about it again. Though, while we never talked about it, I almost regretted it the next day, 'cause we were walking around at lunch, and these guys were tickling a girl across the street from school, and he kept saying he was going to go tell them, and then he laughed when I got all freaked out that he was going to. =p Well, anyway, I am glad you have a great and supportive friend.

My expectations aren't way too high... I just want whoever I end up with to share some interests with me, and to not mind my tickling fetish, and all that stuff. I find I am more attracted to a girls mind, and personality, more than anything. =D

Well, they were the only friends I had. I didn't have any friends until I was like... 13 or so, then I got one, and he brought his friends along, and that's how I got more. They were around me until this year, all through school (I just graduated High School last month, finally.)

I actually told them really personal things in order to get some advice and stuff, and they actually told other people - sometimes strangers - what I had said while I was right there, I guess thinking it didn't bother me.

I hope I can keep the weight off when I lose it and do all the things you say... thanks again.

Drago....m'man....you're 21?? Dude....Lord willing...you got MORE than enough time to get yourself together on as many fronts as you feel you need to be....and find the kind of woman you want to spend time with.....at this stage of the game bro..the world's your oyster....think of it that way....

.....again....that confidence will build as you score each little victory for yourself....they're stepping stones.....all of 'em....don't make small of 'em and don't let anyone ELSE make small of 'em either...

Well, almost 21, anyway. =) I know I have a lot more time... but for some reason it doesn't really seem that way to me. I just figured I would get uglier and uglier from here on to the point where no one would wanna do anything with me. I'll try to think better about it, though.

Yeah, I am hoping my confidence builds up soon. Lots of things I do are big things to me... like cooking, or going grocery shopping, or just walking around... all makes me feel a little better about myself. I need to do more stuff. Thanks a lot. =D

Some really amazing advice here. I do think your 20s (esp the early part) are all about making mistakes and finding yourself (even if it means you get lost for a little while along the way~ and trust me, you will.)

The good news is that the people you know who exce at comunicating, who get along best with other people weren't born that way~they got there by practising.

I love the volunteer work idea and I've proposed it to others in the past. You don't have to do it 40 hours a week for it to work~pick an afternoon, or every other Saturday, something like that. You'll be helping out others and will start to feel better about yourself (congrats on the weight loss, BTW!) Another thing that's great about it is it gets you out of your own head.

I've also suggested this about how to meet girls but it bears repeating: take a class, something you enjoy. People are always drawn to people who look like they're having a good time.

I think I'm pretty much lost already. =)

I am going to give lots of thought to the volunteer work - it seems like a great idea that I'll have to attempt to try somewhere down the road. I know I would like to do volunteer stuff involving animals... that would be pretty cool.

What do you mean, a class? I'm not really sure what you're getting at. 😵; Thanks a lot, though. =D

If you have any interest in volunteering with an SPCA or similar org, let me help you get started. First go to http://www.petfinder.com Spend some time searching your area and you'll see the orgs that exist. From the homepage, click on Sign up to be a volunteer . That will give you a form where you check off what sorts of things you'd be able to do- from computer help to dog walking, whatever floats your boat. And the groups who need help will find you. Or you can call them up, or send them an email and ask if they need help- and I promise they do.

And you mention getting a "real" job. Do you have BestBuy near you? What about being a member of the Geek Squad? Computers and mobility all in one job!

Just get out there, man, and see how much you have to offer the world! Everything else will fall into place. I promise.

Wow, thanks a lot for the information. I'll look it over after I am done replying to this. =D

I don't know what this "Geek Squad" is... and I don't know any BestBuy locations... the only places I have really tried to get a job were grocery stores, and fast food places, mostly. THat doesn't seem to be working out too well. I'll eventually find something, I'm sure...

I hope you're right. I'm basically looking forward to when I finally get a job as the big turning point in my life... I can't wait to get one. =) Luckily minimum wage is going up in like September, also. =p I wonder how well I can through life with one of these jobs... I'm not really aiming for anything higher than these jobs at all. I'm just not as interested in making a whole lot of money as I probably should be, it seems. Oh well. Thanks again. =D

 

[WorkInProgress]

I think you've received a lot of good suggestions here. I would add, take it one day at a time, and see what social environments outside of the internet you can get comfortable in. One thing I've found is, when we're shy and we meet someone new, we tend to feel self-conscious, and perhaps a good antidote to that, some of the time, can be to assume the other person is prone to feel self-conscious as well, and try to help the other person feel more at ease. Don't always assume that the other person is more secure than you are. Anyway, that's just one little component; the main thing is the journey toward self-acceptance, because women do go for the men who accept themselves--and self-accepting men come in all shapes and sizes. Go into any pub, and see if all of the happy-go-lucky guys are slim-jims. Not saying you should emulate the characters there, just making the point that there's weight, and there's what you do with it psychologically.

This post isn't an attempt at an all-encompassing philosophy. You've gotten so much of that already that this addresses little tributary spots instead. In any case, good luck, and I hope things work out well for you on all fronts.

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

Hey Draco69 I agree with what some people have said about volunteering. I am originally from the Phila., PA area but I lived in Atlanta, GA for about eight and half years and just moved back here about four and a half months ago. I want to meet new people and I have recently applied to begin volunteering to keep me busy. I think that it's a really good way to meet people while helping people or animals. Don't you have any other interests other than video games and such? Just wondering. Congrats on losing weight. Keep going with that!

I am sure that things will get better for you soon. Good luck to you!