No girlfriend, lack of tickling, yada = depression.

[steph]

Bah...If you feel this way now, you're already on track for your age...Beleive it or not, in time, you'll find your way, I promise. It feels like never now but as someone almost twice your age (been there done that, burned the t-shirt) 😉 it does get better.

And funny thing about my household and volunteer work~even our animals are expected to give 😉...No shitting! I'm training my baby lab to be a water rescue dog and beautiful (and now deceased) Bill the Cat made frequent visits to nursing homes, childrens hospitals, juvenile hall, etc.

A class, sugar, a class~at the local community college, the sports complex, whatever makes you happy...
XOXO

Originally Posted by steph

I think I'm pretty much lost already. =)

I am going to give lots of thought to the volunteer work - it seems like a great idea that I'll have to attempt to try somewhere down the road. I know I would like to do volunteer stuff involving animals... that would be pretty cool.

What do you mean, a class? I'm not really sure what you're getting at. 😵; Thanks a lot, though. =D


Quote:

 

[lk70]

Geek Squad explained

sorry Drago- I'll fill you in on the Geek Squad before you think I've insulted you! BestBuy recently added a tech support department that ranges from instore help to people who actually come to your home to help you fix your computer. They drive funky little black and orange cars and are called the Geek Squad.

 

[Drago69]

You're only 21?? It's a real sad thing that I've experienced so many young people so depressed. I'm not saying young people don't have problems-that would be completely disrespectful. It's just that you have so much life to live that it pains me to know so many of you are struggling at such a young age.

When it comes to weight issues, I'm right there with you. I know how it feels to the the fat kid, overweight teen, and obese adult. It really sucks, doesn't it? However, you will waste a lot of good years dwelling in it. Love yourself today!! Don't make your self-love and acceptance conditional under any terms, including your weight. It will amaze you once you make a conscious decision that this is the way you will live from today forward. You are what you think you are. Certain types of people gravitate towards you because of what you think of yourself. Fight the voices in your head! This will take the most time to do because you've spent 21 years playing the wrong dialogue to yourself. You'll fight with this for a long time, but persistence will win out if you're patient.

I have complete faith in your ability to pull through and eventually come back on top! I respect you for putting your feelings in print and testing cyberspace for some kindness (for a change). Most of the members here have each other's best interests at heart.

Whoops. I just suddenly remembered I didn't remember replying to your post. =)

Yeah, thats usually how it is. I can be happy and fine, and then suddenly I'll have one negative thought, and that'll lead to more, and it'll ruin my day. It's mostly just constantly insulting myself, putting myself down, yada, and even if someone tells me outright that it's not the truth, I'll believe it anyway. I know I have to stop, and I'm trying as hard as I can, but I haven't been able to stop it yet.

Funny how people on here seem to have more faith in me that I am able to do these things, when I don't have much faith in myself. But yeah, I am finding out the people here are much better people than I would have thought. I guess it's a good thing that I wrote what I did, otherwise I would have missed out on a lot.

Thanks a lot. =D

I think you've received a lot of good suggestions here. I would add, take it one day at a time, and see what social environments outside of the internet you can get comfortable in. One thing I've found is, when we're shy and we meet someone new, we tend to feel self-conscious, and perhaps a good antidote to that, some of the time, can be to assume the other person is prone to feel self-conscious as well, and try to help the other person feel more at ease. Don't always assume that the other person is more secure than you are. Anyway, that's just one little component; the main thing is the journey toward self-acceptance, because women do go for the men who accept themselves--and self-accepting men come in all shapes and sizes. Go into any pub, and see if all of the happy-go-lucky guys are slim-jims. Not saying you should emulate the characters there, just making the point that there's weight, and there's what you do with it psychologically.

This post isn't an attempt at an all-encompassing philosophy. You've gotten so much of that already that this addresses little tributary spots instead. In any case, good luck, and I hope things work out well for you on all fronts.

Hm... I've never thought about it that way. Usually if we have something in common I will talk about that easy, but I'll never start any conversations, or anything. There have been a whole lot of time, I've just wanted to talk to people beside me when they could've cared less if I even existed, but I could never open my mouth to get things started. I just think about it and what the reaction might be until the opportunity passes. I usually never think about what others are feeling because others never want to meet me, it's always a one-way thing. Thanks for the reply. =)

Hey Draco69 I agree with what some people have said about volunteering. I am originally from the Phila., PA area but I lived in Atlanta, GA for about eight and half years and just moved back here about four and a half months ago. I want to meet new people and I have recently applied to begin volunteering to keep me busy. I think that it's a really good way to meet people while helping people or animals. Don't you have any other interests other than video games and such? Just wondering. Congrats on losing weight. Keep going with that!

I am sure that things will get better for you soon. Good luck to you!

Hey. I am glad that you're going to volunteer - you'll have to let me know how it goes. =) The only other interest I had was trying to make music on these midi programs for fun. Was never any good at it, and don't know much about music at all, so I gave up on it since I got sick of staring at the screen without being able to do anything decent on it, and without getting anything done since I sucked so bad.

Thanks. =D

Bah...If you feel this way now, you're already on track for your age...Beleive it or not, in time, you'll find your way, I promise. It feels like never now but as someone almost twice your age (been there done that, burned the t-shirt) it does get better.

And funny thing about my household and volunteer work~even our animals are expected to give ...No shitting! I'm training my baby lab to be a water rescue dog and beautiful (and now deceased) Bill the Cat made frequent visits to nursing homes, childrens hospitals, juvenile hall, etc.

A class, sugar, a class~at the local community college, the sports complex, whatever makes you happy...
XOXO

Thank you. I hope it does get a lot better. I'll keep going the way I'm going, I guess.

Hehe. Animals are great; amazing how much they can do. =)

I have no interest in going to any schools and taking classes... it took forever to get out of High School, and I just don't wanna go back to another classroom - at least at the moment. Thanks though. =)

sorry Drago- I'll fill you in on the Geek Squad before you think I've insulted you! BestBuy recently added a tech support department that ranges from instore help to people who actually come to your home to help you fix your computer. They drive funky little black and orange cars and are called the Geek Squad.

Ah, I see. I didn't think you were insulting me. It's ok. =) I've never even been close to an entrance to a BestBuy that I can remember... so of course I wouldn't have known what it was. Thanks. =D

 

[TickleMe4Ever]

Drago, if you can't find yourself girlfriend, why don't you call escort service? For $150 or so, you can actually "do it" in your home with a girl of your choice. Or, you could try finding someone over the internet (it's much easier that way), but be careful - you never really know who you are dealing with.

 

[Drago69]

Drago, if you can't find yourself girlfriend, why don't you call escort service? For $150 or so, you can actually "do it" in your home with a girl of your choice. Or, you could try finding someone over the internet (it's much easier that way), but be careful - you never really know who you are dealing with.

As much as I want... tickling, I don't want what an escort service could offer. I'm sure that's for sex only, and I can't say i am really interested in that at all. Plus I don't have the money to spend on that. =p Looking more for love anyway.

I was thinking of over the internet, but I'm not really expecting anything to happen like that. Oh well. Thanks anyway.

 

[GoForTheLaugh]

As much as I want... tickling, I don't want what an escort service could offer. I'm sure that's for sex only, and I can't say i am really interested in that at all. Plus I don't have the money to spend on that. =p Looking more for love anyway.

Wow! I respect you for that last post, and I wanted to let you know. A lot of guys have no problem with buying sex, and they make fun of people who don't. That's their intolerance; it in no way reflects badly on you. Keep the notion of wanting it to be for love alive and don't ever lose heart.

I have posted this before, but I will say it again. A friend of mine is a high-priced escort, and she goes with wealthy older men only--the same two or three every week. In addition, I know an older guy who was a male sex worker in the 60s and 70s. They enjoy sex only when they choose their partner, not when someone else is paying for it.

Some people can enjoy paying for sex and kinks without an emotional commitment, and that is fine. Nothing wrong with that. I, on the other hand, have to have some bond and level of comfort with the person. I don't have to be in a relationship, mind you, but I do have to know that whatever I feel is mutual.

Granted, I am a gay guy, and you may be wondering how this pertains to your heteoxexuality. I can tell you that I have heard the same thing from some (not all) of my straight guy friends. There are people who think the way you do, and there are people who do not. However you think is fine, and you should trust what your instincts tell you about which women are desirable and how you want the relationship to be.

Thanks a lot. =)

My friends all liked getting drunk and going out and being idiots, so I was never one to join them, and we didn't really have anything in common. I hope I can find a friend like you did someday. It must be great. I told one of my friends about my tickling fetish - you know it's wierd when you have to cover up tickling stuff on your computer by just saying it's normal porn to be accepted 😵; - but he seemed all curious and I told him, and he thought it was stupid and laughed at me about it, and basically joked around for about 15 minutes before he left, then we never talked about it again. Though, while we never talked about it, I almost regretted it the next day, 'cause we were walking around at lunch, and these guys were tickling a girl across the street from school, and he kept saying he was going to go tell them, and then he laughed when I got all freaked out that he was going to. =p Well, anyway, I am glad you have a great and supportive friend.

You will find not only one, but many. The volunteer option many have suggested is good. See also what I said in my last post about finding groups where people have similar interests.

You come across very well on this board, and proof of that is the number of people posting to you. I think you have more positive qualities than you think, and good people will pick up on that. False friends will not.

By the way, I am a bag of insecurities and always have been. I allowed it to stop me when I was younger, but, with occasional periods of regression aside, I do not allow my fears to stop me now. Don't think for a minute that I am writing to you as Mr. Cool. Instead, I am writing as someone who knows how the issues you mentioned feel.

In all seriousness: You don't have to answer this question, as your private business is your private business. But is there any chance that you might have clinical depression, OCD, social anxiety disorder, or some other ailment that can be treated? Many years ago I took medication and saw someone because I did not know where to turn. It was then that I discovered the medical/biological nature of my issues. I am have been off medication and out of therapy for a long time, but I am grateful that I went when I did. It made a major difference in my life, and I do volunteer work related to it. There are many sliding scale programs available for people who cannot afford to pay much, and a great deal of the information is on line.

About friends: D, my best friend, knows what a bundle of nerves I can be. Our friendship has never been about my trying to be something I am not; it is about my being who I am, faults and all. And believe me, he is not perfect, either. I roll my eyes at some of the things that come out of his mouth, but I love him all the same. We each saw the good in the other, and that overrode everything else.

I know that you are probably hyper-aware of every fault (just as I am of my own). But even I, a person who has never met you, can pick up on so much about you that is positive in your posts. You really are going to be all right, and you really do have so much to offer.

I find I am more attracted to a girls mind, and personality, more than anything. =D

...and for that reason it is going to be much easier for you to find a quality woman. Most guys don't have such maturity.

Well, they were the only friends I had. I didn't have any friends until I was like... 13 or so, then I got one, and he brought his friends along, and that's how I got more. They were around me until this year, all through school (I just graduated High School last month, finally.)

I actually told them really personal things in order to get some advice and stuff, and they actually told other people - sometimes strangers - what I had said while I was right there, I guess thinking it didn't bother me.

I know. I went through the same thing. Here's a head's up: People who need to bash others in order to feel good about themselves have very little to feel good about. Don't let wealth, physical appearance, and a circle of friends fool you. They surround themselves with people just like them, and they get just as screwed in the end. One of the guys who used to torment me as a kid married a woman who was found in bed with another guy only five months after the marriage. He sat in a bar drowning his problems, wondering aloud why he had not been man enough for her.

How do I know this? Because his so-called friends for all these years were laughing behind his back about it, and news travels. Now I see him, think about what he did to me when I was a kid, and, without saying a word, mentally tell him how I am doing well and he is pathetic.

There is a flip side to the coin, though. I don't usually admit this either, but as a teenager I joined in with a group of people my age who liked to drive in Greenwich Village and throw things at gay people. I have always passed for straight, and that was my cover during my closeted Fundamentalist days.

I tell you this so you will see that I have been both tormentor and tormented. Life does strange things to us, and we have to learn to forgive ourselves and simply be who we are. Those who make fun of you have real issues, and they would be lost if the tattered rug of friendship with fellow creeps were pulled out from under them.

I hope I can keep the weight off when I lose it and do all the things you say... thanks again.

I know that you can. Your posts show how strong you are, and someone with such strength cannot be defeated.

 

[Drago69]

Wow! I respect you for that last post, and I wanted to let you know. A lot of guys have no problem with buying sex, and they make fun of people who don't. That's their intolerance; it in no way reflects badly on you. Keep the notion of wanting it to be for love alive and don't ever lose heart.

I have posted this before, but I will say it again. A friend of mine is a high-priced escort, and she goes with wealthy older men only--the same two or three every week. In addition, I know an older guy who was a male sex worker in the 60s and 70s. They enjoy sex only when they choose their partner, not when someone else is paying for it.

Some people can enjoy paying for sex and kinks without an emotional commitment, and that is fine. Nothing wrong with that. I, on the other hand, have to have some bond and level of comfort with the person. I don't have to be in a relationship, mind you, but I do have to know that whatever I feel is mutual.

Granted, I am a gay guy, and you may be wondering how this pertains to your heteoxexuality. I can tell you that I have heard the same thing from some (not all) of my straight guy friends. There are people who think the way you do, and there are people who do not. However you think is fine, and you should trust what your instincts tell you about which women are desirable and how you want the relationship to be.

Well, I don't actually have any desire at all for sex... I mostly only think of tickling... but still, I don't think I could do anything with someone I just met, anyway. I would definitely need a connection with someone in order to feel good about it, and all that stuff, as you said. You know, it's not like homosexuality is any different then being hetero, you know... you still feel the same stuff, right? So you don't have to explain how you're gay or anything - it kinda gives me the feeling like you suddenly think everything you said meant little just because of it, and it's not true. =)

You will find not only one, but many. The volunteer option many have suggested is good. See also what I said in my last post about finding groups where people have similar interests.

You come across very well on this board, and proof of that is the number of people posting to you. I think you have more positive qualities than you think, and good people will pick up on that. False friends will not.

By the way, I am a bag of insecurities and always have been. I allowed it to stop me when I was younger, but, with occasional periods of regression aside, I do not allow my fears to stop me now. Don't think for a minute that I am writing to you as Mr. Cool. Instead, I am writing as someone who knows how the issues you mentioned feel.

In all seriousness: You don't have to answer this question, as your private business is your private business. But is there any chance that you might have clinical depression, OCD, social anxiety disorder, or some other ailment that can be treated? Many years ago I took medication and saw someone because I did not know where to turn. It was then that I discovered the medical/biological nature of my issues. I am have been off medication and out of therapy for a long time, but I am grateful that I went when I did. It made a major difference in my life, and I do volunteer work related to it. There are many sliding scale programs available for people who cannot afford to pay much, and a great deal of the information is on line.

About friends: D, my best friend, knows what a bundle of nerves I can be. Our friendship has never been about my trying to be something I am not; it is about my being who I am, faults and all. And believe me, he is not perfect, either. I roll my eyes at some of the things that come out of his mouth, but I love him all the same. We each saw the good in the other, and that overrode everything else.

I know that you are probably hyper-aware of every fault (just as I am of my own). But even I, a person who has never met you, can pick up on so much about you that is positive in your posts. You really are going to be all right, and you really do have so much to offer.

I could live with just one, though... I don't need an overabundance of friends or anything.

I think people are just posting on here because they see someone with a problem - anyone could have come on and posted, and I'm sure it would have gotten the same response. But, thanks anyway. =)

I don't think I have any problems... that I can tell. I think it's just sadness about stuff. Suddenly started about 2-3 years ago - I don't think it was any longer anyway - before that I never felt much at all. All of a sudden I would get depressed about everything; it actually all started with someone I met on here, though I'm not giving any names. =p And because of that I started trying to lose weight in order to make myself feel a little better. I don't feel like it ALL the time, just a lot of the time... I'm trying a little harder, though lately, and it's not quite as bad, I don't think... well, sometimes it is, but I think it's getting a little better anyway.

Hey, I know no one is perfect, so I wouldn't be expecting perfection out of anyone. I know there will be little things that I won't exactly agree with, but I wouldn't let anything like that stop me from being friends with someone. I just wanna do, like you say, being who I am all the time, and not having to put on an act around anyone anymore.

Thanks. =) I guess it's just harder to see the positive when it's yourself, but everyone being able to somehow see it, even just on this, must mean something...

...and for that reason it is going to be much easier for you to find a quality woman. Most guys don't have such maturity.

Thanks. I hope so. =) One of my friends in High School, who was big on making fun of me, had ridiculously high standards. Some girls came over and gave him her phone number on paper and then walked away, and while I thought she looked nice, from what I could see, he apparently thought she looked ugly, and a couple of my other friends told him they thought she was ugly-looking too, so he called her up, acting all big, and told her it wasn't going to happen, and stuff because of that. Not that that matters, I'm just saying.

I know. I went through the same thing. Here's a head's up: People who need to bash others in order to feel good about themselves have very little to feel good about. Don't let wealth, physical appearance, and a circle of friends fool you. They surround themselves with people just like them, and they get just as screwed in the end. One of the guys who used to torment me as a kid married a woman who was found in bed with another guy only five months after the marriage. He sat in a bar drowning his problems, wondering aloud why he had not been man enough for her.

How do I know this? Because his so-called friends for all these years were laughing behind his back about it, and news travels. Now I see him, think about what he did to me when I was a kid, and, without saying a word, mentally tell him how I am doing well and he is pathetic.

There is a flip side to the coin, though. I don't usually admit this either, but as a teenager I joined in with a group of people my age who liked to drive in Greenwich Village and throw things at gay people. I have always passed for straight, and that was my cover during my closeted Fundamentalist days.

I tell you this so you will see that I have been both tormentor and tormented. Life does strange things to us, and we have to learn to forgive ourselves and simply be who we are. Those who make fun of you have real issues, and they would be lost if the tattered rug of friendship with fellow creeps were pulled out from under them.

I know - people keep telling me that they have it worse than me, because they had to put me down to feel good. I geuss that's true, as most of them didn't even pass High School, but I kept going and did. I guess that can be another example like the one you gave.

Throwing things at gay people, eh? Must've sucked to have to do that to fit in...I don't actually know what a Fundamentalist days would be, but I guess it wasn't too big on gays. 😵; Oh well, at least you've forgiven yourself, and know what it's like from both ends. I know I've probably made people feel bad, but I'm clueless sometimes... I'll say stuff completely unaware of other people's feelings sometimes, but I don't think I've ever actually tried to make people feel bad unless they started it first. Still... I know there's probably some stuff I don' remember. =)

Yeah, I guess they woudl be lost if their friendships broke up or whatever... though it doesn't seem like that will happen anytime soon - they're so much like each other. Anyway, I gotta stop going on and on here... I think I've said enough for enough. =p Thanks again.

No matter what always remember- there is someone for everyone. That in mind, I give you the one piece of advice I have to offer

GET OUT MORE!

If nothing else, that is all that matters. The girl that you were meant to be with forever could be sitting at your favorite seat in some resteraunt, shopping where you normally shop... outside your house... but how can you meet her if you are inside?

You could be 350 pounds with no self esteem at all, walk outside one day and meet the girl you'll end up marrying not long from then.

So many people get depressed about weight and other things, but thats not always the reason you cant find a date (I admit, there are some girls out there who would ignore you entirely for it. Guess what? There's 1/20 of the population of the world. You have the rest to work with.). Its hard for some bigger people to get dates because they make themselves think they have a snowballs chance in hell of doing so, so dont even bother trying. When, if they had, they would probably realize that there are some girls that would jump them at even the slightest hint that they would be responsive.

It takes all kinds to float this boat, and in the same case it takes all kinds of tastes. By all means, do everyhting you can to better yourself. But dont ever think, that even for a moment, you dont have a chance ever. because you always will.

Yeah, I know I'll have to get out more. I'll do it eventually - I just don't feel comfortable doing that right now. When I feel better about myself, I'm sure I'll wanna go out and do things more; I'm just not at that point yet.

I can't exactly put into words what I feel about myself with others... but, honestly, I don't think I deserve it anyway. It's not like I've done anything with my life worthy of all that happiness, and stuff. So when I think I have, then maybe I'll finally try.

Thanks... I'll... try to think I have a chance... but right now, I don't think that's going to get through to me. Thanks anyway, thanks. =)

 

[GoForTheLaugh]

Gotta get to bed, but I wanted to give a quick reply.

I think people are just posting on here because they see someone with a problem - anyone could have come on and posted, and I'm sure it would have gotten the same response. But, thanks anyway. =)

That would be true if you had received only a few replies. In general, only people who have been here a while and are well liked or who come off very well get as many replies as you. The rest get a few quickies and nothing more. Don't sell yourself short; that's depression talking.

Do you realize that, instead of concetrating on yourself, you made a point of saying something kind to me about gay people? That's real character, guy, and that's an important part of who you are.

I find many people on this board and in life self-interested and shallow; your kindness, on the other hand, is obvious in almost every post in this thread. Again, don't sell yourself short. I am sure others who have been posting see the quality person I see.

I don't think I have any problems... that I can tell. I think it's just sadness about stuff. Suddenly started about 2-3 years ago - I don't think it was any longer anyway - before that I never felt much at all. All of a sudden I would get depressed about everything; it actually all started with someone I met on here, though I'm not giving any names. =p

I am just saying that it may help to talk to someone who can offer a fresh perspective. You have come so far on your own with the weight loss, the realization about these false friends, and the desire to make your life better. You should be commended. Sometimes, though, we humans don't see the big picture before us and even look at the details fuzzily. A counselor could really help in that regard. Just saying it as someone who has been there and will be forever grateful.

Thanks. =) I guess it's just harder to see the positive when it's yourself, but everyone being able to somehow see it, even just on this, must mean something...

It sure does, bud! You've got to look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that every day.

 

[Drago69]

Sorry I didn't reply to this sooner. I kept meaning to, but getting side-tracked.

That would be true if you had received only a few replies. In general, only people who have been here a while and are well liked or who come off very well get as many replies as you. The rest get a few quickies and nothing more. Don't sell yourself short; that's depression talking.

Do you realize that, instead of concetrating on yourself, you made a point of saying something kind to me about gay people? That's real character, guy, and that's an important part of who you are.

I find many people on this board and in life self-interested and shallow; your kindness, on the other hand, is obvious in almost every post in this thread. Again, don't sell yourself short. I am sure others who have been posting see the quality person I see.

Ah, I didn't know that. I'm not really special or anything to have gotten this many replies, in my opinion, so I just don't think of it like you say. I don't know if I'm kind or anything, I just said what came to mind... I'm not exactly sure how to take this. Having any kind of praise toward me when actually from someone, like, face to face, usually gets me annoyed and makes me leave, almost ignoring the person, so I don't take it very well. It's a little different online, but really I haven't done enough in life to deserve anything just yet, so I haven't been too big on getting stuff. Not really much else to say, but thanks. =)

I am just saying that it may help to talk to someone who can offer a fresh perspective. You have come so far on your own with the weight loss, the realization about these false friends, and the desire to make your life better. You should be commended. Sometimes, though, we humans don't see the big picture before us and even look at the details fuzzily. A counselor could really help in that regard. Just saying it as someone who has been there and will be forever grateful.

I was told to go to a councilor or something to talk about it, but I don't like talking about myself outside of the internet - it's just easier on here. I may have come far, but it doesn't seem like that to me, so I guess you're right about the big picture and details and stuff. Just seems like I've gone a little ways, but nothing has actually gotten any better yet, so it seems like I haven't moved forward much at all. Thanks, though. =)

It sure does, bud! You've got to look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that every day.

Actually, looking into the mirror sorta depresses me, so I look into it as little as possible.

Thanks again. Must go to bed now, as I've been staying up all night and sleeping through the day (nearing 8am here) for most of the summer for some reason. Today I plan on working on my resumé - typing up stuff I've done in advance so my aunt can help me with it at another time, and it'll be easier.

Good night.