Open letter to the TMF: Addressing online harassment

[Mephistopheles]

Even if a woman treats you like shit you still have to love her because she used to be nice!

Yahoo provides the best answer in such cases.

 

[chicago]

It's quite frustrating seeing such a regular like Annie complain about people pming her "creepy" shit. Well, that's what happens when you become a main contributor on a forum that is fundamentally about the tickling fetish. What were you expecting? A Shakespeare sonnet? A piece of writing about how your beautiful your hair shines under this virtual internet sun?

Please, cut your hair and quit bitchin' you friggn' emos. There's a block button for a reason, and give the people you believe here to be "creeps" the benefit of the doubt, yeh? And if you have/had a boyfriend that you may be concerned might find out about the TMF, it's probably best you don't post your myspace page up on here. You don't know them, and they don't know you, and just because they may not want to get to know you on too much of a personal level, does not at at all warrant labels like 'creeps'.

Reading comprehension isn't your forte, is it?

I wasn't complaining about people PMing me shit. I was simply stating that it does happen and it should be expected on such a place as this. Most of the shit wasn't / isn't even creepy, moreso it's fucking retarded netspeak that I'd rather not reply to, but that's my business. Again, there are some creepy people, but I wasn't complaining. Reread, please.

Thanks for the compliments on my hair, but I wasn't expecting any PMs other than friendly ones when I first joined. I got more come-ons than welcoming ones. Luckily, I don't get those anymore now that I'm not the new kid.

I really don't think you're in a position to be calling anyone emo, Mr. Insignificant.

At the time when my boyfriend got the myspace message, I had long taken down any and all contact info that was in my profile. I think I said that in my last post, but apparently you can't read.

And if someone I don't know, looks at my picture, reads my profile and sends me a PM without introducing themselves, asking to meet me in person for a one on one tickle session... yeah, that warrants the label of creep.

But I'm sure they appreciate your standing up for them.

 

[Iggy pop]

I know that women, particularly if they are attractive, can often be the the subject of unwanted attention; however, as Annie pointed out, there are steps to deal with it. This is male dominated sexual fetish forum. You have plenty of desperate men that can approch women anomously without repercussions. As long as you have this situation then it is not going to change, and I don't think you can change it without extreme invasion of privacy. I think if woman cannot take the steps that Annie mentioned then maybe it is best if she leaves the forum or lurks.

 

[xionking]

Reading comprehension isn't your forte, is it?

I wasn't complaining about people PMing me shit. I was simply stating that it does happen and it should be expected on such a place as this. Most of the shit wasn't / isn't even creepy, moreso it's fucking retarded netspeak that I'd rather not reply to, but that's my business. Again, there are some creepy people, but I wasn't complaining. Reread, please.

Thanks for the compliments on my hair, but I wasn't expecting any PMs other than friendly ones when I first joined. I got more come-ons than welcoming ones. Luckily, I don't get those anymore now that I'm not the new kid.

I really don't think you're in a position to be calling anyone emo, Mr. Insignificant.

At the time when my boyfriend got the myspace message, I had long taken down any and all contact info that was in my profile. I think I said that in my last post, but apparently you can't read.

And if someone I don't know, looks at my picture, reads my profile and sends me a PM without introducing themselves, asking to meet me in person for a one on one tickle session... yeah, that warrants the label of creep.

But I'm sure they appreciate your standing up for them.

Well, they better bloody appreciate it, I haven't attended all those pervert meetings just to be shunned at the last second!

-Xionking

 

[BlackestLily]

Well, I took steps to harass-proof myself.

I created an aim and yahoo account that is separate from my actual one. I don't have to sign into it, it contains no personal information, and I can block as I please. And I know anyone who IM's me from this account is, unquestionably, from TMF.

PM's don't bother me whether they are harassing or not oddly enough. I can easily rebuff the requests for sessions and pictures, I can ignore and delete the PM, or I can politely decline or request that we either speak of something else or they have a simply lovely day.

I have been harassed by the definitions given. I had an account at TT and was treated so poorly there by..."stalkers"....that I left for a couple years. It was maddening for me then, but I was younger and more stupid and didn't take the precautions that I have now. So I decided to try TMF instead with a new name, and by what I've done I have had a great experience.

I live by the rules of being straightforward, no in-depth personal information, etc. So far so good!

 

[lemoncake]

I’ve been reading this whole thread for a bit, and I just wanted to post this to give some feedback from a woman’s perspective. I lurked on this site for a long time, then started posting, and in no time, I had weird messages. At first, I kind of ignored it, but then I just left, came back, different name, more weird messages. The messages that a girl on here gets are totally different then those that a guy gets. And I don’t even have a picture or anything like that. The things that these guys say are not the same as some lame pick up line at a bar, or getting cat called on the street. And if these guys did say this crap to me at a bar, i would hope that my male friends would have my back, but thats just me.

For example( yes I have had all these happen):

You ever get the guys who are married and want to cheat on their wives/girlfriends? I’ve gotten them. Their wife isn’t into tickling, but they are hoping you are, and she won’t mind, its just experimenting, really.

Or the guys who tell you that you are young enough to be their daughter, cousin, whatever relative they want to tell you. yeah, I’m not into that. they don’t care.

Or the guys who you turn down and say wait, I will pay you. Then give the exact details of what they want, with the exact price. And can they tape it too? you’ll get extra $.

How about the guys who send you an entire “cyber fantasy ” on their first or second pm? Yes, A whole page of a head to toe tickling fantasy that you didn’t ask for.

Or the ones who are already setting up a meeting with you, and you have never even stated on the forum that you were looking for someone.

Or the guys who start right off with a nice, “I love tickling nipples”. when no where in my profile it says anything about that. And even after I said I was not looking for that, they had to go into detail about why they liked it.

Or the real fun ones, who need to keep this discreet, feel ashamed and want to tell you all about it, and don’t meet at public events. They don’t even ask your name.

Or the guys who you flat out say, sorry not interested, and they just don’t get it, or call you a bitch.

Or the guys who seem normal at first, you try to ask get to know you questions, and they bring the conversation back to tickling again and again until it gets boring.

Or the ones who treat this as a way to find just sex. At first, they say they enjoy tickling and then eventually it comes out that they can’t just tickle a girl, they need to have a release, need to know your breast size, pants size, etc. oh, and can they tie you up? yeah, like I would trust you.

I have rejected numerous guys, blocked members on both pm and im, and then months later, I would unblock, and boom, they would im again, like they have some long list of girls to keep going back to and don't even remember the ones they already did pm and get rejected by. It gets old very quick, and it makes you uncomfortable, when all you want to do is share your interest with like minded people. They don’t treat you like a person, it has everything to do with their fantasy, nothing with anything you want, and they don’t even listen to what you say.

I mean have you ever had a stalker? I have. And that was in a non sexual environment. You throw sexual stimulation into the equation, pair it with the fact that there’s less women posting than men, and the creep guys go pm insane. This is why a lot of women on here would not want to say anything; you don’t want to provoke people or even give them a reason to harass you. So instead, you sign off, and lurk, and that sucks. I had random guys ask right away what college campus I went to, my exact employer, go on mapquest and figure out how I was far I was away, etc. I had people freak out when I turned them down. I had guys pm everyday, sometimes multiple times a day, for weeks at a time, and I didn’t even respond back to them. I have tried to give people the benefit of the doubt, tried to be nice, even tried to be mean, and they just don’t care.

I understand that a lot of guys on here want to meet someone and have been waiting for a long time to do so. But don’t vent your frustrations out on me with weird messages.

I came to this forum to connect with other people, not delete pms all the time. I came to get information. I just don’t get why the women on this forum need to teach the creeps anything, they shouldn’t have to deal with them in the first place. If you just ignore it, they go down their list. i So i guess its like, who cares if you have a “white knight” in your corner, or are at it alone and “fight back,” the creeps don’t care they just copy, paste, send, repeat. I’m not saying, woe is me, protect me, or anything like that. I’m just saying that after awhile, it just gets old, and I’m sick of lurking.

 

[arion30]

there are creeps everywhere that give good people a bad name all you can do at the end of the day is walk away from them and keep in mind that for every creep there's ten good and decent folks around that you should focus on.

 

[MrMacphisto]

Speaking of harassment, here's a good video on workplace harassment.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?d...FSYPcIp7OqwKanaDyCg&q=sexual+harassment&hl=en

 

[TMF Jeff]

Let's stick to the topic at hand please.

 

[EcEu]

I find this OP to be ironic, frankly.

Some folks have good social skills, some don't and many cover up shitty social skills with fancy words and eloquent lies. It's life.

I was thinking the exact same thing...

 

[LD_Tickler]

In a perfect world, I should be able to walk through Englewood alone in the middle of the night without protection unscathed and unafraid.

Unfortunately, common sense tells me if I'm going to be anywhere alone and after dark, I should stick to my side of town, busy streets, and probably carry mace just in case.

No matter what you're doing, you have to protect yourself.

Truth bomb.

 

[PocketKings0174]

I'm not really sure what you can do about online harassment. It's quite hard to prove, and it's something impossible to get rid of. My approach when I first got on here was to try to IM as many people as possible, but I soon realized that it probably wasn't the best way to go about it. I tried to contact people a few times on IM but soon gave up on each. They might think I was harassing them, where in reality I was simply trying to contact someone that could have been away from the computer a couple of times before I stopped trying.

Since then I've been on fairly good terms with most of the people I have talked to. Especially in chat rooms and IM. I had once incident that wasn't so pleasant, but even that's been resolved peacefully. The other danger is that random members might overreact and try to get half the board banned. That or someone decides to fake proof of harassment. I could come up with photographic evidence that Skipdeedodah or Crystal Light has been sending me violent messages, and I'm sure any member cynical enough could do the same for whatever reason.

Perhaps there could be a private board for approved members only to talk on. Sort of a premium message board that is only accessible by those approved by mods. However, with 80,000 people it might be hard. And filtering between the female lurkers, and fakers could take a while.

 

[slap'n'ticklee]

I’ve been reading this whole thread for a bit, and I just wanted to post this to give some feedback from a woman’s perspective. I lurked on this site for a long time, then started posting, and in no time, I had weird messages. At first, I kind of ignored it, but then I just left, came back, different name, more weird messages. The messages that a girl on here gets are totally different then those that a guy gets. And I don’t even have a picture or anything like that. The things that these guys say are not the same as some lame pick up line at a bar, or getting cat called on the street. And if these guys did say this crap to me at a bar, i would hope that my male friends would have my back, but thats just me.

For example( yes I have had all these happen):

You ever get the guys who are married and want to cheat on their wives/girlfriends? I’ve gotten them. Their wife isn’t into tickling, but they are hoping you are, and she won’t mind, its just experimenting, really.

Or the guys who tell you that you are young enough to be their daughter, cousin, whatever relative they want to tell you. yeah, I’m not into that. they don’t care.

Or the guys who you turn down and say wait, I will pay you. Then give the exact details of what they want, with the exact price. And can they tape it too? you’ll get extra $.

How about the guys who send you an entire “cyber fantasy ” on their first or second pm? Yes, A whole page of a head to toe tickling fantasy that you didn’t ask for.

Or the ones who are already setting up a meeting with you, and you have never even stated on the forum that you were looking for someone.

Or the guys who start right off with a nice, “I love tickling nipples”. when no where in my profile it says anything about that. And even after I said I was not looking for that, they had to go into detail about why they liked it.

Or the real fun ones, who need to keep this discreet, feel ashamed and want to tell you all about it, and don’t meet at public events. They don’t even ask your name.

Or the guys who you flat out say, sorry not interested, and they just don’t get it, or call you a bitch.

Or the guys who seem normal at first, you try to ask get to know you questions, and they bring the conversation back to tickling again and again until it gets boring.

Or the ones who treat this as a way to find just sex. At first, they say they enjoy tickling and then eventually it comes out that they can’t just tickle a girl, they need to have a release, need to know your breast size, pants size, etc. oh, and can they tie you up? yeah, like I would trust you.

I have rejected numerous guys, blocked members on both pm and im, and then months later, I would unblock, and boom, they would im again, like they have some long list of girls to keep going back to and don't even remember the ones they already did pm and get rejected by. It gets old very quick, and it makes you uncomfortable, when all you want to do is share your interest with like minded people. They don’t treat you like a person, it has everything to do with their fantasy, nothing with anything you want, and they don’t even listen to what you say.

I mean have you ever had a stalker? I have. And that was in a non sexual environment. You throw sexual stimulation into the equation, pair it with the fact that there’s less women posting than men, and the creep guys go pm insane. This is why a lot of women on here would not want to say anything; you don’t want to provoke people or even give them a reason to harass you. So instead, you sign off, and lurk, and that sucks. I had random guys ask right away what college campus I went to, my exact employer, go on mapquest and figure out how I was far I was away, etc. I had people freak out when I turned them down. I had guys pm everyday, sometimes multiple times a day, for weeks at a time, and I didn’t even respond back to them. I have tried to give people the benefit of the doubt, tried to be nice, even tried to be mean, and they just don’t care.

I understand that a lot of guys on here want to meet someone and have been waiting for a long time to do so. But don’t vent your frustrations out on me with weird messages.

I came to this forum to connect with other people, not delete pms all the time. I came to get information. I just don’t get why the women on this forum need to teach the creeps anything, they shouldn’t have to deal with them in the first place. If you just ignore it, they go down their list. i So i guess its like, who cares if you have a “white knight” in your corner, or are at it alone and “fight back,” the creeps don’t care they just copy, paste, send, repeat. I’m not saying, woe is me, protect me, or anything like that. I’m just saying that after awhile, it just gets old, and I’m sick of lurking.

Such an interesting read and I agree with you. When I first joined I had these sort of PM's and after a while of replying politely I soon got fed up as some of the PM's were very persistant, the ones that were the worst were the ones when I was asked to send them pictures of myself either clothed or not, as if I was gonna do that to just some random guy that happened to ask. I felt cheap.

I don't think its right that a woman feels the need to run off or end up lurking why should she?

After a while you get tougher and just don't reply or if you do, just say 'no thanks' and if they reply again, totally ignore it. Its not too hard at pressing the delete button.

 

[Adam]

I’ve been reading this whole thread for a bit, and I just wanted to post this to give some feedback from a woman’s perspective. I lurked on this site for a long time, then started posting, and in no time, I had weird messages. At first, I kind of ignored it, but then I just left, came back, different name, more weird messages. The messages that a girl on here gets are totally different then those that a guy gets. And I don’t even have a picture or anything like that. The things that these guys say are not the same as some lame pick up line at a bar, or getting cat called on the street. And if these guys did say this crap to me at a bar, i would hope that my male friends would have my back, but thats just me.

For example( yes I have had all these happen):

You ever get the guys who are married and want to cheat on their wives/girlfriends? I’ve gotten them. Their wife isn’t into tickling, but they are hoping you are, and she won’t mind, its just experimenting, really.

Or the guys who tell you that you are young enough to be their daughter, cousin, whatever relative they want to tell you. yeah, I’m not into that. they don’t care.

Or the guys who you turn down and say wait, I will pay you. Then give the exact details of what they want, with the exact price. And can they tape it too? you’ll get extra $.

How about the guys who send you an entire “cyber fantasy ” on their first or second pm? Yes, A whole page of a head to toe tickling fantasy that you didn’t ask for.

Or the ones who are already setting up a meeting with you, and you have never even stated on the forum that you were looking for someone.

Or the guys who start right off with a nice, “I love tickling nipples”. when no where in my profile it says anything about that. And even after I said I was not looking for that, they had to go into detail about why they liked it.

Or the real fun ones, who need to keep this discreet, feel ashamed and want to tell you all about it, and don’t meet at public events. They don’t even ask your name.

Or the guys who you flat out say, sorry not interested, and they just don’t get it, or call you a bitch.

Or the guys who seem normal at first, you try to ask get to know you questions, and they bring the conversation back to tickling again and again until it gets boring.

Or the ones who treat this as a way to find just sex. At first, they say they enjoy tickling and then eventually it comes out that they can’t just tickle a girl, they need to have a release, need to know your breast size, pants size, etc. oh, and can they tie you up? yeah, like I would trust you.

I have rejected numerous guys, blocked members on both pm and im, and then months later, I would unblock, and boom, they would im again, like they have some long list of girls to keep going back to and don't even remember the ones they already did pm and get rejected by. It gets old very quick, and it makes you uncomfortable, when all you want to do is share your interest with like minded people. They don’t treat you like a person, it has everything to do with their fantasy, nothing with anything you want, and they don’t even listen to what you say.

I mean have you ever had a stalker? I have. And that was in a non sexual environment. You throw sexual stimulation into the equation, pair it with the fact that there’s less women posting than men, and the creep guys go pm insane. This is why a lot of women on here would not want to say anything; you don’t want to provoke people or even give them a reason to harass you. So instead, you sign off, and lurk, and that sucks. I had random guys ask right away what college campus I went to, my exact employer, go on mapquest and figure out how I was far I was away, etc. I had people freak out when I turned them down. I had guys pm everyday, sometimes multiple times a day, for weeks at a time, and I didn’t even respond back to them. I have tried to give people the benefit of the doubt, tried to be nice, even tried to be mean, and they just don’t care.

I understand that a lot of guys on here want to meet someone and have been waiting for a long time to do so. But don’t vent your frustrations out on me with weird messages.

I came to this forum to connect with other people, not delete pms all the time. I came to get information. I just don’t get why the women on this forum need to teach the creeps anything, they shouldn’t have to deal with them in the first place. If you just ignore it, they go down their list. i So i guess its like, who cares if you have a “white knight” in your corner, or are at it alone and “fight back,” the creeps don’t care they just copy, paste, send, repeat. I’m not saying, woe is me, protect me, or anything like that. I’m just saying that after awhile, it just gets old, and I’m sick of lurking.

I hope that anyone who had any doubts about how frustrating and downright serious a problem this can be reads Lemoncake's post thoroughly. You have my gratitude for relating your experiences to us, hon. I can't imagine that dredging it up was easy for you, but I am glad you did, because it has the potential to help someone else. And you're 100% correct. You should be able to surf the TMF without worrying about the next degrading message you're going to receive.

There are good men here, no doubt. Unfortunately, for a woman that's new to the forum, initial contact is likely going to be with the shady types she describes. So given those initial experiences, some choose to lurk or leave and are never really able to identify who those good men are. I began this thread in the hopes that some strong connections can be made. It makes dealing with the bad stuff a heck of a lot easier.