Personal Ads Should Be PERSONAL :-)

[BellaRisa]

Ok, brief rant:

There's a very good thread going about the possibilities of a tickle-dating site. I would love to see such an outlet get off the ground, I think it would be both fun and functional .

BUT, just like the personals section of 'this' forum, such a site will never be truly successful until folks learn how to write an ad. I was just perusing the personals sections here, and I'm wondering once again what guys are thinking when they write these things; in fact, are you thinking at all? Fellas, seriously: what woman do you think is going to want to meet you based on nothing more than your location, your age, and the mere fact that you like tickling?? Honestly, this is what I saw over and over:

Hi, I'm 19 and I live in Oaklahoma and I'm alive and I like tickling 'lees. If you're a 'lee please write me.

Um, yeah.

There is so little personality to distinguish one ad like that from another that it's no wonder I hear constant bemoaning about how no one answers the ads. They're usually about as captivating and eye-catching as dryer lint. In real time, a girl rarely goes out with a guy simply because he's in front of her and breathing. He has to be charming to her in some way. With an ad, you have the chance to be just as charming, unique even, and you can proof-read before she sees it! Try that at a bar

I've answered a few ads in my time, in fact one led to a long term relationship. The ads I've answered always told about the person behind the personal: what he liked to do for fun besides tickling, what he liked to read, his idea of a fun evening with me BEFORE the rope came out. I know, novel concept A woman is looking for an experience with a 'ler, and if you're nothing more than Joe Random Guy With Fingers no one will want to meet you, because there doesn't seem to be someone worth meeting behind the ten words you wrote. If you can't take the time to write a decent ad, why would I think you'd spend a decent amount of time on me?

Guys, honestly: good ads can work. But if you don't distinguish yourself from the pack, you'll be ignored along with them. You're a great person-tell a girl why!

Bella

 

[indivision]

This is good advice. However, if I may give a little input here, I will say that I have learned one thing throughout the time that I have spent on sites such as this: If you look at TMF and related boards as a way of talking to other people about your interest/fetish and sharing thoughts and experiences about said interest/fetish versus trying to use the boards as pick-up sites, you'll find them much more satisfying. Using these types of message boards soley to find fetish partners will more than likely just lead to frustration. This isn't to say that no one can ever meet anyone through the boards, or that no one ever has; it has happened several times. But people shouldn't let that be the only reason they're here. Just hang out, talk to some people, and if you eventually hook up with someone, then great. I think everyone gets what I'm saying here. (And at the risk of getting flamed or ostracized, I will say that I have my doubts about the success of a tickling dating site; however, I could very well be wrong, and if I am proven wrong, I will just eat my words and get on with my life )

 

[Ivory Tickler]

Honestly, this is what I saw over and over:

Hi, I'm 19 and I live in Oaklahoma and I'm alive and I like tickling 'lees. If you're a 'lee please write me.

You're kidding! That personal just goes on and on. If it were mine, it would go like this:

19/OK me ler, you lee. let's do this.

Even now as I look that over, I realize I could've taken out all those unecessary punctuation marks as well. I'll keep working on it.

IT

 

[Ticklee1973]

Great post Bella, couldn't have said it better myself. I don't peruse the personal ads much but just in everyday talking with some of the guys on the forum (and note I mention some not all) it's truly something they forget that we are women and not just objects or a pair of feet. If you want to tickle or meet or any of that you need to look at us as someone you want to get to know otherwise it won't go beyond the first word or even the person just reading your personal. Again, great post.

Sandee

 

[maniactickler]

I agree ladies. we need to show more personality. this is why in a personal ad, ill always say that i like to have deep, meaningful conversation after a tickling session.

 

[Helena]

I agree ladies. we need to show more personality. this is why in a personal ad, ill always say that i like to have deep, meaningful conversation after a tickling session.

*Just came back from the personal section*
Really? I noticed that in every personal ad that someone posted, you answer it with, "Good luck, buddy. I've given up hope. There are no ticklish women in Massachusetts."
But I see nothing about maniactickler seeking meaningful conversation.....

 

[penny lane]

Sad, but true

I agree, most people on here don't know how to write a decent personal ad. But one of my biggest pet peeves are the men who don't even bother to read my ad, or just chose to ignore everything I said that I wanted or didn't want. Like when I said I'm only interested in single men...I would get a bunch of replies from married men.

Such is the nature of the TMF...

 

[BellaRisa]

I agree, most people on here don't know how to write a decent personal ad. But one of my biggest pet peeves are the men who don't even bother to read my ad, or just chose to ignore everything I said that I wanted or didn't want. Like when I said I'm only interested in single men...I would get a bunch of replies from married men.

Such is the nature of the TMF...

You're dead on, and it's not just the nature of the TMF; it's an issue with nearly every alternative personals forum I've ever seen. I've visited spanking, tickling, and general BDSM personals sections, and all are populated with a great many one to two line depressingly generic ads. I ask again: who wants to meet someone and be *touched* by them based purely on the facts that you're in the same state and you both have a pulse? Oo ick And yes, I know that IS enough for many males; but women need more and y'all know it .

Ever notice that the vanilla dating sites ask people to fill out lengthy questionnaires and tell a LOT about themselves? That's because they aren't trying to help those folks just find a booty call, the plan is to get people together for (gasp!) actual relationships. Fellas, not many girls want a 'ler JUST to have a 'ler. We want a tickler with a brain and a sense of humor and a life. And if we can't tell those aspects about you from your ad, expect it to collect dust.

Bella

 

[vegasfootboy]

Girl to Guy ratio

Some of the problem is that there arent many women compared to the overwhelming number of men who are into the tickle thing. You can write a masterfull 10 page manifesto that makes you come off as a poetic and sensitive guy, but without the element of luck, your odds are still the same. I have had much better luck with vanilla dating sites, or just meeting girls in the usual spots. Im very open about my love of feet and tickling, sure I dont rush into it, but after a drink and some mutual chemistry, i will discuss these things and with extremely positive results...Its funny how many women will not be surprised by the foot thing because they have met others in their life who had that fetish. Every women ive met can name at least one guy she has been with that showed a more than usual interest in her feet or toes. I have seen a few tickling date sites and they all have the same problems.. Not enough women, Guys pretending to be women and the few cool chicks that do join are attacked by the overwhelming majority of men who belong to the site, who also happen to lack the social graces...Who knows? maybe one day things will change, it just seems that this fetish appears to be predominantly male based.

 

[BellaRisa]

...You can write a masterfull 10 page manifesto that makes you come off as a poetic and sensitive guy, but without the element of luck, your odds are still the same.

I totally understand what you're saying, but I have to disagree a fair bit. If a woman is looking for an intelligent tickle-phile for a relationship along with tickling (and that's every 'lee I know), she's going to bypass all the ads that are way too brief, badly spelled and creepy and focus on that manifesto (although 10 pages is a bit much ) because she'll want to get to know the man who wrote it. Luck is definitely important, but so is making the women who DO read your ad want to get to know you. And that means telling us more than your state and your age.

You're likely right that there are WAY more men than women actively into this interest. So do your best to stand out to the women that 'are' looking. Doesn't that make sense?

Bella

 

[worldpilot]

Good points!

Bella, thank you for starting an excellent, insightful thread.

 

[ctd]

Thank you Mr. Ann Landers

Thank you for your politically correct advice Mr. Ann Landers!

 

[opal24]

great thread!

I recently switched my s/n (security reasons) but have been on this site a while. I could not agree more with what the women in this thread are saying - seriously!

And to further add my 2 cents, on the MA topic, I'm totally with you Helena. Guess what? I'm a female from Mass! (GASP!) There's nothing I hate as much as writing that and getting almost ridiculed and told, very convincingly, that I don't exist! I do, I swear

Either that, or getting replies like "Hi. Where are you ticklish?" (and trust me -- I'm sure a lot of women feel lucky when we even get the 'hi' in those type-emails)

I mean, c'mon gang -- do guy usually go up to women in bars and say "hey - so what's your favorite sex position?" (I know, I know, some do -- but you know what I'm saying!)

Whew. Ok, done venting. Bella, I'm with you on your idea to start a TMF match.com! Great idea, and again, great thread!

 

[tcklft]

Screw the ads

Rather than waste my time trying to construct a compelling ad, I'm gonna get me a custom tee with "Joe Random Guy With Fingers" on it. Watch out, ladies!

 

[BellaRisa]

You got me!

Rather than waste my time trying to construct a compelling ad, I'm gonna get me a custom tee with "Joe Random Guy With Fingers" on it. Watch out, ladies!

Now there's iced tea on my monitor, darn you

 

[Amnesiac]

Nice Idea, but...

I'd say that it's all well-and-good Bella, but another problem shows up that you'll find in any site with personals, and that's intention.

1. Somebody's got to be first. Somebody has to go out on that limb and put the big personal ad with the information you say should go into it. However, the poster then runs the risk of putting a lot of information out there and looking foolish or vulnerable in the face of the other desperate 1-2 liners out there.

2. We've always had a problem with troller snad flamers and a 1-2 line post is a good way of looking inconsequential to those trolling for victims. But a thorough personal ad well-crafted by someone truly searching for someone else? Almost irresistable for an evil-doer to pass up with phony malicious responses.

3. This is the big one afflicting other sites: intent. We have scumbags and sincere people on site, but most have overlapping interests. Some of us want a catalogue of 'Lees we can frequent often or occasionally; others want to find a friend who they can engage in with more than tickling (yes, you CAN have a strictly tickling connection but still have stuff in common just not necessarily caring about it) and actually go out and do other things; and then there's that word you used Bella: relationship. Now THERE's a word that has a whole lot of unspoken but assumed connotations to it. Sure, ticklephiles can date...but it would be nice if you could distinguish between those looking for strict tickling, tickling-and-other, and tickling-is-the-start-of-a-glorious-future candidates. And even if there was a way to separate them, there's the inevitable bias the female population would have her against the first 2. Just as there's men on here who dismiss the wants/interests of women here in their posts, there's also women who will pass up entire ads if the promise of future romance isn't involved.

Not for nothing, but you'd hate to start a repore with a 'lee/'ler and find out halfway into your friendship that the other had an intepretation of what was going on that you didn't intend or want.

Myself as an example: I don't date, and I'm not looking for a relationship (at least not yet). But that doesn't mean that I'm not looking for a cadre of 'lees to hook up with (NO, not THAT kind of "hook up" ya suspicios) and frequent. And it's impossible for me to tickle someone I don't like or have something in common to begin with. But try balancing that mercenary interest with the respectable personality and you'll find it's quite hard and even harder to convince people to believe.

So what's a versatile community like us to do Mrs. You're-So-Smart?

 

[drew70]

There's some really good advice in this thread. I personally feel it's up to the individual as to how personal they want to get. For some people, injecting a lot of personality into the ad works well for them, while others that try that same style might come off as trying too hard to impress, so they may do better to stick to the short and sweet. I don't see anything wrong with that.

One thing everybody knows is that women hate to be talked down to. What's not so publicized is that guys don't like it any more than women do. Just as most women have no interest in some overbearing macho guy telling them how women should act all demure to make them more attractive to guys; most guys have no interest in some high and mighty woman talking down to them, speaking on behalf of women everywhere telling them "well, you need to be acting this certain way, if you ever expect to get anywhere with 'us women.'" Neither gender needs to be dictating to the other how to act, in my opinion.

 

[ElephantEye]

Bella, I understand what you're saying, BUT, ya'll could simply reply: "Hey, I live in East Dakota too, and I also like tickling! Tell me about yourself..."

 

[BellaRisa]

Amny, I absolutely get where you're coming from and I appreciate your taking the time to say what I bet a lot of folks were thinking. I wanted to reply to your great thoughts, because I do have a different perspective:

Somebody's got to be first. Somebody has to go out on that limb and put the big personal ad with the information you say should go into it. However, the poster then runs the risk of putting a lot of information out there and looking foolish or vulnerable in the face of the other desperate 1-2 liners out there.

First I have to be blunt and ask what man mature enough to be on this forum in the first place cares what other guys think, and why guys are reading other men's personal ads; that's more than a little ninth grade creepy .

Now then: No matter where you put something on the internet you run the risk of some nut deciding to target you-it happens on the regular dating forums too. Heck, I run ads on Craigslist for my non-adult business and I get people from Nigeria trying to get me to send them money for their king . Weeding out the false folks is a sad but inevitable part of finding the honest people no matter what you're trying to do. I learned that from the few personal ads I've posted myself. Common sense and a delete button go a long way. Furthermore, I have to revisit the notion of a grown man caring one bit about looking 'foolish' to some other guys with a well written personal ad, or care what the other guys are writing. Is the purpose of your ad to meet ladies or to look cool to some other males? Males who must be awfully lonely and pitiful if they're taking the time to read your ad and make fun of it, wouldn't you say?

That kinda goes for the notion of being 'inconsequential'. If you're hiding yourself through a boring ad that looks like all the others, how do you expect the right ladies to ever find you? Sure, trollers may see you and annoy you. But finding the right person can make deleting a bunch of weird emails or IMs totally worth it, trust me

And for the record, I honestly don't see a well-done ad as a "big ad" and "a lot of information". I'm talking a few more intelligent lines, not a novel. Mentioning some of your interests besides tickling isn't the same as blabbling that you cried watching Bambi, y'know? You don't have to write your life story to write a decent paragraph about yourself that makes people want to meet you.

Now, this part:

Not for nothing, but you'd hate to start a repore with a 'lee/'ler and find out halfway into your friendship that the other had an intepretation of what was going on that you didn't intend or want.

Exactly. That's why you write more than two lines! The best thing you can do for yourself and anyone reading your ad is to honestly tell folks what you're looking for. Friends-only, romance, even just an occasional tickling partner because you're only in town once per month. Trust me, there are 'lees looking for all kinds of relationships or friendships or what-have-you. But how will she know that you're just what she's looking for if all you posted was your location and age? And why should she take the time to write you if that's all you could be bothered to post? That's the question more guys should be asking themselves.

Let me give an example, and why I take the time to post about this topic: years ago I answered an ad in a spanking personals section. The ad was only about 4 lines, yet it stood out to me because the gentleman was a teacher and liked Looney Tunes, two things we had in common. We've been in a spanking relationship since 1999, I see him about once every six weeks or so; he's one of my best friends and I adore him. But if all he'd written was his location and his age I'd have never met him. We met because he took the time to make himself an individual. And I promise you he didn't care what other men might think

You wrote:

I don't date, and I'm not looking for a relationship (at least not yet). But that doesn't mean that I'm not looking for a cadre of 'lees to hook up with (NO, not THAT kind of "hook up" ya suspicios) and frequent. And it's impossible for me to tickle someone I don't like or have something in common to begin with. But try balancing that mercenary interest with the respectable personality and you'll find it's quite hard and even harder to convince people to believe.

Wanting to play the field and meet several 'lees doesn't make you a mercenary, just a normal young male . There's nothing wrong with that provided you're honest about it, everyone dates when they're single. But you yourself say: it's impossible for me to tickle someone I don't like or have something in common to begin with". Exactly! Eureka!! That's basically my whole point!! 'Lees want to meet 'Lers with whom they have something in common. They find that out by what you write.

All I'm saying is that a good ad tells enough about you that 'lees reading it will *know* that they have things in common with you and (gasp!) want to answer your ad. Like Stephen King or Adult Swim? Write that; it doesn't make you vulnerable, it just gives you three dimensions. Even a 'lee who only wants a once-per-month 'Ler wants him to have a personality, and she finds that out initially through what you write in the ad. Seriously, doesn't that make sense?

Bella

 

[BellaRisa]

Bella, I understand what you're saying, BUT, ya'll could simply reply: "Hey, I live in East Dakota too, and I also like tickling! Tell me about yourself..."

That's very true, ElephantEye, and a good point! And to be fair, you're absolutely right.

BUT, here's the thing: Let's say a 'lee who likes having her feet tickled, loves Green Day and reads XMen comics religiously is looking for a local 'ler just to play and hang with. If there are 15 ads for her state, and 14 of them only give the guy's location and age but one gives that info plus mentions that he loves pretty feet, likes neo-punk and reads comics, which one do you think she'll zoom in on?

Bella

 

[LindyHopper]

Bella, I understand what you're saying, BUT, ya'll could simply reply: "Hey, I live in East Dakota too, and I also like tickling! Tell me about yourself..."

The thing is, since there are so many men on here seeking partners for every available woman, we just don't have to stick our necks out. Fair or not, the burden is on the men to show that they're worth getting to know.

Another thing about being a woman on an overwhelmingly male forum is that is makes you reluctant to establish contact with someone you know nothing about. Let's say I responded to your one-line personal ad with a "tell me more about yourself," and when you did, I decided that we weren't really compatible. So I break off contact, and suddenly I've become the only thing men on here complain about more than women not answering their personal ads: women who lead them on and then disappear.

I agree, most people on here don't know how to write a decent personal ad. But one of my biggest pet peeves are the men who don't even bother to read my ad, or just chose to ignore everything I said that I wanted or didn't want. Like when I said I'm only interested in single men...I would get a bunch of replies from married men.

Such is the nature of the TMF...

Yeah, I'm not surprised that that happens. I think it has to do with the degree of desperation among a lot of the guys around here, who have been looking for partners forever and haven't found anyone. They'll respond to your personal just for the chance that you might answer, even if you've already said in your ad that they don't qualify.

OTOH, it's kind of useful when men help you filter them out, isn't it? When a guy responds to your ad in such an inane fashion, you know to cross him off your list. Very little time wasted.

And I certainly agree with the general point of this thread. I'm not in the market for a life partner, but I'm always happy to befriend new people who are into tickling. Really, I'll meet up (once, at least) with anyone who seems like they'd be fun to get to know. But when someone posts a one-line personal ad that amounts to "If there are any ticklish women within 100 miles of me, please PM," that's not even worth my trouble to respond, much less arrange a coffee date.

 

[EvilNinjaInLove]

I have been seriously considering doing a personal, and even I know that I'm going to have to try and be different and try to reach out to people like me (Since there are soooo many guys here,lol). When I see the guys who only post there a/s/l, I sometimes feel like asking "hey man, did you actually get any replies with that?" lol.

I'm not saying my ad will be any good once I get off my bum and write it (to be honest i'm not going to hold my breath for any replies), but at least I'll know not to just say "I'm a 22 year old male in Florida".

 

[Amnesiac]

First I have to be blunt and ask what man mature enough to be on this forum in the first place cares what other guys think, and why guys are reading other men's personal ads; that's more than a little ninth grade creepy

Shit...Blast you and your estrogenical reasoning!

Males who must be awfully lonely and pitiful if they're taking the time to read your ad and make fun of it, wouldn't you say?

Rhetorical question I assume?

Sure, trollers may see you and annoy you. But finding the right person can make deleting a bunch of weird emails or IMs totally worth it, trust me

HERE'S A BIG THING YOU GOTTA ADMIT: Women...are a whole hellofalot better at tricking people; they're more sophisticated when stringing people along. Even then, a lot of trolls have experience pretending to be women. And it's not so much looking foolish to the others as much as it is feeling foolish yourself that you didn't catch on. And as for copious weird e-mails and IMs, many of the ladies here, including our dear sweet widdle Smerfy have to block people because even if they don't read them, they juyst can't take it anymoooooore!

There's nothing wrong with that provided you're honest about it, everyone dates when they're single.

Yeah, but what if de wimmin' lie about THEIR personals? They can do that too y'know!

In addition, you mentioned the use of common sense, which can be a problem for me and people like me with conditions like Asperger's or higher-functioning social disorders (already not very enticing to a prospective playmate) where we don't possess a lot of common sense becuase we can't detect the subtle clues that give away a troller or lead-onner; especially the well-crafted fake personals. Few trolls ever got a bite if they didn't pick enticing bait.

And finally, what if the M-'LER DOES do all these things you suggest...but nothing he lists is interesting? What if he's safe and posible but too boring? For ANYONE!

What happens then Mrs. Yer-So-Smart?!

 

[BellaRisa]

HERE'S A BIG THING YOU GOTTA ADMIT: Women...are a whole hellofalot better at tricking people...
...what if the M-'LER DOES do all these things you suggest...but nothing he lists is interesting? What if he's safe and posible but too boring? For ANYONE!

What happens then Mrs. Yer-So-Smart?!

I'm reading a lot of what-ifs and fear here, luv. What if you're not able to tell who's lying, what if you're too boring, what if all these tricky women and fake women target you just because you mentioned you like chinese food and the Beatles ...lots of apprehension. And that makes sense, it shows you have a brain. Putting yourself out there is scary stuff, a lot can go wrong.
Sometimes I'm amazed anyone meets anyone, for anything
But you know, a lot can go wrong any time you try to meet other people for whatever reason. Think about how many newbies are scared to death of NEST because we might be a giant group of organ thieves or something There are many dishonest people who suck, and avoiding them is difficult if you want to actually DO anything, no argument here. Folks were being deceived and hurt through personals and dating way way WAY before the internet, and that certainly hasn't gotten better. But frankly, you can't live afraid like that. Life goes on and humans still wanna find other humans to do fun stuff. So you do your best to protect yourself, and if you still get hurt, you get back on the horse and keep going. That's very corny but it's the truth.

And I have to say, what's the point in having an ad up in the first place if you're hoping no one will read it? Because when all you put up is your a/s/l, you're basically trying to be lost in the crowd. Which is sad if you're somebody folks would love to meet and play with

Oh, and if you're so lame you don't think anyone will want to hang with you? Go get a life and then try to find a woman, it'll be better for everyone concerned But seriously, I married a guy who's idea of a thrilling evening is a bottle of Guinness, a jar of pickled beets, and Shark Week on the Discovery Channel. There's someone for everyone

Bella

 

[lk70]

But seriously, I married a guy who's idea of a thrilling evening is a bottle of Guinness, a jar of pickled beets, and Shark Week on the Discovery Channel. There's someone for everyone

Bella

IMHO, regardless of Bella's happiness, I think you should leave pickled beets out of a personal ad.