Poly Relationships: For or Against. Why?

[Redmage]

so if you are a nudist, you should be able to walk in a mall in full glory. You aren`t hurting anybody are you. Many consider the naked human body to be a beautiful thing

Ah, but you see I am causing others a considerable amount of avoidable distress.

This is the standard give and take that makes up the fabric of society. I have the right to have a party in my house, but I don't have the right to crank up the music until it keeps my neighbors awake. You're determined to think in terms of absolutes, and that's not how the real world works.

But if you need legalistic, absolutist rules, try this one. There are some things that cause distress because they are intrusive - because they are inflicted on someone else in a way that any reasonable person would find disruptive - such as loud music, even though it might be nice music that one would enjoy at some other time.

Then there are other things that cause distress for no reason other than the personal preferences of the viewer. Someone gets upset about it purely because of how he chooses to view it.

If I'm the person doing one of these things, then the first sort is my fault. The second sort is not. It's the difference between one man walking naked through a mall and two men walking through the mall with their clothes on, but holding hands. If you can't see that difference, then that's unfortunate. But it's not my problem.

 

[BellaRisa]

Drug addiction is definately in the category of of alternative lifestyles. If you will look I made my comment and took polyamory out of the scenario. I will say this again ; if polyamory or monogamy works for you, that I am happy for you. What I am saying is that society has to have a framework of rules to keep people from doing anything they choose . Not everybody is going to like or accept all those rules but that is part of any society in history

Flock, drug addiction is not in the same catergory of 'alternative lifestyle' as polyamory. Last I knew no poly person has overdosed on love or robbed a liquor store to support his poly habit. My taxes don't pay for poly rehab centers. Furthermore, I understand you attempted to remove poly from your flow of thought but since this is a poly thread that's a bit difficult. As for the rest, you're right about society having a framework of rules at any given time, but those rules must be fluid and subject to change as that society changes. And thank the gods for that or my family would still be slaves, I wouldn't be able to vote...progressive thinking can be a good thing

 

[Deleted member 66627]

Tune into the show tomorrow night with our Guest-Host Bella. We'll be doing a Q&A show, so feel free to call in if you'd like. 🙂

 

[kis123]

Drug addiction is definately in the category of of alternative lifestyles. If you will look I made my comment and took polyamory out of the scenario. I will say this again ; if polyamory or monogamy works for you, that I am happy for you. What I am saying is that society has to have a framework of rules to keep people from doing anything they choose . Not everybody is going to like or accept all those rules but that is part of any society in history

How you can compare drug addiction to poly or any other relationship/lifestyle choice simply floors me! You must be one of those "addicts have choices" subscribers. Nothing could be further from the truth. Addiction takes away the power of choice and makes them worse where relationship/lifestyle choices enhance and make the person better. Addiction is exactly what it is; a sick obsession with a substance or a thing that grabs them by the throat and is nearly impossible (without a lot of help) to let go. Alternative lifestyles are just what they are; an alternative to the traditional standards. They're not hurting anyone IMO; it's not my right to judge them for finding a lifestyle that best suits them and makes them happy and fulfilled.

I've been around more than my share of addicts, including my own father; none of them have ever said "gee, this is the life-glad I CHOSE it!" They are usually miserable people who have given their choices away in exchange for a substance that will eventually kill them. I've never heard ANYONE dying from polyamory.

 

[xionking]

How you can compare drug addiction to poly or any other relationship/lifestyle choice simply floors me! You must be one of those "addicts have choices" subscribers. Nothing could be further from the truth. Addiction takes away the power of choice and makes them worse where relationship/lifestyle choices enhance and make the person better. Addiction is exactly what it is; a sick obsession with a substance or a thing that grabs them by the throat and is nearly impossible (without a lot of help) to let go. Alternative lifestyles are just what they are; an alternative to the traditional standards. They're not hurting anyone IMO; it's not my right to judge them for finding a lifestyle that best suits them and makes them happy and fulfilled.

I've been around more than my share of addicts, including my own father; none of them have ever said "gee, this is the life-glad I CHOSE it!" They are usually miserable people who have given their choices away in exchange for a substance that will eventually kill them. I've never heard ANYONE dying from polyamory.

Just because you have an addict close to you, doesn't make you right. Hate to sound like a asshole.

Each to their own. Personally, 'open relationships' aren't for me. In saying that, however, if two of the right girls came along and offered me awesome unconditional threesome sex indefinately, but just as long as there was no "commitment", then you know what?

They had me at "hello".

-Xionking

 

[kis123]

Just because you have an addict close to you, doesn't make you right. Hate to sound like a asshole.

-Xionking

So tell me how I'm not right because as you've left it, you only sound like you're in one of your "moods." And I'm not going to risk imploding this thread to indulge it.

 

[Capnmad]

I understand wholly. 🙂 However, there are some folks out there that are against it in however/whatever term you want to place it. And they shouldn't feel like they're 'wrong' for not always being for it.

People who offer criticism need to learn to cope (just like polys do) with the fact that some people will have differing opinions, and they'll sometimes have to feel like others think they're "wrong", too.

More or less what I had initially stated.

Hm. Missed that, and kinda' still am missing that... Perhaps your boundaries of "more or less" are just a bit wider than mine. Oh well.

Thanks for the input.

Anytime, babe. 🙂

 

[venray]

Well with the amount of interest this thread has generated, it ought to be an epic radio show tonight.....

 

[xionking]

So tell me how I'm not right because as you've left it, you only sound like you're in one of your "moods." And I'm not going to risk imploding this thread to indulge it.

You can tell my "mood" by some text on a forum?

You

are

cool.

I just think your view on addiction is a little generalised. That's all. You get all uppidy, "i've seen my share of addicts" and "my father this...", completely beating down what FlockofSeagulls said which in fact was that drug use is an alternative lifestyle, and to top it all off, you belittle the guy by saying he must be one of those 'addicts have choices' subscribers. What is that all about?

But anyway, that's that. I don't want to take away from the topic of the thread, kis123. You clearly don't like me, and I don't wish to "indulge" your arrogance.

-Xionking

PS. Check out my new pimpin' sunglasses.

 

[kis123]

You can tell my "mood" by some text on a forum?

You

are

cool.

I just think your view on addiction is a little generalised. That's all. You get all uppidy, "i've seen my share of addicts" and "my father this...", completely beating down what FlockofSeagulls said which in fact was that drug use is an alternative lifestyle, and to top it all off, you belittle the guy by saying he must be one of those 'addicts have choices' subscribers. What is that all about?

But anyway, that's that. I don't want to take away from the topic of the thread, kis123. You clearly don't like me, and I don't wish to "indulge" your arrogance.

-Xionking

PS. Check out my new pimpin' sunglasses.

Yep, you're in one of your moods again....too bad!

Addiction is not an alternative lifestyle choice, plain and simple!

Addiction starts out with the addict choosing it-either on their own or with someone introducing it to them because it's so cool. Then eventually the addiction chooses them. It drives them to do things they'd never even consider without the addiction. It drives them to steal from their family and loved ones. It drives them to the streets and offer themselves to strangers in exchange for the next hit. It drives otherwise good intelligent people to push grocery carts in the streets collecting cans or whatever else they can get to sell for the next fix. It destroys families and ruins lives; does polyamory do that?

Now if you and Flock (who you're obviously underdogging for) can explain to me how this equates to people who love differently than the traditional very Puritanical sense of relationships today, I'm all ears! I'd like to hear the first story of how that made them liars, thieves, and possibly murderers in order to get the next high.

Cmon, I'm waiting..........

 

[venray]

Perhaps all that could be discussed in a new thread on addictions....I am sure a lot of folks would have input..

Hmmmm sounds like a good topic for Raya and I to tackle on an upcoming show...

Anyone interested in participating please PM me..

For now...this thread should remain just for those that wish to input on the poly lifestyle itself...

 

[xionking]

Yep, you're in one of your moods again....too bad!

Addiction is not an alternative lifestyle choice, plain and simple!

Addiction starts out with the addict choosing it-either on their own or with someone introducing it to them because it's so cool. Then eventually the addiction chooses them. It drives them to do things they'd never even consider without the addiction. It drives them to steal from their family and loved ones. It drives them to the streets and offer themselves to strangers in exchange for the next hit. It drives otherwise good intelligent people to push grocery carts in the streets collecting cans or whatever else they can get to sell for the next fix. It destroys families and ruins lives; does polyamory do that?

Now if you and Flock (who you're obviously underdogging for) can explain to me how this equates to people who love differently than the traditional very Puritanical sense of relationships today, I'm all ears! I'd like to hear the first story of how that made them liars, thieves, and possibly murderers in order to get the next high.

Cmon, I'm waiting..........

Read what I wrote. I wrote "drug use" is an alternative lifestyle. Not "drug addiction".

And I'm sure the point FlockofSeagulls was trying to make was that drug use was an alternative lifestyle. And it is. Some people enjoy drugs as a part of their lifestyle, and it is alternative, because it differs from what society would deem "the norm".

And you didn't need to use your ears. Just your eyes.

-Xionking

 

[kis123]

Read what I wrote. I wrote "drug use" is an alternative lifestyle. Not "drug addiction".

And I'm sure the point FlockofSeagulls was trying to make was that drug use was an alternative lifestyle. And it is. Some people enjoy drugs as a part of their lifestyle, and it is alternative, because it differs from what society would deem "the norm".

And you didn't need to use your ears. Just your eyes.

-Xionking

Drug use can easily turn to drug addiction. Can you say the same for polyamory or other relationship/lifestyle choices? No you can't and the comparison to drug use is another apples to hand grenades comparison. Maybe the two of you should try something more comparable and relevant to the topic at hand.

Funny, both bella and Redmage disagree with Flock and you have no problem. I disagree with it and you come out swinging. I think you are the one with the problem, not me. But keep it coming; actually, if you have a problem with me personally, that's what the PM box is for. Try your best to stay on topic please-you're not remotely close.

My eyes and ears are just fine, thank you very much.

 

[Redmage]

Each to their own. Personally, 'open relationships' aren't for me. In saying that, however, if two of the right girls came along and offered me awesome unconditional threesome sex indefinately, but just as long as there was no "commitment", then you know what?

They had me at "hello".

Sadly, that doesn't have much to do with polyamory. And I don't know that you'd want them doing other guys, eh?

 

[xSamanthax]

"Drug use can easily turn to drug addiction."

Only with certain drugs, or certain personality types that are vulnerable to addictive behavior in general.

"Can you say the same for polyamory or other relationship/lifestyle choices?"

If the person has an addictive personality, then yeah, I can. You can get addicted to sex, to new relationship energy, to...anything, really.

 

[Mephistopheles]

Well, whatever floats your boat.

 

[xionking]

"Drug use can easily turn to drug addiction."

Only with certain drugs, or certain personality types that are vulnerable to addictive behavior in general.

"Can you say the same for polyamory or other relationship/lifestyle choices?"

If the person has an addictive personality, then yeah, I can. You can get addicted to sex, to new relationship energy, to...anything, really.

Thank you!

Redimage - I was referring to "open relationships" which has been mentioned in this thread. I'm under the impression that "open relationships" allow for multiple sexual partners at any given time, so what's the difference between fucking a girl who's gonna be fucking another guy anyway, or fucking two girls in a threesome who are doing the same thing?

Kis123 - For the third time, I think FlockofSeagulls was saying that drug use is an alternative lifestyle. I'm fairly sure he wasn't comparing drug use to polyamory. That's what I got from it. Like imagine the "alternative lifestyle' umbrella and everything that falls under it. Drug use would fall under the umbrella of 'alternative lifestyles'. Do you understand yet? Hopefully.

The only problem I have with you kis123, is how arrogant you rub off. How you responded to FlockofSeagull's thread was a joke. How you responded to me in the "pimp" thread a while ago was a joke. You're "I'm right, and not only am I right but what anybody else has to say is wrong wrong wrong!" attitude is cringeworthy and belittling. If you want to be right all the time so so bad, then audition for 'Who wants to be a Millionaire' and then maybe you'll make it to the $1000 safe level.

-Xionking

 

[BellaRisa]

Thank you!

Redimage - I was referring to "open relationships" which has been mentioned in this thread. I'm under the impression that "open relationships" allow for multiple sexual partners at any given time, so what's the difference between fucking a girl who's gonna be fucking another guy anyway, or fucking two girls in a threesome who are doing the same thing?

Kis123 - For the third time, I think FlockofSeagulls was saying that drug use is an alternative lifestyle. I'm fairly sure he wasn't comparing drug use to polyamory. That's what I got from it. Like imagine the "alternative lifestyle' umbrella and everything that falls under it. Drug use would fall under the umbrella of 'alternative lifestyles'. Do you understand yet? Hopefully.

The only problem I have with you kis123, is how arrogant you rub off. How you responded to FlockofSeagull's thread was a joke. How you responded to me in the "pimp" thread a while ago was a joke. You're "I'm right, and not only am I right but what anybody else has to say is wrong wrong wrong!" attitude is cringeworthy and belittling. If you want to be right all the time so so bad, then audition for 'Who wants to be a Millionaire' and then maybe you'll make it to the $1000 safe level.

-Xionking

Dude, while I see where you're coming from, poly and drug addiction are not under the same umbrella of Alternative Lifestyle, I get why Kis is annoyed. One is just another way of loving and one is usually harmful and potentially dangerous. I do see what Flock was trying to say but the drug thing should never have come up, it doesn't belong in this conversation.

 

[kis123]

"Drug use can easily turn to drug addiction."

Only with certain drugs, or certain personality types that are vulnerable to addictive behavior in general.

"Can you say the same for polyamory or other relationship/lifestyle choices?"

If the person has an addictive personality, then yeah, I can. You can get addicted to sex, to new relationship energy, to...anything, really.

Please read bella's response above.......the two are not comparable in this thread thank you both very much!

 

[kis123]

Kis123 - For the third time, I think FlockofSeagulls was saying that drug use is an alternative lifestyle. I'm fairly sure he wasn't comparing drug use to polyamory. That's what I got from it. Like imagine the "alternative lifestyle' umbrella and everything that falls under it. Drug use would fall under the umbrella of 'alternative lifestyles'. Do you understand yet? Hopefully.

The only problem I have with you kis123, is how arrogant you rub off. How you responded to FlockofSeagull's thread was a joke. How you responded to me in the "pimp" thread a while ago was a joke. You're "I'm right, and not only am I right but what anybody else has to say is wrong wrong wrong!" attitude is cringeworthy and belittling. If you want to be right all the time so so bad, then audition for 'Who wants to be a Millionaire' and then maybe you'll make it to the $1000 safe level.

-Xionking

What you need to do is take your personal problems to PM and NOT expose them in the public forums. That's what a mature member would do. They would not take their emotional drama out in public. They would not call me out to a public fight like you are pitifully attempting to do.

As much as you call me arrogant, you are argumentative, immature, condescending and generally insulting MOST of the time. Not just to me but to other members as well. You need to check your mirror before you start slinging insults. If you don't like what I have to say, use the ignore function; I hear it works very well!

Heres' something you obviously are unaware of:

I've been a member of this forum almost six years; in that time we've discussed the alternative relationship/lifestyle subject several times. This would be the first time it's being discussed and it hasn't exploded with many offended and insulted. I refuse to tear this thread apart because it's been very successful with many simply agreeing to disagree or being supportive.

On that note, I am unsubscribing from this thread because you carry your grudges on your shoulder and they obviously override the spirit of this thread. From now on, either address me in a PM with your personal melodrama or leave me the hell alone! I can't make it any plainer than that!

 

[Deleted member 66627]

<font color="#990000">Chat before the show:</font> Click here for chat!

 

[BellaRisa]

Anybody ever notice how non-poly, "could never ever be poly" people spend more time being cranky in threads about poly than actual poly people?

Just sayin'

 

[Deleted member 66627]

Anybody ever notice how non-poly, "could never ever be poly" people spend more time being cranky in threads about poly than actual poly people?

Just sayin'

Holy crap I had to read that twice. My brain almost imploded.

 

[Redmage]

Redimage - I was referring to "open relationships" which has been mentioned in this thread. I'm under the impression that "open relationships" allow for multiple sexual partners at any given time, so what's the difference between fucking a girl who's gonna be fucking another guy anyway, or fucking two girls in a threesome who are doing the same thing?

Nothing. Neither of them has much to do with polyamory, which isn't primarily about "fucking." If that's your main concern, then you'll probably be happier as a swinger.

 

[xionking]

Nothing. Neither of them has much to do with polyamory, which isn't primarily about "fucking." If that's your main concern, then you'll probably be happier as a swinger.

Like I said, "open relationship". The acceptance and consent by those involved in having more than one, intimate relationship at any given time, which is what polyamory is.

-Xionking