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private play vs play party--anyone ever converted?
- Thread starter steph
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AquaFeline
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Wish I could!
NeitherSparky
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Some of us are probably harder to convince than others. 😉 I know, I'm just difficult... 😀
try me next Sunday..... 
I like play parties, myself. I've been to a couple of good ones where there are several plays going on at once. If it's in a big room the multiple and varied laughter reverberate in a manner that gives one the impression of being in an asylum. It's awesome.
steph said:
My take on this Steph is simply this. I could certainly do the group thing if the group was 100% female, as I am quite happy (alright then turned on) to be submissive among women. However I could not do this at all if there was even one guy in the vicinity, as then it would be a case of out of the fantasy world and back into the real world (where I am not submissive at all)
Sorry just to follow that up, I am talking strictly as a Lee.
I would be more than happy to be in a mixed group taking part in the Tickling (or even watching the tickling) of a female lee. Or alternatively watching the tickling of a male Lee, provided all the Ticklers were female (not an anti gay thing by the way, just the way I am wired)
I would be more than happy to be in a mixed group taking part in the Tickling (or even watching the tickling) of a female lee. Or alternatively watching the tickling of a male Lee, provided all the Ticklers were female (not an anti gay thing by the way, just the way I am wired)
This seems to be the prevailing theory hon~"I don't wanna be around a bunch of dudes..." I'm usually too busy to notice what else is going on around me 😉 ~I was curious how some people seem to focus mainly on this...
XOXO
PS~totally domme in real life too!
PPS~interesting no one has showed up to answer "yes" to origonal question.... 😀
XOXO
PS~totally domme in real life too!
PPS~interesting no one has showed up to answer "yes" to origonal question.... 😀
toneus79 said:My take on this Steph is simply this. I could certainly do the group thing if the group was 100% female, as I am quite happy (alright then turned on) to be submissive among women. However I could not do this at all if there was even one guy in the vicinity, as then it would be a case of out of the fantasy world and back into the real world (where I am not submissive at all)
I did private play for YEARS - I didn't know there was such a thing as "public" tickling and BDSM until about 1990, when I got online and discovered Usenet.
I attended classes, munches, and private get-togethers (maybe 10-15 people, much like a tickle-gathering) for several years Then in 1997 I attended my first true public play-party at a now-defunct playspace called House of Differences in San Francisco. I've been involved in the public scene pretty much ever since.
I've never had a problem with public play - I even bottomed for a flogging scene at that first play-party and a few others. However I know that a lot of people do have problems with it.
For bottoms - especially male bottoms - there are a lot of issues involved in public play. Nudity is one obvious one: at most public parties the bottoms are a lot more likely to take their clothes off than the tops. Both men and women naturally might have problems getting naked in front of a mixed group of people. Even when nudity is unlikely or forbidden (as at a tickling party) there are often some issues of "manliness" involved for a man bottoming in public. Men are taught early on that we just don't do that sort of thing, and the lessons first learned are hardest to throw off.
Tops also have some issues, though it's less common for them. If they're inexperienced (or think they are) then they may not want to play in front of people whom they believe to be more experienced. Plus a lot of people (tops and bottoms, men and women) have problems with the idea of doing anything sexual with other people around.
Most of these concerns aren't real, but that doesn't make them any easier to shrug off. Once you attend a party or two you find that nudity isn't a big deal there - lots of people are doing it. At tickling events it usually isn't even an issue. And people don't judge one anothers' technique to speak of. As for generating sexual energy in public, you find once you've attended a couple of parties that the response from any onlookers is likely to be respectful and appreciative, not in any way crass or leering.
But the only way to really learn this at the level where those fears live is to attend a party and see for yourself. So if you're trying to help someone get over such fears then my suggestion is to bring them to a party once without planning to play. Tell them that the idea is just to check it out, watch others play, and have fun chatting with others there. There's no rule that says anyone HAS to play at a party, so this won't be considered out of the ordinary there. And that'll let your partner get a feel for the place without any expectation of doing anything uncomfortable.
With any luck that'll be all it takes. Once he or she sees what a party is really like a lot of those worries and inhibitions might vanish. It doesn't always work, but it works better than any other method I know.
I attended classes, munches, and private get-togethers (maybe 10-15 people, much like a tickle-gathering) for several years Then in 1997 I attended my first true public play-party at a now-defunct playspace called House of Differences in San Francisco. I've been involved in the public scene pretty much ever since.
I've never had a problem with public play - I even bottomed for a flogging scene at that first play-party and a few others. However I know that a lot of people do have problems with it.
For bottoms - especially male bottoms - there are a lot of issues involved in public play. Nudity is one obvious one: at most public parties the bottoms are a lot more likely to take their clothes off than the tops. Both men and women naturally might have problems getting naked in front of a mixed group of people. Even when nudity is unlikely or forbidden (as at a tickling party) there are often some issues of "manliness" involved for a man bottoming in public. Men are taught early on that we just don't do that sort of thing, and the lessons first learned are hardest to throw off.
Tops also have some issues, though it's less common for them. If they're inexperienced (or think they are) then they may not want to play in front of people whom they believe to be more experienced. Plus a lot of people (tops and bottoms, men and women) have problems with the idea of doing anything sexual with other people around.
Most of these concerns aren't real, but that doesn't make them any easier to shrug off. Once you attend a party or two you find that nudity isn't a big deal there - lots of people are doing it. At tickling events it usually isn't even an issue. And people don't judge one anothers' technique to speak of. As for generating sexual energy in public, you find once you've attended a couple of parties that the response from any onlookers is likely to be respectful and appreciative, not in any way crass or leering.
But the only way to really learn this at the level where those fears live is to attend a party and see for yourself. So if you're trying to help someone get over such fears then my suggestion is to bring them to a party once without planning to play. Tell them that the idea is just to check it out, watch others play, and have fun chatting with others there. There's no rule that says anyone HAS to play at a party, so this won't be considered out of the ordinary there. And that'll let your partner get a feel for the place without any expectation of doing anything uncomfortable.
With any luck that'll be all it takes. Once he or she sees what a party is really like a lot of those worries and inhibitions might vanish. It doesn't always work, but it works better than any other method I know.
MrPartickler
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Well, having tried one I'd just like to say: I just can't do the group thing, it feels too weird to me. 😛steph said:
Seriously, for me it's not the guys and women in attendence. They're great. It's me. It's me feeling more uncomfortable for attending a fetish party than, well, not. (I call it the "HBO Special" effect. lol) It's me simultaneously trusting ten (or 20 or 30) strangers with my identity as opposed to just one--that I actually made an effort to get to know beforehand and consciously decided to trust. (There's an irony there that often seems to go unmentioned.) And it's me going to places, parties, and events that I can't really share or talk about with other friends...not that they need to know much, but it's just more secrets to keep.
I had an OK time when I went, but I never feel the urge to attend another one. So to each their own I always say. 🙂
maniactickler
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Im strictly a one on one guy. but if by some chance i broke down for a group thing, it would have to be women only. no men period. 
Interesting. I'm not challenging or criticizing this, but I'm curious to understand it. Can you say why you wouldn't want to play around other men, even as a 'ler?maniactickler said:Im strictly a one on one guy. but if by some chance i broke down for a group thing, it would have to be women only. no men period.
I'll be doing my first group thing when I go to NEST, and I'm going because it's good to experience these things and see what it's all about, but I suspect that it will not be my cup of tea. I'm pretty sure I won't be participating- though I'm doing my best to keep my mind open. But that would be a big hurdle for me. I'm just TOO much the control freak to be comfortable losing it in a crowd of people...I think. 
Tell you what Steph, if I end up converted, I'll be glad to tell you how and why...
Tell you what Steph, if I end up converted, I'll be glad to tell you how and why...
maniactickler
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Redmage said:
I sure can. like ive said before, its fruity.
dtrell said:
I know babe, and I'm proud of you for it~branching out is good, even if it doesn't end up being some amazing experience, yanno? At least you were brave enough to try!
XOXO
PS~Yes, LK~please do! You'll be meeting a TON of my friends at NEST~resistance is futile, trust me on this! 😛
XOXO
lk70 said:I'll be doing my first group thing when I go to NEST, and I'm going because it's good to experience these things and see what it's all about, but I suspect that it will not be my cup of tea. I'm pretty sure I won't be participating- though I'm doing my best to keep my mind open. But that would be a big hurdle for me. I'm just TOO much the control freak to be comfortable losing it in a crowd of people...I think.
Tell you what Steph, if I end up converted, I'll be glad to tell you how and why...
My present financial situation is what will be keeping me away from NEST this year. But if I hit the lottery or come into a windfall, I'd go in a minute!
Group gatherings are never what you can imagine on your first time. I went to my very first gathering in Dallas last year and I couldn't have imagined what happened there in my wildest dreams.
Talk about a deer in the headlights? I didn't expect players to bring their own bondage furniture. When I saw that lee get strapped to that bondage bed, my first thought was to run and not stop until I got back to Ohio!! My host was gracious and attentive-he helped me to calm down and hang in there. Then my curiosity started to kick in and I was able to watch other players have fun.
I NEVER expected to switch. I'm mostly ler and I love that place of control. But my curiosity got the best of me again and one ler along with my host decided to satisfy it in a big way. It was just the three of us at the time-you'll never get me to tickle or be tickled in public. That's too much for me.
witchtickler
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Well now I've heard it all. If Steph can't convert someone over then it can't be done. Because as GORGEOUS as she is, if she ask me to drop to the ground and eat the dirt from between her toes I'd do it, just in the hopes that I get to tickle her!!!!!! 
But at least I got to taste her tasty toes 😀 So if Steph can't get it done i'm not so sure it can be done.
witchtickler
Mmmmmmm!
Thank you for that honey~WOW!
XOXO
Thank you for that honey~WOW!
XOXO
witchtickler said:
So if Steph can't get it done i'm not so sure it can be done.
witchtickler
witchtickler
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steph said:Thank you for that honey~WOW!
XOXO
YOU'RE WELCOME 😀 DAMN even just send this response makes my heart go pitter pat hehehehe
witchtickler
