private play vs play party--anyone ever converted?

[MitchJ]

Yeah, I'm one of the difficult ones....

I just tend to be more comfortable with my tickling life being private. I'm sure the gatherings are a GREAT TIME, but being one-on-one has been pretty wonderful also. 😉

 

[Strider]

*shrug*

I did a couple private sessions with professionals then decided what the hell, I'd jump on in, went to the most recent gathering, and am definately going to go to the next one in LA, and probably would consider dragging myself to northern Cali too.

 

[steph]

Hee hee Strider~you were literally glowing after Mistress Feral had at you last Sunday! I'm glad it was so much fun for you and we hope you'll come on up to Nor Cal!

Thanks for the responses all~I do notice particularly w/some of my Sou Cal friends, many who work for and with major celebrities~they tend to like to keep our play private, which I totally respect. I was just randomly wondering if anyone ever "crossed over"...
XOXO

*shrug*

I did a couple private sessions with professionals then decided what the hell, I'd jump on in, went to the most recent gathering, and am definately going to go to the next one in LA, and probably would consider dragging myself to northern Cali too.

 

[Mz Chaos]

But the only way to really learn this at the level where those fears live is to attend a party and see for yourself. So if you're trying to help someone get over such fears then my suggestion is to bring them to a party once without planning to play. Tell them that the idea is just to check it out, watch others play, and have fun chatting with others there. There's no rule that says anyone HAS to play at a party, so this won't be considered out of the ordinary there. And that'll let your partner get a feel for the place without any expectation of doing anything uncomfortable.

With any luck that'll be all it takes. Once he or she sees what a party is really like a lot of those worries and inhibitions might vanish. It doesn't always work, but it works better than any other method I know.

Tickling, in my mind, is a very personal thing. After all... the 'ler would have their hands literally on all parts of my body and the way I was raised, touching a person like this would be considered something best done by a significant other and most certainly done in private. As Red said... "lessons first learned..."
Just the other day, a 'ler friend of mine suggested that I time a visit to go with him to one of the gatherings to meet fellow TMF members. I told him that I would love to go, but that I would be uncomfortable if asked to participate becase not only of the fact that I am more of a one-on-one person, but because so many posts have hinted at multiple 'lers.
I think my greatest fear would not be so much to "let my hair down" (A 'ler would not have to be my significant other), but that if more than one tickler is involved there might be a period of one-uppmanship that would happen where one tickler would try to outdo the other with me as the focus of their contest. While this may appeal to some, I'd still prefer just one-on-one.
Some of the videos send chills down my spine when I see "digging" and "scrubbing" (my terms). I do not like roughness in any way shape or form performed upon my person. I do understand that some folks don't mind it a bit rougher, but it isn't for me. As a matter of fact, one prominent and respected member of TMF was mentioned by me as one that I would most certainly NOT want to be tickled by because of the roughness implied in his threads and in a video short I saw. There are a few others, I have noticed, that suggest roughness in their threads when talking about tickling and I would be afraid of being restrained and having one of them joining in. As I said... fine for some... not for me.
It is nice to know, by way of Red's post, that it would still be alright for me to come to a gathering and meet some of you fine folks, without anything being expected. After all... where else would I get the chance to say howdy to so many of you in one place? While I may always feel that tickling should be kept between me and just one other person, I would love to be able to meet some of you.
So... ya know... I just might surprise ya'll someday soon and show up at one of your gatherings now that I know I wouldn't be pushed into joining in. Thanks Red. I appreciated the info, and hope that I get to meet you and other members of our community in the not so distant future.

 

[Redmage]

Just a couple of things, Mz C - and I'm going to try not to drift too far off-topic here.

Tickling, in my mind, is a very personal thing. After all... the 'ler would have their hands literally on all parts of my body and the way I was raised, touching a person like this would be considered something best done by a significant other and most certainly done in private. As Red said... "lessons first learned..."

I got just one word for you: Negotiate.

You don't have to let a 'ler touch you anywhere that you don't want them to. In fact DVNC's gathering rules explicitly ban genital contact. I've played wtih 'lees who didn't want me to touch them anywhere that their bra or panties would normally cover (whether or not they happened to be covered there at that moment). I'm mentioning this not to say that you should or shouldn't want to be touched in any particular way, but just to suggest that if putting some limits on your 'ler(s) would make it easier to play at a party, and if you WANT to play at a party, then no one would say you shouldn't set your own comfort zone.

I think my greatest fear would not be so much to "let my hair down" (A 'ler would not have to be my significant other), but that if more than one tickler is involved there might be a period of one-uppmanship that would happen where one tickler would try to outdo the other with me as the focus of their contest. While this may appeal to some, I'd still prefer just one-on-one.

No problemo, if that's what you prefer. First off even at a party, if you say you don't want more than one 'ler then you won't get more than one. If someone can't understand that limit and tries to butt in, then other people at the party will explain it to him or her. And if ever you DO want more than one 'ler then you can set limits for all of them - or even different limits for some than for others (for example you might be comfortable with a lover touching you in certain ways, but want to limit others from doing so).

Other 'lees can speak to this, but I've never seen 'lers in a group tickle-scene try to escalate past the 'lee's limits. There might be a sort of playful contest, as in "Wow, that was a really great noise! I wonder if I can make her sound like that?" 😉 But it's never a serious attempt to use the 'lee as some sort of game board.

Some of the videos send chills down my spine when I see "digging" and "scrubbing" (my terms). I do not like roughness in any way shape or form performed upon my person. I do understand that some folks don't mind it a bit rougher, but it isn't for me.

That's another thing for negotiation. Lots of 'lees feel the same way you do, so they just make it clear to everyone they play with (whether it's one 'ler or several) that they like certain kinds of touch but not others.

It is nice to know, by way of Red's post, that it would still be alright for me to come to a gathering and meet some of you fine folks, without anything being expected....So... ya know... I just might surprise ya'll someday soon and show up at one of your gatherings now that I know I wouldn't be pushed into joining in. Thanks Red. I appreciated the info, and hope that I get to meet you and other members of our community in the not so distant future.

My pleasure. And I'm not suggesting that you have to play in any particular way, or even play at all at a party. If you just don't want to play in public, that's fine. If you wouldn't mind being tickled at a party, but only want one 'ler doing it, that's fine too. And if a group would be fun within carefully described limits, you can have that too. Tickling is fully customizable. 😉

 

[Mz Chaos]

Wow... I stand corrected.
Thank you so much for clearing that up for me. Looks like I will most definitely be meeting you folks in the future and am looking forward to it.

I didn't mean to imply when I said ALL over my body, that I meant private areas... but at 5'10" that's a lot of real estate in the other areas. I was certain that when I posted the reply that I would not be molested, and I am truly sorry that I worded it in such a way as to give the impression of that. I have no doubt that the folks here would be respectful enough not to lay hands and fingers on areas that are personal. By all over... I meant the other percentage of my body.

It certainly sounds much different than I had pictured and I thank you again for setting me straight. Maybe I need to put a collar on my imagination.

 

[Redmage]

Wow... I stand corrected.
Thank you so much for clearing that up for me. Looks like I will most definitely be meeting you folks in the future and am looking forward to it.

😀 Glad to help. Here's an example for you from a group-tickling scene that I did just recently.

Picture a lady tied to a bed wearing nothing but panties, and a group of about 5 'lers giving her what for. The 'lee in the case was remarkably athletic, and her struggles under 10 hands were literally threatening to bounce some of us off the bed. So we asked a fellow who'd been watching from the sidelines to come in and sit on her legs, in hopes of limiting her movement some. Now, even though this fellow now found himself straddling the thighs of a nearly naked woman, he still asked after a few minutes, "Do you mind if I tickle as well?"

He didn't assume that just because he had been asked to participate in the scene on one level, that meant he had a license to participate on any other level. And the fact that she was practically nude and squirming beneath him didn't color his judgement.

That's what you can expect from most people at a party. The few people (nearly always newbies) who don't get that either get educated quickly or they get shown the door.

 

[LindyHopper]

Hi Mz Chaos!

(Wow, your username makes me feel like I'm talking to a teacher...) 😀

I think Redmage has already done a fine job of reassuring you that one need not feel threatened at a gathering, but as one of the fussiest 'lees usually in attendance at our CA gatherings, I thought I'd add a couple of thoughts as well.

I've been tickled by a group of 'lers many times, and I've never felt like anyone was getting competitive. In fact, it's almost always felt very collaborative, where each 'ler is focusing not only on me, but on everyone participating in the scene. They tend to experiment with different techniques on different parts of my body, and talk to each other about what seems to be working. I end up with a feeling that they're all working together to drive me as crazy as possible. 🙂

The "letting your hair down" issue is still true - if you're really being tickled, you're going to make funny faces and a lot of noise, and lose the reserve and self-control that you usually have around other people. Whether or not you want to go there is up to you to decide, but you can certainly participate and call "stop" when you feel you don't want to be any more out of control. The 'lers will appreciate any amount that you want to give. 🙂

Finally, I also HATE digging, scratching, poking, or anything resembling them. Since that makes me unusual at a gathering, everyone who approaches me to tickle me for the first time is told so in no uncertain terms, and rarely have I needed to tell anyone more than once that they need to lighten up.

Also, even when you observe some 'lers, in person or on video, tickling people in a certain (hard, digging, uncomfortable-looking) way, they won't necessarily do that to you. IMHO, good 'lers are sensitive, above all else, to what works best for their 'lee. They want to make you laugh! And if a light touch is what's going to do that, then they'll work hard to adjust their styles to make it happen.

Anyway, I certainly hope you make it out to a gathering. They're a wonderful experience - eye-opening for sure, whether you choose to participate or just watch, and a HUGE rush if you decide you want to play!

 

[terorizer]

..And One More...

Do we sound like the west coast welcome wagon or what? LOL This is not just for Mz Chaos though. All the bases have already been covered, I just wanted to add that at any well-organized gathering, there is almost always at least one person who is NOT actually playing, but is WATCHING the play. This person is there to make sure lers don't overstep bounds, physically, mentally or emotionally. They're aware of all the negotiations that have ocurred prior to the play starting, (safewords, breaks, number of lers, etc). They will call for breaks, if needed limit or reduce lers a scene and in some cases even end the scene. It's just part of the safe and sane way. I'm not much into the group play myself, but I do dig gatherings, so often that person is me. 🙂

Oh and one characteristic of the Lindy-defined good ler - some serious, royal treatment-like after care.

 

[steph]

Ya, nothing happens that you don't want to happen. A good host always asks up front if anyone has specific limitations. I only like it light. One the subs Goddess hired last weekend had an injured toe and was smart enough to wear a band aid on it so no one hurt her any worse. The rules are STRICTLY followed and anyone who doen't go along should be reported immediately to your DM (dungeon master.) They'll most likely be blacklisted. But we've never had that happen at any of our parties.
XOXO

 

[LindyHopper]

Oh and one characteristic of the Lindy-defined good ler - some serious, royal treatment-like after care.

Yep, that's my dirty little secret - I only go to gatherings to get the 8-handed massage. 😉

 

[StephanieLocke]

Most People Are Shy The First Time Or Two...

After that, even you exceedingly maleophobes...would be able to have fun at a party with others of your gender around.

Remember, we're not just there to play, we're also there to socialize and create a sense of Community. If the thought of other men being around when you get tickled grosses you out...go to the Munches...not the parties...meet the people who interest you...negotiate private time alone....

Mistress Stephanie Locke

p.s. It's highly unlikely that you'll be at a party of only women with you the only male...but fantasies do come true every now and then!

p.p.s. at my home it's called...hosting a party for me and my girlfriends...they emerge...you're the only man...pricey...but it has been done.

 

[StephanieLocke]

Interesting topic -- glad you brought it up, MSL.

I've been to one play party, and also once attended a tickling demo at a BDSM club. While I don't regret either experience, I have to say that I prefer one-on-one tickling in private. Part of this may be due to the fact that I'm an introvert (which doesn't mean "antisocial," contrary to what some think the word means) and generally prefer one-on-one socializing (or smaller groups) to big gatherings.

For me, the best thing about the party and demo was meeting other people -- most of whom seemed quite normal -- who had a similar interest in something that might be regarded as "unusual" by some. It's good to know that one isn't alone! 🙂

Thank you very much pdxguy! It is good to know that one isn't alone...and...when one actually comes out of their shell....there's a chance to learn new techniques and make friendships that can last a lifetime.

Mistress Stephanie Locke

 

[kis123]

Tickling, in my mind, is a very personal thing. After all... the 'ler would have their hands literally on all parts of my body and the way I was raised, touching a person like this would be considered something best done by a significant other and most certainly done in private. As Red said... "lessons first learned..."
Just the other day, a 'ler friend of mine suggested that I time a visit to go with him to one of the gatherings to meet fellow TMF members. I told him that I would love to go, but that I would be uncomfortable if asked to participate becase not only of the fact that I am more of a one-on-one person, but because so many posts have hinted at multiple 'lers.
I think my greatest fear would not be so much to "let my hair down" (A 'ler would not have to be my significant other), but that if more than one tickler is involved there might be a period of one-uppmanship that would happen where one tickler would try to outdo the other with me as the focus of their contest. While this may appeal to some, I'd still prefer just one-on-one.
Some of the videos send chills down my spine when I see "digging" and "scrubbing" (my terms). I do not like roughness in any way shape or form performed upon my person. I do understand that some folks don't mind it a bit rougher, but it isn't for me. As a matter of fact, one prominent and respected member of TMF was mentioned by me as one that I would most certainly NOT want to be tickled by because of the roughness implied in his threads and in a video short I saw. There are a few others, I have noticed, that suggest roughness in their threads when talking about tickling and I would be afraid of being restrained and having one of them joining in. As I said... fine for some... not for me.
It is nice to know, by way of Red's post, that it would still be alright for me to come to a gathering and meet some of you fine folks, without anything being expected. After all... where else would I get the chance to say howdy to so many of you in one place? While I may always feel that tickling should be kept between me and just one other person, I would love to be able to meet some of you.
So... ya know... I just might surprise ya'll someday soon and show up at one of your gatherings now that I know I wouldn't be pushed into joining in. Thanks Red. I appreciated the info, and hope that I get to meet you and other members of our community in the not so distant future.

I know this post is a little older and some issues have been dealt with, but it's soooooo much like me that I couldn't help but comment.

I've only been to one gathering-last Labor Day in Dallas. The gatherings aren't like anything you'd ever expect. I flew 1200 miles from OH to Dallas because I had previously met the host in person that previous June. He was an absolute gentleman and invited me to his labor day gathering. I struggled with this from the beginning. I post in a very strong manner, but I am actually very shy and find it hard to fit in. My knowledge of my tickling passions was still very young (2yrs) and I was raised in a very strict religious environment. It was hard as hell to make those travel arrangements. My host was counting on me to show up because so many women had bailed out. He gently pushed me to do what I really wanted to do but was afraid to do on my own.

I arrived in Dallas and hung out with my host until gathering time. I met some of the other guests in the lobby and the lump in my throat nearly choked me-and that was only the beginning! Some of the guests started playing almost immediately and brought a bondage bed. I was okay until I actually saw the lee get strapped in-I debated on fainting or running back to Ohio without assistance of a plane! My host catered to my every fear and stayed by my side the entire time. The guests knew it was my first time too and were very respectful.

By day 3, I ended up striking up a friendship with a young man from the Houston area. He initially didn't impress me as someone I would have anything in common with, but there was something about him that intrigued me. I ended up spending my entire Sunday afternoon with him and my host since people had started heading home. I was stuck until Monday and so was he. The three of us went to dinner and had a great time. We headed back to the hotel room to clean up and watch some videos. Here's where it gets interesting.....

The young ler was quite the negotiator! I'm a salesperson by trade and can see a negotiation from miles away! He piqued my curiosity and I had to have it satisfied. I went from the ler to the lee-it was only my host, the ler, and me. I laid on a couch and went on the tickle ride of my very life-only the three of us were present. I was at a public gathering for three days, and the high-point of the entire weekend came with only three of us present.

You just never know what will happen at gatherings. Just have an open mind, and you might go beyond your wildest expectations.

 

[Mz Chaos]

First off even at a party, if you say you don't want more than one 'ler then you won't get more than one. If someone can't understand that limit and tries to butt in, then other people at the party will explain it to him or her. And if ever you DO want more than one 'ler then you can set limits for all of them - or even different limits for some than for others (for example you might be comfortable with a lover touching you in certain ways, but want to limit others from doing so).

I think I'd be more comfortable if I brought a 'ler of my own choosing. One that I have gotten to know well and have already developed a trust with. And ya know... I may already have just the right person in mind.

I wanna thank all you kind folks for the support and the help you have given me to better understand the goings on at the gatherings. It has ALL been appreciated. It's just too bad that I'm probably still going to be laid up come time for NEST. I sure would have liked to meet ya'll. But... from my understanding here on the forums... there will be other gatherings... not quite as big maybe... but there'll be more. So... I'll try to make one of those instead.

Again folks... I am grateful that I have friends like you.

 

[LadyCat]

I just tend to be more comfortable with my tickling life being private. I'm sure the gatherings are a GREAT TIME, but being one-on-one has been pretty wonderful also. 😉

Personally, I've only ever "played" publicly... one on one seems scarier...less secure... no DM watching to make sure that all is well. Though, for the right one... might risk it