nerdy
80% is the number that haunts my deepest nightmares. This is the functional divorce rate for marrying a female under the age of 25. It is my personal opinion that the greatest threat to this country originates not from the Middle East or islomo-facism but from the limbo between puberty and maturity for both sexes.
I said that to accentuate Helena’s point. There is a real chance that she doesn’t know how to process you as a potential romantic entity. I know that as guys it doesn’t seem all that logical, but to females process attraction and romantic attachment a lot differently than we do. For us a girl usually has to be physically attractive and… Shit I can’t think of anything else. I’ll get back to that one.
Generally for women even on some subconscious level there is a deep contemplation to the long term match, ability to rear children, sexual attachment, communication style, love style, your confidence around her, the ability she has to control you, your assertiveness, how she perceives your overall masculinity, etc. A lot of times if we get tagged in the abyss of a plutonic associate then this level of calculus never even starts let alone has the ability to be articulated in the 30 seconds after an unexpected confession.
“I never knew you felt that way!” Generally this speaks to the way that she has perceived every interaction that you have ever had with her. On a subconscious level we are sized up from the time that we first meet a woman whether or not we are trying to make sexual advances. If we don’t poses a certain level of flirtation and casual touching even on the shoulder arm etc. then we can be categorized as purely plutonic and we are never even considered as potential mates because they don’t perceive romantic interest on OUR part.
I would also agree that trying to process her feelings externally is suicide. It is easy to misinterpret female emotions, just ask poor Mr. Darcey and silly Mr. Bingley (Gosh I love that movie). They said, “well I think that she likes you but sees you as someone more to settle down with!” That sounds reasonable and it strokes our ego but that is a road to destruction. I believe the theory that there is in immature femininity a fundamental compartmentalization of the hierarchy of the female love needs. The three basic areas are as follows: Making her happy when she is said, Providing meaningful conversation and intellectual stimulation, and last but not least Romantic and Sexual arousal (the guy that she has fun with).
Ideally in the mature form there is an effort to find a guy who meets all three of these areas satisfactorily. All too often this doesn’t happen. Most of the time there are two or three men in their lives especially at the early stage who meet these individual areas and the boyfriend or mate is generally the guy who fills the romantic and or sexual need the best. This is a scary realization having been the guy who cheered someone up and talked to them for hours so that their boyfriend could come in on the back end and enjoy the fruits of my labor. You can be a male best friend, hang out together, enjoy a level of emotional intimacy, talk to the wee hours of the morning, etc. and she could have absolutely no romantic interest in you whatsoever. The guy to settle down with in all reality is the guy who meets all three of these categories, not the guy who is perceived as responsible. In our modern society that has bastardized sexuality from its parent intimacy all too often people have the false belief system that real sexual and or romantic gratification has to be enjoyed divorced from real emotional and psychological intimacy and that is sad. Far too often a person who meets that need is perceived as just for fun and the boring would be exec is seen as the guy to settle down with when you are done having fun and ready for kids. The 80% comes in when you try to change the just for fun guy into meet all y needs guy, or you try to turn make me feel better when I am sad guy to a parolee.
The absolute worst thing that you could do is bug or beg. If you want to ask her out or continue to hang out with her that is fine, but if you persist too much and it is perceived that you need her then that kills any impression that she has of you as a viable source of masculine security and sexual interest. So just play it cool hang back, try to spend more time with her, and when you are around just be more subtly flirtations making sure to touch her arms and shoulders a little more to let her know that you care about her but without feeling like a creep. If she likes you then things will progress. If she doesn’t then that’s fine too. There are about 3 billion on the planet.
And don’t worry about the other guys. If you are the one it will happen, just don’t press it too hard. My big question: “Is this girl a vanilla?”
