Question for the women

[CaptainQuantum]

would you have a relationship with a guy who you found out used to pay for sex because he was too lazy to date and get to know women at that time? Assuming he agreed to get tested first of course.

Also, if a guy has had very little dating experience for a guy in his mid 30s, should he just be honest and tell a prospective gf that he was just had too many self-esteem/self-confidence issues for most of his life to be able to even find a gf let alone keep one, but he's a different man now? Or should he just make up some dating history to sound normal?

I'm not ready for a relationship yet. I'm 33 with VERY little dating experience for a guy my age, and still have the above mentioned issues. And I want to have a relationship in the future, but I want to have some meaningless sex first, just "get it out of my system", so I don't feel like I "missed anything".

But I'm too lazy and impatient to go through the dating thing, or even try to pick up women in clubs for one-night-stands. I don't have the self-confidence to do that, and it would be easier to just pay for sex and get right to it. But when I'm "the new me" that I intend to be in the future, I'm going to want to have a relationship. Any advice?

P.S. Sorry about being such an asshole lately. When I get depressed and self-pitying I can get really ornery. But I'm feeling better now, so I'll be behaving myself.

 

[goddess_nemesis]

To me, the past is the past. What a guy did in his past doesn't mean that he's still the same guy or still does it.

Honesty is very important to me. But a guy doesn't have to tell me his whole life story, only if he wants to and feels comfortable enough with me to tell me. I don't need to know how many (or how few) women you've been with. It's who you are and how you treat me that matters.

Some women tend to get very irrational when it comes to wanting honesty about something that personal. I'm a woman and maybe it's because I also have little-to-zero dating experience, I find that dumb. Nobody is perfect and everybody makes mistakes and has something they're not proud of. It shouldn't matter what happened in the past, what matters is what is happening now.

When you get to where you want to be and are with someone who loves you, it shouldn't matter that you paid for sex. What matters is how you feel for each other and that it's only her that you have eyes for.

I'm a romantic. So sue me. 😀

 

[theObsessed1]

Provided they're clean and no longer doing that as long as we're together, I wouldn't have an issue with it. I think those of us with a fetish like this can more easily understand unmet cravings. Ya know? Oh, and openness and honesty are always the best policy in my book.

 

[venray]

Though I am not a woman.....

Dont make anything up.....starting a relationship based on lies will never work out in the end.....

Oh...and keep in mind that there really is no such thing as "meaningless sex"..It always has some meaning even if it only means that you are ready to grow and be the person you were meant to be....

Missing something....no....you are missing something by not forming personal relationships....yes it is difficult to do so sometimes, but that is what makes them worth it and how friendships form that can last a lifetime...

 

[slap'n'ticklee]

Hmm sorry don't mean to be rude, but you have a lot to learn lol 🙂

Relationships have to be worked on, they aren't easy, and you get so much out of them if your willing to put some effort in yourself.

I think you need to get out there find some women company 'as friends' and learn what us women are about and understanding us then perhaps you would like us more than just for sex and having a long lasting friendship aswell as a lover in your woman.

 

[Deadsea7777]

would you have a relationship with a guy who you found out used to pay for sex because he was too lazy to date and get to know women at that time? Assuming he agreed to get tested first of course.

Also, if a guy has had very little dating experience for a guy in his mid 30s, should he just be honest and tell a prospective gf that he was just had too many self-esteem/self-confidence issues for most of his life to be able to even find a gf let alone keep one, but he's a different man now? Or should he just make up some dating history to sound normal?

I'm not ready for a relationship yet. I'm 33 with VERY little dating experience for a guy my age, and still have the above mentioned issues. And I want to have a relationship in the future, but I want to have some meaningless sex first, just "get it out of my system", so I don't feel like I "missed anything".

But I'm too lazy and impatient to go through the dating thing, or even try to pick up women in clubs for one-night-stands. I don't have the self-confidence to do that, and it would be easier to just pay for sex and get right to it. But when I'm "the new me" that I intend to be in the future, I'm going to want to have a relationship. Any advice?

P.S. Sorry about being such an asshole lately. When I get depressed and self-pitying I can get really ornery. But I'm feeling better now, so I'll be behaving myself.

Get a hooker and have the sex. Pay well quality cost.
The chase is the best part of the hunt. The killing is only the end. If you do not want to date you do not deserve a girlfriend. Think about all the effort she would made for the date to look desiderable and nice, and you are too impatient and lazy?
Masturbation is available always for when you feel impatient and lazy. But a woman demands an effort.

 

[ticklee_heather]

The whole not dating someone before wouldn't really throw me off. I know a lot of guys who for some reason or another haven't really been in a relationship before and it isn't that big of a deal. Some people just don't date as much as others which can be a good thing. I'd perfer the guy who has never been in a relationship to the guy who bounces from one relationship to another monthly or so.

The thing that would probably turn me away is the whole paying for sex thing. I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just being honest. If a guy told me that he paid for sex because he didn't want to put forth the effort in a relationship due to impatients or laziness then I would be a little worried. The sleeping around thing would bother me some but the thing that would bother me would be the lack of commitment. If I'm going to date someone I like to know they are going to be their through the good times and the bad. I'm not saying I don't believe people can change, because I think they can, but usually people don't change a lot. By the time people are adults they already have set behaviors that they aren't going to alter too much.

 

[tulipangel]

Dude, no big deal if you pay for sex and to be honest with you.... Thats something you keep to yourself. get tested for yourself dont go tell a woman you want to be with you did that! I could crae less what you did in your past as long as your a good person with a good heart! You have to do what you feel is best for you. PM me anytime to talk.

 

[CaptainQuantum]

Well, I suppose that most guys, when they find a woman they want to spend the rest of their lives with, have had plenty of meaningless sex, and I think women expect that..."boys will be boys" and all that. The only difference with me is, my meaningless sex will have been with prostitutes. The only difference is that most men will go out and go to the effort of talking to women, even if only for a one-night-stand.

And at this point in my life I just don't feel like going to the trouble. Not as long as all I want is meaningless sex. When I really do want a relationship, I'll be ready to go to the effort. I'm only talking about telling her because that would save me the trouble of worrying about her finding out one day. But maybe if I just tell her that I had a lot of meaningless sex in the past, but I'm a different man now, that would sound like most guys. And just leave out the part about it being with prostitutes. I mean, I'd still get tested and stuff.

 

[steph]

past is past~if he tests clean, end of story!
XOXO

 

[Illtcklu]

To me, the past is the past. What a guy did in his past doesn't mean that he's still the same guy or still does it.
I'm a romantic. So sue me. 😀

Then I won't mention that my ex's are all in dumpsters then. Feeling romantic, Nemesis?


Seriously though, I don't think it matters too much, a little discretion though. After all in the wrong moment or at the wrong time it might be a little TMI.

 

[chicago]

would you have a relationship with a guy who you found out used to pay for sex because he was too lazy to date and get to know women at that time? Assuming he agreed to get tested first of course.

It depends when I found out. If it was before we really started dating, the information might affect how I saw the potential relationship. The fact that the guy was too lazy to persue a girlfriend would make me wonder how lazy he'd be in our relationship in terms of other things. I mean, yeah sex isn't everything, but attitude is, and the guy you describe doesn't seem to have a very good one.

Also, if a guy has had very little dating experience for a guy in his mid 30s, should he just be honest and tell a prospective gf that he was just had too many self-esteem/self-confidence issues for most of his life to be able to even find a gf let alone keep one, but he's a different man now? Or should he just make up some dating history to sound normal?

Honesty is the best policy. If you make up some dating history, you'll be basing a big part of your relationship on lies and something as big as dating history is bound to come up more than once. It's just something that'll come back to bite you in the ass. If a woman is going to judge you on how many people you've dated, she's probably not a person you want to be with anyway.

I'm not ready for a relationship yet. I'm 33 with VERY little dating experience for a guy my age, and still have the above mentioned issues. And I want to have a relationship in the future, but I want to have some meaningless sex first, just "get it out of my system", so I don't feel like I "missed anything".

But I'm too lazy and impatient to go through the dating thing, or even try to pick up women in clubs for one-night-stands. I don't have the self-confidence to do that, and it would be easier to just pay for sex and get right to it. But when I'm "the new me" that I intend to be in the future, I'm going to want to have a relationship. Any advice?

If you're going to base your sexual knowledge on the kind you've had with people that you've had to pay for it, you're going to be no better starting a relationship with a normal woman than you are now. The sex you have with a prostitute is not the sex you'll have with a normal woman and fornicating with a ***** is not going to prepare you for it. But it will definitely be meaningless so you got that.

 

[Dianatklee]

Having thrown away a good guy, and now divorcing a jerk, I am re thinking what I want from men. I am going to try to be more open minded now.

 

[goddess_nemesis]

Then I won't mention that my ex's are all in dumpsters then. Feeling romantic, Nemesis?

I feel all warm and fuzzy inside! You sure know what to say to get to a woman's heart!

 

[Mz Chaos]

"I don't exactly know what I am required to say in order for you to have intercourse with me, but could we assume that I said all that? I mean essentially we are talking about fluid exchange right? So could we go just straight to the sex?" ~ John Nash (A Beautiful Mind)

Ya know... this line might be something ya wanna memorize.

 

[CaptainQuantum]

"I don't exactly know what I am required to say in order for you to have intercourse with me, but could we assume that I said all that? I mean essentially we are talking about fluid exchange right? So could we go just straight to the sex?" ~ John Nash (A Beautiful Mind)

Ya know... this line might be something ya wanna memorize.

I loved that scene! It was like, we both know why I'm talking to you, why not just skip all the meaningless chit-chat and get right to it? I so related to that.

As far as my original question: if I want to spend a few months to maybe a year just having fun and paying for meaningless sex because I don't know how to charm women into bed, and am too lazy to go to the trouble anyway, would most women not want to have a relationship with me later when I felt better about myself and wanted to have a relationship....it might be that I feel like any woman who would WANT to have sex with me (let alone have a relationship with me), because she LIKED me, there would have to be something wrong with her. Like the old Groucho Marx joke about him not wanting to belong to any group that would have him as a member?

Through my school years whenever a girl would act like she liked me and try to be friendly toward me, my automatic instinct would be to be rude to her and reject her. Because either she was only acting like she liked me as a joke with her friends, to mock me, or she might THINK she wants to get to know me now but naturally when she gets to know me she won't like me anymore. So why not just be rude to her, push her away, and save myself the inevitable hurt and rejection? Why not reject her before she could reject me? I "knew" it was impossible for any girl to actually like me as I was.

I was telling an ex-friend of mine once about a time in high school when a couple of cute girls said hi and were trying to act friendly toward me. I told him that obviously they were acting friendly toward me because they thought I was something other than I was, which was bitter, lazy, withdrawn, depressing, etc. So by them acting friendly toward me, I actually felt insulted....because they were only being friendly because they thought I was something completely different than what I was.

Besides, just being friendly toward me didn't mean they wanted to be my girlfriend. I wanted a girlfriend. A girl to be seen with, hanging all over me, making me feel attractive, making me feel loved, making me feel special. I would rather just push them away right off the bat, than go through the aggravation of thinking one of them was going to be my girlfriend and hang all over me and make me feel attractive, only to find out they didn't like me "that way".

When I see good looking young women (well any good looking woman but especially the young ones), I want to tickle them and I want it to be unpleasant for them. I think because I especially associate rejection with the young ones, from my younger years. There's an anger there. I want to tickle them and make them feel helpless and out of control and force unwilling laughter from them. Because I "know" they would never be attracted to me sexually.

And because I "know" this, why bother trying to make myself more attractive? Why try to lose weight (45# overweight with a big pot belly), why work out, why wear anything other than the first t-shirt and jeans I see when I open up the closet? What's the point? In my mind, it's not going to make any difference anyway.

There's been times when I felt a lot better about myself. And in those times I didn't feel this way toward women at all. I wanted to tickle them and have sex with them of course, just like any guy with a sex drive would. But I could also see myself socializing with them, just hanging out with them, enjoying their company. I know nobody particularly cares to hear about my problems right now, with how I've been lately. I'm not looking for help, this is actually therapeutic for me just typing it out.

 

[chicago]

They make movies about guys like you... on Lifetime.

 

[CaptainQuantum]

They make movies about guys like you... on Lifetime.

Is that a good thing, or an insult?