Question: SHOULD you be open about your fetish?

[ParanoidChant]

Over the course of the past year I went ahead and let alot of my friends know that I'm sexually 'weird.' This was the first step I took in trying to be more open about my sexuality, and I only told my closest and most trusted friends as sort of a form of catharsis - you know, finally letting SOMEONE know.

At the time, it seemed like a logical thing to do: tell people about it to further accept it myself. But I was struck that everyone I told responded almost always in the same way:

"What are you into? I won't judge you."

Which is the answer I guess anyone would want to hear, until it hit me ... why should they know? I suppose in my rush to feel accepted about being 'weird,' I didn't stop to consider if its really anyone's business other than my partner's.

So I'm curious: Is anyone here open about their sexuality to that level? Why are you, if I may ask? Looking forward to your replies.

 

[RavenMoon]

I am carefully open...

It is a tricky thing as it could harm some peoples carers and has the potential to cause strife in a family. There are companies who have written in their policies that an employee who engages in known outside activity that is considered abnormal is subject to disciplinary action including termination. There are professions that will not hire someone who has questionable sexual habits, and though this may not be a sexual thing for you, it will be viewed as one by them. As for the family, you risk alienation from those unable to accept this about you. Additionally, if there are kids involved in a separation of divorce, your openness has the potential of doing you harm or at the least, causing you more hurdles and embarrassment.

As for my statement of carefully open... Some of my family knows. My sister and my mother know fully the extent of my tickle enjoyments as well as my involvement in the BDSM lifestyle. Many of my friends know as well. I am careful because I judge each instance before I decide whether to disclose it.

My Love, my partner, knows fully of my kinks and partakes in them alongside me. We share this together. I am fortunate to have someone who understands what it is like to have hidden themselves behind masks because they were told in the past they were sick and weird and needed help... Not any more...

I have spent many years learning to accept who I am, and loving myself. This includes accepting my fetishes, 'philias and all the other oddities and abnormalities I adore. My openness is my an expression of my strength. My caution is an expression of my wisdom.

Best wishes to you and yours...

 

[Scouse]

Never has a friend of mine opened up to me about what does it sexually for them, mainly because I'm their friend and a person who they have no plans of doing anything sexual with. Same deal with members of my family, and its a two way thing.

The only people who know I'm interested in tickling people are people who've been tickled by me - females who I'm attracted to who are also attracted to me. I can't see this changing any time soon.

 

[Scouse]

Double post.

 

[-Hari-]

Im open to a select few I can trust, Im not really worried about other peopel finding out tho, But I dont feel the overwhelming need to have everyone know either.

Im not sure of the reasons I told people, Just figured it would make me feel abit more open to those who I care tht much about.

 

[Libertine]

I don't understand this desire to broadcast your proclivities to the entire world. Everyone's 'sexually weird' (as you've described yourself) in some way or another, whether they admit it or not, and as long as it harms nobody, who cares?

How could your own interests possibly be anyone's business, other than your present or potential playpartners?

I suggest you tell people on a 'need to know' basis and quit treating a harmless sexual enrichment like a case of leprosy.

 

[Cavum]

I used to be very carefull and scared that someone would find out about my tickling and foot fetish. I think this has something to do with that I only had "vanilla" friend before. Vanilla people can be very judging when it comes to fetishes and other "weird" stuff.

When I became a member of a BDSM club I got to know people in real life that also had other kinks and it was a great comfort that there was others who liked stuff that was seen as not normal. Norway only have 4,8 million people, but still I discovered that there was ALOT of people that was into BDSM. After time went I felt more and more "normal", cause there IS alot of people into these kind of things. No matter where I was I met people into BDSM and other things.

In the beginning I was only open about my BDSM life. People knew I was into bondage and that I was a Dominant/Sadist but I was still very carefull with opening about my tickling and foot fetish. But after time went and I got more open about my tickling and foot fetish I got to meet more and more people who found this thing interesting and I got the chance to play with girls more often.

Today Im 100% open about my BDSM life and tickling fetish. My family, friends and even strangers know about my life. I have been interviewd for 3 major magazines here in Norway and been on national radio two times talking about BDSM and how I live my life. This has made people have great respect for me and those "against" BDSM and fetishes don't even dare to talk to me about it. I been contacted by alot of people with the same interests that has given me big thanks for making them feel more normal and I have no problems meeting girls who wants to play with me.

So the question SHOULD you be open about your fetish? For me it's a big YES! Because I opened up Im living in a dream world. I have a great girlfriend who also is my slave, I got a tickle slave who also is one of my best friends, I have a great network of good friends within the BDSM community and many of the girls in this network I can also play with.


I know it depends where you live in this world. but I also know several people here in Norway thats say they can't open up because of work, friends etc etc. I don't know if I just been very lucky or if I handled it the right way....
And of course...people don't have to be as open as I am, but I don't think you should be nervous about opening up. I think you would be supriced on how close friends react.

I remeber the first vanilla friend I opened up to...I was SO scared and I used alot of time. When I finaly told her she was like "thats it?? Haha..my god I taught you where gonna say I killed someone or something".

 

[Cavum]

How could your own interests possibly be anyone's business, other than your present or potential playpartners?

Cause it's easier to acculy meet people interested in it.
Even tickling is a paraphilia, Im gonna use homosexuality as an example.
A gay man say "Hi, Im homosexual"...he don't say "Hi, I like to fuck other guys in the ass!".

Everything depends on HOW you tell people. 😉

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

I prefer to not tell most people in my life because it's none of their business. If I feel like opening up to a specific person at a specific time, I will, and I have, but in general, tickling is mine and mine alone, and I don't want to share it. If everyone in my life knew, it would somehow make it less special.

 

[scorpionldr]

I suggest you tell people on a 'need to know' basis and quit treating a harmless sexual enrichment like a case of leprosy.

Well, considering all the girls I meet can't deal with it, Leprosy is, in fact, what it's like.

 

[gilmourwaters]

i 100% agree with cavum and have always been open about my fetishes for feet and tickling...but in moderation at the workplace (there are regulations about that type of openess..dont want to cross any lines there) but other than that all knew and know...and i have been rewarded with a great many foot fetish and tickling experiences in the course of my kinky life..lol

 

[Aragon]

Cause it's easier to acculy meet people interested in it.
Even tickling is a paraphilia, Im gonna use homosexuality as an example.
A gay man say "Hi, Im homosexual"...he don't say "Hi, I like to fuck other guys in the ass!".

Everything depends on HOW you tell people. 😉

I agree there. It's all in how you approach someone. I have an ex girlfriend that she got playful with me because of a conversation that was entirely joking about spanking. She got spanked several times by me, because by paying attention to her reactions, I knew how far to go. Conversation is the way and it can be art.

 

[TklDuo-Ann]

Most of my friends know that Drew & I like tickling. But, only a couple of folks outside this community know just how much we're into it. As others have said, it's not their business. We don't go around advertizing it. But, we also don't hide if asked directly by someone we trust.

I think the biggest struggle is for people to accept it in theirselves. What others think of it really shouldn't matter.

 

[Mark Diplock]

So what about telling a new girlfriend? Do you tell her straight away trying to be as open as possible with her, or wait and have her potentially leave you after a long stint together?

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

So what about telling a new girlfriend? Do you tell her straight away trying to be as open as possible with her, or wait and have her potentially leave you after a long stint together?

It's something each person has to decide for themselves. The only boyfriend I ever told, I waited until we were together 3 years before I got up the courage to tell him. I never really considered he'd leave me over it. I just thought he'd either indulge me or not. In my opinion, if someone is going to leave you over your expression/involvement in your fetish, you don't want them around anyway.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

Also, in the future, I'll probably tell boyfriends relatively early on. It's become easier for me since becoming more active in the community, and I'd rather find out sooner rather than later if they're going to be into or not. I wouldn't give this place up for anybody, so if they're not willing to at least allow me to express/be involved in my fetish on my own, I'm not interested.

 

[Musicroxmysox]

Meh...I figure that I don't talk about myself to much as it is, so why talk about this.

 

[Rupert]

wow both sides of the spectrum have put it out there on this thread

personally my friends are the same guys i work with and live with so I dont really want to cause any issues there.
However after a long drunken talk with my roommate i found out he is a certified Dom and completely understands my take, even though he prefers to be rougher than I with women.

I guess its one of those things that unless you come out and tell folks you'll never know who else around you is interested (like Cavum said)
but i have gotten more than a few "your a freak" from women and "thats just weird" from buddies back home.

Thats why i love this site so much, you already know everyone is cool with the basic principals.

 

[Anna6-9]

Some people in my life know about some of my um different interests but not all. My twin sister would be the only person that knows most if not all since we share everything. Both my sisters come to me for "kink advice". Its tough to do and isnt always met with approval and like many have said its not really anyones buisness. My brother-in-law whom Im very close to just thinks Im perverted. Not that I've told him anything and Im not sure how much he really knows. I asked him to babysit for me later this month so I could go to Seattle (for a munch). He told my sister he was watching my son "so Anna can go be perverted". She told him all it was was dinner and talking but says this attitude is an improvement.

 

[scorpionldr]

I think we should take up a new technique to confessing. You date a guy/girl. You don't make ANY moves except for maybe a little kissing or something. They ask you what your turnon is. Just start tickling. Say NOTHING. Things will be clear from there on in.

 

[WorkInProgress]

It's really all a matter of what you're comfortable with. But be sensitive to the fact that not everybody wants to know what turns you on sexually. When I told a woman about my fetishes, she acted as if she had just been molested.

 

[BrightEyes1082]

WELL FIRST OF ALL, TICKLING ISN'T A FETISH FOR ME. IT'S JUST FUN.
I'M OPEN ABOUT MY KINKS WITH OTHER KINK-FRIENDLY PEOPLE. OTHER
THAN THAT, MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY REALLY DON'T NEED TO KNOW.
SINCE MOVING TO NEW HAMPSHIRE, I AM AROUND KINK-FRIENDLY PEOPLE
MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, SO I JUST SORT OF AM WHO I AM.

 

[Aragon]

Well, being open in life is easier than hiding. It maybe because I was told this weekend, I'm going to be a bull and head straight in. I have found that since I realized that, within limits, being up front and honest is always the policy. I currently have a buddy who's in the navy and we pretty much know he's being blackmailed over his crossdressing. Where as, if you pay attention to the person before, nothing goes awry.

Am I saying that I discussed my kinks with everyone, no. I have cousins as old if not older than my mother that I don't talk anything about sex with. Your friends your comfortable around nough to talk about such things, sure if your friends. The male or female that you're hooking up with, well, it would be good to discuss it, as it can be a way to advance your relationship. I must be getting old though, because years ago, I realized that one night stands aren't for me, so I look for someone that will last years. Have I always succeeded? Hell no and neither will anyone unless (name your divine being's name here or karma style title) steps in and give you the life of Riley.

I've seen people hurt momentarily from the reaction of their friends and lovers at mention of kinks, but it just means they don't share part of you. If the fetish, kink or even non sexual love that is important to you is disdained by the one you want to continue on in life, then they may not be the one for you. You should not lock away part of yourself because of another. No woman is important enough for me to give up history, writing or tickling and there never will be.

 

[ticklishohioguy]

This is a very interesting topic...and there are some great responses. You know back in the day i was totally embarassed about my fetish. To the point where if i was in the same room where someone else was being tickled i would blush and leave immediately. Over the years though, I have discovered that I will never get to express my fetish unless I am open about it to some degree. As I look back on it, i can see how it has evolved from introversersion to what it is today.

I wouldn't say i am totally open about it, nor am i totally closed. Tickling for me has always been a private thing. I only recently started posting in this forum about it, and have not yet attended an event, or even had a serious conversation with another fetishest.

As far as "should" someone be open about their fetish? Personally I don't even like the word "should". Who is anyone to tell anyone else about what they should or should not do with their lives? Decisions about a personal thing like a fetish or sexuality is strictly an inside job, and entirely up to the that individual as to what they are comfortable sharing.

Just my two cents...have a good one!

 

[Garamonde]

I have a hard time talking about being interested in tickling to the degree that I am. It's especially difficult since I don't get out much. If I get the opportunity to tickle a woman, I'll take it, but talking about it is so much more difficult.