Rather than be outed would you just come clean?

[duderino84]

So in the tickling fetish community I've read a lot of stories about "well growing up I was happy with my fetish but then _______ outed me and I was always embarrassed." And you know what, you're right, that's fucked up. But has anyone stayed single long enough to the point family probes for why you have difficulties meeting people, why you're not in normal relationship/courting shit, what then? I've had a few of those and I usually just kill conversations with "and we're done" or "don't worry about it"

Would it just be wiser to say "look, I don't end up in great relationships because most of my interest is in tickle torturing women and it's not easy to find someone adaptable who understands my concept of romance"? I mean, family is supposed to understand, right?

Well. ..go ahead. Fry me.

 

[Comfort Eagle]

Yes. Then you own it from the start. Being "outed" almost always incites a knee jerk "NO I DON'T!" or defensive attitude. If you're clean with it, or even react to it in a way that owns it after being outed, it's not as bad.

Tickle fetish isn't weird, but tickle fetish people can be weird, or treat it as weird. In turn making it weird. Sucking and licking feet isn't really but so "mainstream" despite what people believe, but people are able to indulge their foot fetishes by not making it a disgusting thing worthy of being humiliated over. Same with this. Even with your admission there;

look, I don't end up in great relationships because most of my interest is in tickle torturing women and it's not easy to find someone adaptable who understands my concept of romance

You're making it about "Ugh, it's freakish, I know...". Stop. You like it for a reason. Find a way to communicate that reason.

 

[piyr]

I don't know, I was never strong enough to go that route. Would you be happier if everyone knew? I think the answer to that lies in how you feel about it yourself first. Sure, everyone may be off your back but you may be trading one problem for another if you aren't prepared for disclosure. If you can sort that part out first then maybe it would be better. There's probably a lot of 'coming out' literature that could be helpful. Sure the context is a little different but the similarities are probably there.

 

[duderino84]

Yes. Then you own it from the start. Being "outed" almost always incites a knee jerk "NO I DON'T!" or defensive attitude. If you're clean with it, or even react to it in a way that owns it after being outed, it's not as bad.

Tickle fetish isn't weird, but tickle fetish people can be weird, or treat it as weird. In turn making it weird. Sucking and licking feet isn't really but so "mainstream" despite what people believe, but people are able to indulge their foot fetishes by not making it a disgusting thing worthy of being humiliated over. Same with this. Even with your admission there;



You're making it about "Ugh, it's freakish, I know...". Stop. You like it for a reason. Find a way to communicate that reason.

Our concepts of "normal" aren't really meeting. It's normally not positively received in those I end up meeting.

I don't know, I was never strong enough to go that route. Would you be happier if everyone knew? I think the answer to that lies in how you feel about it yourself first. Sure, everyone may be off your back but you may be trading one problem for another if you aren't prepared for disclosure. If you can sort that part out first then maybe it would be better. There's probably a lot of 'coming out' literature that could be helpful. Sure the context is a little different but the similarities are probably there.

Lately I just feel guilty. I have two younger and older siblings who put the pieces together and I feel like I'm just in the middle.

 

[CapturedDoll]

I don't feel its any families business. And if my family were still alive... there is no way in HELL I would tell them. And if they knew and pressed me... I would tell them first politely it really was not their business or concern. And if they pressed me further... they probably woulden't be hearing from for a very long time.

Imho... theres such a thing as hard limits... nosiness -and being too close. That is an overshare that I can't even conceive of. And if confronted- and Idk how they confronted you duderino... how they did it would truly set the course of how I handled it.

No matter how I handled it with my own family verbally... Inside I would be- LIVID.

 

[Tenebrae]

My foot fetish has been involuntarily outed more than once. Women are observant, and they seem to pay a great deal of attention to what men like in them. Many among my female friends have quickly noticed that particular trait, but they don't seem to mind; it sort of has entered the mainstream.

As for tickling, most ppl do not identify it as a fetish. Short of digging into my porn folder, I don't see how someone could "out" me. My gf and I are somewhat famous for enjoying tickling our friends, and they eventually notice my sadistic side, but I don't think they imagine anything more. Though I suppose you never know...

Even if I guess it looks weird, it is sort of a "mild" fetish. It is always embarrassing when one's private life is exposed, but I don't see a big stigma tied to it.

 

[Tenebrae]

BTW, I don't think my fetish ever got in the way of my relationships. I have always been very open about it in the first stages of dating, and never had a negative response, except once. In my personal case, the vast majority of the girls I've dated are at the very least okay with it, when not downright enthusiastic. Plus I yet have to meet a girl who does not like being tied up.

As for family, it's "Don't ask, don't tell". My parents know; when my mom used to clean my room, she was doing it "FBI sweeps a crime scene" style. She found stuff. And my father himself has some vintage S&M graphic novels; they were such good stuff that I couldn't resist borrowing them. My siblings have figured it out too. But we never talk about it; my family knows I have a happy and fulfilling sex life, that's about it. I don't remember them asking me any sort of questions, and I like it this way.

 

[Teal]

Outed to who? I don't think anyone cares.

 

[dskodj]

I wouldn't give a damn if I was "outed" or not. Cause if anyone in my real every day life asked, id gladly tell em. I been out of the tickle closet since 1996 when the gal I was seeing at that time woke me up and made me see life in a new (and proper how it should be) way. And that is, if people can't accept you for who you are, what you like, etc, then they aint worth being your friend, girlfriend, wife, whatever the case.

 

[Simplytickles]

I wouldn't give a damn if I was "outed" or not. Cause if anyone in my real every day life asked, id gladly tell em. I been out of the tickle closet since 1996 when the gal I was seeing at that time woke me up and made me see life in a new (and proper how it should be) way. And that is, if people can't accept you for who you are, what you like, etc, then they aint worth being your friend, girlfriend, wife, whatever the case.

This is the answer to the question. plus what I do helps. "hey why do you like tickling?" to which i reply "hey why do you like whatever that persons favorite ice cream flavor is" They sit there and scratch their head a while and then say " i just do" and thats the answer to that debate.

 

[AstoundingFeats]

This is the answer to the question. plus what I do helps. "hey why do you like tickling?" to which i reply "hey why do you like whatever that persons favorite ice cream flavor is" They sit there and scratch their head a while and then say " i just do" and thats the answer to that debate.

Which is also the old Apple Jacks commercials.

 

[curtigofun]

I Envy the many who've actually came out of the tickling bed sheets. And i feel for those who have been struggling on whether or not to spill your beans or keep them to yourself.
I wish i had the Balls to just a admit it because then maybe life would open more doors for me in actually being involved with his fetish we call tickling for real. I've almost told my best friends and my parents but i don't think they know but i haven't said anything. ( though once a few years ago my mother found a picture printed out that but since then never mentioned it)
I've somehow kept my love for Tickling in wrapping paper since i was in junior high which is 9 years of keeping it quiet. There isn't one person in my personal life that knows my passion. The closest ones are all online friends on Facebook or Instagram or TMF or DeviantArt & other places but they live far away from me. ( i tell ya online confidence is outstanding for admitting such things like Tickling)
I even had a relationship with a girl in England via internet and she also was into tickling and many of my same interests and liked me for being me. But due to a surprise sudden 15 year age difference i met her when she was around 23-25 but then suddenly her age said 40 so yeah now we're just friends.
Anyway my point is it's starting to drive me crazy keeping it a hidden secret because i think the fact that i've never been able to tell anyone publicly is why i've honestly never experienced the thrill of tickling someone or being tickled by someone else. My Desires and fantasies are i feel in overload or getting their fast because i've wanted to experience it for along time but i've just never been able to do so and thats makes me really feel as if my Addition to tickling is gonna make me lose my mind because i dream and think aboot it every day and especially at night. I wish i could be in the tickling videos i watch that usually turn me on so much or the stories i read or make another person laugh because of my doing. I just know that i can't go my entire adult life with out experiencing Tickling. But i'm not being forgetful that there are much more deserving people than me that are stuck in this same conflict and if i could i would wish upon a tickle star that everyone that loves tickling gets to partake in it.


I'm not so much worried if they know but I have a lot of fear that if i told someone aboot it they might take it the wrong way and then consider me to be a perv or tell their friends that i have to answer to or defend myself. Because i don't know what i'd do if they figured out Tickling is something i like a lot and it also turns me on.
Even my best friends that i hangout with and talk to nearly every few days don't know (which is amazing because one time after playing beer pong during our camping trip last summer i actually spelled out that i was afraid of Sex 9 not kidding their) So its crazy that Tickling still didn't slip out)
It's probably i'm to concerned with how they'll think of me or if they take it too far and make fun of me for it.
But there's apart of me that feels if i allow people to know it might help me to get more access to this type of thing. Like travel and find the tickle Fetish people or be allowed to go to conventions that tickling might be involved. I don't live in a very tickle popular area and i'm unable to drive( i've got a serious case of Autism) so getting around isn't easy without someone knowing why i want to go to these places.
Maybe it's a hopeless idea that maybe if i told someone that i'd maybe experience tickling but i'm kidding myself.

Honestly i hope everyone gets their chance to experience the mysterious wonder that is real & True tickling. Tickling is such an addiction to me and my inner passion ,that also turns me on way too much that it bugs me that i can't figure out what to do to feel free and tickle someone myself or get tickled the way i dream.
Honestly this conflict of mine might also be why i'll likely never find love because my brain is full of Tickling most of the time though i have the gloves too like Music but when i think aboot what kidney girl i want tickling usually is a factor which that makes me sad because i don't just want a girl if their ticklish or are ok with it but i really want to be able swing a girl in my arms and dance with someone who likes me and understands me and is willing to compromise for a oddball like me. I believe that i could satisfy a girl with my out of the box ways and lack of money and make her feel amazing like she's a princess or something but.... Sorry the hopeless romantic side of me came out their my bad.

Anyway to answer the question of would i rather be outed or come clean? i'd choose to be outed clean I guess i'd choose to do it cleanly because last thing i need is someone discovering it and being like What are all these videos you have saved to your laptop or photos that they see i have on my phone of tickle related stuff. Though sometimes i wonder if a few people know but just don't care to tell me they know.

Anyway I hope your able to figure out your conflict and feel happy! Sorry for the giant response too!

 

[MidwestTickling]

I've never thought it was any concern of my family's. We've always been a private group when it came to bedroom activities anyways. I mean, my sex talk was a subscription to a Catholic magazine called "Under No Circumstances!" (Joke!) A few close friends know, and a few exes, but for the most I prefer to keep my privacy, while making videos... And putting them on the Internet... Which is the opposite of private.

 

[piyr]

... Lately I just feel guilty. I have two younger and older siblings who put the pieces together and I feel like I'm just in the middle.

If it's not too personal, do you mind elaborating? Is the guilt from not sharing your fetish with them?

I went through something similar. I remember my dad asking me if I was gay and assuring me that it would be alright if I was. I was caught off guard and was a bit defensive. My parents' intentions were good. They were just concerned about my happiness. I think a good answer at the time would have been something along the lines of "listen, I don't really enjoy causal dating although I do it occasionally (don't worry if you don't date. They don't know where you are every minute of the day and nothing wrong with a white lie that gets you some space) it's just that I haven't come met anyone that feels like we're really compatible yet."

 

[OmahaTickler]

Someone touched on what's seen as a fetish, and I've worked in print and online media, and followed our fetishes in TV and film, and I can tell you that foot fetishes are very much known in the public square, with multiple mentions/uses in plot lines, and many talk shows have done features on it --- but tickling is still not there yet. It's out there, but it's still very "boutique"-level as a sexual fetish, whereas I'd argue foot fetishes are in "Walmart"-level mainstream territory now. Back in the day, circa the '60s and '70s, you'd hear "slap and tickle" jokes now and then in edgy media, like standup routines and R-rated movies, but just about every other instance of it in media is in the context of "childish" stuff or adults just playing around/spontaneous tickles. As for "outing," I come from a very conservative Italian family in Chicago, where old-school words like "pervert" and "degenerate" are all that registers in their mind. They would have had my head examined or derided me as a "pansy" "sissy" or "fruit," the mild-mannered way of saying gay back then.

 

[duderino84]

If it's not too personal, do you mind elaborating? Is the guilt from not sharing your fetish with them?

I went through something similar. I remember my dad asking me if I was gay and assuring me that it would be alright if I was. I was caught off guard and was a bit defensive. My parents' intentions were good. They were just concerned about my happiness. I think a good answer at the time would have been something along the lines of "listen, I don't really enjoy causal dating although I do it occasionally (don't worry if you don't date. They don't know where you are every minute of the day and nothing wrong with a white lie that gets you some space) it's just that I haven't come met anyone that feels like we're really compatible yet."

The guilt....how do I put it. I am something of a believer in the theory of the "social clock". You know, at this age you're supposed to go to college, close to the end you're supposed to meet someone, you start a job, you get married, you have kids, etc. My brother and sister really both followed the social clock (and had the convenience to do so). I was (at the time) involved in several complicated issues. So I'm just feeling like I'm in between and not equal. Feeling like the family leper is just not great. A recent major family loss last year has kind of left me dwelling on everything.

I Envy the many who've actually came out of the tickling bed sheets. And i feel for those who have been struggling on whether or not to spill your beans or keep them to yourself.
I wish i had the Balls to just a admit it because then maybe life would open more doors for me in actually being involved with his fetish we call tickling for real. I've almost told my best friends and my parents but i don't think they know but i haven't said anything. ( though once a few years ago my mother found a picture printed out that but since then never mentioned it)
I've somehow kept my love for Tickling in wrapping paper since i was in junior high which is 9 years of keeping it quiet. There isn't one person in my personal life that knows my passion. The closest ones are all online friends on Facebook or Instagram or TMF or DeviantArt & other places but they live far away from me. ( i tell ya online confidence is outstanding for admitting such things like Tickling)

Curt, I'm convinced it comes down to growing a pair, or being reclusive. There's not as much middle ground as people say.

I've never thought it was any concern of my family's. We've always been a private group when it came to bedroom activities anyways. I mean, my sex talk was a subscription to a Catholic magazine called "Under No Circumstances!" (Joke!) A few close friends know, and a few exes, but for the most I prefer to keep my privacy, while making videos... And putting them on the Internet... Which is the opposite of private.

Oh trust me, I've talked to friends. Believe it or not, that's not really that awful! I've sent a few of the weekly pics here to a group chat, for instance. People think it's funny, but they get it.

I don't feel its any families business. And if my family were still alive... there is no way in HELL I would tell them. And if they knew and pressed me... I would tell them first politely it really was not their business or concern. And if they pressed me further... they probably woulden't be hearing from for a very long time.

Imho... theres such a thing as hard limits... nosiness -and being too close. That is an overshare that I can't even conceive of. And if confronted- and Idk how they confronted you duderino... how they did it would truly set the course of how I handled it.

No matter how I handled it with my own family verbally... Inside I would be- LIVID.

I guess you're a little more touchy about it than I am. Really, in my family, it feels like nothing's "off the table". If it's bands, sometimes people ask about the inner workings of some of the groups I've joined. If it's a job, it's how I like it, what are the hours like, what's the work like, get along well with coworkers, etc. If it's dating it's "I don't really see how you can connect with someone just suddenly and out of nowhere and start some sort of relationship" (Came up with the discussion of "online"; stigma is still real). So to me it's like "well maybe I should just say 'fuck it'. What's the worst that can happen?" Hell, my brother noticed I like tickling an ex-girlfriend one of the times I brought her up for dinner. So I'm starting to think maybe I've just been too locked up about it.