Real Quick Lessons Thread!

[Capnmad]

Moving away from some of the griping, I figured I'd start a thread about little lessons to help folks think about the value of getting along, the pointlessness of some types of conflicts, and maybe even thoughts about how to get along better with your neighbors here.

This isn't meant for big, long discussions or debates, but for you just to add a thought or two, and maybe get us all thinking a little more about how better to achieve a little more unity.

I'll start with a thought I shared a variation of a bit ago:


I think it's important to try to criticize only poorly chosen behaviors or faulty thinking rather than people. We're all fallible and flawed and make mistakes. It's part of being human. Hopefully, we all know that. I think, once you really internalize that, criticizing people becomes both redundant and hypocritical.



Please feel free to share your own thoughts on harmony and how better one can get along with one's neighbor, especially when folks are at odds. I know you all have a little personal wisdom, people!

 

[Fire_Sprite]

Don't cook bacon in the nude.

 

[Deleted member 66627]

Don't stop.

 

[Fire_Sprite]

Believin!

Hold on to that feeeeelin!

 

[Capnmad]

Folks, I know you both to be bright people in your own ways. I'm not sure if there's a deeper meaning behind "Don't stop." Maybe you could elaborate?

But if you read the original post, it's looking for thoughts on how better to get along with people in your lives, including people on here. Respectfully, "Don't cook bacon in the nude" wasn't exactly what I had in mind.

If people need to turn this into another joke thread, fine, but then I'm going to ask the Mods to kill it.

*shrugs*

 

[Deleted member 66627]

I was trying to think of a way to elaborate.

But, 'don't stop' just stuck.

It's designated to any and almost every aspect of life.

Just.. Don't stop.

 

[Fire_Sprite]

Folks, I know you both to be bright people in your own ways.

I think you have me confused with someone else.


When I disagree with someone I often think about how I'd argue their point if I believed what they do. I even sometimes do research to that effect. It lets me understand where they're coming from.

 

[venray]

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[Deleted member 66627]

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Please..tell me that was a joke..

Seriously.. She used the word observeable

Is that even a WORD?!

 

[Capnmad]

Thanks for the elaboration Crystal, and FireSprite, I know of whom I speak. 🙂

Thanks for helping out, guys.

 

[tickles]

I guess I try to express my opinions if I believe there is openess to receive it......but I have to always keep in mind that everyone has to make choices for themselves and learn the way they need to learn.....just like me....mistakes and all.

The other thought I have is about grace. It's easy to be critical when you assume that others have learned about life the same way you have, or that they are the same "place" that you are....we assume that they should understand what we do....the reality is that few of us have had the same experiences at the same time...so we are all in different places...and "right" is a matter perspective and experience.....and many times subjective...

"we make the best decisions for ourselves based on what we know at the time...when we know better....we do better"....(a loose quote by Maya Angelou)

Thanks for the thought provoking thread Capn....

 

[Musicroxmysox]

I have two helpful bits of advice:

1. Sometimes you need to be the bigger person and just let things go by. It's not always worth the fight.

2. And a little wisdom from "Meet the Robinsons."
KEEP MOVING FORWARD!

 

[Helena]

You know what? I think sometimes two people in a conflict may never resolve a dispute. These are the times when things get tough. I watched this happen in my own family.
The truth is that there are some people who will never get along.
I wish I could offer some wise words of wisdom on how to make this fact untrue, but I have no remedy for this problem. Maybe someone else does.

 

[Capnmad]

Thanks, Tickles! Always happy to have you jump in!

Ray -- I'm sure yours deserves a thanks as well, but alas, I'm at my sad dial-up access only apartment, so my computer's struggling to load sig files for this thread, let alone youtubes, but I'll definitely check it out when next I have access to high-speed service. 🙂


There's a simple one: When appropriate, thank people for participating in your threads and sharing opinions. I'm often remiss in this regard because I just don't think about it, but little courtesies can be nice.


And here...

Start anything that might be construed as critical with something like:

In my opinion...
I think...
I believe...
It seems to me...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but...

Seeing as how we are all fallible, it's probably not best to come off as though you're wielding absolute facts. Critical statements that start:

It's abundantly clear that...
There can be no question...
Certainly...

...or in similarly absolutist fashion are often inaccurate because they often assume more knowledge than one has. People like to draw conclusions -- they help us get through our lives and manage our world. We start drawing conclusions as early as gaining a sense of object permanence or even before, so it's easy to unthinkingly resort to doing so as an adult, even when one has very few facts.

We're a pattern-seeking species. We like to play connect the dots even if some are missing and others aren't numbered -- and it often leads us to the wrong picture. So give yourselves (and whatever subject of which you're being critical) some flexibility in your statements, so you acknowledge you have some room to be wrong.


Great offerings so far, folks! Keep on keepin' on!

 

[Capnmad]

Nice additions, Musicrox. And Helena, you make a reasonable acknowledgement, and that, too, is fitting here.

Thanks both!

 

[Gothika]

well what i have to say is just be concideratet of others be nice,respectfull and polite try not to argue with anyone it gets u no where at all if something makes u mad just say somethi9ng dont be mean about it at all just relax and have fun that is all i am saying

 

[Saeria]

In everything that happens there is some good, even if it is just a lesson in not repeating the same mistake twice.
Sometimes it's easy to find something negative, and not so easy to find something positive. The journey to finding something positive will teach a person much.
Smile more, complain less. Set the tone for others around you.
Be good to others, not to get the same in return, but because it's the right thing to do.
Laugh and take joy in the the things and people around you as much as you possibly can.
Optimism, it's what's for dinner 😉

 

[venray]

No crys no joke she actually has some very good insight about anger bringing anger and other such stuff...listen to the whole thing and ignore the obvious strangeness of the woman herself...

What she is saying about people and emotions can be applied here and just about anywhere else....

 

[venray]

I was trying to think of a way to elaborate.

But, 'don't stop' just stuck.

It's designated to any and almost every aspect of life.

Just.. Don't stop.

Perhaps "Don't give up trying" is a better way to put it....

 

[BlackestLily]

Some of the better advice I've read was by Miguel Ruiz. His website his here: http://www.miguelruiz.com/fouragreements.html

These are his "four agreements" copied and pasted from his site:

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

 

[RobAce]

Here are a few things I try to remember:

1. No matter what you think is hopeless, awful or irritating beyond belief, no matter how bad you think things are.....There are greater tragedies in the world

2. The only person you have to prove anything to is yourself. Be satisfied with who you are, what you contribute and how much you contribute. What someone else does is their own.

3. Everyone has something wrong with them. No one is perfect.

4. Sometimes the less said the better.

5. Try not to make a mountain out of a molehill. Sometimes in the grand scheme of things, to nit pick or become irritated is not worth it. Why make a bigger issue of something and constantly harp on it. Let it go and move on.

6. You can find humor in anything if you look at it just right. Laugh and the world laughs with you.

7. A friendly hello or thank you can go a long way.

8. Treat others as you wish to be treated.

Thanks for the thread Cap'n.

Rob

 

[drew70]

If you see a conflict developing between people, either pick a side, or stay out of the way. Sometimes there is a tendancy to ask, beg, or demand that the conflict cease. This is a pointless effort. Let the conflict resolve itself naturally.
__________________

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[Capnmad]

Here's one... It's almost high-school in nature, but perhaps all the more important to consider it, therefore...

Sometimes it's very easy to jump on the bandwagon of a bad idea, and it requires the effort of independent thought not to.

"If everybody is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking."

-- George S. Patton, Jr.

I've seen a number of bad and divisive ideas emerge here in the Forum's rush to lighten the mood after we've been hit with something that sparks animosities. People start them without giving consideration to repercussions or at who the humor is directed, and people follow suit giving the same lack of thought.


Thank you all to those who contributed lessons. And thanks for the acknowledgment, Rob. Just trying to do my part.

 

[Capnmad]

I've got a couple more thoughts, but I'd like to ask folks to start considering something, now:

Would you be willing to take a lesson here -- one of your own, maybe, or something of someone else's that struck you as being worthwhile -- and put it in your sig, so you and other people would be viewing it on a regular basis?

Think about it as part of an attempt to raise consciousness on the Forum... A little message that grows in exposure every time you post... To have a little reminder for yourself for those times when you might be tempted to forget what you consider important, and spread that message, effortlessly by making it part of your sig...

Obligation would, of course, be open-ended and at your discretion...


I don't know, but consider it... Good idea or bad idea? Just trying to think of ways to harness what powers we have here to make this place more positive in its energy, and continue reminding others of ways they can better manage this place and get along...

 

[Bugman]

I'm not sure this is what you are looking for Cap,but I'm going to post it anyway.


When we are all in agreement no one is offened,but no one is enlightened either.Peter Sussman.