Really need some advice

[TickledToDeath]

Am I the only one who finds it bizarre that this person didn't even discuss this with you BEFORE the meeting or the disrobing?

Raised Italian, I do tend to find that Americans seem to be much more scared of naked than other cultures. 😛 That being said, his assumption seems disrespectful to me. I always ask a guy what he wants to see me in before we meet. And I always ask to have the air conditioning on high, because I do tend to run overly hot but I cannot imagine getting butt naked for a total stranger, call me crazy...
XOXO

Also raised Italian(and I AM Italian with a slice of Spanish) I too agree that Americans in general are more reserved when it comes to nudity. Getting naked for a total stranger may be a bit over the top unless a trusting relationship and agreement theretowith have been established before hand.

Oh and by the by, Steph, some LIKE it hot!
You're not crazy but then again..........

TTD

 

[steph]

Thanx Bella~I missed the part where it was discussed beforehand, which only further proves my point~if you KNEW (and I'm not picking either Jen, just trying to make a point) and went ahead anyway, why are complaining about it now???
What's wrong with, "Oh no offense, it just wouldn't feel right to me..."

XOXO

PS~And TTD: you wild thing MASOCHIST, you! In truth, I can't stand to sweat. I suffered a bad heatstroke as a kid and my internal thermometer is all f'ed up. So there. Hee!

Ladies, if you don't have the maturity and self-assertion to make ALL your wants and desires clear to a play partner before during or after a session, then you're not ready for play dates. Period. A play-partner deserves direct honesty. And Jen, I am *not* picking on you . I mean this for every girl who meets people for play.

Bella

 

[toneus79]

Cabanaboy I think you have jumped off the deep end here. We all have different perceptions of what is considered to be risk. For instance, in the city where I live, people are buying bicycles by the dozen because they are scared they might be blown up using the London Underground. For my part I see 3 million journeys made every day, and therefore when it comes to that particular risk I can do the maths.

Basically if you are prepared to meet someone who is a virtual stranger (as I periodically do) for a tickling encounter, your perception of the level of risk you are prepared to accept is different than for the average person. I have long been a champion of people meeting up for a pizza or movie in the first few instances, with any tickling pre-arranged to take place on another date.
However no one has the time to waste on any of that, instead it must be a case of straight down to the tickling. Well fair enough, but in that case be grown up enough to accept it may not turn out exactly as you had mentally choreographed it.

Personally I think Bella has the best handle on all this.

 

[Em Es]

Honesty, the best policy

TJ, tell him the truth but do so with empathy. Then suggest a compromise. If nudity is out of the question, would a thong or bathing suit/underwear be acceptable, for example?

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

I just want to thank everyone for your repsonses so far. Here's what happened. Since this guy also has AOL and is on my buddy list we did chat before our tickle session. He at first wanted me to be nude and I said no since we were not dating. I thought that was a bold question to ask. He then did say that he was going to wear boxers or briefs which was fine by me. I am not sure now since we discussed this a while ago but I think he said he was going to be nude and at the time I went along with it because I didn't want to seem like a prude.

It's one of those situations where when you talk about it, it's one thing but it becomes different when you're physically there when it's happening. I thought I could handle him being nude but I realized that I only want to be nude with someone I have been dating a while or in a committed relationship with that guy. I honestly don't understand why he'd want to get nude in front of me for a tickle meeting when we are not dating or in a committed relationship. I guess that's what makes everyone different. Just so you know Toneus79, he didn't get nude because it made him hot he told me that he supposedly felt more ticklish when he was nude.

 

[BellaRisa]

I just want to thank everyone for your repsonses so far. Here's what happened. Since this guy also has AOL and is on my buddy list we did chat before our tickle session. He at first wanted me to be nude and I said no since we were not dating. I thought that was a bold question to ask. He then did say that he was going to wear boxers or briefs which was fine by me. I am not sure now since we discussed this a while ago but I think he said he was going to be nude and at the time I went along with it because I didn't want to seem like a prude.

It's one of those situations where when you talk about it, it's one thing but it becomes different when you're physically there when it's happening. I thought I could handle him being nude but I realized that I only want to be nude with someone I have been dating a while or in a committed relationship with that guy. I honestly don't understand why he'd want to get nude in front of me for a tickle meeting when we are not dating or in a committed relationship. I guess that's what makes everyone different. Just so you know Toneus79, he didn't get nude because it made him hot he told me that he supposedly felt more ticklish when he was nude.

Jen,

1) Why did you care whether he thought you were a 'prude'? And why would he think that about you when you'd already agreed to meet him for tickling? And if you couldn't handle it, why did you let him tickle you?

2) You've mentioned 'dating' and 'commited relationship' several times. I understand where you're coming from, but just as there are lots of people who wouldn't dream of a tickling session with someone they weren't dating or commited to, there are people that can meet for casual tickling like you did with this person. And just as there are people who wouldn't ever be nude in such a session, there are those that would, like him. Especially since it enhances his ticklishness. It's not at all unusual.

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

I just need you to understand Bella that I WANTED to have a tickle session with him. He's a member of this forum but I don't think he looks at this website very often. I just didn't want him to think I was prude for not wanting to be nude during our tickle date. I did however, wear a bikini for a while and then I wore a black crop top, with pantyhose and a short skirt. I will just call him and be straight with him that if he wants to have another tickle session with me that I would appreciate it if he not be nude during the tickle play.


Hope he appreciates my honesty.

 

[Ayla ny]

jen, just wanted to congratulate you on throwing it out there to figure out. good for you and good luck!

 

[DonnieBrasco]

Time out

Wait a minute hold on everyone!!! I need to remind the thread that this gentlemen was wearing something he was wearing his Birthday suit!!


DB 😀

 

[The Sean Man]

Wow

You mean you should get all the facts before you jump to conclusions? 🙄

 

[Dr. Bill Kobb]

Maybe that naked tickler that was in the news in Florida has moved up North? 😕

 

[BellaRisa]

I just need you to understand Bella that I WANTED to have a tickle session with him.

I understood that from your first post, hon, you made it very clear, but I still have the same question: I don't get how you can trust someone enough to let them touch your body, but not trust them to understand and respect your wishes about nudity (or whatever). You didn't answer when I asked why you even cared whether he thought you were a prude, you just repeated that you didn't want him to think that about you , which doesn't actually answer my question . I'm not asking you to be a pest (hugs). I'm asking because I believe a LOT of people will read this, and I know from experience that this kind of thing happens all the time-a girl doesn't speak up for herself during an encounter for whatever reason and then regrets it later. I was hoping you could shed some light on why this happens, that's all. Glad you're going to talk to him, he sounds like a nice guy

Bella

 

[Horatio]

Tickling is sexual to fetishists...

I hope that nobody who willingly agrees to meet a stranger for "tickle play" would ever be surprised that it turns them on. I read here about "innocent" and "casual" tickle play, and it sounds to me like some rate it only slightly higher than a backrub on the intimacy scale.

Personally, if I had agreed to meet a woman I didn't know well for an evening of the ol' T&T, my expectation is that there would be plenty of other extracurricular activity as well. If that's not the case, I would hope that she would let me know before we even met so I could decide to keep the date or not.

This isn't a slam on Jen at all. It's just that, to me (and I have to believe most of the others here) tickling is a fetish, and a fetish is sexual.

 

[Eternal Tomboy]

As soon as this guy started reaching for his zipper it would have sent off a HUGE red flag for me. Cultural differences aside, I'm pretty sure that most people don't rip their clothes off when they met someone for the first time. Unless you dial 1-900-hotbabe to get a tickle date, there is no reason why a guy should expect you (or him) to strip naked on the first date...unless of course those guidelines were agreed upon to begin with.

Communication is key with these kinds of get togethers. Making your feelings understood in these kinds of situations is not only wise, it's also playing it safe. I firmly believe that boundaries should be set long before you actually meet up with your online buddy, and if the other person tries to cross those boundaries then they aren't a friend worth having. If he gets mad because you are voicing your opinons or feelings, then why the heck would you even want that kind of guy tickling you? If he gave me attitude for something like that I would tell Mr. Buttnekkid to go take a hike. You deserve SO much better than that!



Maggie

 

[BellaRisa]

I hope that nobody who willingly agrees to meet a stranger for "tickle play" would ever be surprised that it turns them on. I read here about "innocent" and "casual" tickle play, and it sounds to me like some rate it only slightly higher than a backrub on the intimacy scale.

Personally, if I had agreed to meet a woman I didn't know well for an evening of the ol' T&T, my expectation is that there would be plenty of other extracurricular activity as well. If that's not the case, I would hope that she would let me know before we even met so I could decide to keep the date or not.

This isn't a slam on Jen at all. It's just that, to me (and I have to believe most of the others here) tickling is a fetish, and a fetish is sexual.

Horatio, you're absolutely right. However, tickling and true sexual intimacy are *vastly* different activities both mentally and physically even for those of us who find tickling to be erotic. How much of each goes into one encounter or another is based upon the expectations of the people involved-this is why I keep spouting about communication. Sorry, but my ribs and my nether regions are different no matter how much they seem to be connected (heh), I almost never hear of tickling-induced pregnancy And to be blunt, the desire to be tickled by someone and the desire to be sexual beyond that with them don't always go hand in hand or finger on toes.

Many, many of us here have met others for tickling, and while getting turned on is basically a given, how we may express that arousal is not. There's all kinds of tickling play that occurs without more overt sexuality, at least at first. (For many that sexual tension is part of the fun ) Many of us girls need to feel WAY more connected with a guy before we can go beyond tickling, which again is sexual and sensual but NOT sex. Hence the meaning of 'casual' tickle play. I totally understand and respect why you personally would expect more; I'm telling you why a lot of women initially expect less, and should make sure to tell you so

Bella

 

[BellaRisa]

there is no reason why a guy should expect you (or him) to strip naked on the first date...unless of course those guidelines were agreed upon to begin with.

Maggie

Yup. I agree.

"I think he said he was going to be nude and at the time I went along with it"

-Jen.

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

I just want you to know that it's not really a question of changing the story, I just remembered what really happened that's all. I am not a liar so it's not like I just changed my story to be nasty but the point is now is that I will call him and let him know that I will have not have tickle play with him if he insists on being nude. I wrote this thread because I wanted advice and I got it and I really appreciate it.

I didn't want him to think I was a prude by being upset that he was nude so I held back by feelings by not saying so at the hotel but I am not putting up with that again. If he thought I was a prude, that's not really a compliment. Thanks everyone for your advice.